Sanitary Napkins, Blind Dates & Innocent Kids

As military training is coming, I’d like to give you fellow students a technical tip: Use sanitary pads as insoles/shoe inserts. It’s said that they have first-rate sweat absorption qualities and what more, they alleviate the original insoles’ weakness of being too hard…truly necessities for military training.

[Note: In China, first-year universities students usually have compulsory military training for about one month.]

sanitary pads for military training

The Chinese characters on the green arrow read, “Insert.” The sanitary pads used here are Stayfree Ultra-thin Soft Cotton Day Use.

Military training insole simple reference guide: 39-41 [shoe size] Whisper Soft Cotton Night Use 275mm/Space 7 Pure Cotton Night Use 275/ABC Soft Cotton Night Use 280mm; 42-42.5: Freemore Pure Cotton Night Use 280mm/Whisper Soft Cotton Night Use 284mm; 43-43.5: Sofy Soft Cotton Night Use 290mm/Anerle Soft Cotton Extra Long Night Use 290mm. This [giving of advice] is what older students should do. First-year kids, good luck.

sanitary pad insoles used by male students for military training

The Chinese test reads, “Comfortable! Absorbs the sweat!”

Every time I feel down, I go chat with the gossipy aunties [middle-aged ladies] in my community. Usually in less than ten minutes, I’d know who in which building is leading a life more miserable than my own, which is very healing.

Chibi Maruko-chan

McDull says, “When you’re in a bad mood, just go to the toilet. After you’re finished, make a fearsome face and say to to toilet: “Go eat shit!’ Then fiercely flush the toilet!”

McDull's life philosophy

I was forced to go on a blind date and the other person was an English major and quite full of herself, telling me as soon as she met that she had passed the National Test for English Majors Level 8, Japanese Language Proficiency Test Level 1; German Language Proficiency Test Level 2, and then asked what level I was. I told her I was World of Warcraft Level 85; DotA Level 25; Diablo Level 99. She turned and walked away. Turns out blind dates can also be fun.

laughing Yao Ming

Those who are being forced to go on blind dates by their families are nothing: In order to help me find a spouse, my mom opened a matchmaking agency!!!!! Mom, I’m speechless. (⊙_⊙)

a bride without a groom

In order to lose weight, I bought a shapewear. After putting it on, I posted a status update [online]: This shapewear is too tight, just putting it on almost killed me. A bad friend replied: It was the shapewear almost being killed by you!

angry fist

Just saw a classmate screaming for help on Weibo: Hurry and help me look up what to do when your fingers are glued together by 502 [cyanoacrylate adhesive strong bond super glue]. My middle finger and thumb are stuck together. I’ve now become Guanyin.

Guanyin

[Note: Guanyin is the Bodhisattva associated with compassion as venerated by East Asian Buddhists, usually as a female. The name “Guanyin” is short for “Guanshiyin” which means “Observing the Sounds (or Cries) of the World”.]

Took my little nephew to Yuquan Temple [a Taoist temple, literally meaning “Jade Spring Temple”] to worship the gods. I was burning the incense, while my dad was lighting candles. The moment my nephew saw the candles, he immediately began singing loudly to the statues of the gods, “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!” The Taoist priests next to us were totally crushed…”

gods in a Chinese temple

My colleague was very glad to get a baby boy. When the boy started learning how to speak, he said to the boy every day, “Say ‘Daddy’.”
The son copied him, and also said: “Say daddy.”
As time went by, the son developed the habit of seeing him and immediately saying, “Say daddy.”
He had no choice but to begin trying to correct [the training], now saying to the boy every day: “Daddy.”

dad and son

What are some Chinese jokes or humor you’ve heard from Chinese people?

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  • vince

    surprisingly some of these are actually funny

  • Getrealson

    Hilarious! …..clap……….clap……… (gust of wind) …..cough!

  • andywattbulb

    -_-

  • XiaoHei

    Yao Ming’s Troll Face = Epic Wins!

    • Chunghwa

      Ugh. So these fabled people actually exist, huh? I thought it was an urban legend made by people to scare us of the outside world.

      Guess that means I shouldn’t be assuming reddit and 9gag nonsense as ironic shitposting anymore.

  • Nanny Hiccups

    why would anyone need napkins in their shoes? Are the feet abnormally sweaty?

    • mr. wiener

      If you are doing forced marches or parade drill, yes. I don’t think you’d get the same results from a tampon :)

      • linette

        Well at least it’s disposable. They can put new pads in everyday. More clean and not sweaty. hahaha….

    • eddie9684

      to avoid smelly feet i guess, military training seems “tough” in china..

    • FredF

      Cheap Chinese shoes are very thin, do not provide any support for the feet, and do not allow any air circulation.

      Many trains and buses in China stink of feet. The feet are not abnormally sweaty, it is just that so many people wear cheap shoes that do not allow the feet to breathe.

  • Middle Kingdum

    The sanitary napkins in the shoes is actually a pretty good idea.

  • Brett Hunan

    Those military shoes are the same ones I bought for 4 kuai on the street in Changsha. You see a lot of laborers wearing them (minus the camouflage). They are actually not bad for a pair of shoes that cost about $ o.6 USD.

    • mr. wiener

      Hard to find a size 12 and a half though.

  • Poltergeist

    I have to admit that some of the jokes were actually pretty funny. The one with the temple and “say daddy”.

  • Foreign Devil

    I like the kid singing happy birthday to the Taoist idols because they lit candles. . I could definitely see that happening. One month military training??? What do they hope to accomplish in one month? Not worth the effort.

    Does anyone know if China can have a mandatory military draft in times of war? Have they ever done that??

  • Dat Ankle

    The temple story was adorable but man those military shoes look cheap as hell for military people.

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