Chinese Share How Their Parents Beat Them: Part 1

While the degrees of corporal punishment on children vary from culture to culture, as a society centered on the household, China is no stranger to the use of parental discipline. As this recent report indicated, smacking children may even be beneficial! Let’s just hope that is not the case.

Netizens on the board NetEase posted the question: “What weapons did your parents use to discipline you?” Here are some of the translated comments of the tools used, along with the “techniques” experienced by these poor souls.

Here is a video introduced by Russell “Gotta beat your kids” Peters as part of a tribute to the often dreaded feather duster.

Comments from NetEase:

凡事想开点:

I’m a good girl, I never been disciplined before. smile

cqqhero:

Hand, foot, whisk broom, bamboo rod, feather duster, wet hemp rope, rolling pin (large size), door stop bar (not too thick).
Usually my old man single-handedly beat me, while my mother watched.
Rarely when my old man is out, my old mother beats me.
Sometimes it involves mixed-double [both mother and father].
I lived in a large community when I was young, with 60 or so households, I probably got beaten more than all the other kids combined.

lv403:

When I was young I really was mischievous, the method by which my mother beat me was limitless, anything close by could be used as a weapon. A few times my mom and dad double-team to beat me, after getting tired, they have lunch, after eating they continue to beat me…aye…I am destined to suffer! What a fate! I remember once coming home late after school, my old mother threw her bowl of noodles on my head, and noodles hung all over my head…aye… I can only sign…face

木秀于林:

My family appreciates the nature, so it was always with the willow tree branches/sticks/twigs my dad picked from the willow tree by the pond, stripped of leaves, with my mother herself personally disciplining me. Each time, the number of willow branches used depended on how much trouble I got into.

我是水星来的:

I myself had never been disciplined, but I am studying the tools described above so that I can discipline my son.

股海飘雨:

My old mother’s weapons are the most powerful, just being talkative. Annoy you until you surrender, or else she will endlessly mumble away.

daofan:

The lock chain on a motorcycle.

网易火星网友:

My mom: broom, rolling pin, knitting needles, not to stab me but to spank me. Pinch my inner thigh, any tool at her disposal.
My dad: pool stick, flying kick, slap in the mouth, chopsticks beating my head…any tool at his disposal.
I want to say I am a girl…but under by parents’ toughening I can always beats boys two years my senior. Every time ends in my victory, they all complain [to their family] of getting beaten…

江苏徐州网友:

The most common was the feather duster.

linyanan9802:

My mom is a teacher, but my sister, my brother and I received more beatings than all other kids around us. Among the tools listed by netizens here one was not mentioned: the toilet brush. My old mother always uses this tool to chase my brother thousands of meters, not one part of his legs and torso was spared. As for other tools, basically anything that can be used, drawing blood was common…but birth mother will always be birth mother, even when you grow up you won’t hold a grudge against them. Because I received flesh pains growing up, I would never use violence to treat the next generation.

wywbww:

Bamboo branches, leather belt, broom stick, fly swatter (I bet you didn’t think of this).

Have you been disciplined as a child? When was the last time you received a good ass whoopin’? Share your stories below.

Like to be spanked? chinaSMACK Personals.

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  • ralphrepo

    Damn. That comment about the motorcycle lock chain certainly raised my eyebrows, as did the previous entry about the tag team parents. But, you know, the flip side of this is the “Little Emperor” Syndrome; where a child grows without discipline at all, and inculcates a strong sense of absolute entitlement. This is especially so in a state that mandates a one child policy; there are no siblings to ever fight with. I’ve heard anecdotes of such offspring who wind up beating a parent to death over something as simple as a missed meal. In one sense, the overbearing Chinese parent, keen on corporal punishment, gives us a strong sense of direction, motivation, and ultimately a very firm superego. That helps to preserve the social order. But the downside is that much of it clearly borders on abuse. All the Russell Peters jokes in the world won’t mitigate the pain of such a harsh upbringing.

    • http://www.shanghaiist.com Elaine

      Personally, I don’t think the two – beatings and the Little Emperor Syndrome – are mutually exclusive. It’s amazing how parents can be so inefficient with their discipline and how much you can both coddle and hit a child constantly.

      With Lil’ Emperors. You get kids who get swatted for not studying, but basically allowed free reign to do anything else. Creates this really terrible environment where you’re an idiot at life, socially and skills-wise, but maybe – if you’re lucky – good at school.

    • http://www.chinasmack.com Joe

      @ralphrepo, hah no need to take all the comments seriously, the lock chain is probably a joke. Most of the responses were made in a lighthearted (perhaps even nostalgic lol) manner.

      After all, as one comment pointed out, no matter how badly your parents treats you, you can’t really hate them (unless it is some really messed up sh!t like the child abuse in the Ningbo post)

      • ralphrepo

        [100117:2140] Yes, I’m sure that there’s plenty of one-upmanship or braggadocio involved here. Sort of reminds me of an old US commercial where several guys sequentially speak to the depth of their childhood poverty (the guy with no shoes is outdone by the last comment that claimed to not have had even the benefit of feet). That said, despite this, I do get a sense that there is some grain of truth to many of these things. Discipline and abuse borders along a very thin line and sometimes it does become easily blurred. There’s a classic saying in Cantonese Chinese of being “blinded by the fire” (analogous to blind rage) that attests to how some of these misdirected disciplinary sessions wind up being assault or murder.

        And yes, I concur that there is a sort of bizarre nostalgia (mine was a feather duster handle too, LOL…) about these things that, for me at least, borders on the macabre. But it certainly isn’t uniquely Chinese, as the Russell Peters “somebody gonna get a hurt real bad…” punchline attests. Perhaps an even sadder hint into such a world was offered in 1983 by Robert Di Niro’s fictional, “The King Of Comedy,” in which his character makes dismissive humor of his own horrific childhood beatings. Though just a story, it nonetheless illustrates how some adults walk around with tremendous emotional baggage from the abuse of well intentioned but hopelessly flawed parenting. It’s sometimes a wonder that people actually survive to adulthood, Chinese or otherwise.

  • Jay K

    my parents disciplined me the old fashion way and i deserved all my slaps and other beatings when i grew up.
    the most common from my dad was the slap to the face and once in awhile a punch tot he solar plex which dropped me right down followed by a grab to my shirt area, quick slap and a verbal abuse for good measure of threat. what i still remember to this day is talking bad to my dad in a very negative manner, which honestly i didn’t think much of it at the time, but im sure if i could travel back through time i would see a tear in his eye for the insulting words i said to him. i remembered that winter day, he stopped the car, kicked me out of the car and forced me to run home while he followed me for 1 mile until i got home. all i had was a sweater too.

  • Nicolas

    No feather duster sold in France so it was either a broomstick or a leather shoe. worst was when they used my toys to beat me, like those rubber tracks from my race car…

  • ronin

    it was normal to get punished … my dad use to be silent for a while and used to blast once and punish very hard..my mom used to beat now and then ..

    i am tough man .. because of all those ..haha
    i feel good and sometime now i joke with my parents about those incident ..

  • opensights

    I remember reading this somewhere some time ago:

    “When I was a fourteen or fifteen years old lad, my dad used to belt me and say some really stupid things. He learned an awful lot by the time I reached twenty one”

  • FYIADragoon

    LIKE A GOOD PARENT SHOULD. Shit, its the biggest load of crap ever that parents in America have to fear taking off their belt even to spank a disobedient child. Love my parents to death, but I recognize that I was stupid back then, and needed something to keep me in line better. Chinese parents beating their kids is the reason that the kids are so submissive to the parents wishes. In contrast to our “amazingly” respectful American children who wouldn’t even give the time of day to their parents typically, unless it was to get something from them.

  • nuway

    haha maybe if I have gotten more beatings I wuold not be so haha today.

    Relatively speaking I’m okay insfar as my ranking on the totem pole of fuck-ups is concerned, at least.

  • nuway

    I mean I’m not homeless.

  • whichone

    I think the idea that parents who do not employ corporal punishment will disproportionately produce disobedient children is a myth. It is the fairy tale of the unimaginative who do not possess more effective methods to instill accepted values and deter unwanted behavior. To date, there has been no conclusive, reproducible study that effectively evaluates whether the benefits of coporal punishment if any, outweigh the potential harms. The vast majority of normal people seem to indicate it makes little difference whether or not their parents beat them, so to me it’s not so much a matter of right and wrong but one of effetiveness. The parents’ values, attitudes, and socioeconomic background will probably have far greater impact on their children’s personlity and behavior.

    -
    For the record, I am the only child of Chinese parents and grew up during the generation of “little emperors” and my parents also used to beat me with the all the creativity evident in the translated comments above (and I lol’d at and identified with, some of them), I am very close with my parents and (I think) not emotinoally scarred. I do not have children, but I don’t think I will ever hit them.

    p.s. ralphrepo thank you for your reply in the akmal shaikh article, it was elucidating…though a little depressing.

    • ralphrepo

      LOL, China is a beautiful and wonderful place. But it can also be pretty damned depressing if you know where to look.

      As for smacking my own kids? I did a total of 3 times. Twice for the eldest when he was about 2, once for the middle child when he was about 3, and none for the youngest. All involved life threatening risks that needed immediate behavioral modification. (electric outlet, climbing onto window sill, chewing an uninflated balloon). I’ve discovered that sometimes the threat of action is even more persuasive, LOL…

      • Neva Eva Always

        You beat your kids at 2 because YOU fail as a human being and let them get in danger. I hope someone takes them away from you because if you were a GOOD parent who loved her kids that danger would NEVER have been there. Go back to your parents and tell them you NEED to be beaten for allowing your poor LITTLE children to be in danger and to call CPS so they will find a GOOD LOVING home where they will have LOVE and be watched. You FAILED your children.

        • Probotector

          …and you failed to understand how society and civilization works.

  • http://paint-pops.net Margaret

    feather duster, hand, slipper, belt, clothes hanger…

  • GFZ

    “My old mother’s weapons are the most powerful, just being talkative. Annoy you until you surrender, or else she will endlessly mumble away.”

    My parent’s favorite weapon also.. sometimes I wish I was beaten instead…

  • http://i49.tinypic.com/2cek3l.jpg PUSAN PLAYA

    My dad once threw burning hot kimchi in my eyes when I offended him

    I was 23

    • uk_lager_lout

      Fuck, that’s grim man.

      I am sure he regrets it.

      • VeerLeft

        It’s all making sense now.

    • Tins of sardines

      “My dad once threw burning hot kimchi in my eyes when I offended him

      I was 23″

      …funny.

      • http://cnreviews.com Kai

        LoL, that’s definitely amongst my top 3 funny Pusan Playa comments. I probably should’ve praised him for the other ones instead of just voting him up.

    • bleah

      What sort of Kimchi?

    • http://www.chinasmack.com/ Righteous American

      While helping my father clean his boat I accidentally sprayed him with the hose. He immediately turned and sprayed me in the face with what he had handy: an industrial strength cleaner.
      I was 10.

  • Charlie Bean

    I have listened to my Sister-in-law in Baotou and I feel for my niece. Her mother beats her physically, but even more detrimental the verbal abuse is worst than the physical.

    As a child I got beat my my parents (I’m an American) with a strap, belt, stick, or whatever my mother found, but I never was mentally abused. A spanking on the rear I believe is part of life, but the verbal abuse I have seen is totally out of the question. I believe spanking is more of a swat, not beating just to get the child’s attention is okay. I will never beat my child the way I was, or as my sister-in-law does her child.

    Returning back to my sister-in-law,I hope that one day she learns that her verbal and physical abuse to her daughter actually hurt her daughter’s development and growth. If I get the opportunity, I hope her daighter comes to the States to see there is a better way of growth and development for her away from her mother.

  • KB

    My old man had this old leather belt that he would beat me with whenever I did something wrong. I always knew when he was going to use too.

    First, there would be the talk to see if I understood what I did. Second, there would be that quick walk to his bedroom to get the belt. If I saw that walk I knew it was “whipping time”. Finally, came the whipping and my father didn’t just whip me. He would specific about it. He would make sure he would whip my bottom although on a few occasions he caught me on the arms, which left terrible bruises, which could have brought child services into the situation today.

    I always found it strange that he would whip me, but never my sisters.

  • uk_lager_lout

    I deserved every beating that my parents gave me. I was a naughtly little shit.

    And it never did me no harm neither. Life is tough: learning this early on was a valuable lesson.

    The real measure of a man is not the beating he can dish out, but the one he can take.

    I continue the family tradition and enjoy violence in all its forms.

    • Barry Richards

      wow good on you son…

  • opensights

    I am one of a family of eight boys and two girls, not unusual in England at one time. We were never beaten at home, it never seemed to be the thing to do. A cold stare did the trick. As a result I am sure the placid approach was passed down through the family to subsequent children.

    I was however, along with others beaten quite badly in upper infants and junior school, it was the norm then and not many escaped it, beatings were with a bamboo cane about 60cm long, it was either administered to the open hand or at the back of the bare legs. Boys got caned, girls never did.

    Out of about six teachers I have a hatred of two of them. They shared the same surname together with a determination to discipline me. I think they succeeded, but I would never use their methods.

    After I had long left school and indeed I was in the army and I met one of them. He spoke to me, and I do believe I stood almost to attention when he addressed me. It was quite an amicable conversation but throughout the two minutes or so I’m sure I felt his cane on the back of my legs again! I think now as I thought then. If you have to hit someone to make a point, then you have failed!

    • Barry Richards

      then it worked and they made a good respectful boy out of you…

      “beaten quite badly in upper infants and junior school”
      you must have needed it then…

      If you have to hit someone to make a point, then you have failed!

      try telling that to an American…

  • Kennon

    What must be going through somebody’s mind to actually hurt their own flesh and blood? I fucked up when i was younger, i was an annoyance to my single parent mother and then i broke the law on one occasion… She could of slapped me or grounded me but she didn’t, she called the police and they dealt with me.. Tell you what though, despite me being very angry at her for a long time, i fully appreciate why she did it and i wouldn’t hesitate doing that to my own child if need be.. If she didn’t do it, maybe i would of never got my degree or the well paid job i have today.

    Thanks mum and sorry for being a little shit when i was younger.

  • ungentrified

    I suppose my parents weren’t as creative as the ones in the story, since I only ever was hit by wire coat hangers or poked in the head. To their credit though, they stopped using corporal punishment when they realized that would only strain our relationship rather than instill discipline.

  • http://moominhouse.blogspot.com moom

    I grew up in England (born in 1964). My parents only ever hit me with their hand. I’d regard hitting a child with other objects as abusive…

  • Teacher in China

    I used to get the wooden spoon spanking on the bare ass when I was a kid, but that was it.
    At school, they used “the strap”. It was the principal’s belt, which he whipped across the back of your hands. It stung like a bastard.
    I don’t really see the value in hitting kids. It’s easy to say that it’s necessary, but I think there are other ways to deal with naughty behaviour, like taking away privileges (favourite toys, TV, etc.). As long as you stick to your guns, are clear about what you expect out of them, and above all are fair about how you deal out punishment, I think abuse isn’t necessary.

  • Zuo Ai

    what a bunch of pansies, I got way worse. I would hardly call these examples “beatings”, that’s like a hungry bloke saying he’s “starving”, when the fuck doesn’t really know what “starving” feels like. Makes you wanna show’im…

  • bleah

    Now I don’t believe that parents who care about their children should hit them, but I think that caring parents come more likely in the situation where they would punish their children and apply force, maybe that explains these statistics. The children which weren’t hit came more likely from families where the parents wouldn’t care about them.

    My experiences: Was hit only in situations where it was kind of a reflex, ie. only to stop me from doing what I was currently doing (e.g. hitting my younger siblings), no prelude, no ballyhoo, mostly by my choleric parent.

  • dunderheid

    It was a Lochgelly tawse for me.

    I grew to enjoy it and am really into BDSM these days.

  • Mike Fish

    When my kids are a pain in the ass, I crush their toys.

    • whichone

      LOL!

      aw…

  • nanking_perv

    Tickled by a feather duster. Lucky!

    I pay good money for a hot AZN chick to do this to me.

  • Duchemin

    I was NEVER beaten by my parents (back in the 40s and in the 50s) but we were whipped with a small whip on the legs or on our buttocks in our boys’ primary school, by female teachers. Rarely during the first two years,the teachers were nice women, but my parents moved me to another school when they learned that the young, new mistress really punished us too frequently, and even made us “thank” her when the whipping was over. We were supposed to be grateful because whipping us would turn us into better boys…I’m sure she just enjoyed beating and humiliating young boys.
    I NEVER spanked or beat my sons, they turned out fine, they are both TV producers. Only lazy, or sadistic, parents beat their children.
    Allowing corporal punishment in schools only attracts sadists to the teaching profession.

  • Barry Richards

    My PE teacher used a plimsoll as did the science and art teachers, my metal work teacher used a 1 metre steel rule… only once ever required to gain instant obedience, I can testify to it.

  • dim mak

    Wow, someone else has been spanked with knitting needles besides me. These long, bendy plastic fuckers.. god I hated those. I remember the metal clothes hanger too, left welts on my ass for days.. ouch ;_;

  • http://chinasmack Rastaracer

    After she broke every wooden spoon in the house on my bottom, she started to use what ever was handy…including a knife one time, and I still have the scar on the back of my hand from defending myself. Beatings were daily. My father didn’t often beat me, but his beatings were serious and severe.

  • opensights

    In Asia bodily beatings may perhaps not reside just within the family. The japanese fequently disciplined their soldiers with facial slappings. Prisoners of war under the Japanese; Chinese or Europeans were slapped for the the most minor of offences, they would stand on a box for the taller prisoners and just slap away.

    Once in Malaya I saw a very young Chinese/Malay officer slap three of his front rank of soldiers. Not just a flip of the hand, but great resounding slaps. They just stood and took it. I had to stop one of my group from getting involved in what he thought was abuse of rank. If there is one clash of culture east and west, then The above has to be a good example. I would be interested to know if the officers of the Chinese army slap their soldiers; however I think perhaps not?

    Punishment within family circles East or West, we seem not to differ to much.

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  • fireworks

    Asian way of disciplining always involve the Chinese feather duster or the dreaded cane.

    Kids these days are more spoilt than yesteryears. There is always a kid crying and screaming on the plane.

    There are always kids pestering their moms at the shopping malls to buy the latest and greatest toys.

  • Centrist

    I never got hit or spanked when I was a child. I should have, however as I was a real trouble-maker and lippy.

    I got hit by my dad a total of one time, when I was 14. I didn’t deserve it, but it is an embarrassing story so I’ll leave it at that.

    • http://cnreviews.com Kai

      Ahem, did you get caught masturbating?

  • pervertt

    My brother and I used to hide the dreaded feather duster, for very good reason. Even now the occasional glance at a feather duster reminds me of a disciplinary tool, not a cleaning device. But we grew up to be better men for it. Long live the feather duster!

  • opensights

    The greatest act of Chinese imperialism, was to export the bamboo canes to England for use on British school kids and then to keep soft duckdown feather dusters for their own. A war crime if ever there was one! I think the opium war was avenged for on me alone!

  • Joe

    The abuse that goes on is crazy. I listen to my wife’s stories of how her drunken dad use to beat her. Knowing this makes it hard to even treat him like a person. Last year at new years he made her cry and I started yelling at him. He ain’t gonna beat me.

    I guess it is one of those don’t mess with internal affairs issues.

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  • http://5stagesoflife.wordpress.com confuSius

    CHINA + SMACK i get it now!!

    ok, back to the serious topic. i guess it mostly depends on how healthy the person is that beats someone clearly physically weaker and dependent on you in every way. parents have the duty to raise children, to show them what is wrong and what is right but when you take a look in this world the majority has no clue what is right or wrong which makes taking out violence on helpless human beings and calling it just a scary thing.

    looking at children of today’s society (with the help of chinasmack), i’m not sure if they’ve been beaten too much or too little.

  • Felix

    Woo, I never got hit by my parents.

  • Lin

    My parents choice of weapon was the wooden spoon, due to the fact it covered alot of surface area.

  • Victoria

    My mom seldom hit my brother or I, and when she did, we probably really deserved it. HOWEVER, what she did though instead when we did something wrong was this: she would grab us, lie us down on the floor straddle us. Then she would proceeed to “tickle us to death” as we would call it. The laughing hurt so bad and it was some form of torture, but of course, all in good-nature. I think this is why my brother and I do not have tendency towards violence today.

    Instead of being beaten, we were tickled.

  • Han

    My father was an asshole, he beat me up with his belt, the more I cry or even shout in pain, the more pain I will get. My mother was useless in that she only stand quietly and watch the atrocities, and after the beating she would just come and berate me as if I didn’t suffer enough. I hold no love for them nor any respect nowadays.

    One example why I get beating is when I didn’t remember some math problem like multiplication numbers from 1 to 10. I was only 8 and when I finally “remembered” the numbers I can tell you I didnt really know what they mean, all I know is that I MUST remember them or else I get more beating.

    Another time was when I revealed that I was bullied in school, instead of comforting me, they berate me and saying that I made myself into a victim and should be ashamed of myself.

    Its a wonder why I didn’t murdered them to this day.

  • Dimitris

    I am a westerner , i wonder why are there so violent and cruel methods to discipline? What about showing the right way by using more civilised ways? Why do you think this is happening so widely in china?

  • Alice S

    My ma ma used to slap me here and there when she got angry with something I did. But she stopped when I turned 12. I have friends who got hit with coat hangers.. I’m not sure if I’ll hit my children if I have any.. Hitting them is better than letting them turn into useless ppl when they grow up, rite?

  • Yan

    I’m a girl. When I was a little girl, and I couldn’t have known any better for being quite mischeivious, my father liked to beat me with his belt and smack my hand. We used to live in the basement of my aunt’s house, so he would cover my face with his hand and muffle my cries so no one would ehar, and drag me into the basement to beat me and pulled out my hair. I remember being choked between his legs as he whipped me with a belt. My mother preffered to hit me with wire hangers, which were sharp, or plastic hangers which weren’t as sharp, but she used them until they broke on my skin. Not to mention, our family fights every single day and I suffer from emotional abuse as well. Constantly being compared to others, like my older brother who is better behaved, and constantly getting comments like I am stupid (even though my grades are excellent), I am fat (even though I am skinnier than most girls my age), and I’ve been called a “mistake” like I wasn’t supposed to be born, and I’m nothing; not a human being. Once I got so fed up that I started fighting back when they abused me, but my parents dragged me out of the house and forced me to spend the night outside. This happened more than once. The worst part is that they are bipolar, and they forget that these things have happened. I hold grudges very well, and I will never forget what they do to me no matter how normal they act the next day pretending that these things didn’t happen. If you’re Chinese, please do not have children. You may do the same things to a next generation of children and they will suffer just like you have, because Chinese people are shitty at parenting. Look at me, mentally unstable with depression, anxiety and psychosis because of them.

    • Cassandra Jenkins

      Im so sorry for what happened to you.

    • linette lee

      …….If you’re Chinese, please do not have children………….

      More like if you are mental and crazy, do not have any children. Unfortunately many people especially the mental and the poor looooovvvvvvvve to have many many many many children.

      Your parents are bipolor but they will tell you no such thing because in the Chinese society they do not believe in mental illness. To them no such thing as depression, bipolar, or even things like learning disabilities.

      The less Chinese reproduce the better I say. You want quality not quantity.

  • angry laowai

    i got hit 2 or 3 times by my dad….one time on the back of the legs for talking back to him when he deserved it, another time i accidentally elbowed him in the stomach when playing a game and he got angry….and when i was small, hitting me on the back of the legs again, for a reason i can’t remember.
    To be honest, it didn’t harm me at all mentally….i learnt to respect my father, and my mother wouldn’t hit me but would give me the “I’m disappointed in you” speech.
    I wasn’t a bad kid….and this only happened these times….so i guess i am fine about it all….and i would have done the same.

  • Promo

    A little discipline is really needed in growing kids. If u look back , u’d realise that the past generation(our parents),are more disciplined than our generation. DO u know why? It’s cuz of lack of proper discipline and over pampering. I wouldn’t want to hit my kid in the future, but a a bit painful tap would be a measure to pass a message that, what he/she did is wrong.

  • ralphrepo

    There was a guy in New York that made the news, I think he was Puerto Rican (for those that like to know such things); who stripped his 13 year old son stark-assed naked, tied him by all fours to the window frame of their ground floor street facing apartment, and proceeded to viciously whip him with a leather strap in full view of horrified passerby. Upon his arrest by police, he stated that his son was beginning to run around with street gang members. Knowing the importance of pride and machismo in such people, he wanted to publicly shame his son so badly, that the gangs members themselves would never allow such a humiliated individual into their circle.

    Of course, I don’t agree with what he did. But as a father, I certainly understand his rationale and the driving motivation. That is, it was a father’s love for his son. In some cases, “tough love” is decidedly brutal.

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