‘How I Met Your Mother’

holding hands

This week’s Jokes & Humor is a collection of jokes and quips circulated on popular Chinese microblogging platform Sina Weibo and Chinese netizens responses to an internet post asking “How did you two officially become a couple?” on popular Chinese social network Douban.

clainblue:

We were chatting on the phone before going to sleep.

Him: I can’t sleep.
Me: Why?
Him: Because you are not mine yet.
Me: Well, you can sleep at ease now…

诗雯♬ ♨:

I will tell my story!

Him: Have you decided?
Me: Give me more time to think about it…
Him: If it’s okay, just say yes; if it’s not okay, then I’ll think of another way…
Me: …you can stop thinking!

夏小草:  

She decided to get back together with her ex-boyfriend, and I sent her a message:

“Now that you’ve decided to be with him,
you should be true to him.
Don’t be too close with other guys,
or he will be jealous.
Learn to be considerate,
help him share the burdens.
He may not buy McDonald’s for you in the middle of the night,
but reminding you to eat at regular times is more important.
You must find what you want to do,
no one can forever remain a child to be taken care of by others.
Don’t always be playing video games,
they’re actually quite pointless.

Learn useful things,
prepare for going abroad.
Listen to your parents,
don’t eat too much spicy food,
and be happy.”


But in the end I still couldn’t stop myself, and the last message was: “I like you.”

Now she’s my girlfriend~^____^

Ex for the less fortunate

王菲:

Man: Do you know how painful it is when the person you love is standing in front of you but you can’t even hold her hand?
Woman: (It really is quite pitiful)…

And so a hand was extended…

One month later~

Man: Do you know how painful it is when you can only hold your beloved person’s hand but can’t kiss her?
Woman: (It really is somewhat pitiful)…

And so a kiss was given away.

Finally we were together.
It’s been two years now.

瞬间空白:

I met her on Douban, and have always been good friends. Today, after reading this post, I said to her on QQ [a popular Chinese online chatting software]: Have you seen this post?

Her: No. Send it to me and I’ll take a look.
Me: OK.

A while later.

Her: Not bad.
Me: Pretty heartwarming.
Her: Yep.
Me: I want to write something too.

Her: Go for it.
Me: But I don’t have a leading actress [girlfriend]. Can you be a guest actress?
Her: Sure.

I hope we can get together.

Baby Be Mine

A female colleague got married. The husband isn’t the guy who sent her flowers everyday, but instead the delivery boy. Ha Ha…

wedding

A boy confessed his love to the girl in his heart, “Do you like me?”
The girl said, “Guess.”
The guy was thrilled, “Yes, you do!”
The girl replied, “Keep guessing.”

smiling girl

A son asks his dad: “I heard that in ancient times, the groom had to wait until the wedding to see what the bride looks like. Is that true?”
Dad replies: “Yes, that’s true. But today’s grooms have to wait even longer. They don’t know what the brides really look like until after getting married.

ancient Chinese brides

“…Just what do you see in me [like about me]? I’ll change it, okay?”
“What I like about you is that you don’t like me. Go change that…”

My Sassy Girl

Young people shouldn’t spend all the time on the Internet. If you want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, go to the bookstore. They’ve even sorted them out for you:

If you like nerdy ones, go to the College English Test (CET-4/6) section;
If you like graceful ones, go to the Music Scores section;
If you like artsy-fartsy ones, go to the Prose and Travelogue sections;
If you like trendy and pretty ones, go to the Cosmetics and Magazines sections;
If you like family guys/girls, go to the Recipes and Cuisines sections;
If you like smart ones, go to the Economics and Finance section;
If you like the younger ones, go to the Course Companion section, where the books are even sorted out by the grade they’re in.

bookstore kiss

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  • San

    Got da shafa!

    • Christina

      :(

      • donscarletti

        Don’t worry, you can get on the “沙发” with him, the mood is right.

  • Ecureuil

    quite cheesy

  • Me: Follow me little girl, I’ll show you the way.
    Her: I’m not a little girl.
    Me: Ok, but you’re still following me aren’t you?

    Get some confidence, playfulness and caring. Bitches love that stuff. Hahaha =P

    To be clear, I had been living in that city for about 2 years and knew the streets and side alleys better than her after living there for like 14 years..

    Been together since 1:30pm January 1st 2007, been married since July 1st (Yay Canada Day) 2010.

    • lonetrey

      LOL! that’s actually really cute! Ahahaha awwwww

      • It still works. Every now and then I’ll say follow me little girl when we’re walking around Hong Kong and she’ll hold my hand a little tighter.

        Most girls really want to feel secure as well. Not “overbearing, tell me what to do all the time, you’re the boss of me” secure, but “I feel safe with him” secure and “he won’t hurt me and/or leave me” secure.

        And then there’s love… The real stuff, not the chemical euphoria that happens sometimes after sex or when meeting a crush.. The stuff that lasts forever cause it’s burned into your heart and mind.

        • coala banana

          understand what you mean…this kind of stuff happens once in a while when 2 poor souls find each other…hey, nothing wrong with that, sounds legal to me, just not everyones (definitely not my) cup of tea. My soul is just not poor enough for such things…..two lonely people find each other and think themselves into believing they love the other and can’t live without him/her ? Believe it or not, happens to me also from time to time. In fact i fall in love every couple of days, but it just lasts a few days or weeks, then the thrill is gone and its time for me to leave, often right after i saw another one and fall in love with her…..actually its probably better to be in love with women all the time, then to love just one….forever ? sounds boring to me….forever is a very long time. I think we can agree on that there is no forever, one will die sooner or later and thats it…..lets say as long as you live, your loyalty towards your wife speaks for yourself, thats cool, but its not necessarily smart and its probably out of your or her own weaknesses…..

          • Keep up the front dude, no one can see the broken soul behind it.

            No, really… It’s so effective, that no one can see what a mockery your perceptions of Life really are.

            It’s like you’re the epitome of the coolest badass ever. Women falling over you left, right and center, money flying out of your wallet, Paris for lunch, Monte Carlo for dinner and beating Fedor Emilianako in the ring at night…

            You’re so awesome, I’m such a loser for having a beautiful loving wife who never wants to leave me. It’s so terrible being able to satisfy each other completely and always have someone to talk with honestly. Man! I just can’t wait for one of us to die first!

            Teach me shi fu…………

          • Brett Hunan

            I swear you completely take on the character of Barney in How I Met Your Mother.

            At least here on chinaSMACK you try to be him.

            Im with Elijah on this one. Your take on life is for you, but not everyone wants that. The gushy feeling that children associate with love might fade, but the loyalty, companionship, and responsibility toward each other- thats forever.

            Regardless, I couldn’t imagine the most loyal of girls would ever want to stay with you. Probably why you “choose” to live your life solo.

    • notorious

      I’ve noticed guys tend to flirt with humor, western guys anyway. even if he has an onery disposition he uses dry or sarcastic humor to appeal to women.

  • hooots

    Related Posts: “Mother Run Over By Cement Truck In Fuzhou”

    haha, china.

  • Pingback: » Friday Links: 50-Year-Olds In Beijing Who Enjoy Ultimate Frisbee, We Have Something For You Beijing Cream()

  • andywattbulb

    Man, that was lame.

  • i love the first pic caption. so that means i usually gave up my “used toys” to black guys and white guys?

    • donscarletti

      OOOOH, we’re going to have another argument about race and sexuality here! Great, we haven’t had one this story!

      Well, you know, my race is terrific with the ladies is scores more chicks than whatever race you are! I think women of your race are attracted to men of my race. But this is not reciprocated by women of my race towards men of yours, apart from some low quality women who are attracted to money/penis size/Elvis impressions or whatever the stereotype of men of whatever race you happen to be!

      Ha ha ha, your girlfriend is probably pregnant with a mix race baby with my race’s genes, unless your girlfriend is of my race, in which case it’s a pure-bred baby and she’s a skank and doesn’t love you!

      Please disregard this if you have the same race as me brother!

      • none of my ex-s are pregnant so far as i know

        • mr. wiener

          You could still qualify for that Darwin award then..

          • donscarletti

            Ha ha ha, that guy is funny, whining about people judging him because of his relationship while playing P.I.M.P. Preaching to the Chinese Internets in English. Also looking very unattractive. I would be offended to see a woman of any race on his arm.

          • Sarcasm isn’t your strong suit is it?

            P.I.M.P. was meant as a joke to highlight the fact that the insanely jealous racist needs a prostitute to get near a girl of any ethnicity.

            As for the guy in the photos… Yeah he’s married to an insanely hot part-time singer/part-time model. Not to mention if you read the article, it clarifies that that is the worst photo available of him.

            OR

            Obvious troll is obvious…

          • donscarletti

            Wow, he’s called “Elijah” too, coincidence?

            Seriously, if that is you, sticks and stones man. The important things are whether you can have sex with women or not and whether you get beaten up for it. If you are getting the sex and not the violence, then just focus on that and be happy, don’t expect everyone to celebrate what you have.

          • nope I am not, but correct me if i’m wrong don’t 99% of Fenqing want to Lynch Japanese guys?????? was not aware white guys and black guys are on their list too. Fenqing do have some legitimate gripes and there are more of them in CHina than there are neo-nazis in all of america. so thats something to think about

          • notorious

            The mig, that video is old as shite. I saw that a couple of years ago during the 2008 Olympics. There is no permanent ban on black people or mongolians. Only that they were barred from entering local taverns/bars – which makes no sense at all. Themig, you are the biggest loser, and have a very unhealthy preoccupation with race. Is it is because you can’t find a girl? Your energy is bad, that’s why no woman will have you. Let go and let love, you’ll eventually find someone.

          • coala banana

            Elijah my man !

            cool that you got yourself a girlfriend ! You 2 seem to dedicate your lives for each others, not that i would consider the tattoos to be evidence of that, but the way you share your life and time.

            I think you give too much attention to racism, it shouldn’t bother you at all, but it seems it does.

            She is not a bad looking chick after all, do it an have fun together as long as it lasts. Hey, in case you both break up one day and one or both of you leaves with a broken heart, what you will do with the tattoo ? Keep it ? I think this tattoos are a dumb idea, I am not a friend of symbols…always say that symbols are for the simple minded (no offense, just judging from experience)…had one myself on my left arm, from the military, made during the days when I was simple minded. Had it removed in 5 laser sessions at a GZ beauty hospital for around 5k rmb, just in case…..:-)

            keep on fucking (even i cant imagine fucking the same girl for more then 1-2 weeks)….

          • Banana:

            She’s my wife, not my girlfriend… Big difference.

            Racism is disgusting for anyone with standards (no offence).

            The other great thing about marriage is that it lasts forever when it’s a good match, so no I’ve never thought about erasing our tattoo.

            It’s cool if people aren’t mature enough to make a choice and stick with it. It takes a pretty strong mind to make it work, so not everyone is up to the challenge.

            I couldn’t imagine waking up to some stranger’s face and pretending that was satisfying enough, it would just turn into a stream of meaningless hollow relationship that would eventually bleed into one another and make it incredibly dull and monotonous.

      • A GUY

        I hate you so much… -_-

        but you are right i’m tired of that conversation.

        +1 (very good characterization of the conversation)

  • lonetrey

    To be honest, I’m too tired.

    Too tired for anything anymore.

  • JaoThao

    The guy in Picture Nine is Cute.

  • Harland

    What a bunch of simpering, beta male bullshit. Women like men who are narcissistic, Machiavellian, and psychopathic. It’s called “the Dark Triad” of personality traits. Look it up.

    • A GUY

      Weak women do. Men are the same, if you like a monster there to tell you what to do. I know being a dick gets some guys tail, but they often share it, cause women who fall for that once do it because they have no back bone and will do it again and again with your best friends.

      • Orthodox

        Almost all women like the behavior of those men. They may not like those men’s true character, but they like the behavior. It’s like saying only weak men like a woman’s body. No, just about all men are attracted to the female form. Now, if you pick someone just based on their body or how they attract you sexually, then yeah, there may not be a long-term relationship, but that doesn’t change the basic reality of what attracts the opposite sex. It isn’t the lame as beta boy stuff posted above.

        • A GUY

          I admitted that it is attractive to many women in the short term, but it is not the same as being attractive, narcissism and psychosis are a clear negative while beauty is a constant positive. Also the assumption that women only like jerks (what he describes) is false. Many women like guys that are kind, humble and strong, and they continue to like those traits for the long haul. Being a dick to score with women who have a weakness for that sort of thing only leads to avoiding developing real character in the long run. It leads to dysfunctional relationships and families. Where as marrying only for looks is bad, looks do not preclude being a good person, the traits he lists above do. Also I would say that being mysterious or dark are not negative traits and some guys can pull that off with much success without being a dick. Women who like men who are dark are not weak, but women who have daddy issues and want to be told what to do and how to live are. Infidelity is a display of weakness or socipathy so weak women or men are prone to it.

          Trust me a good smile, hygiene, and manners are about all a man really needs to get some. Good character and a fast tongue is how he keeps her. :)

          • coala banana

            let me tell you something…the kind and humble guys are the ones who die first. They are just better marrying material, someone to share a boring life with, but a women’s desire and passion and sexual pleasure is with the bad guy who fucked her brains out, the one she wasn’t able to “civilize”, the wild nature, unpredictable….thats whats attractive and interesting.

            I see it like this….there are men who cry and there are the ones who fuck. I am now 40 and i am just no family dog kind of men. Wife and kids ? never had the desire to have them and most likely never will. There are men who feel alone, they need someone around all the time. I never had that desire in my life, freedom and liberty is priceless in my opinion and i only live ones…so why share the whole life with just one women, sounds boring to me….I had a lot of relations and when it gets boring (and it always does), its time to move on and look out for new adventures.

            Fucked hundreds of women all over the globe…not sure how many chinese women, but definitely a lot during the last 7 years, and its everywhere the same, the wast majority of women like this kind of men, some realize sooner and some later that you are not marrying material, but they all have in common that they want to have fun and at least some good out of the ordinary sex, at least before they get married to a boring looser, having children, and live an “honest” life. One can see such women everyday. Look at people faces when you see them, not much happiness can be discovered….the excitement is gone, the pleasure disappeared, no adventures and satisfactions anymore….what kind of fucked up shit is that ? full of frustrations and anger, throwing the best fuck years out of the window just to satisfy a rotten culture and ignorant family members…..love ? completely over rated ! sleep with her husband but dream about me !

            I for one, don’t like to buy and own a cow, when the only thing i EVER wanted was the milk….and milk should be for free from my point of view, or in the worst case : veeeeery cheap ! everything else is pure BS and a waste of time !

            I don’t think that all the women i ever had , had no backbone, or were dumb…..we are all human beings with more or less feeling and desires. All women have desires and dreams, its up to the men to uncover them…after this job is done, let them go their way, don’t try to hold the dream, it will not work…I am honest about what i am doing. I might give women a goal, wake up interest, but i don’t trick them into anything….I don’t care about their personal problems and what they did during the day, and they should not ask me…every conversation should just be concentrated on subjects which are fun and exciting and promising…..

            reading some comments here on china smack, give me the feeling that probably over 75% of the posters have never actually interacted with a woman not named “Mom”…

            fuck more, talk less to a women….

          • A GUY

            Even if I believed your statements, I would have to say your probably a-lot more boring than you think. You may not want marriage but a-lot of people do, especially women. I think a quote from the devil’s advocate might describe the kind of shit you are perfectly.

            ” Like a wind-up toy. Like 250 pounds of self-serving greed on wheels. The next thousand years is right around the corner. Eddie Barzoon… take a good look, because he’s the poster child for the next millennium. These people, it’s no mystery where they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire. You build egos the size of cathedrals. Fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse. Grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green gold-plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god. Where can you go from there? As we’re scrambling from one deal to the next, who’s got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, even bees’ honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity… and it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There’s no chance to think, to prepare; it’s buy futures, sell futures… when there is no future. We got a runaway train, boy. We got a billion Eddie Barzoons all jogging into the future. Every one of them is getting ready to fistfuck God’s ex-planet, lick their fingers clean, as they reach out toward their pristine, cybernetic keyboards to tote up their fucking billable hours. And then it hits home. You got to pay your own way, Eddie. It’s a little late in the game to buy out now. Your belly’s too full, your dick is sore, your eyes are bloodshot and you’re screaming for someone to help. But guess what — there’s no one there! You’re all alone, Eddie. You’re God’s special little creature.”

            And one thing I doubt very much is that the women liked the sex that much. Have fun playing the mutual masturbation game cause the way your going you’ll never know true passion and love.

          • I single-handedly disprove everything Koala just said, simply by existing.

            1. No one wants to be alone. Some may need their alone time more than others, but no one wants to be totally alone. I’ve been there, I know.

            2. Women want to be fucked? Maybe for a one night stand, maybe if they have issues (which you’re obviously not helping, just exasperating for your own greedy selfish motives). Women, like men want companionship and love ultimately. Sex might be a pre-cursor, bonus, result, etc. of that, but not for a mature individual.

            3. It’s pretty obvious why none of those women stick around. You call them cows and treat them as delivery platforms for a product you want… You’re talking about people, not objects. You sound like one of my best friends, except he’s 21 and been like that since he was 16 cause he has bad mommy issues. I like my friend, I sympathize with him. You’re supposed to be too old for that shit.

            You sound like a fucking Michael Bay movie…. All expensive shit, titties and nothing worthwhile. You’ll die alone and you’re trying to put on a silly face to make it seem like that’s what you really want, like that’s what really “cool” guys want…

            Real men aren’t afraid to admit shit, they’re stronger cause they can face it and deal with it, not put on a farce like in those ridiculous commercials about “manly men drink coors lite and don’t give a shit about heart attack food and have a low IQ, etc.”

            Pathetic and sad.

          • jeffli

            I think Colaca banana …woops coala,
            is very in touch with his inner man-slut, good on you!
            from wiki coala = marsupial

            Marsupials’ reproductive systems differ markedly from those of placental mammals (Placentalia). Females have two lateral vaginas, which lead to separate uteri but both open externally through the same orifice. A third canal, the median vagina, is used for birth. This canal can be transitory or permanent.[19] The males generally have a two-pronged penis, which corresponds to the females’ two vaginas.[20] The penis is used only for discharging semen into females, while a urogenital sac stores waste before expulsion.

            Hmmm…. explains a lot eh? two penii and eats,roots, shoots and leaves lol

          • A GUY

            I would really like to hear Notorious’s take on this.

            I really mean that. So far it has just been men talking about what women want or don’t want. Please give us your point of view.

          • notorious

            Hehe look at all these men talking about “what women want”… as if you know!

            First thing we need to do here is make a distinction between GIRLS and WOMEN -both of whom have different needs and desires.

            This is a western point of view.

            A girl is most likely not looking for husband material. For one, she has parents to look after her, and she’s probably a student, so she is likely more interested in the “bad boy” , the person who can provide her with the most fun without being too much of a burden in her life. She has her entire life to take care of a husband and child. Why burden herself so early in life?

            A woman is looking for someone who can help meet her physical, emotional, and financial needs. Someone who is kind, funny and if she’s lucky someone she can stand to look at and be around. Someone she understands is going to be in her life for the long haul so its essential that his personality is tolerable and therefore, he is not a dick or an asshole. You are mistaken if you think that’s what a woman wants.

            A young woman, a girl so to speak, is looking for adventure so she’s willing to take a chance on who she dates.

            I’ll share an antedote with you. A western one, but one nonetheless based on my experiences and desires and how they differ between my years as a girl and my years as a woman.

            As a girl, from the time I was 13, men have thrown themselves at me. And I mean downright groveled! These weepy-eyed pussies were a turn off. A bunch of horny pigs so I learned to ignore them, and looked for guys with a bit of backbone.

            My sex life has been concentrated to my late teens where I was definitely more adventurous and brazen. I swapped boyfriends routinely because I had more options. Men were always available and no matter what, they always go after cute young women.

            I once dated best friends, cheating with one behind the other’s back. They found out and disowned each other as friends. When the drama got too heavy I dumped them both. And yes, they begged me to give them a chance. Weepy eyed pussies!

            I liked to have fun, as young women often do. I’d take my boyfriends to public bathrooms and have sex with them. Sometimes we’d do it on the rocks by the lake even though my house was nearby. I once had sex on a double decker bus. We sat at the very back row. There was an accordian looking thing in the middle of the bus that separated the front from the back. The other passengers were in the front. We had a seat right in front of our back row. I sat on his lap reverse cowgirl style, pulled my short pleated skirt up and went for a ride. Either no one on the bus noticed or no one said anything. That’s what I mean by adventure, this thrill of being caught.

            I’ve had boyfriends who cried when I dumped them, threatened to come to my apartment to kill me if I didn’t take him back. I’ve seen it all. What it amounted to was a feeling that men were expendable mostly because they were obsessed with pretty young things and made themselves so readily available. I could have their money, time, and whatever I wanted. I’ve had sugar daddies, all kinds of things by the time I was 18.

            But, it got tiring after a while, dealing with these weepy-eyed pussies so eventually, the man I chose to be with long term was a complete utter asshole who actually teased me openly in class. It was confusing at the time because he also made it clear that he liked me. We talked on the phone every night, but at school he treated me like shit. He remembered every detail about me, even our first day in class when I had the flu and couldn’t stop coughing. I was intrigued. I wasn’t getting my way with him, he wasn’t a pathetic weepy eyed pussy who cried because he couldn’t have me, he was handsome, tall and other girls wanted him so I set out to get the one guy I couldn’t have. It was a challenge. After I got him, I would rehab him, then dump him if he got too boring. That was the plan.

            We eventually had sex one day because I seduced him and convinced him to cheat on his girlfriend of the past four years.

            A year after that we got married. Had a couple of kids (one each year because we non-stop fucked all the time!). However, by the time I was in my early twenties, I was done with him. Our relationship had little substance. We had fire, passion, anger, and it was definitely volatile.

            While he was at work one day I packed up, took the kids, and moved out. Why? Because he didn’t change. He was still an asshole, who controlled every facet of my existence because he was afraid I was going to leave him for another man (he turned into an asshole and a weepy eyed pussy!) Trust me, i had no plans to cheat on him. But he was such a dick. He argued all the time, made fun of me whenever he could, shattered myself esteemed. I gained weight, got ugly and dumpy. It was a mess. He literally fucking destroyed me.

            So the choices of a girl does not equal to the choices of a woman. My reason for choosing him was completely superficial. He had little substance and to this day, and he is 40 years old now, every woman he has ever had, has left him. He also has 8 children by different women!

            now, I’m no longer dumpy, I actually look better in my 30s than I did in my 20s. People do say I’m pretty. Guys do try to win me over sometimes, but most of them are “assholes” who are single for a reason!

            Some of them are in their 30s and coming out of a divorce. I figure, if his wife does not want him then why would I? I have not had sex since the late 90s when I divorced my husband because I want to have something for my new man, whoever he is. Plus, I’m scared of encountering a bad man. I want someone gentle and loving and that’s so important to me. I have my own money so I don’t need his. So I’m not overly concerned with the type of career he has. His personality is what’s important.

            What do women want?

            1. Companionship
            2. Love
            3. Respect
            4. Stability
            5. Protection
            6. Mutual admiration
            7. Compatibility
            8. Co-existence

            All the things i wanted when I was girl is completely different from what I want as a woman.

            Girls just want adventure and some want love with someone she is attracted to. It really gets no more complicated than that.

          • coala banana

            notorious,

            didn’t read it all, but i went through 1/3rd of your post when i realized that you were worn out before you became 18 !! cool !

            what makes me shake my head in disbelieve is that people like you and elijah and others, which preach tolerance, seem not to have tolerance fort others which don’t share their point of view and way of life.

            People are different, and i dont think that you can claim that YOU know what women like or dont like. You guys all generalize too much. Why not reduce it to own experiences and base your opinion on that alone, and leave the assumptions out ?

            Cause you are a women you know how a girl thinks and how a women thinks ? In a perfect world, yes ! But we don’t live in one ! I could give you hundreds of examples of girls and women, just based on my own experience, which wouldn’t agree with you, so please keep it based on own experiences and knowledge.

            The world and its people are colorful and sometimes even colorful blind. Some like me will probably always be in their fuck years. I like women, and the ones i met, like me. When i tried to have a serious relation (really tried) I became very unhappy. Its all cool, but the price tag was too expensive….to give up some liberties and freedoms i used to have when i was single, doesn’t sound attractive to me. As soon as i walk out the door and see a nice girl, then i realize how interesting and beautiful this life and world is, and really can be. Sometimes i brought a new girl home, without realizing that another one was still there….or waking up with one, and another one knocking on the door cause we made an appointment. I have a 3 flat appartment penthouse and had situations where i had one sleeping on the first floor and the other on the third, not knowing about each other, and i was switching rooms the whole night. When it was breakfast time and both woke up, I prepared breakfast for 3 of us. The look on each others faces was priceless. I like that sort of shit, dont know why, but i like to put people, and especially women under certain situations to see how they react. I like to learn about human behavior and how they really think and feel, and what better way then to bring them into unusual or even extreme situations…..women are my great hobby, pure satisfaction and excitement, and i am always surprised again and again, that MOST of them come back again.

            I think its natural that the majority is looking for excitement at one point of their lives. This can last just a couple of years or months, or a lifetime…..I enjoy to provide that excitement to myself and girls/women i meet.

            I lost my virginity when i was 14, at that time i didn’t even know what sex was, until the day an older lady (probably around 35-40) followed me to the change room in a public swimming pool, locked the door and sucked my small cock. I didn’t even know what it was, but i knew it was good. She lived nearby and we had a 2 year lasting fuck relation…what else a 14 year old boy can wish for ? I fucked with her after school, when her husband was at work, and at night time i still had the desire to masturbate 2-3 times before sleep, and the next morning woke up again with a hard on….damn I miss those times ! It still works well, even i am already 40, but its not the same like it was back then….so i guess i compensate less orgasms with more quality ones….

          • notorious

            haha Coala Banana, you asshole. I was not worn out before I was eighteen. I’ve had less than ten lovers. And you have to think, this was the period of 17 – 19 when I went girl gone crazy. my lovers were teenage boys with little dicks who didn’t know what they were doing lol. The first “man” and last man was my husband fourteen years ago. He was three years older and went to the same college.

            For whatever that garbage was worth, I can’t even remember what kissing someone feels like after fourteen years . It’ll be weird when I do it again.

          • coala banana

            thats the reaction i expected…why the name calling ??

            don’t need to explain too many details, but thanks that you did:-)

            you say you had less then 10 lovers ! why is that important to mention…what does “less then 10” mean to you ?

            “i am no whore or slut, cause they usually have more then 10 lovers” ?

            do you think that a girl or women with less then 5 has the right to see you as a cheap women ? or how about the one which wait and give her virginity to her future husband, would she have the right to look down on all of you ?

            you say your lovers were all “teenage boys with little dicks” ! again, what difference you want to make. Is that your point ? Its ok to be fucked by 10 little 19 year old dicks, but not with 25 year olds ? It doesn’t matter now, but i can’t remember that my dick looked any different with 25 compared with 19….but why does that matter to you. Obviously it does, cause otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned it in your post !

            BUT, and here you think you can come out clean, like a reborn virgin, CAUSE (and thats YOUR argument) you first men AND last men was your husband ?

            Hand on the heart girl ! does that make you any better then other women, more clean, more desirable. You describe things like you played around on toilettes and busses, BUT finally you reached that one destination which opened your eyes and you finally discovered true love….good for you girl.

            Please never ever become the toilette and bus girl, let the younger generation have fun too ! ever heard something like “self-rightesnous” ?

            So its ok to play with little dicks, but the first real dick should be the one to stay together with the whole life….

            it might surprise you, but a slut in private sex life doesn’t necessarily have to be a slut in public. Same for whores….

            I for one, am not impressed…keep the contradictions and name calling coming, if you feel to do so…at least its entertaining until it gets boring….

          • A GUY

            I think it’s funny that you gave Notorious shit for generalizing when all you did in your first post was just that. You are an a-hole and obviously from your post Narcissistic, sociopath, Machiavellian, and probably a liar. Please don’t ever talk about your sex life again. (gross and most likely 90% lies.)

            At least Notorious is honest. Even if you were telling the truth you’d still be a douche.

            I accept that people have the right to be single, and to do it constantly, but what I don’t accept is that that behavior makes for a healthy society. We all play around in our youth, but what is still the backbone of civilization is the family. Before you go off about bad families and how marriage makes people unhappy, let me say that those marriages are what happen when “boys” and “girls” get together. I don’t want to put down Notorious but her experience with her first husband was just that scenario. She was still a girl when she married, but when she grew up she realized that she was married to a boy suffering ensued. Her reaction to the three traits that started this mess was what caused all this, he was a dick and it tricked her before she was strong enough to know any better.

            I have been a “nice guy” my whole life, and I have done well with women. I have always dated older women, and for my whole life they have liked me as well. I cant imagine being with a woman under the age of 28, never have and never will.

            I agree with Notorious that women and girls are different.
            The difference to me lies in their values. boys and girls (you) value themselves above all else, or cannot control themselves, Men and Women value a higher purpose or higher cause (whatever that may be)and are poised and controlled. Some never grow up, but many do (men and women), and they are what makes the human race worthy of survival and prosperous.

            I hope Notorious will find a good MAN. I have found a good WOMAN and it makes my life full and happy. I hope you can see beyond your own penis. (look about 5 to 10 inches in front of your groin. Just a hint. If you’re really lucky more than that)

            PS: notorious I think that maybe you are a bit hard on men. You should think that maybe there are divorced men in your same situation that married a bitch, and got out because they wanted to be free you should at least give those guy’s a look see.

            PSS: I am not divorced but I know men that are and some are great men.

            PSSS: I still suggest you try the white chocolate. Actually I think you should taste the rainbow. (men are skittles.)

          • notorious

            Well said, GUY. You have perpetually shown yourself to be one of the more mature gentlemen on this web site.

            Coala Banana is so short sighted and defensive that he failed to understand the essence of what I shared, which is the difference between how women think versus how GIRLS think.
            People think its weird that I’ve avoided sex since the late 90s but the fail to understand is that, I’ve had lovers. Sex is not a big deal to me. I want it to be special with someone who’s caring. I want the intimacy of love to go with it. Otherwise, it’s just pointless hedonism and means nothing to me.

            Coala is wrong. Women don’t want to be treated like shit. Girls play those type of games.

            He is such a misogynist, he’s been fixated on my story about the “toilette” in nearly every post to me, because he simply cannot fathom sex between male and female on equating footing. It has to demean the female so he describes it in demeaning terms. This says so much more about his twisted mindset than it does my relationship with an ex-boyfriend.

          • notorious

            Oh and P.S. Guy, you said I should sample “white chocolate”. I already have. But unfortunately I’m sick of American men, white and black. I’m in a different place in my life and the dating game in the U.S. is wack. I not too long ago swore off American men. Our sense of family values in this country is skewed. Though, the right man could change my mind. Race need not matter.

    • notorious

      The only women who like psycho men who treat them like crap have other issues that cause them to gravitate toward abusive men. It’s like Carrie on Sex and the City and Mr. Big (By the way guys, EVERY girl has her version of “Mr. Big”).

      If you’ve never watched Sex and the City, allow me to explain. The show basically features four female archetypes. You have Miranda, the grouchy lawyer, Samantha the publicist who thinks and fucks like a man is powerful socially and professionally and has no interest in love or cuddling, Charlotte who is the traditional optimistic perfectionist who dreams of the husband from the rich family who will have the perfect job, pedigree and can get her house with the white pickett fence, and Carrie who is main character, she’s basically the neurotic intelligent in life, dumb in love one who writes advice columns on sex love and women.

      The show begins the first season with all the women dating and having sex with different men as they look for “Mr. Right”. Some of the guys are complete assholes or have some type of oddity that relegates them to one night stand or the guy they will date a few types. Almost instantly we’re introduced to Mr. Big – the guy Carrie wants but can’t have. He’s unattainable and stand offish at times but she wants him so bad. Why is that? And he seems to love her SOMETIMES but is afraid of letting her in his heart. At one point he goes away on a trip and comes back married to another woman. He and Carrie begins an affair and he and the woman break up. So does he and Carrie. Why does she want a person like this? Because he realised he made a mistake?

      Then there’s Aiden who is good looking, handsome, and the sweetest guy in the world! That is the man I would have chosen. And he’s so in love with Carrie. He does everything for her, takes care of her, repairs her apartment and even buys it for her. How does she repay him? Cheating on him with Big when Big comes back from Paris a married man. She eventually gets back with Aiden after the break up when he returns and she realises he no longer loves her, and he’s also gotten a hair cut, and he also looks so much sexier.

      But as soon as Aiden lets his guards down and begins to trust her again, she breaks his heart. This is the woman who wants what she cannot have. But this is not a typical trait. This is a woman who is not used to having a man who loves her in her life and should be approached with caution because she is looking for abuse. SHE IS NOT THE TYPICAL WOMAN.

      • A GUY

        Thank you.
        I don’t have time to read now but I look forward to reading what you wrote.

      • coala banana

        i think the person you described (Carrie), IS how most women are. All women (and men) are at least potential cheaters. Women always want what they can not have. Don’t know how other men are, but it could be that they are the same way. My own experience is, that most of the time i get what i want, and in case i don’t get what i want I couldn’t care less…..cause there are so many others out there…and i knew i wouldn’t anyway stay with this women for a longer time….

        I guess, that every person, men or women, are just as loyal as their options. More options and possibilities makes it hard to stay loyal and dedicated to just one person. I had many sexual relations with married women, even in china, from my housekeeper, the waitress in the restaurant, dentist, school teacher, some of my rich next door neighbors, my PA, HR manager….and many more…..I think it works both ways….

        you can’t generalize that a love of a man towards a women should be enough reason for her to be loyal to him and not to cheat on him. There are things called DESIRE and PASSION, if they are not fulfilled in a relation, then the chances that a women is cheating on her BF or husband are much bigger….damn, I would even claim that some women would cheat on her partner EVEN he provides all of this points…maybe its just in her nature, and she like to have sex now and then…..

        I think that everything in life comes down to the “will to power”, like Nietzsche has uncovered it…”wherever i found humans, I found the will to power….”, in each and every action, as rational or irrational it looks like from inside or outside, there you can observe a humans will to power…..simple minded people execute it in very blunt ways, in relations , expressions and feelings, hurting and cheating on each other…and others do it with a bit more style…..

        you write: “This is a woman who is not used to having a man who loves her in her life and should be approached with caution because she is looking for abuse.”

        maybe she enjoys the abuse, has that ever crossed your mind ? probably not ! again you generalize too much and interpret your own feelings and emotions into it…as ridiculous as it sounds, there are women which enjoy sexual practices other women would find disgusting, does that make them bad women, or you better then them, cause you never developed more then the missionary and doggy positions, or sucked a mens cock out on the public toilette ?

        One might be able to ROUGHLY judge a persons characters by his actions, life style, eating habits and sexual preferences, but to claim that the SOLE reason for a women to love a men back, (or more then the one which wakes up desire and passion in her), is cause this men loves her ?

        A women as all rights to do whatever she wants…a mens love is NOT reason enough to love him back the same way. When she does, ok, when not, then either take it or leave it i would say. You guys set standards how a men or how a women should be…please leave that to the individual….watch less dumb ass TV and soap operas and try to learn and form your own opinions….there are men AND women who leave their families, even leave their own children behind, as sad as it is (and it shouldn’t be that way), and for whatever reason they do it, there might be “good” reasons for it , or “bad” reasons, each of us might see good vs bad from a different angle and different point of view.

        the women you describe seems to follow her feelings, question is wold you want her to be with this very men who loves her so much, just cause of that ? and on the other side, would it be fair to the men who loves her so much, to stay with him, even her desire to another men is bigger ? would HE really want to have relation with a women which in fact love someone else more ?

        If he is “men enough”, then he might be able to live with that, knowing that his wife probably just came back home from sucking on someone else’s cock….if he can’t, then why stay together miserable ? another men probably wouldn’t mind that, maybe even enjoy knowing that his wife has sex with others……

        you might see yourself as a typical women, sucked and fucked a few cocks until you find the “true” love, good for you…but i am sure there are other “typical women” which would find you disgusting and not a typical women in their eyes…..generalize less, fuck more, and let your passion and desires lead you either into destruction or development….doesn’t that sound exciting ?

        You are a women, but know so less about a women….

        • notorious

          Ah, at your age, CB you have learned nothing about life. You’re just bragging most of the time to cover up your pain. I’m not judging your lifestyle but I feel you will some day come to regret your choices in your old age when women will no longer love your youthful self. Who will be there to grow old with you? At least you are not cruel enough to enter a relationship knowing it’s something you don’t want. Though I still feel it’s a defense mechanism because you haven’t found someone to be with.

          • coala banana

            i wouldn’t go so far to say that i feel pain, it also has nothing to do with disappointments i experienced. For one, i can say that no women so far has disappointed me in 40 years. I love them all in different kind of ways for who they are and for how they are, more or less. Other man on the other side, I don’t like them very much, have just a few male friends and prefer to be with women, much more to learn from them in my opinion, and i am still learning. I just don’t think i can learn anything significant from other males, maybe cause i never met another one with similar experiences, so there are not many subjects i could talk about with a man.

            But you might be right,it could be something like a defense mechanism, that i never let a women get REAL close to me. Not that i am afraid of the women itself or to open my mind ( i do that all the time), its cause i am afraid to give up all this small pleasures and freedoms i have. They just can’t be shared all the time with another person. So the only thing (in my opinion and from my point of view, knowing myself) what i can share with, is sex, a good dinner, or a weekend holiday, but thats it….it works well for me, and i don’t see any reason why i should change that. On top of that i have some money and all the freedom to do whatever i want to. I enjoy things as long as they are enjoyable and run for my life when they get complicated. Life is to precious in my opinion to waste it solving other peoples/ a partners mind problems and inferiority.

            But you are again right, cause the only thing what REALLY scares the shit out of me, is to get old or sick. I don’t know what will happen, cause my understanding and philosophy of life is so much different from others. I know my time is limited and at a certain stage and age to live and breath from memories alone might not be enough. However, the sex “problem” which might occur later on, can be solved with money. I had so much pussy for free in my life, why not pay back to “society” when i become a fat ass with soft dick and balls hanging down to the floor ? It wouldn’t be the same, but at least something…

            I am not a fan of doubling my chances and don’t believe in such crap. Its like the religious people which think that believing in god, even he might not exists can’t hurt, cause in case he does, then i have better chances to make it through heavens gates. I am not a fan of lying to myself or others, so i also don’t think that to get married and to have kids for the sake not to be alone later one or to have someone to talk with and who will take care of me wold make any difference for me ? Thanks, but no thanks my dear friends and imaginary wife and children, but i am not a daddy and i am not a husband, and its disrespectful and cowardice to doubling chances with that way of living. For me it would mean to living decades a life i in fact don’t want to live in hope that everything turns out well, so others can take care of me ? Fuck that, I don’t want to live my life in such kind fear, so i realized that my time is limited and when its up its up, there is nothing i can do about it and nothing to regret. I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of some sorts of living…..so all is cool as long as i am healthy, have a full stomach and a hard dick, when 2 of the 3 disappear, the its time to leave this planet, but i will do my best that I decide when its time to leave…..i am 40, so i have some good 10-20 years more to learn, educate myself, and to crack one or the other girls/womens ass……

            life is not a big fucking secret, so let not make one out of it….we are born, live and die, thats it…..whats happening between being born and die, is what makes it worth living…..i had shitty first 14 years, but the last 26 had it all in it, good and bad, all worth the pain !

          • notorious

            CB, what are you going to do when you are old? Who’s going to go out and buy your old man medicine? You’ll have to give something to get kindness from people. This is why you need a life companion, someone who is your friend, someone you trust, someone who feels like family, someone who loves you. Eventually your young man parts will get flaccid and old. Who will you talk to about books and movies? Who’s going to want a conversation with you?

            I know a man who is probably about 69 or 70 years old, a white guy. Still a virgin. Grew up with a strict puritan mother who made him afraid of sex. He rails against women and believes women manipulate men in various ways using sex as a tool so he stayed away from women. When he finally decided he was lonely (now old) and wanted to have sex, from lack of use he discovered he was impotent. He has never known the love of a woman and it is the saddest thing I have ever saw.

            Bear in mind, he is completely alone in life. Now you would be the opposite, having experienced intimacy with a woman which will make it all the worst for you when you can no longer find one who wants to be with you and is not using you as her sugar daddy.

      • mr. wiener

        My wife forced me to watch “sex and the city, the movie, part two” the other night………I want those 2 hour of my life back.

        • Yeah, my wife told me all her friends were talking about going to the movie and she was going to go with.

          I told her not to waste her time or money.

          She called me after and told me that next time I should chain her up rather than let her see a movie like that again…

  • Rod

    This is all “will you be my girlfriend” type stuff. What some interesting stories?

  • MassiveBender

    My eyes! I’ve stopped looking but I can’t get the image of the words out of my head! These have to be the least funny jokes ever, no wonder this is the country of Happy Campers.

    • anon

      The first half are just sappy love stories. I wouldn’t call them jokes. The last half were more like jokes I thought most of them were quite funny. Not laugh out loud funny but reasonably amusing. You can see the keep guessing one coming but it was still funny, and the last one was funny in a “wow, that’s a little questionable” way.

  • eattot

    only young guys really chase girls, after 30, only a bunch of fuckers.

    • A GUY

      +1 with reservations and exceptions.

    • mr. wiener

      Yees, young guys only chase girls, older guys are fuckers. More correct than you know :)
      Have you ever heard the story of the old bull and the young bull?

    • eattot

      and latter one day when they wanna get married, if not too old, around 35,then want a girl from good family at least no burden, has a stable job…..
      if too old, then almost no interest at marriage, either hook up girls on websites or go to whores….
      men really suck.

      • A GUY

        And…… you lost me.

        I am slightly confused and maybe offended?

        • eattot

          i lost u ?
          i even do not know who ur , no interest.

          • A GUY

            Maybe you should have a talk with, Coala-Banana I want to see what you say to each other.

      • you`re talking about your marriage? your dumb as fuck.

        • eattot

          i am talking about what i learnt from my nightnare date experience in shanghai…
          my marriage is good.
          he asked my shoes size first then the next day shew me two pairs of white wedding shoes, so i decided to marry him.he does not care for my salary or job or family at all,he is a young guy.

          • since when is a future husband in shanghai supposed to be interested in wealth situation of his future wife? you didn`t get the concept of getting married in shanghai, did you? sorry, but you`re just plain stupid.

          • eattot

            ponti:
            fuck off! i can tell u men in shanghai are truly snobish…one foreign man even asked me if i can get shanghai hukou…
            and girls i know married foreigners, they did not meet in shanghai, i’m glad he does not wanna stay in shanghai at all.

          • coala banana

            damn, girl ! you married him cause he tricked you into it with the “cheap shoe trick”. Chinese men really have no fantasy, they saw this crap in a movie and thought its a cool way to convince a girl in real life.

            This was your first mistake !

            the second was to chose a young guy !

            the third is your face mask which hides you snap dragon mouth, bad breath or lip herpes….

            just don’t get pregnant with such a looser ! that would be your 4th mistake…

          • eattot

            ….
            he did not trick me, and we chinese do not wear white shoes on wedding,only red…

          • coala banana

            oh yes ! he did trick you !

            Like i said, the movie scene where the men asked the women about her shoe size to give her her wedding shoes is famous but old. It just shows that your husband wasn’t able to think of something original, something on his own to impress you…which could mean that he didn’t respect you in the first place, considering you were not clever enough to look through that cheap trick !

            You must know what you do, just want to let you know that i am here waiting to run away with you, just you and me against the world, ready to ride 150 miles an hour on a one way street ! You would give birth to the antichrist and i would be his proud daddy !

          • notorious

            Don’t knock eattot’s love story. He presented her a shoe like he was her prince charming and now they are living happily ever after. How dare you criticize her sweet story. Sometimes its the simplest gesture that wins the girl. At least he’s not like you and didn’t whip his penis out.

            My ex won my heart when he ordered take out for me one night, fired up his record player (I still love listening to those old fashioned record players), lit some candles and played “How deep is your love” by the Bee Gees. The lyrics kind of said it all. I thought it was sweet.

            [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwZhAP4Uiqw&w=420&h=315%5D

    • Appalled@everything

      Ok, well right back atcha with another gross generalization eattot –

      young Chinese girls spread their legs for older men and young men too. at around thirty, they will get bored with the young men and spread their legs for mostly older men, at around forty, the older men are now bored with them and so they are forced to go back to spreading their legs for young men again.

      • eattot

        ur a birth doctor? so you think every woman spreads legs to u?

        • donscarletti

          I never thought obstetrics in China paid that well.

    • coala banana

      you should not put men into just 2 categories…you think that a men is either a young guy or a fucker…..how about a young fucker or and over 30 year old when chaser ?……

      my experience, especially in china is, that the young girls 20-25 are chasing older guys (over 30)…i ask many of them, and they all said that most men in china bellow 30-35 are losers, they have no experience, no money, no good job, no car…..

      so your theory should at least work both ways, women chase guys too…..

      while i agree with you that most men suck big time, chinese girls/women are somewhere in the top level, when it comes to being sexually curious. They fuck quite a lot, they date many different men, they are curious about differences and characters, right until it hits their head and reality and they are reminded by family and culture that every interaction and relation is about breeding. I am surprised that still so many chinese women fall for this cultural trap and give up by the pressure from their families. Throwing careers over board and give up independence and freedom, pretending to be good and honest wives….many of them are, no question, chinese women are quite talented to live the life which is necessary at the very moment, but that doesn’t make them happy women….

      • eattot

        your the biggest fucker on this site, good is at least u admit.
        not like some mfs, pretend cute pretend nice, later run away.

        • someone from this site pretented to be cute and nice and later ran away? info pls, we`re curious.

          • A GUY

            Hello i’m cute i’m nice.

            I see you guys talked.

            It’s cute when A-hole and confusing meet.

        • mr. wiener

          Ease up on Eattot a bit guys. I know she often lashes out and has a shrewish tongue ,but she is free range, uncensored Chinese and her opinions are interesting for that reason.
          I second what Hooots said even when I don’t know when he is being sarcastic or not [apologies if not] I really enjoy hearing about China stuff and find expats an interesting and varied lot :)
          Cheers from the wiener.

          • coala banana

            i have no doubt that she can handle it. I truly love to read her comments, sometimes as harsh as they sound, they nail it !

            Nothing against people speaking their minds, the ones which are shocked and can’t handle someone else’s “truth”, fuck it……different opinions are what makes a conversation interesting….and that includes the satanic brutal description of ritual murders by HongJiang and CaptWed. I am cool with that too, wouldn’t go so far to invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner, but they are entitled to their opinion….

      • jeffli

        “most men in china bellow 30-35 are losers, they have no experience, no money, no good job, no car…..”

        My sister says she would never date the average Chinese guy …why ?? because of extremely poor dental hygiene and a 1 in 4 chance of hepatitis and stomach ulcer. Not to mention the possible fidelity issues.

        To all young Chinese men :- Brush your teeth!
        you have the breath of the sick goats posterior! I can’t even face you the smell is so bad. your breath stinks out half the room!

        Go-on and justify sewer mouths with traditional chinese medicine! I dare you!

        God sakes! you think people like to see layers of yellow plaque and bits of smelly tofu on your smile? brush at least once per day with real tooth paste!

        15-20 RMB per month but stay away from local brand toothpaste rubbish. Colgate Macleans and oral B brush medium there ya go!

        • coala banana

          well, i didn’t go into the hygiene issue, cause that is something obvious for everyone in china to see and witness on the daily basis.

          fact is that hygiene is NOT on top of a chinese males priority list. Money occupies points 1,2 and 3, after that come some cultural crap and family….the rotten and foul mouth and teeth, dirty ass shoes with white socks, spitting….. probably don’t even make it on the list….

          this has several reasons, but in addition to all reason, I also blame chinese females for that. many of them don’t put this aspects on their priority lists either. When someone can change a man’s behavior and outlook, then its a women…..she has to demand, and a man has to step up to a women’s requirements. But fact is that many chinese women don’t have such requirements, as long as the dirty ass bastard can provide some money and food…then who cares about the spitting and chain smoking and stinking tofu ?

          Money is number one for both sides of the coin, everything else is overrated from their point of view…..

          Hepatites ? From what i know, china and turkey lead the world when it comes to hepatitis infections ! I doubt they understand why ….

        • donscarletti

          She doesn’t have to date the average ones, just the ones she likes. I can’t think of any culture where the men aren’t mostly undateable scum.

          • coala banana

            every men is dateable, the question is if its worth to do so….

            most are scum ? yes, i give you that…

            same goes for women, even i would claim that the percentage is much smaller compared to their male counterparts…

        • notorious

          teeth are important jeffli. it’s the first thing i look at when im talking to someone. he has to have a great smile.

    • hooots

      I just want to say that regardless of your opinions or ideas, I fucking love all of you. You are so hilarious and thought provoking that I honestly think you all are invaluable. Thanks for being real and honest about what you think. Even though you all have exceedingly different opinions on most things, much of what you all say has a lot of truth in it.

      Much love from the hooots. <3

    • jeffli

      I must admit I’m one of these “fuckers” Eattot is talking about…… but I prefer older women so does that make me a motherf8888r ??? lol

      I keep thinking of the song by Butterfingers “Ya Mama” – rude yet funny!

      Also whats wrong with a 30+ guy chasing a 20+ girl? Its done in every culture and country anyway.

      and same the other way round young dragons and older phoenixes ?

      back to the original topic “how I met your mother” this could be embarrassing for some like xiao chen’s story:-

      “my father met my mother at a KTV, she tricked him to marriage……… Singaporean passport/Shanghai hukou…………… businessman……….divorced after new citizenship………… sold a remarriage to “uncle” for a fee so he could come to Singapore/Shanghai ………… molested my baby sister…..”uncle” bought us a nice apartment to shut us up and continue access to baby sister……. I just found out I have a barstard (born out of wedlock) sister in Anhui………blah blah blah”

      not so? just look at the life stories of prominent people in China’s history.

      seeing the number of ktv, baths, saunas,hairdressers,massage shops all doubling as brothels, the above story might be more common than you think, just minor changes to the details to suit.

      Let the flames begin!
      ^_<

      • eattot

        damn it!
        you only can hook up girls in ktv or massage center?
        there are many good pure girls in china, but because your so low…
        i feel sorry for u …even sgp passport is worth to show off?

        • PLAN

          off topic, please do not take offense, but why are you wearing a medical type mask in your avatar? A scarf would be nicer if you’re trying to hide your identity..

  • Appalled@everything

    God I want to vomit now. why do I click on articles that I just know are going to be the very definition of unfunny.

  • Appalled@everything

    You got some serious hang-up over people’s mouths. Anyone ever told you that Jeff?

    • jeffli

      Try talking to someone whose breath is so bad it smells like a pig sty.
      You have to communicate with this person to get something done., but while sitting at the table talking you want to throw up. This is not just my criticism but most people in S.E. Asia have this impression of Chinese men.

      I admit I’m not good with these stinks, but thats why I did not choose pig-farmer, mortician, a-hole doctor as a profession!

      Regarding the devils fragrance emanating from these young chaps mouth, this smell is caused by undigested food (of dubious quality) remnants in the oral cavity, plaque and bacteria.

      Now would any girl be interested to romantically put her tongue in a mouth like that? full of plaque and what he ate the night before and the devils ass fragrance?

      and it only takes 2 minutes @ minimum once per day to control this situation.

      • coala banana

        not any girl, but in china you can see lots of good-healthy-clean looking girls walking around with dirty ass-rotten mouth motherfuckers.

        Don’t know if they put their tongues in this kind of guys mouths, since kissing and puxxy licking is usually not a chinese males strength, but even if, I guess that they just swallow their pride for the couple of minutes the baby-sized dick penetration lasts.

        I guess that as long as the “right” balance is given….materialism/money/protection/lifestyle vs sexual favors/obligations, then this kind of girls are cool with that.

        The fact that the good looking chinese males which also take care about their personal hygiene are rather rare and very hard to find (except some ABCs and HKers), might be an additional “motivator” to accept the second best choice and just let it happen.

        Which drives me to the conclusion that most whores could have more class. From what i have heard they don’t let their customers kiss them, and they don’t practice sex without protection.

        What i don’t get are the guys which buy a girl an apartment, car, presents, and give every months some pocket money to them, and then they call them their girlfriends. Thats chinese style i guess, all my business partners do it that way. I mean when you get down to it, they in fact pay whores for being entertained and having sex with. I always ask them why they don’t go right away to a real whore, its definitely cheaper, less things to hide from their wives, less problems, no personal crap, and so on…..they always reply that i “don’t understand it”….2 of them have even babies with such girls, without their wives in HK knowing about it….

        From my point of view chinese man are not very clever when it comes to women. I always think they feel inferior to westerners, cause of their dick size. By knowing to have very small cocks, they try to make themselves more attractive through money other things. In fact they try to buy a girls loyalty and love.

        Last week i met for dinner in HK with one of my partners, and he complained about his “GF” in shenzhen not wanting to “wet-kiss” with him, so he assumes that she don’t love him :-))). he also complained that he already bought her a nice apartment, and a BMW, every weekend he comes to her with a present from HK….he even pays the school fees for her child. Now he has discovered some msgs on her mobile phone, chatting with 2 other men, who pass by over the weekdays, when he is not there. This goes on for 2 years now, so all this AND the fact that she still don’t like to kiss with him, drives him to the conclusion that she don’t really love him !!!!

        I often just listen, but not comment much, cause we still have a business to run, and they are anyway always pissed that i get so many girls for free, so i better keep quite. On the other side they say that my girls are not real girlfriends, and that i miss so many things….wow !

        Its real hard to feel sorry for this guys….

        • A GUY

          While I agree that that kind of guy is disgusting. I disagree that all Chinese men are like that. Lots of Chinese guys have clean teeth and pay attention to the Clit. I have never seen evidence to suggest that Chinese guys all have small penises. (I have seen some trunks though). You can make your point about the relationship between sex and money and love without shitting on a whole group of people.

      • mr. wiener

        I want an erotic story about an oral-hygenist who goes to China and winds up teaching cunning-lingistics. There must be one scene where she is getting her all male class to trace their ABCs-Zs on a lemon using their tongues.

        • Appalled@everything

          now that is evocative

  • school mate and soul mate at the same time. :)

  • Sean

    Officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially officially.

  • notorious

    that is so weird. i own all seasons of sex and the city and watched both movies. LOL its like listening to your best girlfriends talk. i quite enjoy it.

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