Mothers, Funny Children, Parenting, & Vengeance

Do you know how gross you are? When your mom felt your existence for the first time…she puked…

vomit

A son was spanked by the father, ran to his mother mother and complained, “What would you do if someone hit your son?” The mother said, “I’d hit his son for revenge!”

hapless boy

“Mom, my classmates say I’m flat-chested.” “Oh, you must have inherited that from your dad.”

cunning mom

Son: “Mom, if I got 100 points on the exam, what would you give me as a reward?” Mom: “10 RMB.” Son: “Okay, then first give me half, I got 50 points.”

jake

My daughter had a fever, so my husband and I took her to the hospital. The doctor said, “A shot will help her get better faster.” Hearing that, my daughter began crying, but seeing the number of patients waiting behind us, my husband forcibly held her still. The 30-something male doctor then quickly gave her the shot. Our little girl took turns looking at her father and the doctor and said in tears, “There really are no good men in this world!”

crying-girl

One time I was driving, a 12-year-old girl called the radio requesting a song for her mother. “Auntie [a friendly way of addressing any unrelated woman older than oneself], I want to dedicate a song to my mom.” “Which song do you want to dedicate to your mom?” “I want to dedicate a song by Auntie Xin Xiaoqi [Winnie Hsin] called ‘Women Shouldn’t Be Hard on Women‘.”

"Women Shouldn't Be Hard on Women" by Winnie Hsin

Had an argument with my wife. She was very upset, and crying bitterly. I didn’t know what to do… but then our four-year-old daughter suddenly said something that cracked both of us up: “Mom, stop crying. It was you yourself that found this husband, so you have only yourself to blame.”

Internet child star Xiao Putao or Little Grape

Today I visited a friend who has a little MM [girl] who cheerfully asked me, “Do you have a little kid in your house?” I lied, “Yes.” Then she tilted her head and asked, “Really? Is the kid in your home also from Taobao?” [Taobao is like China’s eBay.]

curious girl

A little child asked a pregnant friend of his mother’s, “Auntie, what’s inside your belly?” “Ah, there is a little monster!” the friend joked. The child immediately gave her belly a whack: “Auntie, is it dead?”

ultraman

parenting lecture 01

When you have a son,

parenting lecture 02

and you don’t raise him well,

parenting lecture 03

you harm your own family.

When you have a daughter,

parenting lecture 05

and you don’t raise her well,

parenting lecture 06

you will harm someone else’s family.

parenting lecture 07

So, if you have a grudge with someone–

parenting lecture 08

it’s really simple–

parenting lecture 09

just spoil your daughter rotten,

parenting lecture 10

and then marry her to your enemy’s son,

parenting lecture 11

and his whole family will be screwed.

parenting lecture 12

Revenge accomplished.

Help us maintain a vibrant and dynamic discussion section that is accessible and enjoyable to the majority of our readers. Please review our Comment Policy »
  • anon

    Hahahahaha, heard a few of these before but the last one is great. I like the smug look on his face too.

    • Brett Hunan

      You still havent responded to what I wrote to you on the “American guy gives french fry to beggar” article. Dont forget about me over here.

      • anon

        Sorry, I just responded. I got too caught up with Fauna’s ass-kicking in the Brazilian post and then analyzing and commenting on the Brit post.

  • Jeff

    Must be desperate here

  • Brett Hunan

    I really enjoyed the 1st, 2nd, and last jokes.

    The last one kinda got at me though… I have a daughter on the way and daddy wont raise no foo.

  • Fu ZhiGao

    Nice to see these after a turbulent news week, both on and off the forum. Smile.

    On an unrelated note, does this mean that that whole sofa fad has gone by?

  • SuperHappyCow

    “Revenge ACCOMPLISHED.”

    • donscarletti

      It’s the facial expressions that make that one for me.

  • Christina

    Rensi, THANK YOU.

    I really needed that after banging out my 50 page final paper.

    I am going to go die on my sofa now.

  • Chris

    “미안해” 제일 많이 하는 동물은?
    오소리

    우주에 있는 한국 할아버지에 대한 영화는?
    2001: A Space 아저씨

    • whichone

      ¿qué?

    • steven

      Chris, those jokes are horrible.

      Let’s be friends. : D

      note to those who may be wondering: Someone else was using my name to post today. He is gone. I’m from koreaBANG, and not a raging lunatic.

  • mankouzanghua

    For those of you wondering where CB has been lately, it’s been a long story! Fuck, fortunately, he’s OK – his 8-inch cock is sprained and he’s been laid-up for several days in an HK hospital for heat exhaustion after experimenting with a new, previously untested form of fucking that allowed him to drill 1,382 women from 113 different countries in a single 4-day data collection. Actually he was fine afterward, but he went directly home and masturbated 3 times, and that third time was the straw that broke the camel’s cock, so to speak. Statistical results concerning correlates of sperm volume, cumshot range, and number of thrusts to female orgasm have been analyzed by CB in his head, and results will be presented later this month at his PhD defense (#3). Don’t worry chinaSMACKERs, he’ll be back ! As he recuperates, CVs and applications for seats at the Knights’ Roundtable of Sluts and Whores are to be sent directly to me. And please, no prayers or well wishes for CB as we know he hates that voodoo baby jesus fat buddha shit !!! unless you’re willing to man-up and put CB’s cock where your mouth is, don’t bother saying or thinking some shit that will just make yourself feel better ! :)))

    BTW he gave me some messages from his Chinese study subjects that he would like you guys to translate:
    哇!!那么大呀!!!原来以为这所谓大楠木只是传言!
    操我操我操我 我性高潮了!!!
    征服我!比我丈夫操的好多了!!!!
    Hao shuaaaannggg aaa…..

  • Dat Ankle

    That little cry girl was adorable

  • dim mak

    >Revenge accomplished

    Well played sir.

  • Stacy

    That last one was brilliant. Maybe I was too quick to veto the whole baby thing. Tomorrow, I’ll tell my boyfriend that I’ve changed my mind, and I want to have kids. Only daughters though, so I can spend the next 21 years to groom her well, and she’ll help me F up my enemies.

    On second thought, I’m just gonna go get me a baseball bat, and F up the SOB myself. Perhaps less elegant, but it sure is a more efficient use of time.

  • 桔梗

    我是来看最后一条的

Personals @ chinaSMACK - Meet people, make friends, find lovers? Don't be so serious!»