‘Words of Wisdom’

My in-laws have been married for three decades. They love and respect each other and never fight. I asked my father-in-law for advice when I got married. He said, “When I got married, my father-in-law told me, ‘Never blame your wife for her weaknesses or mistakes. You should know that her weaknesses and mistakes are exactly the reasons why she didn’t find a better husband.’”

the secret of successful marriages

Be nice to yourself, because life is short; be nice to others, because you might not be able to meet them again in your next life.

Hu kisses Obama

If the Heaven were to impose a great responsibility on this person, it’d first steal his QQ [an online instant messaging service], and then block his Weibo, confiscate his computer, and seize his phone-so that he’d concentrate on studying and pass the exam.

how to study hard

Better to have a physical fight with a gentleman than to have a word with a SB.

ignore morons

It took me more than 20 years to feel comfortable in my own skin, so it’s fine if you don’t like me. After all, I don’t live to please you.

please yourself

Pigsy has sexual needs, Sandy needs security, Horsy needs belongingness, the Buddhist monk needs honor, and Monkey needs self-actualization. Happy now, Maslow?

journey to the west

I have lost my wife’s favor since our son was born. When I argued with her, she snapped, “Someone else’s son is definitely not as good as my own.

a boy sneers at the father

You stay up late, because you don’t have the courage to call it a day; you lie in, because you don’t have the courage to kick off a new day.

Sleepless-Li-Bai

When problems come up, first check if they are caused by yourself. Don’t blame the Earth for the lack of gravity when you get constipated.

constipation

Q: I have a tattoo of my ex’s name, but we broke up. What can I do now?
A: Add three words after the name: “Is a dumbass“.

Chinese characters tattoo "Foreign Devil"

  • sm

    haha sofa

  • sm

    HAHA CHINA You’ve missed out one word —–SB
    check it out ,the last line.

    • https://acrossthetasman.com 山炮 ShanPao

      ummm, its called translating for context buddy. We all get it.

  • mr. wiener

    When we were on holidays back in Australia last year my wife suddenly hissed at me “Look at that man’s tattoo!”. I looked across at the fella she was talking about, a gym junky with a permanent tan and on one well sculpted bicep was a large tattoo in fancy Chinese caligraphy. What does it say? I asked. to which she replied :”Fan che jung” [Tomato sauce\ketchup] :)

    • sm

      番茄酱?

  • FREDDY

    haha That 1st one certainly takes the cake…..

  • https://acrossthetasman.com 山炮 ShanPao

    “天将降大任于斯人也,必先盗其QQ,封其微博,收其电脑,夺其手机,所以专注学习,使其能不挂科也。”

    This is my new QQ status… within 20 minutes I got 13 comments from Chinese friends saying “so true” etc

    • sm

      哈哈。what’s your QQ number?

      • themig

        my words of wisdom “Just execute them(Criminals and somali pirates and bills their family for the bullets used!”)

        • https://acrossthetasman.com 山炮 ShanPao

          I think you mistranslated that. But I can see when you went wrong because google translate probably cant distinguish between pirating internet accounts and pirates of the high seas.

          FAIL.

      • https://acrossthetasman.com 山炮 ShanPao

        I always give my QQ number out to strangers on ChinaSMACK… I love talking to them and sharing my opinions on the Voynich manuscript and the Babushka Lady… oh my gawwd just cant get enough of it…

        Anyway, here is my QQ number…..

        NAAAWWWTTTTT

        • sm

          没看懂、

  • Mop

    I like the first one the best.

  • Harland

    鬼佬? Devil-dude? Does it mean the bearer is a bad boy? Or is that supposed to be appended to “my wife”? But it’s not, the tattoo’s alone by itself. And judging by the furriness of the skin, it’s on a foreigner. Context is everything in Chinese, eh?

    • mankouzanghua

      it means the bearer is a westerner

  • eattot

    not so funny at all!
    even can not compare to my mom’s classic saying:
    小子无钱害呆病…poor young guy changes into a dummy
    穷人得了富人的病 poor gets rich’s disease(this one is for my father, my father can not eat veg and fruit,mainly meat,so my mom always says this to him)

  • grovesman

    My father’s advice before walking down the aisle? Whomever told you that marriage is a 50-50 proposition lied to you. Be happy with your 20%…lol

  • baosheng

    Great post. 攒!

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