Leather Shoes, Childhood, and Awkward Moments

On April 9th, Chinese state broadcaster China Central Television (CCTV) news anchor Zhao Pu publicly warned people not to eat frozen yogurt or jelly through his Sina Weibo microblog, alleging that they were unsafe due to being made with industrial gelatin itself made from discarded leather shoes.

Zhao Pu, a CCTV host, warned people on Monday through his Weibo not to eat frozen yogurt or jelly

Zhao Pu's Weibo: "Forwarding a text message from a research reporter. Comrades (folks), stop eating old yoghurt (frozen) and jelly, especially children. The inside story is very scary, can't go into details."

For this, he was suspended by CCTV.

Three days later, on April 12th, Chinese state news agency Xinhua reported the “Leather Shoes Scandal” involving medical drug capsules containing excessive levels of the heavy metal chromium because they were made with industrial gelatin made from discarded leather shoes.

Some reactions on popular Chinese microblogging platform Sina Weibo…

@福建金玉贸易张晋

Want to eat jelly? Lick your leather shoes. Want to eat frozen yogurt? Lick your leather shoes. Got a cold and need to take some medicine? Again, lick your leather shoes. They can be worn in the clean living room, and they are suitable for the filthy kitchen. They can be used to climb high mountains, and they are applicable for trudging the pond. They can be used for producing yogurt, and they can be compressed to make capsules. 2012, leather shoes are very busy!

@何志华kuailechizi

Lick leather shoes, cure your cold! Good taste, with good curative effect!

@小扁少爺

Once upon a time, there were a pair of leather shoes, which were in love with each other. But one day, they were separated. One became yogurt, and one became a medicine capsule, the two of them thinking they would never be together again… Who knew that they would meet again in a stomach, and end up in the shit together.

And now, some less alarming jokes and humor…

Let me share a photo of me when I was small and got first place in a race…very cute, right?

childhood photo

"Childhood photo"

When I was little, the scariest dream was dreaming about looking for a restroom, and the absolute most frightening thing was to find that restroom before waking up…

childhood dream

When I was little, my parents would use profanity and then say they were speaking English. I’ll never forget my first day at school when the teacher asked: “Who can speak English?”

jiong/embarrassed

Grandpa KFC [Colonel Sanders] finally found his long-lost wife in China!

Grandpa KFC and his Chinese wife

“May all the lovebirds in the whole world be long-lost siblings!!! From someone who’s still single.

jealous single

“I miss you.” “Yeah…so do I.” “Is your wife asleep?” “Yeah…” “Mine too.”

Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter

Yesterday a guy was crying on the phone downstairs in our dorm building, crying and screaming, “You lied to me. You don’t love me at all. Why did you lie to me?” Then, then I heard him say in anguish, “You were with me only because you wanted me to run for you in the men’s 100m race!”

good gay friends

[Note: The above is a netizen parody of the Chinese cartoon characters and Haier brand mascots 海尔兄弟 “Haier Brothers” as “good gay friends“. You can watch their cartoons here.]

Is your wife asleep? Personals @ chinaSMACK.

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  • JAYJAY

    Sofa?

    • DanOoO

      YOU DIDN’T EVEN READ THE ARTICLE

      • Dripping Third Leg

        Hi,I\’m looking for a midget and masochist girlfriend who is able to deliver a good foot & butt massage,plus she has to be able to open a beer bottle or squash a watermelon with her boobs. if you happen to meet up these standards, feel free to call me

      • Jeff

        WORST Chinasmack article EVER!

        Comicbookguy

  • Jeff

    Whats the purpose of this post?

    And 3rd place sofa! hahahahaha

    • Brett Hunan

      Did you post that hoping people would say “lol” and agree with you? Its better than no story at all. Or you could just go hang out in the airport.

      • coala banana

        lol !

        lol

        • Mother Liquor

          Are you baby Hitler?

    • anon

      Some of you guys are REALLY slow on the uptake. They’ve been doing these joke and humor posts weekly for over a month now. They’re just a bunch of jokes from Chinese netizens. Like all jokes, some are funny, some aren’t. Sometimes things are lost in translation, but its just another “glimpse into the Chinese internet”. Rensi also does the pop song posts.

      I thought the second to last homosexual joke was quite funny in its setup. Heard the who knows how to speak English one before. The kid wetting his bed was somewhat funny. Didn’t really find the leather shoes comments to be funny, something’s probably missing in my understanding of it. The best I can do is figure that licking shoes is disgusting.

      • Fu ZhiGao

        The latest food scandal here involved drug makers replacing certain key ingredients with shoe leather.

        The joke about yogurt was probably a reference to Mengniu.

        • Fu ZhiGao

          *laughs*

          I totally didn’t read the top of the article before reading your comment anon. Sorry for that.

          Someone splash some cold water on me!

  • Capt. WED

    Since this is China related….A few years ago I was going to meet up with my cousin in China who’s with his cousin, let’s call him CousinH. I met up with CousinH’s friend to go to this place. And this guy came onto me hard (grabbing my arm, hold my hands, then rubbing against me and started to hug me and acting a real effeminate way). I was just stunned like WTF never thought this guy would come onto me like this. Then I was like let’s just go meet up with the dudes. I never told anyone else because I didn’t want to damage his standing with his boys, namely cousinH.

    Oh Yeah. FUCK CHINASMACK.

    FUCK YOU CHINASMACKERS.

    • BeijingRafl

      So, did you score?:-P

      • whichone

        he obviously did

        And this guy came onto to me hard

  • Capt. WED

    bottoms up bitches.

  • Li Peng

    So gay like men who carry LV purse.

    • Appalled@everything

      It’s not a purse, it’s EUROPEAN!

      • 印度杰

        hahahaha very nice …….

  • sm

    It’s hilarious

  • Gay Azn Boi

    Uhmm…what’s the point of this article??

    • cc

      What article?

      • White Thrash

        what’s that avatar man…

        • coala banana

          its the worn out pussy of notorious ! dry like the sahara desert !

          • whichone

            wow that’s witty, and look you used a simile, congratulations

        • A GUY

          Roast beef.

          • Lydia

            You just ruined roast beef for me…

          • cc

            Medium rare

        • waihang

          it’s a credit card machine, most Chinese girls have this kind of equipment, will suck your account clean!

          • A GUY

            Ha ha ha.
            It’s more like visa though Its everywhere you want to be, and they have it worldwide.

  • Appalled@everything

    To respond to those who bash this article – seeing that this is currently an article that many young Chinese are presumably interested in and focusing on should be more a reflection on how lame their tastes are, rather than how crap this article is.

    • anon

      The leather shoes industrial gelatin thing was big news recently but this doesn’t seem like a normal chinaSMACK report about it. It’s just some background on that news and some Weibo comments that I gather are supposed to be funny in response to it. Then the rest are just a collection of jokes like last week.

      In other words, this isn’t an article, it’s potpourri. I think it was long established that these posts are light fare. Not sure why people are being so hard on it (or the pop song posts). If its not what you want to read, see headline and skip over it like normal people. Why subject yourself to something you don’t care for? Why then complain over something you’re not paying for?

      I’m sure these posts are great at the end of the week. I just wish all the jokes were equally funny.

      • Appalled@everything

        Well said. I agree on all points, and also good point about the abbreviated news on the shoe-yogurt.

  • what the hell post

  • gay japanese guys
    http://twitpic.com/9fs4hb

  • xDemoiselleGothique.

    DRARRY. ♥

  • Akshay

    This is so dirty post. price compare

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