I was born in 1983, and I have a sister who is older than me by 2 years. My father was sent to jail as soon as I was born. My mother, for my father, came to Jinhua (a town in Zhejiang Province) from Lanxi. In order to give birth to me, my mother resigned, but she had to shoulder all the load of my family by herself. Because I was not the only child, neither my sister nor I had a “hukou” [national household/residential registration]. Not until my step-father appeared later, our family’s financial situation was not very good because of this “hukou” situation so my older sister and I had problems getting an education. In order for us to grow up educated, our mother begged the school and paid an amount of money before the school reluctantly let us enroll.
Although I did not have a complete family, I was very happy because I had a good mother. Later with the appearance of our step-father, our family became even more perfectly satisfactory and happy. My step-father was very kind-heated, treating us just like a biological father. Our family life slowly became better and better. Later, after our family had money, we slowly built a small business opening a small restaurant. But God did not pity us. Because of the hardships of opening the restaurant, my mother developed heart disease in 1999. To help treat my mother, all of our family’s money was used and we owed a huge amount of money. That year was also my last year in junior high, and because of the circumstances in our family, I was not in the mood to study so my studies deteriorated a lot. Because of our family’s financial situation right, our family could not produce the 60 kuai I needed for the test to graduate. Up until now, I have not gotten my junior high graduation certificate. Bad luck came again one day in June 2001 at noon when my mother fell down and had her left eyeball pierced by something on the road. Because of our family’s financial situation, we could not afford to take her to the hospital, and from that day on, my mother’s left eye went blind.
Several months later, we moved back to live in an old house left by my grandfather in Jiangbei [an area north of the Changjiang River]. and we were deep in debt. Because I did not have a diploma, it was difficult for me to find a job. My father was a laid-off laborer so he only could get some part-time jobs. My sister later found a job in the bus company as a ticket seller, then she left the bus company and found another job in Wal-Mart as a sales clerk. Because I could not find job without any skills, our family borrowed some money to help me buy a computer. Through the computer, I found some small jobs earning a bit of money to help subsidize our family’s expenses. This could only help maintain our family’s normal expenses. Even though we had no money, but because we all lived peacefully together, I felt I was very happy. But the times of happiness would be short, because my sister reached the age for her to find a boyfriend. Everyone in the family felt that the time for my sister to have a good life had arrived, that she would no longer have to endure hardship and because she would have someone who could look after her in the future, we all were happy for her. Because our family’s situation was very poor, my mother especially cared about her boyfriend’s family conditions. We all though my sister found a good boyfriend but after getting to know him, we found out that his family background was even worse and was a gambler. and even as the money for marriage would have to be borrowed from others, he would often go out and gamble. We all felt this kind of man could not give her happiness so we all told her to consider carefully.
Later, they broke up. This January, my sister made a new boyfriend. However, because that boy’s family said something about the mother who raised her, they separated. Is this still something a human would do? [This sentence was poorly written and we are not sure if it was translated correctly - Fauna] A few complaints plus that boy still having another girl so they broke up this month. After breaking up, the nightmare began, my sister seemed to become another person, saying our family is too poor, that her breaking up with her boyfriend was because of our family’s poverty, because the boy said that he would be gifted with a car if he married another person but if they married, we would ask from them money to support the parents, ask him to buy furniture, and ask him to hold the marriage banquet and ask him for gift money.
From that point on, my sister was hostile to everyone in the family, feeling in her heart that her happiness was all destroyed by our family’s poverty. Every day, she does not return home until after 11pm. After returning home, she does not talk with anyone as if everyone is is her sworn enemy. Tonight, she again only came home at 12 midnight, and after returning she said she wants to move out and live by herself. She said she will give our mother 500 every month to support her, separate her “hukou”, and cut off all relations with the family. From this separation onwards, she would no longer care about the family’s business or even if someone in the family dies it is not her business. She also wrote a statement saying that she would move out tomorrow, and that several days later she would post a statement in the newspaper. Please help me figure out whether this is something a child should do? This kind of older sister, should I still acknowledge her?
This is some of the things she wrote yesterday in the agreement:
From this point on, I will move out of the residence, every month give my mother 500 yuan as support, separate my “hukou” and break relations with the family, and no matter what happens it will have nothing to do with each other.
This was a part of the agreement she wrote with her own hand that I am sharing with everyone.
快风吹海立 (kuai feng chui hai li):
This older sister really is going too far~
“Gain Abundant Knowledge” Forum Feelings Tribe immediately “ding!” [this is like a call for any member with feelings on that forum to support this topic by raising it to the top of the forum]
Thanks for the support of the administrator. From last night until now I could not get any sleep, something weighing heavily on my heart. Our parents struggled to raise us only to have my sister repay them with hostility, I hope everyone can come look and see who is actually wrong.
千年皓翁 (qian nian hao weng):
Destiny is realistic. The present is a time of laughing at poverty. I can only be sympathetic.
Definitely is a little going too far. It is really over the top. Even a dog does not begrudge its family for being poor~~
尤飞风舞 (you fei feng wu):
Ai yo, all crows under the sky are black [bad people are bad everywhere]~ My cousin, because he considers his father no longer handsome~ also has not gone to see his single father~ leaving the old man lonely at home. Ai~~~some people~~~!
资讯第一 (zi xun di yi):
What kind of time do we live in nowadays that there is still such story? However, I deeply sympathize. My family is also very poor. But, in Guangdong, it could not be that bad. Good luck.
理智风 (li zhi feng):
This is a problem of psychology. I feel that if emotions have changed a person, use time to dilute it. Let her go, take care of yourself. It is possible that one day you will help her when she is in trouble and be moved by family affection. Try to understand her current situation and feelings, she is also pitiful. She is trying to escape, and in the midst of escape there is blame/resentment. Under these circumstances, who would not feel resentment? As a family member, what you should do is be understanding and tolerant. Indulge her a little, do not always use ethical code to attack her, if you all love her.
熊斌bingo (xiong bin bingo):
When the family is poor, everything fails, there are too many stories like this. Your sister is pretty cruel!
I do not blame your older sister. If the country’s people had faith, it would not be this way. For example, Buddhism would say that people like your sister’s karma would be…
The extreme economic growth has affected the morals of human relations, I really do not know if this society is progressing or regressing.
Actually, in reality, people who live very impoverished, very bitter lives are the vast majority. If it were to come up, my economic situation is not as well as your family’s. The fortunate thing is that I have always had my parents by my side. The impoverished life sometimes makes me pity myself, where I often compare with my friends our family’s impoverishment and misfortunes. My parents are so busy that I even sometimes feel they ignore my existence. But, in the process of growing up, I know that the world has no parents that do not love their children, even if they are not good at expressing it, there is no better way of expressing it. Life’s hardships are not our parents’ fault. They wake at sunrise to work and only rest at night. They are trying very hard, and are very hard-working. I think poverty is caused by history and society, it is difficult to explain in few words, but all of this will slowly change/improve.
As for love, saying economics has no relation, is also not realistic. Since no one can get away from needing clothes, food, shelter, which young person in the midst of love does not look forward to their future lives being more comfortable, especially those who have had enough of the hard life dream of a more happy and beautiful life, so the economic conditions must still be considered. But economics is not everything in love.
What I would most like to say is: Our parents gave us life, although sometimes because of life’s hardships we complain that they should not have brought me to this painful world, we are not able to choose whether we are born or not, and since we are here, we should be thankful, actively live, actively repay our parents for bringing us up, and not wait until they leave us to regret that we did not timely repay them. That would be a lifetime of pain.
感恩心态 (gan en xin tai):
It was not easy for your parents to raise your sister up. In their later years, they should be able to enjoy their children’s good fortune. This is an unalterable truth. Regarding your family’s current situation, as a man, you should shoulder the family’s burdens, and no matter how bitter or how tiring, you should persist, and I believe it will not be long before everything becomes better.
Your sister is an irresponsible girl. Her doing this will result in being conscience-stricken. It is possible that what she said was just out of anger, so, you should also not bear a grudge with your sister. Let her go! I believe it will not be long that she returns to your family.
What you should do now is: do not blame everyone and not yourself, do something practical, take one step and one footprint at a time forward, and life will slowly become better.
Bless you, little brother.
孤独之人 (gu du zhi ren):
You can also forgive your older sister, this is a social problem, you can consider how she feels. You were born in 1983, 25-years-old. What about her? Everyone wants to get happiness, everyone wants a beautiful life. She also has her right. As for her breaking off relations, blood is thicker than water, and simply saying something is not does not mean it is not. Whatever you say now is useless, just wait and see what happens.
Love being setback leads to an unbalanced psychology. But this society is too practical, sometime a person is forced to the point where they are no longer like themselves [or no longer think of themselves]
导演爱川绿 (dao yan ai chuan lu):
I also have an older sister, 7 years older than me. Our family is even more poor than your so-called family. In 1993, our family owed hundreds of thousands. To people at that time, it was definitely an astronomical figure. Because our family had no money, my older sister could only go to a technical school and started working early, but she never considered our family to be poor. Her first boyfriend said something in our home, stunning all of us. He said our even an air conditioner our family does not have. Just like this, my sister broke up with him. My sister worked hard to earn money. At the time when she first went out to work, she only earned 800 yuan a month, but she would post back home 300 yuan, to help subsidize the family. Remember at that time that Shenzhen’s standard of living was very high at the time in Shenzhen, and for her to still be able to mail money back home show how much she loved this family. I am not here to boast about how capable my sister is, but to ask if family can be measured by money? I just finished reading an essay called “400 thousand to buy a husband.” Are these things so cheap/low? People who only have money in their eyes will never have happiness and love, much less money.
老蟹子 (lao xie zi):
Your sister is the same year as me. There may some things that is not the way you think they are. After all blood is thicker than water, and the heart is not as hard as the mouth!! Your family’s situation I also do not know, even though you gave us some one-sided information!! I believe your older sister must be suffering/bitter…! There is no right or wrong! Everyone should be fair, and look at this situation from a different perspective. If you were your older sister, what would you do! …! So I feel you should understand your older sister!! Just talk with her, and do not be harsh, after all, every family has its problems, every person has knots they cannot untie. No one is perfect, parents should understand their children, and children should be filial to their parents!! You are the youngest in the family, so you should play a unifying role, you should regulate the unharmonious atmosphere in the family…!
幻月璇 (huan yue xuan):
For some reason I feel that your older sister and those two boyfriends did not have any real feelings. Otherwise, how could they so easily break up? She had no one else to blame, could only bully her own family members, so she poured her anger on her family members’ heads.