Sexually Frustrated Chinese Wife Has Affair, Asks What To Do

Woman hugging man with another man behind him.

From Chinanews.com.cn:

Extramarital affair makes me feel like a real woman for the first time

I don’t understand this one bit, how did I suddenly become a “bad” woman?! I did indeed have a relationship with a guy from my office who’s younger than me. I am a married woman, but he has never been married before. In my heart, I’ve blamed myself all along, yet I cannot give it up.

Originally, my husband and I were childhood sweethearts. After getting married, the time we spent together each day was very little, but it was peaceful. Last year, a college student came to our office. He was very willing to chat with me. One time, we were on a business trip, and while we were eating, he had a lot to dink. Afterward, [he] came to my room to chat, in the end, he stayed and did not leave.

How should I put it, that was the first time I experienced the feeling of being a woman, very passionate. After this, I depended on him, could not leave him.

I must say that my husband still has feelings for me and respects me, but we haven’t had a sex life for a long time. As for the reason, I’m not entirely clear, the process of lovemaking for us is basically nonexistent, it’s over in a flash. Moreover, it’s basically me who initiates. If I don’t initiate, he won’t care about it. Furthermore, ever since we had a fight two years ago, we’ve been in a “Cold War” for a long time, after that there was on occasion once or twice, surprisingly [we] did not succeed, after that [we] never tried again.

This extramarital affair all of a sudden has woken my female consciousness, I feel my life has changed. I really want to be with that young guy, not sneakily, not occasionally, but like the enduring emotional attachment of a real married couple. Not being in a state of anxiety while enjoying life’s pleasures. But I know this is not possible, I’m a married person, [I] don’t have this kind of power. Unless I get a divorce.

Sometimes, I think about sacrificing it all, just leave [the marriage], if only so I can live a few days of comfort, not this state of being human yet inhuman, monstrous yet not a monster [sic, i.e. uncertain existence]. Regardless of whether I take custody of the child or she remains with her father, I will agree. Yet, thinking it over [makes me realize], this would not work out. First, the guy that I have grown to love is younger than me and has never married. Could he possibly be with with a woman older than him, who has had a divorce, and who has had a child before? Even if he accepts it, will his family accept it? Won’t the opinions of those around us put pressure on him?

Secondly, my husband has somewhat of a temper because he is not attractive, his face has pockmarks. If I were to suggest a divorce, this would provoke him further, his emotional wounds would be even deeper.

However, “maintaining” [the marriage] is really difficult. I have sometimes tried to communicate with my husband about physiological issues, finding some books for him to read. He always says he knows it, yet he doesn’t do anything. How can I force him to pay attention to this matter?!

I am a person, a flesh and blood woman, tell me how to restore this fall from grace after stealing a bite of the forbidden fruit?! What is the right thing for me to do?

Comments from Chinanews.com.cn:

ZZPP66:

This is all because of the husband and wife’s sex lives are incompatible, a disaster of unfulfilled desire. But this woman who stole a bite of the forbidden fruit, if she did not achieve normal peacefulness, it [having an affair] is really hard to resist. This must be a physiological reaction. Should take the husband to see a doctor, one should also accept psychological counseling, this way the issue can be thoroughly resolved. However, as for this inappropriate relationship, [it] should be broken off. Reportedly, inharmonious sex life occupies about 1/3 of all divorces currently in China, therefore, this is a societal problem. Should understand a person’s physiological and psychological condition as well as the changes that come with age. Only this way can [we] find a way to get along with each other, and a family can be stable. From this we can bring a stable society.

游客 183.68.90.x:

Find another woman to be with him for a night, and then see if it’s really a physiological or a psychological problem.

游客 114.132.129.x:

What the topic started says is real, many people have had this experience, only they are embarrassed to say it out loud, ding

游客 120.68.119.x:

Do you still have a conscience?

扬弃:

Women these days are really fucking shameless. If you cheat, then you cheated, yet there are fucking people who want society to support her! Bad!!

游客 119.87.130.x:

Continue maintaining the current situation, perhaps after a few years that young guy will get tired of you, at that time it will naturally break of. It just becomes an excerpt in a person’s life experiences. Thinking about it this way, you will be more relaxed.

游客 61.235.107.x:

Just find some more people to fuck you.

游客 122.241.155.x:

I know you’re very uncomfortable, that you’re “itching” down there, you can go open a shop [be a whore]

游客 122.241.155.x:

A woman who has no one to fuck will get restless.

游客 125.44.162.x:

One husband to one wife [monogamy] is a necessity of society, not a necessity of human nature. Infidelity is understandable.

游客 117.88.141.x:

Go be a whore then. You can make money and even support your family.

游客 211.102.170.x:

Really understandable, the pursuit of happiness is each person’s right, so [I suggest] maintain the current situation, see how the situation develops.

游客 118.124.119.x:

A woman’s sexual happiness [sic, 性福 is a pun on 幸福 "xing fu", which means happiness] is also very important. So, up to you to choose for yourself!

游客 222.240.225.x:

I don’t know what to say, because I am facing the same situation, only [I’m] the unmarried young man. [It] really shouldn’t [have happened], but unfortunately it is truly is love.

游客 218.20.3.x:

I also want to poke you…
I’m very amazing [in bed], and I’m also very handsome…
It is at least an hour each time…
Every day it is three to five times…..I can pleasure you to death…..

Poll

Should this woman stay with her husband or leave him for the young man?

View Results

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  • 练练英语

    Slut!Wear her old gentleman a green hat but without shame.

    I do not think now the younger Chinese women are different from western old ladies.

    Chinese ask themselves by gripping their hearts,”Where’s the marital fidelity?Where’s the morality of women?”

    I strongly recommend that the marital law should be mended immediatly to allow the man to marry a wife and “concubines”,but the woman,if she embarrassed his man,nail her to the shame column.

    • 练练英语

      A polygamous society==a harmonious society.Learn from South African president.

    • Chris

      This wasn’t a serious comment, was it?

      Surely no-one can be so stupid as to leave their double standards so obvious?

      • mistyken

        regardless of whether it is serious or not, it’s the first post, the one and only sofa….
        also, china had operated on that principle for thousands of years. somehow i do think the old china must had been the paradise for men…..if you can afford it.

  • Bob

    cheating is cheating

  • http://myhomebiznet.com stargaterich

    This is what is termed infidelity. The woman is somewhat half sober half weird. First thing first, she noted the age gap between the young man and her, concerns if his family will accept a divorcee with children and etc. On the other hand, she yearns for sex and just do it without giving thoughts to the consequences.

    • http://www.foarp.blogspot.com FOARP

      Welcome to the Human Race. Do you ask why people exercise to loose weight and then head to MacDonald’s for an extra portion of fries?

  • Rick in China

    I don’t think this is an uncommon situation by any means. Whether it’s the wife or husband cheating (or both….which is probably the case here) it most often starts when their marital sex life turns to shit. What do you expect to happen when you don’t fuck your significant other.

    • shanghai girl

      concur. If I’m not with my partner, I would assume after some time passed that someone else was. Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage… Without satisfying your partner (physically, emotionally, etc.) I don’t see how you can expect them to stay true to you…

      • Cisco

        Truer words have never been spoken! I agree with you totally! If you don’t nourish the love & marrige?? what do you expect?

  • badnews

    …hey….a girls gotta eat….

  • cdn icehole

    LOL. One can still score even when there’s a goalie.

  • Jay K.

    hey women and men are made from same flesh and bone; i can’t see any reason why people have to call her a whore. sure int he eyes of society what she did is cheating causing an extramarital affair. her husband doesnt want to be phsycially connected to her of course women need to get off somehow, and toys just cant do it eventually. that’s why i am pro-swinging within the limits of health reasons and both partners agree to it. have i ever done swinging, no I have not; am i curious about it, yes indeed.

    • bobiscool

      Can’t see any reason? How about the fact that she’s willing to give up her daughter?

      If she doesn’t even care for her daughter, who does she care for? She’s a slut plain and simple, and a disgrace to humanity.

    • FYIADragoon

      Yeah, I really can’t see how this is justified with children in the mixture. This goes beyond just sluttiness, this is downright low. It would be the same if the guy cheated too. These people shouldn’t be having children so carelessly if they can’t handle it.

      • MRgoodbar

        So you are saying being moral is more important than one’s happiness?

        • bobiscool

          Most certainly so. I can’t begin to imagine how anyone could be selfish enough to think otherwise. Then again, I guess that’s why we have rapists, murders and thieves in our society.

          How many people would she hurt if she became happy? Her husband, her daughter, her parents…

          how many becomes happy? An immoral slut who disgraces mankind.

        • FYIADragoon

          So wreck the lives of many just for your own (probably temporary) happiness? That sure does sound justified. I’ve dated someone who had a cheating parent. She was incredibly fucked up in the head and had major relationship, love belief, and suicidal issues. This sort of incident scars a child horribly.

  • fireworks

    She needs to see a shrink. Hubby as well. Cheating in marriages will just lead to more issues down the track. The fun can’t last forever. Tiger Woods is a case in point.

  • http://laowaiink.weebly.com Mark

    This is all too common in China, and by and large, Chinese marriages are often about convenience, security, social status, and family pressure. There is often little romance involved after the marriage certificates are signed. In these lukewarm relationships, the dude will likely get his kicks with KTV girls, prostitutes, etc., but the toll on a woman is more severe, since women crave the emotional and romantic connection with their partners more than men usually do. Not to say that men don’t want this connection as well, but for dudes, the physical element is a high priority and easily satiated outside the home. And if the woman looks for satisfaction outside the home as well, she is more severely scorned.

    Couples don’t often realize their obligation to their partners before tying the knot. Husbands and wives are obligated to provide a satisfying relationship for each other in every aspect, and if they can’t do this, they shouldn’t get married. Unfortunately, that’s often not how it works in China.

    • the peasant

      your right about this.. but let me add a somewhat unique take on this..

      often times its the woman that looks for all these “material” representation of security ie. house, car, cash etc. they are too busy gauging guys about these things and they tend to forget one important aspect.. will the guys feeling be sustainable or not..

      so yeah.. you pick a bloke who is filthy rich.. only to find out after he helps you pop out a couple of kids that he digs KTV girls and dont get jiggy with you anymore.. then you play the victim card and fuck a college student and get scorned.

      im not saying whats right and whats wrong.. im just saying to the mainland ladies to please be smart about choosing your man. its not all condos, cars and cash… sometimes the most important thing is the mans desire to make you happy and to keep making you happy.

  • the peasant

    you cant solve a problem by creating another problem. nuff said.

    the rest all look like an excuse to me. if your not doing it anymore with your significant other then say something.. sort it out.. dont fuck the next guy that wants to fuck you.

    if hubby is a turd then divorce him then start fucking like a rabbit. at least your conscience is clean.

  • MadeInChina

    someone should tell her there’s nothing wrong with fish fingers. hope she gets gonorrhea.

  • FYIADragoon

    Husband sounds like he should have been more understanding, but I still don’t know if I feel that cheating on him is very on the level…..She should have divorced him and then had her way with the office boy.

  • Swiss James

    I’ll bet 20RMB and a fake Haibao that the husband is gay.

    • aclcla

      hahaha i raise the bet 500rmb.

    • FYIADragoon

      1 billion gajillion fahatheuthuehtuhbillion DOLLARS

  • Pong Lenis

    Stay with your husband!

    I doubt the young dude will stay with you for long.

  • David Thooi

    There is no place for morality in the present day Chinese society. Infidelity, adultery, illicit sex and open sex practice have become a way of life and culture of Mainland Chinese nowadays.

    It took 2,500 long years for China to realise how silly the country had been in her belief in Chinese Conficianism and Confucious teaching which turned out to be a mockery and total failure in uplifting the morality of Chinese society.

    To save the country and her people, Mainland Chinese should drop and discard Confucianism and Confucious teaching. Start looking to Western culture, adopt and practise them wholesale in China.

    God Bless China!

    • cdn icehole

      and how would that make china unique in the world? if everyone in this world was the same, it would sure be a boring place to live.

    • Rick in China

      re: “Western culture”

      Look at random news headlines. You really think it’s so wonderful and moral on the “wholesale”?

      You’re dreamin son.

    • bobiscool

      Are you for real? LOL… I don’t even know what to say to that. Japan is still influenced by confucianism, yet they are succeeding, no? You can hardly say western culture is superior to Asian culture, and not only is it racist, it’s simply idiotic.

    • Masking Tape

      “God Bless China”

      Are you talking about Christian morals? The same ones that allowed the Catholic church to abuse children all around the western world? Or allows the hypocrisy of people like George Alan Rekers (http://www.miaminewtimes.com/2010-05-06/news/christian-right-leader-george-rekers-takes-vacation-with-rent-boy/) and Ted Haggard (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Haggard#Scandal_and_removal_from_job).

      I hope China stays well away from that kind of morality and finds it’s own way.

  • whichone

    The original post and its comments are interesting because they reveal Chinese netizens’ attitudes towards marriage, fidelity, love and sex. I am happy to read the few comments that did not condemn the woman outright and labeling her a whore. Women who use/pursue their sexuality are given harsher treatments in many male-dominated cultures across the world today, and the slut/stud hypocrisy is not limited to China though it feels stronger there. Even without a sexual revolution or a feminist movement, improved education for and about women is clearly making a difference in the way sex and marriage are being discussed in public forums.

    I feel the poll should have some more information about the people here, on chinaSMACK. Anonymously condemning or condoning an unknown woman thousands of miles away is pretty much the definition of irrelevance.

    • Enki

      On the contrary, if it was a man in the same situation cheating on his wife for a younger woman, no one would ever support him. This is the kind of double standard that “gender equality” has brought us…

    • http://chinadivide.com Kai

      How should the poll have more information?

      • whichone

        metadata on the traffic to this poll? I remember there was an article about this in the past, about who visits ChinaSMACK, but for the life of me I can’t remember what the website is called.

  • Chen

    Why the women even bother to ask? Just follow her heart. Husband isn’t treating his wife the love and care she deserve. If she thinks she can find happiness in this college boy, why not? But for the long run, please consider the possibility that the boy isn;t matured enough and his heart is still wild and untamed.

  • http://imgur.com/gGpso.png PUSAN PLAYA

    The details in her account are so vague that this could quite literally be a post about me.

  • Macintosh63

    The husband should be aware that sexually satisfying his wife is part of his duty in the marraige. If he is unable to do so, perhaps it is because the relationship has failed. It is a symptom of deep problems in the relationship. Divorce is the civilized option. I don’t know why so many men here have commented negatively. If their wives can’t saitisy them, won’t they also have an affair?

    • http://moominhouse.blogspot.com moom

      Given the description of her relationship with her husband they should get divorced. Why is everyone so obsessed with “cheating” etc.

  • elenore

    I love this she only tells about what her husband does and not what she does in the relationship to be a bitch ,which she clearly is, when cheating on him.Her husband will eventually figure out when she gives him a STD.Get a divorce but never cheat on someone.She cheats because she is selfish keeping husband around and testing waters to see if she can do better than him.It has nothing to do with Love at all.For husband or lover.What a Vain person.

  • Shanhairen

    I’ve heard so many of these stories (directly or indirectly) from Chinese women. Sometimes the guy is cheating and the woman is oblivious, “he takes his customers out to ktv, but not the kind with girls”. But other times the guy is just not sexual. I used to not believe it, but it does exist.

  • aquadraht

    This is all because of the rotten Chinese society and the bad rule of the evil Communist party. In the free democratic West there is no adultery.

    • cdn icehole

      ROFL…umm…yeah…that’s it.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Rate of Divorces + Rate of Extramarital Affairs = Constant

      Maybe in the West they have less adultery, but instead they have more divorces. No matter how you try to solve it – the root of evil is unhappy marriages.

      • Rick in China

        I wouldn’t call it evil.

        Unhappy marriage also isn’t the ‘root’ – one major cause for unhappy marriages for example, is social/family pressure.

    • GermanChinese

      People, it’s called sarcasm.

      Aber dafür lebe ich auch schon lange genug in Deutschland ums zu erkennen.

  • Yoshi

    Sadly this is truly a no win situation.It is pointless and useless to remain in a loveless marriage and if you have tried everything possible to save it with no success then yes..you should leave and find he one who will and can make you happy.On the other hand,the young man you are currently seeing may have affections for you (or maybe he realizes that because of your situation,he knows you won’t refuse his advances),but whatever the case this will eventually end when he meets,and he will,another woman just like you.Just prepare yourself because when this midnight candle burns out….you will be left alone cold in the dark.Just take time for yourself…the man who will love and honor you is out there waiting….just for you.

  • Shanhairen

    I don’t understand these people criticizing this woman. Get a life, people. What the husband did to her is much worse–shutting down sexually. And if she brought it up and told him how unhappy she was, he would just ignore her. A divorce would be bad for the child and the family in general, and trying to marry this younger guy would be a disaster too. Her best bet is to hope her husband develops some “hobbies”, such as frequenting the local ktv or brothel, and while he’s out doing his thing she can be out doing her thing, and neither will dare question the other.

  • GermanChinese

    This story is so stupid, it could be from a Western or Jap-porn movie. Its probably fake. But if not, you should remember that men are still more cheating than their wives/gf. Everythere. I know guy’s who betray their gf/wives without shame or guilt, but would go insane and violant if their women would do the same.
    Or just look at Tiger Woods, for example.

    I don’t want to defent this woman because she is doing a bad thing, but i think this in not all her fault.

    • PP fanclub

      I’m calling bullspit on this. We’ll never get the real numbers, but women in China are far more selfish than their male counterparts.

  • Johny-5

    maybe he’s got a standard issue chink-dick. in which case, i sympathize with the woman.

  • aclcla

    i think it sounds like her relationship with her husband sucks, and if i was in that situation i would probably do the same thing that she did.
    the one thing i find strange is that she has a daughter and doesn’t seem to give one sh*t about the kid. maybe she doesn’t care, or doesn’t understand the effect divorce has on a child?
    I wouldn’t doubt that, since divorce is a relatively new phenomenon in China.
    Maybe the post 80′s generation will raise there kids in a way that doesn’t pressure them to get married and bust out a kid right off the bat.
    Once there is a kid in the mix, it’s not about you anymore, its about the kid.
    …….China’s ‘me’ generation.

  • GermanChinese

    “Based on previous empirical research, Treas and Giesen propose a conceptual
    framework explaining extramarital sex — including sexual preferences, opportunity for
    extramarital sex, and marital quality. This paper tests this framework with data from a
    representative sample of 1,275 married women and 1,240 married men of urban China,
    among whom 3.9% women and 20.6% men have the experience of extramarital sex in the
    past year.”

    http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/0/2/3/1/3/p23135_index.html

  • Col

    I read your letter and understand your life as it is now.
    A relationship is like 2 pillars in a temple they are apart but there too surpport each other as the roof.
    I have seen a very good friend who is now 43 years old have lovers younger of 15 years or more and she has not found her love as yet.
    You both need to bring your child up together even if you are apart.When you get old will the younger man want you?
    or will you want him?
    I would say enjoy both worlds love your husband as he will takecare of you (bao zhong) if you are sick or old.
    If the younger man leaves for a younger woman you say (yong bie) goodbye forever and still have the roof over your head.
    But also understand that your husband may have a young girl on the side?
    I am 60 years old been married, after that I have girlfriend for 17 years, both european then marry Beijing girl she go back never seen her since, keeps telling me bullshit but I understand she have (nan peng you) boyfriend I just want her to tell me.I am from New Zealand.
    In the mean time I have girlfriend who is 28 years younger!!!!.
    I tell her she should find a younger man but she is not interested, she is beautiful, good education, and family are not poor.
    I will cry if she leaves but we have enjoyed our time together and I will say I have had a good life.
    I have 3 children 31 years old 28. Also have a 14 year old. I have been a single father and take care of my children.
    Life is to enjoy today as tomorrow we may not be here.
    It took me 59 years to start to enjoy myself.
    Please enjoy your life bao zhong
    Col

  • Jean

    I think that her husband is already cheating on her!

  • J

    Infidelity in China is really common. Both men and women. The women of China are not shameless they are bored. I have met many very beautiful women who’s husbands never touch them because they are either working or “working”. The men of China aren’t bad, they are also bored. I’ve met men who can’t stand having sex with their wives because their wives are just completely overbearing or emasculating towards them, they don’t feel like men. This woman should not go with this younger man there is no future. Just continue fucking him.

    • anne

      Yeah, they are bored. I know older women that do this, not because they don’t love their husbands, they’re just plain bored. They don’t feel guilty about it either cause they figure their husbands are doing the same thing (sometimes the husband even knows about it). They only stay together because it’s either financially stable, or because they have a kid.

  • PixieBoy

    awww cmon, haven’t you heard of OPEN MARRIAGE? lets take away our little so called civilized education that society brain washed us with, we are animals that strive to reproduce with many mate as possible to keep our species alive. Humans are the only animal that actually stick with one mate. it is either that everyone is a virgin or very immature!! GROW SOME BALLS

    • elenore

      Open Marriages are not cheating,they are sexual arrangements.That is different you aren’t being disloyal.Cheating is lying,sneaking around,cheating is where someone could get diseases,cheating is where the other person might not be in an open relationship and have crazy spouse do something rash,Everyone defines what marriage means in their own relationship and whether or not sex is open or not .When ever you have to LIE ,your a cheater and shows lack of trust and loyalty.And if you have never talked to your partner about open sex than you don’t have an Open relationship.Most people with open relationship have those from the beginning.

    • elenore

      By the way their are other animals that mate for life.

      • Col

        On the funny side, animals that mate for life are, Man and Credit Card!!!.
        And here in New Zealand we have a Native Duck that mates for life and I am sure there are others.

        • Zhegezhege

          Yeah, there definitely are animals that mate for life. They might be lewzer animals, but to each their own.
          Not in favour of open marriages, though. Do you know anyone in open relationships? I do, and it’s fucking weird talking to them. They are weird, know they’re weird and know that everyone else knows that they’re weird. Awkward.
          For guys and girls it’s better to put it about a bit (or a lot) when you’re young and then when you find someone that is attractive enough and personality compatible enough, you settle. Once kids are on the scene, everything is different. Most men (and probably women) will be tempted, sure, but you just deal with it like an adult because if the kids find out, you will forever be a bastard to them. Anyone who cheats, prostitutes or otherwise is just a big, selfish kid no matter how much money they make. It’s called civilisation.
          And, that, ladies and gentlemen is a massive problem in this country. Loads of young boys and girls being railroaded in to marriages because their parents know the other family and selfishly want that grandkid ASAP and what do you get? Two people who hardly know each other tied together forever, bearing responsibility for a new person. During this, they eventually become sexually confident and the awful realisation dawns on them: they’ve never pulled anyone!
          That’s why the red light industry booms in this country, that’s why Chinese student girls want it all the time before their parents re-assert control over their lives and that’s why there are so many women like the LZ (who may or may not be fictional) that are even more distant from their husbands than when they got married and look elsewhere for someone to serve up a cock!

    • anne

      There are several animals that mate for life…humans by nature do not, but ethically/moralistically speaking we try to. (in non polygamous/polyandrous societies anyway.)

  • Zebadee

    Same old story. Married too young when everything was fresh and fluffy. But it grows old and stale very quickly. One day both the husband and wife meet someone new who, quite innocently, pays the neglected pair a bit of attention they don’t get from the marriage. Affairs begin.

    Now they’ve managed to recapture that feeling they once had for each other, except it’s with other people outside of the marriage. Both husband and wife get rush out of doing something daring, forbidden, exciting, even dangerous. But the thrill of it all makes them crave more. This is a craving they often mistake for ‘need’ or ‘want.’ In actual fact, someone is just for-filling their own sense of worth.

    Most Chinese people assume marriage is the next link in life’s chain, that it’s the next logical step in a ‘normal’ life. Many more are in love only with the idea of marriage.They ail to understand about the long-term issues or commitments.

  • asdfaw

    Maybe her man didn’t want to do her because she’s also ugly and the young dude is just as desperate as she is.

  • Bando

    I don’t completly support her actions, but I can understand why she did what she did. Her post is just to abit of understanding and insight, not to garner support. Pursuit of happiness is your own responsibility. That also means you should not be responsible for other people’s happiness either. Some people can find happiness in married, monogamous life, others cannot.

  • http://chinadivide.com Kai

    As I type this, the poll stands at 63% for leaving with the young man versus 37% for staying with the husband. That’s interesting. Seems like the people here value their own whims more than their own commitments.

    • Zhegezhege

      Or they aren’t taking the poll too seriously…

  • kimboslice

    The woman will find out that the younger guy will never marry her and will find a another woman at a random time. She is just a sex toy for him. She’s going to have another affair sooner or later, or she’ll just fantasize about them as she becomes ugly with time. A Chinese woman told me that love is not the most important thing for them in choosing a partner, but rather his financial ability to have a family. What women want first is a man to support her and her children, THEN she wants a young guy stud. This story is as old as time and will repeat a thousand times. Marriage will make a man into a sucker more often than not.

  • mike

    Don’t I know you?
    I don’t think I do, anyways, I think the problem is mostly sexual, human beings need sex to evolve and live up but as your husband cannot deliver for some reasons, and as you are a needy woman, you have this urge to go out and seek sex out of your marriage. Having said that, I think you should talk to your husband, Of course not about the extramarital affair you have been having but about Sex, ask him why he is not interested anymore, ask him why he doesn’t want YOU anymore, you will have a clear kind afterward.

  • Bando

    The feeling being deeply infatuated by someone who has fullfilled you sexually is quite strong and you are not the first person to have succumbed to it. But that feeling probably isn’t love. What’s done is done and I don’t think there is much you can do to “restore your fall from grace.” It’s an experience that stays with you and you gotta live with it.

    Leaving your marriage and going after the young man probably isn’t a good idea since your feelings are controlling you and you are not thinking clearly. And often, once the feeling is gone, the desire to remain with the object of your desire also fades.

    But it also seems that your current relationship with your husband is also suffering, perhaps not from lack of love, but lack of intimacy. Such a pity that china does not have easy access to information or conselling for couples to fix/improve their relationships. But you definately should talk with your husband more and try to work out some compromise. A husband should also provide sexual comfort for his wife as well, not just physical and financial comfort. Love might be painful sometimes, but its not machoistic.

  • Mary-Kate

    Hello people?! Have you ever heard about things like love?!
    Sometimes is right to be wrong.
    Just live your life and be happy! Screw them all!

  • GermanChinese

    Most Chinese are happy with their marriege.

    A national survey, published here Saturday, showed about 62.4 percent of the surveyed couples said they were happy with their marriage, and “loving and respecting each other.”

    http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2010-05/16/content_9853767.htm

    • Zhegezhege

      I’m surprised they didn’t put the figure higher when they made up that poll.

  • pervertt

    Ah, back in the good old days, there was another use for a pig cage.

  • lolz

    Just wondering, how many guys here who actually have wives/girlfriends have not cheated on their wives/girlfriends by going to the bath/message houses in China?

    Why shouldn’t Chinese women do the stuff that Chinese and expats do with women?

    On the other hand, people should know what they are getting themselves into. No one likes people making up excuses (like husband not into sex) for their own selfishness. If she had any dignity, the woman in the story should get a divorce and then do whatever she wants. If she chooses to continue her cheating she better make sure her husband would never finds out.

  • kryseg

    first is it a big problem very big problem second is not is ur fault because I think if your husband gave you more time and comsideration all this would not happen so I know I said this man in question I can say it was just a chance that you’ve been with him since it allowed you to open your eyes and see that you not be happy in your but this is not a reason to leave your husband for all you know in this situation I have so many things to say I know from where to start but I will simply say this if you leave your husband for this young man you will regret all your life then sit down to bring your husband and the reason voyer how he would act if you want I’m more advice available here when you want l.jchristian @ yahoo.fr or contact me at 13901515784 or 15061835017 my name is soon to krys at your service

  • fortunato

    IF he didn’t provide a service is natural and right for you go and get what you deserve

  • Z

    there’s more women than men in china. seems like she wouldn’t have a problem even if it didn’t work out with this young guy later, no?

    • Col

      I thought there was more men in China than woman?
      Can you tell me how many males there are and how many females.
      cheers
      Col

    • bando

      What reasons are you basing that statement? I think you’re wrong due to the following:

      1.Chinese families prefered sons than daughters in the past.
      2.One Child Policy
      3. Gender selected abortions/female infanticide/abandoment that was prevalent until the 90′s
      I doubt the gender ratio would tip back any time soon

  • kim

    where this story is happening?

  • CC

    just get a divorce and then have lots of sex.

    if ur pretty enough, you might be able to find someone else with money to keep your living standards sweet.

    far out. was this really necessary? are people that clueless these days that they need to seek the advice from critical or sarcastic netizens?

  • jsnack

    The thing that’s most wrong with this is that she started talking about it on the internet.

  • Sensmile

    This woman appears to have two options
    1.divorce her husband and be with the younger guy
    2.stay in marriage
    however, she is overlooking the third option, which is divorce her husband and find new love, someone who is more compatible to her.
    she needs to change her mentality towards dating and relationships. the crucial question is she didn’t reveal her age. which is very important.
    I say make a decision fast. indecisiveness is bad for everyone.
    talk to her husband openly about the problem and let him know if he doesn’t change, divorce is imminent.
    However, I don’t think it is easy to change a person.
    be open-minded, fight for your happiness.

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