‘Life Is Wonderful’

I came home at midnight. Standing in front of the hallway, I felt it was very dark. So from the depths of my body, I bellowed: “Let there be light!” And just like that, all the voice-activated lights turned on!

passage 01

I went to the bank to deposit exactly 50,000 RMB for my company. The bank said, “An ID is needed for depositing 50,000 RMB and above.” I checked my pockets only to find that I didn’t bring my ID. Me: “I forgot to bring it, please bend the rules for me this time! I’m depositing this for my company!” The bank: “No! This is a rule! You must have your ID to deposit 50,000 RMB and above!” Me: “Uh…alright then, give me 10 cents back as change.” The bank: “…”

I am a genius

Student Chen of the class of 2016, with neither SAT nor TOEFL scores and blind in both eyes, but with a strong body, he vigorously applied. Even though he was long past the deadline, he nonetheless was able to get both an offer and financial aid from NYU in less than 24 hours after he applied. The intermediary that made this miracle happen was the U.S. Embassy.

Chen Guangcheng 01

A real estate ad in the city of Nanning: “The down payment? As low as the cost of buying two bags across the street.” [see actual image below]

creative real estate advertisement

An expatriate neighbour knocked on my friend’s door last night asking for help: “Something’s wrong with my TV set, I can’t switch the channels.” My friend checked his watch and said, “Everything will be fine after 7:30.”

CCTV News Broadcast

Last time we bought a computer server, there was a lot of bubble wrap in the box for cushioning/protection. I took a look–Oh fuck, Made in Canada! So my colleague and I took turns popping them open to breathe the air in them.

air cushion bags

On the Winter Solstice, my wedding anniversary, finally I understand why my husband chose this day to marry me, because the night on the Winter Solstice is the longest of the year.

Winter Solstice

I want a girlfriend like this: When we walk on the street, every passer-by that we run into will say behind our back, “Fuck! What does she see in that guy?”

the beauty and the beast

The subtitles disappeared when I was half way through the movie. The screen said, “I don’t know French, I made up all of the previous subtitles, and I can’t go on anymore…”

subtitles

The most loyal thing in this world is homework. No matter how much you ignore it, it still won’t abandon or or give up on you.

News: Education Bureau's website is hacked by students overwhelmed by homework

News Headline: Education Bureau's website is hacked by students overwhelmed by homework

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  • Small Bean

    I do not watch TV in China, so whats the 7:30 reference joke about? Does the show change at that time?

    • Carlos

      Well , because ALL TV stations have to sync with the 7:00 pm Propaganda News from China Central TV, you only will watch them in EVERY channel.

    • sm

      you see, almost all the channels will be broadcast “XINWEN LIANBO”(which is like news broadcast,generally about the domestic and international affairs)from 7:00 to 7:30. and after that each channel can broadcast its own program.

  • Jeff

    Student Chen. Fuck that guy. What a pussy and the US Gov’t is an even bigger pussy for helping him. Now he can live for free off the US tax payers.

    • 彭涛

      Hes actually going to pay sales tax at least every time he buys something…oh and ya what a pussy, just a blind man that escaped house arrest. Were the guards blind too or just retarded.

      • bwahahaha

        hahahahahahaha

        I had to post my laughter, the idea of mentally retarded guarding blind people was just too funny

    • staylost

      No matter what Chen’s game is, he is pretty awesome at it.

      He is either a blind George Washington, or he’s blind and he played two of the world’s most powerful countries for fools and won.

      Whether you’re an idealist, a realist, an optimist, a capitalist, or a communist, you’ve got to hand it to Mr. Chen.

    • queenkat

      I prefer that my tax money goes to him,then to murderers that this country feeds and clothes and entertains to the rest of their life in prison.
      I know the needle cost more but for god’s sake ever heard of bullet?

  • I’m sure this would be very hilarious if I could read and understand Chinese characters. – Captain Obvious

  • goodjob

    Last time we bought a computer server, there was a lot of bubble wrap in the box for cushioning/protection. I took a look–Oh fuck, Made in Canada! So my colleague and I took turns popping them open to breathe the air in them.
    ==========================================
    Because of the China air pollution

    The subtitles disappeared when I was half way through the movie. The screen said, “I don’t know French, I made up all of the previous subtitles, and I can’t go on anymore…”
    ====================
    Hahaha~Many foreign films are translated by Chinese fans because of thier interest.

    ‘Education Bureau website hacked by students overwhelmed by homework’
    =======================
    (= =)I’m speechless

  • goodjob

    I came home at midnight. Standing in front of the hallway, I felt it was very dark. So from the depths of my body, I bellowed: “Let there be light!” And just like that, all the voice-activated lights turned on!
    =================
    An British poet named lexander Pope write the epitaph for Newton which is
    “Nature and nature’s laws lay hid in night;
    God said “Let Newton be” and all was light.”

  • Justin

    Hey Fauna, when will Chinasmack post something about CCTV host Yang Rui’s anti-foreigner rant on Weibo? Or was it posted and I just missed it? I just think that will garner more interest than any of these stories and I’m interested to see the translated Chinese comments on the subject.

    http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/05/china-soft-power-watch-the-yang-rui-foreign-bitch-factor/257403/
    http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/tag/yang-rui/

    • goodjob

      You’d better not to know it, there are many nationalists who support him.

      • D. Tective

        That’s sad that such an educated guy actually believes in his own mind that the foreign guys use flirting with girls as a cover for spying on China. What exactly do foreigners need to spy on China for? The secret to making rou jia mo?

        • Notorious

          well the idea is not so far fetched. remember a few years ago that cuban who the U.S. courts convicted in absentia because he dated and married an american woman, even having a child with her, then disappeared because he was a spy. Men can and will use women for their own nefarious purpose. I think in the end the woman filed a lawsuit against him and the cuban government for rape since the whole thing was a ruse and not a real marriage, thus making it against her will after the fact.

    • Dr SUN

      Good catch,

      Very interesting………

    • sm

      goodjob

    • Winterbitten

      interesting indeed

    • Anus Presley

      “Identify foreign spies, who find a Chinese girl to live with while collecting intelligence, posing as tourists to get mapping and GPS data for Japan, South Korea, the United States and European countries.” – Yang Rui.

      I take it this dude has not heard of Google Earth?

    • dim mak

      Please post this
      I wish to dine on sum tears

    • the ace of books

      Putting in a word for this one too – the optimist in me says “lol he can’t be serious” and the pessimist says “oh snap but what if he is serious”, and both sides would like to see what Chinaland netizens say.

  • Cleo
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