Students, Parents, Teachers & Graduates

I look back fondly on my senior year of high school, when I was able to solve mathematics, do physics problems, memorize biology concepts, write essays, and read English articles. Now when I look back, I was like a freaking superman, whereas now I’m just like a mental retard~~

Ke Zhendong from the movie You Are the Apple of My Eye

It’s not that there aren’t tall, handsome, or rich guys studying Physics; it’s just that they no longer look that way after they’re done.

Max Planck

A middle school in Shanghai is going to set up a boys only class. Among the many benefits [of doing such a thing], the parents said the most important one is that it’ll prevent premature love/dating. Dear parents, you are too naive!

boys

My teacher said, “premature love/dating often has a negative impact on your academics, and if it doesn’t affect your studies, then what’s between you two is probably not true love…”

student couple

My sister is in her third year of junior high. After the parent-teacher conference, she changed her QQ status: “The parent-teacher conference is by nature the same as the third party in a marriage. They both aim to undermine family harmony.”

angry sister

Today in class, the language and literature teacher suddenly broke into tears saying she’s just been dumped, only for 8 male students to stand up and say they love her.

love

No wonder students are not allowed to bring cell phones to school…

A Chinese teacher dancing in class.

A female Chinese teacher writing on the chalkboard in an awkward position.

A Chinese teacher using a dustbin to teach geometry.

A Chinese teacher using a wooden bench to teach geometry.

A Chinese teacher standing on a classroom desk.

A Chinese teacher uses a broom as a pointer.

A Chinese teacher meditating in class.

A school teacher was soliciting slogans for protecting the flowers and grass and a student blurted out, “If you walk on my head today, I’ll grow on your grave tomorrow.”

flowers

One day, Ultraman raised his hand in class to answer a question…and then…the teacher died…

Ultraman

A friend from East China University of Political Science and Law said they have been having a hard time after graduation, because half of the schoolmates have to arrest the other half of the schoolmates.

ultraman and monster

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  • thehan

    sofa!!!

  • tai wai

    Haha, how cute. I love jokes! And kittens!

    So, uh, are we going to get anything on the protests that managed to pretty much shut down the Internet in China today, or would that not be harmonious?

  • Fuck the Gaokao!

    listen to this

    Song of the Article

    Drop Da Bomb
    -Doctor Steel

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28htktcco_s

    now and always
    五毛党

  • dim mak

    Damn young Planck is cute

  • linette

    A school teacher was soliciting slogans for protecting the flowers and grass and a student blurted out, “If you walk on my head today, I’ll grow on your grave tomorrow.”…………………….

    Hahaha,,, I love this slogan. It’s very good and effective. The Hong Kong and Taiwan botanic garden people should put these slogan signs everywhere to prevent the China tourists from illegally jumping over the fences and step on the plants because they want photos. Telling them not to do it don’t work. So use these signs. Make sure it’s written in blood red so it looks like a curse. You know how superstition the Chinese are.

  • linette

    One day, Ultraman raised his hand in class to answer a question…and then…the teacher died…

    A friend from East China University of Political Science and Law said they have been having a hard time after graduation, because half of the schoolmates have to arrest the other half of the schoolmates…………

    I really love the classroom photos. It’s hysterical. haha…

    • Yeah, the Ultraman one was pretty cute. I remember the first time some of.my younger students introduced him to me, I thought they meant Superman and they showed me this spandex suit guy and I was like “wtf? That’s not even close to the red and blue suit”.

      It’s pretty big over here eh? Superman is still the best, but I could see the appeal.

      I have a sinking feeling that someone is going to start an argument over who would win in a fight between Superman and xxxxxxxxxx… *Shudder*

      • linette

        Elijah

        Ultraman is a legend. I didn’t grow up watching ultraman, but ultraman is very famous. When he raise his hands to do the cross thing he shoot laser. hahahaa……He does that at the end to finish off the monster after he spend like half an hour fighting it. hahah..now why can’t he just start with the laser instead to save him some energy?

        • The Enlightened One

          Because he’s Ultraman and he doesn’t have to explain himself!

      • grovesman

        Grew up watching Ultraman on PBS in America. Loved it.

        Using his beta capsule Hayata (sp?) becomes Ultraman!

  • anon

    I laughed at the 3rd and 5th jokes. The last one is funny for the political oppression angle.

  • I like these joke articles. Not only are they a breqk from all the horror, but they give a unique insight into chinese culture and thinking.

    I like the ones with bunnies that my wife tells me.

    The FBI, PSB and Hong Kong police have a contest. They realise a bunny into a small forest and each force has 24 hours to catch the bunny.

    Hong Kong goes first and sends in all the police force to sweep the entire forest with dogs, trackers and anyone else that can help. Sadly after 24 hours, no bunny.

    FBI decides to step it up and goes in with satellite feeds, infrared goggles, laser microphones and a full CSI lab. Sadly, after 24 hours, no bunny.

    PSB is feeling pretty confident, so four men walk to the edge of the forest, set up a table and chairs with a tea set and start playing mahjong and sipping tea. 23 hours pass amd the FBI and Hong Kong force ask the four guys if they’re.going to catch the bunny. So they grumble, get up and going into the forest. 30 minutes later, thuds can be heard and a voice screaming “ok, I’m the bunny, I’m the bunny, you caught me!”. Then the PSB comes out of the forest with a satisfied look and a bear in chains. (Substitute the bear with a Uighur or migrant worker if you want to be politically incorrect).

    Here’s a cute one:

    A bunny hops into a bakery and asks if they have 100 buns. The baker says he only makes a dozen each morning. The bunny droops her ears and says “oh, ok.” and hops out.

    The next day, the same bunny hops in again and asks the same question. Slightly annoyed the baker repeats what he already told her and she hops out again.

    Third morning the little bunny hops in again, asking for the same thing. This time however the baker proudly says that he got up extra early just for her and he has 100 fresh buns ready to go. The little bunny claps her hands and says “great, I’ll take two”.

    I got a bunch more from her.

    • Chunghwa

      That seems like a Chineseification of a Russian joke I’ve heard earlier that involved Americans, Chinese, Russians, Japanese and North Koreans. Can’t remember the details, but the Chinese used human wave tactics, the Japanese used high-tech equipment, and the North Koreans pull out a badly beaten bear with broken bones and cigarette burns screaming “okay! okay! I admit it, I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

  • Technowolf

    What about the 《非你莫属》news??

    • anon

      Have you read the article on Tea Leaf Nation?

      It has a good summary though it doesn’t cover the previous contestants who were mauled on the show that helped build up so much enmity amongst especially Chinese internet audiences. chinaSMACK also failed to cover that though some other sites did. The TLN report also gets a few details wrong, such as saying “shui jun” are “Weibo mobs” (they’re actually more like hired guns, people or organizations who will astroturf or malign your enemies online for you for money). TLN frankly relies too much on Weibo for their read of Chinese internet society and trends.

      • Technowolf

        Just checked a couple articles on there. There was an article on Sina regarding that Google boss which I already read. Some of the comments in the Guo Jie news spoke about that womans French and her background, pretty funny.

        Sorry to distract attention from the article here, I just think its a topic worthy of discussion for Chinasmack.

  • Cyrus Howell

    One thing to be said for drink is that it has caused many a woman to be married who might other wise have died single.
    MISTER DOOLEY

  • amorsmap

    The last one made my day!
    hahahahahahaha

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