Gamblers, KFC, Girlfriends, & Weibo

My mahjong buddies say this is a late-night snack served only in casinos!

late-night snack in casinos

KFC now has rice topped meat and vegetables, and promoting it as having “The taste of mom’s cooking”. Netizens harshly reacted, “Does your mom give you so little rice? Is she your stepmother?”

KFC's rice

In order to avoid washing dishes, my lazyass roommate came up with the idea to just eat instant noodles.

Eating instant noodles in a fast and easy way

While watching Titanic in a Shenzhen movie theater yesterday, just as the ship hit the iceberg, the power cut out! Some guy in the row behind cried out, “What the fuck! It’s this easy to time travel?!” 

darkness

If you meet a guy from the national football team, marry him! South America is too far away, they’re family men, insisting for decades on staying in Asia. Such men should be cherished!

Chinese national football players

[Note: This bitingly sarcastic news headline (above) is a criticism of China’s national football team, widely hated by frustrated long-suffering Chinese football fans, for their consistent inability to compete successfully. This headline and article appeared in the news following the Chinese national team’s 1-0 loss to Iraq in 2011, dashing China’s World Cup appearance hopes yet again.]

I’ve always envied my boyfriend like hell, for having the world’s best girlfriend…

Because of sleeping problems, I warned my girlfriend to be quiet when I sleep. The next day, my body was covered with writing: “See? You didn’t wake up at all!” “Still not waking up!” “SB, who are you fooling?!”

Bulled by the girlfriend

[Note: The Chinese in the image reads: “If she hits you, you absolutely must pretend it really hurts.”]

When a man has feelings for two girls at the same time, which girl he loves more depends on which girl loves him less. — Han Han, His Kingdom

Writer Han Han

Q: What’s the relationship between Weibo [microblogs] and Weiruan [Microsoft]? A: Time…

Sina Weibo

[Note: This Chinese joke relies on Chinese homoephones or puns. Weibo, prounounced wei1 bo2 can mean both “microblog” and “slight erection”, whereas wei ruan is literally “micro” and “soft”.]

Sina Weibo’s best advertising slogan: A flutter of the heart, a twitch of the penis.

Microsoft and Slight Erection

[Note: Another joke relying on Chinese homophones, at Sina Weibo’s expenses. 新浪 (Sina) and 心浪 (flutter of the heart, a sexual yearning) are both pronounced xin1 lang4. 微博 (microblog) and 微勃 (slight erection) are both pronounced wei1 bo2.]

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  • cs

    sofa gambler

  • mr. wiener

    Some of this humor must be lost in translation

  • Jeff

    What’s the point of this story? Did Yahoo News take over Chinasmack?

    • http://www.chinasmack.com Fauna

      The point is that these are jokes and humor that have been spread on the Chinese internet. Our website tries to show you what Chinese netizens see and share and Rensi translates it into English so you can understand.

      Of course, some Chinese humor is not so funny in English. :(

    • arinna

      China smack is not exactly a news site, it’s just meant to share what’s currently popular with chinese netizen, if you want proper news, go to another site.

  • Mop

    That casino snack looks cool.

  • https://acrossthetasman.com 山炮 ShanPao

    I’ve never understood the Chinese hatred of the national football team… back in the UK you support you’re team no matter what. I am a Norwich City fan and I’ve seen my week in week out in the premier league, Championship and league 1… does not bother me… its my club.

    Now stop being a bunch of glory hunting ****s and get behind your team – seems like I support them more than you lot.

    • http://www.chinasmack.com Fauna

      We still support them. We still want them to win. However, we are just frustrated by many of the stupid things that happen in Chinese football. It is not just the national team, but also the entire football league. There are many problems and many Chinese football fans are sick of it. But we still feel pride and rejoice if our national team perform well.

      • coala banana

        just realized, that the last time i felt something like pride for “my” country, was around 25 years ago. After that i never whats or ever felt anything like that,,,cause i realized there is no “WE”. I always found nationalism disturbing, pride often false pride, cause it does nothing else then hurt and stop humans developing further.

        I do lots of sport, but can’t say that i am fan of something. Same goes for singers and actors and models. People now a days seem obsessed with such things. I respect when someone, it doesn’t matter from which genre, perform something out of the ordinary, and i like to watch it, but to suffer and found happiness, with the accomplishments and lifestyle of others ?

        Be happy when “my” country, team or whatever wins, and sad when they loose. Sorry but other people losses and wins are not my losses and wins, so there in nothing worth in it, to spend emotions and time on it. I know that none of them will put food in my table, its up to me as an INDIVIDUAL to make something out of my life and to make it worth living . When i make that dependable on accomplishments of other (which btw not even know me personally), then whats the use of living it in the first place ? For some, life indeed, can be a senseless activity trying living it…

        • https://acrossthetasman.com 山炮 ShanPao

          When it comes to what I am talking about it has zero to do with nationalism… its tribalism.

        • http://www.chineseetymology.org Uncle Hanzi

          It never made sense to me. Grown men trying to get a ball from one end of the field to another and thousands, no millions of people thinking it is important.

    • donscarletti

      I think it is like, have you ever met an Asian father who heaps out praise and affection for everything his son does?
      “Son, you big disappointment, you go study now and you get grade!”

    • typingfromwork

      It’s mostly the corruption. Would you like Norwich City half as much if they were known to throw games because of bribery and are beholden to gambling syndicates? It’s because they put their heart and soul into their games that you love them, and if they’ve tried their best but still fall short, well you can still hold your head up high and say that you are proud of your team.

      The state of the Chinese national team and of the leagues in general are a disgrace. The people do still care a lot though and that is why they vent their frustrations about the team. Otherwise they would have long abandoned their own national team and rooted for someone else’s instead.

  • donscarletti

    I’d maybe like Han Han if I didn’t have to see pictures of him selling the fuck out in Vancl posters everywhere:
    “有春天,无所畏,我是凡客”, “it’s spring, nothing to fear, I wear cheap online clothing”.
    Yeah, great, you made a pun, took a photo with shitloads of angst and ennui and got a big bag full of money, you’re a real philosopher now, as a post 80s I feel proud of your fucking leadership.

    • http://www.chinasmack.com Fauna

      Han Han is mainstream and that is why he is so popular. He does not care to be a rebel or even a philosopher because it is not who he is or who he wants to be and his popularity is because most people are not rebels or philosophers either.

      • donscarletti

        You don’t think Han Han wants to be a philosopher, then how do you explain the essays he keeps publishing? Does he want to be a race car driver or what?

        Han Han has gained a reputation as being a radical firebrand at best and an online bully at worst. He is happy enough to throw around torrents of disparagement to anyone who he feels does not live up to his standards, but will sell his endorsement to Vancl for money.

        Being mainstream is to make things that people will like, this is as honourable calling as any, perhaps more honourable than making art for your own sake. Being a whore however is to sell your simulated love for money and this is what he is doing here.

        Also, what is Zhou Jielun doing on the fake Pringles can?

        • http://www.chinasmack.com Fauna

          He is a celebrity blogger, not a philosopher. So he will share his opinions and make money from his celebrity. What is wrong with that?

          • donscarletti

            People read Han Han because they trust and respect his insight. Paid endorsements is sort of like making that a commodity that can be bought and sold.

          • http://www.chinasmack.com Fauna

            People still trust and respect his insight. They can distinguish the difference between his personal opinion and his paid endorsements.

          • The Enlightened One

            Yeesh you are up quite late!

            Fauna can you do the story I heard about the Chinese kid that got busted for something in America and then his rich daddy tried to bribe a judge or the cops and then got charged for attempted bribery himself. It’s quite recent and pretty hilarious.

            Probably pretty higher on the blogs in China.

            Thanks!

        • dr_barefoot

          all chinese stars that endorse bullshit cheap products they don’t use themselves (duh) are embarrassingh shameless WHORES.
          I don’t care if they don’t make enough dough from just doing what they do, that might make it understandable but the fact remains.

          • dr_barefoot

            doesn’t matter whether what they endorse is cheap or not actually

  • Appalled@everything

    It’s like I died and went to heaven; the one for Mormons.

    • dr_barefoot

      ha ha totally

  • typingfromwork

    That KFC one is pretty good.

  • smokey

    does anyone here have an idea which casino serves that snack?

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