Olympics, Rainstorms, & Ugly Pageant Winners

They say this is the reason why the Queen didn’t look very happy at the Opening Ceremony. I think the person who added this caption must’ve been an American.

sulky Queen

Chinese people are simply niu, taking the first gold [medal] and the first bronze [medal], leavings others the first silver [medal]…

[Note: 首银 shǒuyín “first silver” and 手淫 shǒuyín “masturbation” are homophones.]

haha girl

Bai Suzhen! STOP right now! Xu Xian is definitely not in Beijing!!

[Note: This joke is related to the torrential rainstorm in Beijing. In the Legend of the White Snake, Bai Suzhen is a female white snake who flooded the lands looking for her husband Xu Xian.This joke creatively illustrates Beijingers’ wish for the rain to stop.]

Bai Suzhen

When you park, you have to park in the actual parking spots. There’s a reason for this…

A car parked at the wrong spot got hit by the fallen tree

Celebrity Imitated Show [a Taiwanese variety show] imitated the Chongqing Miss World pageant winners who recently rose to fame. Which one looks most like the original?

parody of the Miss World winners from the Chongqing region

[Note: The top three winners of the Miss World beauty pageant in the Chongqing region of China were criticized on China’s internet for being “too ugly“. A judge later told a newspaper in Chongqing, “We received quite a lot of pressure when selecting the top three finalists.”]

Even a steamed buns seller is better looking than the champion and second runner-up of the Miss World beauty pageant

steamed buns seller and Miss World second runner

Usually, when a guy asks if you have a boyfriend, he means that he wants to be your boyfriend. Usually, when a girl asks if you have a girlfriend, she’s just asking…

baby boy and baby girl

The Chinese characters read, “Got a boyfriend?”

When looking for a girlfriend, be sure to first check her Taobao rank. Having only one or two red stars is best. Think twice if she has diamonds.

[Note: The customer’s ranking on Taobao, an ecommerce site similar to eBay, is based on the user’s purchase frequency and the customer’s credit: red star < diamond < crown. Having a diamond suggests that person spends a lot of money shopping.]

funny animated chicken

Guys should all be delivery boys in summer, because girls don’t like wearing bras when at home.

a gilr told a boy a secret

“First-year female students are gold, second-year female students are silver, third-year female students are copper, fourth-year female students are iron.” “Good! They’re getting more active year by year!”

female university graduates

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  • Jeff

    I went to Yellow Mountain…

  • Slob

    Sofa? what

    That woman can sell me Baozi any day as long as I can eat her tofu D:

  • B*tches, Leave

    About the pageant – don’t act surprised. This kind of think happens all over the world (although the Western World knows better when to use it and hides it better). Good connections (especially if it’s family) can get you far, kid ;)

    • linette

      About the pageant – don’t act surprised…..

      My girlfriend from China said the same thing. The China miss pageants are usually ugly. You can walk down the street in China in other small towns and you will see so many really pretty girls with beautiful skin, pretty face, nice body with big boobs(yeah…they have boobs and they’re natural…lol) They don’t even wear make up. They are 100% natural without plastic surgery. Those girls you will not see in the pageants. Their families are not rich and they don’t have connection.

  • Harland

    Came here to see the total lack of interest and comments.

    Leaving not disappointed.

    • mr. wiener

      At least you could use the images of the beauty contestants as an aid against premature ejaculation.

      • The problem is that “spooning” is a very popular way of lying next to a woman. Nested like that, a man can truly believe their girlfriend/wife is a supermodel, and become as truly aroused as any.

        • mr. wiener

          Not a problem then. Alternating between Natalie Portman and contestant #3 should do the trick. You could also ask your better half to wear a flat screen TV on the back of her head with an appropriate montage of photos displayed on it.

          • I truly haven’t felt the need to gnaw off my arm for many years, in order to leave a woman undisturbed. Somewhere along the line I simply “became” faithful to a woman. I judged her beauty by watching for cunning approaches from other blokes and asking my mates what they thought. Works a treat.

        • linette

          “spooning” is a very popular way ……

          spooning is no fun…most women prefer “hardcore head on collision”……….

          • Dr SUN

            OK, I (well my bisexual girlfriend/ driver) will pick you up from Kunming airport, what time ?

            head to head with linette

          • linette

            Where can I meet your bisexual girlfriend??

          • Dr SUN

            kunming

          • Spooning is a common way of sleeping, and women often enjoy the gentle pulse of the erect male organ against their back, at sunrise. In terms of consensual and loving penetration, spooning can also be conducted on a sleeping female lover. Spooning is not confined to homosexuals.

          • kevinnolongerinpudong

            Thanks so much for the clarification Richard North. You sound like a regular spooning expert. Next time I have questions about spooning, or about where on my wife’s back to place my “erect male organ,” I’ll get in touch with you.

  • vince

    http://blog.jaeer.com/cwb-htm-aid-407609.html wasn’t this news about a fire that is supposed to have killed 300+ people in tianjin news Fauna? Seems more interesting than this article.

  • 404 name not found

    Bucuo, bucuo :|

  • XiaoHei

    These set of jokes were………………….well, much is lost in translation I guess…

  • kodi

    Those girls must have very powerful or influential family members, because I am not even sure if they should be entered into a beauty pageant in the first place. At least the one on the left has the much sought after “fox face” but here fake eyelashes are as huge as broom heads!

  • Dr SUN

    Ugly to western eyes is beautiful to Chinese eyes, that’s why all the pretty woman have foreign boyfriends or husbands.

    • For all ethnicities, the woman desires the man to be Humorous, Athletic, Interesting and Rich (referred to by psychologists as the H.A.I.R. acronym). It can be easy to sound humorous and interesting in a foreign land, e.g. Caucasian expatriate male in China or South-East Asia.

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