Chinese Reporter Mistakes Male Masturbation Toy as Rare Mushroom

A Chinese female reporter measures a male masturbation toy, thinking it is a rare mushroom.

From QQ:

Xi’an Female Reporter Mistakes Male Masturbation Toy as Lingzhi Mushroom

Xi’an Television’s “Xi’an Up Close” television program broadcasted a piece of local news, about an old farmer digging a well uncovered an object that resembles a Taisui Lingzhi mushroom [Taishui is a subspecies of the rare Lingzhi mushroom, aka as Ganoderma lucidum or the reishi mushroom, as well as a name for the planet Jupiter in ancient China]. On camera, the reporter pinched and prodded this object over and over again, saying she would go find experts the next day to have it identified. However, audiences immediately recognized it as a men’s masturbator. For this, Xi’an TV’s “Xi’an Up Close” program team explained on their official microblog that the reporter was too young, not yet versed in the ways and affairs of the world, and was very sorry for the discomfort and misguidance they caused for audiences.

Screenshots of the Chinese news program where a female reporter mistook a male masturbation toy as a rare mushroom.

Screenshots of Xi'an TV's “Xi’an Up Close” program.

TV station female reporter mistakes men’s masturbation toy as lingzhi mushroom

On June 17th, Xi’an TV’s “Xi’an Up Close” program broadcasted a piece of local news. At first the anchorperson claimed that an old Xi’an farmer was digging a well in his hometown, and when the well reached close to 100 meters depth, a strange plant was uncovered and dug out. The correspondent on camera said the villagers told her they had dug out a fleshy plant-like object, and the nearly 80-year-old elderly man also said he had never seen such strange a thing. The villagers interviewed said they too didn’t know what it is, that the fleshy thing even had a nose and an eye. When the female reporter saw the object, she described it as something very much like a fungus, with both ends being in the shape of mushroom heads. Then she picked it up pinched and prodded it over and over again, saying the top end of the mushroom head was a mouth, and the bottom end had a small hole. She even said it felt very smooth and slippery. Local villagers said that they had searched online and discovered that this ting was called Taisui, a kind of lingzhi mushroom, upon which the reporter immediately gave an introduction and explanation about lingzhi mushrooms, before saying she would go find experts to have it identified. However, netizens watching this piece of news immediately recognized it as a male masturbation toy, not a fungus or lingzhi mushroom at all. This [television reporter’s] mistake left netizens not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

The programme team apologizes that the reporter is too young to understand worldly affairs.

For this, Xi’an TV’s “Xi’an Up Close” program team made an apology to all netizens on their official Weibo microblog, claiming that the female reporter was too young, and was ignorant of worldly affairs, so they were very sorry for any discomfort and misguidance they caused for viewers, and hoped that people could forgive them this time for their oversight. “Xi’an Up Close” wrote: “An open letter to all netizens and viewers: Dear folks! Last night a segment of our news was widely laughed at and ridiculed. This incident has gotten wide attention, been widely forwarded and commented on. Owing to our reporter being still very young, not yet versed in the ways of the world, she brought audiences discomfort and misguidance in this piece of news! Here, we sincerely thank all netizens for their criticisms and corrections of our program. Folks, please forgive us for this instance carelessness!”

The Xi'an programme team's official Weibo apology.

“Xi’an Up Close” program's Weibo apology.

The reporter even posted a Weibo asking people what it was.

The female reporter even posted on her Sina Weibo microblog account asking people what it was.

Comments from QQ:

腾讯网友 容易受伤的女:

Just treat it as a funny joke, laugh, and forget it! Female reporter I support you, you are very good! Not like those who see it and know it is a masturbation toy, you’re better than them! It proves this program team is pure! She’s a very pure girl!!! Hope they won’t punish her!

腾讯网友 青青子衿:

Those who are laughing and ridiculing this, I really don’t know what your hearts and minds are like. I’m a man, but if I saw it I too wouldn’t know what it was for either. What normal man would go into a sex shop every day and check out what those weird toys look like?

腾讯烟台市网友 凝芸冰澜:

I support the female reporter, and trust she’s a very pure and innocent beautiful reporter, not like those SB who recognize that dirty thing. I support you, female reporter.

腾讯网友 和:

Talk about losing face for Shaanxi people, this “The female reporter was too young, and was ignorant of worldly affairs”, what the hell were the other people at the TV station doing? Punish the chief editor of Xi’an TV. This can’t be forgiven.

腾讯网友 洗心改面做神: (responding to above)

Punish? You guys who have minds filled with masturbation toys would of course be very familiar with these things, but this just shows that the female reporter is very pure and innocent.

腾讯杭州市网友 莼ー潶ァ銫:

I think these villagers are really not nice, even saying they dug it up after digging a well down to 100 meters. I think someone is playing a prank. After all, who would have nothing better to do than to bury this thing a hundred meters into the ground?

腾讯网友 煖阳:

So hilarious! Who dumped this thing? Not only has he made fools out of all villagers, from the old to the young, from the men to the women, but he’s also made the whole nation laugh…

腾讯郑州市网友 happiness:

It wasn’t as if this news was reported, shot, edited, and broadcasted by the female reporter alone, it had to go through many steps before it’s finally broadcasted, right? Throughout all this, did no one notice anything wrong? Are all the people of the programme team so “pure/innocent”? Hard to imagine.

腾讯网友 滋/Dee:

Could be the best/funniest joke of this year…

腾讯网友 时空穿梭:

I’m sorry, an old monk like me doesn’t recognize this thing either…

腾讯百色市网友 安全师:

Can’t blame it on her, she’s not experienced, [but] the people around the reporter are so evil/mean, just watching her make a fool of herself.

What do you think? Would you have recognized it immediately? Does it say something about who you are if you did or did not?

On a Chinese news program in Xi'an, China, a female reporter mistook a male masturbation toy as a rare mushroom.

On a Chinese news program in Xi'an, China, a female reporter mistook a male masturbation toy as a rare mushroom.

On a Chinese news program in Xi'an, China, a female reporter mistook a male masturbation toy as a rare mushroom.

Help us maintain a vibrant and dynamic discussion section that is accessible and enjoyable to the majority of our readers. Please review our Comment Policy »
  • hanyucha

    Funny that, I used a mushroom as a sex toy last night, gave me a wicked fungal infection. {sofa}

    • mr. wiener

      Good thing nobody showed her “the electric egg” :)

      • Alan

        ROFLMAO….

    • eddie9684

      sorry about the stains i left in your sofa

  • Notorious

    mushroom feelgood sofa weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    • hanyucha

      Sorry Noto, no sofa today! It is mounted on my Dragon Boat.
      You will have to paddle fast if you want to jump on with me!

      HAPPY DRAGON BOAT DAY EVERYONE!!!

      • Notorious

        hey, that’s so weird. the page loaded and my comment was there first. you hijacked my sofa. :(

        • linette

          Hahaha..I got the sofa yesterday. I got lucky. :)

      • donscarletti

        Happy “Masterpieces of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity” Dano festival everyone.

        I hope people of China feel a sense of international togetherness as they joyously celebrate this famous Korean festival.

  • The Shadow Knows

    thou shall not mistake my mushrooms while sitting on my sofa, dig?

    • The Shadow Knows

      damn…

      oh well, makes you wonder if there were any “fluids” inside alledged mushroom

      • linette

        OMG. gross.

        I didn’t know it’s a toy. I am sure many people didn’t know neither.

      • Appalled@everything

        Did Johnny Knoxville throw this one down the well?

      • El Puma R.

        They were probably cooking the rice, warming up the pot and chopping green onions and garlic with some lajiao and they got frustrated when they realized it was rubber they were trying to eat.

        • hanyucha

          Was there any special salty sauce inside?

        • linette

          El Puma R.
          hahaha…OMG. That is so gross! Stop that. They are not that stupid. Won’t they at least try to slice the mushroom first before boiling it. OMG. LOL

  • alex

    Proof that chinese vag is so hairy that neither the villagers nor the reporter were able to recognise a hairless one.

    • linette

      Proof that chinese vag is so hairy that neither the……….

      People who say that are just plain dumb.

      • El Puma R.

        Linette

        He’s partially right .

        • linette

          Oh please. It’s a well known fact that Asian are less hairy than non Asian. We have less body hair and less body odor because of less apocrine glands.

          • Alan

            Interesting how this has turned from masturbation toys to racial differences.

            Are africans as hairy as whites? Errr, no.

            Less body odour? BS. Chinese guys who don’t use deodorant in summer, tried being on a bus in the humidity…get real or go back to dream land, just p88s off to Hong kong…you know nothing!

          • linette

            Alan = A55 wipe

          • Ian G

            Chinese pussy is much hairier than Thai or Japanese pussy.

          • Rick in China

            @Linette
            The hair is different, it’s much straighter in general which makes it seem to ‘stick out’ more, appear to be more. It’s hard to really say who actually has more. As for other body hair – sure, in general, less…as for less body odor – well, much like hairy pussy, most foreign/western countries promote hygiene since a young age, which seems far less common here – people in China often shower only at night before bed, by the time 5pm rolls around their shower has well worn off and they’re usually stinking like shit. It may be a smell you’re familiar with, so you don’t recognize it as repugnant, but it’s there.

          • jeffli

            yes but each hair is usually very thick and long (I’m not complaining here lol)

            over all there is usually less hair and less apocrine glands thus a reduced musky scent down there, the hairs are thicker straighter and longer.

            Regarding “Beef curtains” and “chocolate starfish” here is another trait with more pigmentation.
            As the toy seems not to have any of the above traits we can only come to the conclusion this toy is evidence of another western problem. lol

            But………
            Are we sure it doesn’t belong to LiGangs brat?

          • linette

            You men really comparing punani? wow..all of you sound like you know what you are talking about. I don’t want to know what you guys did when you were in China.
            So which one taste better? Pizza, sub, or egg roll.

          • 404namenotfound

            “and less body odor” ever been in a Beijing taxi? :|

          • grovesman

            Chinese generally have more body odor because most do not use a washcloth when they shower. They just rub the soap over their body.

          • Shanghairen

            But some women have the very long but totally straight pubes. That is weird.

      • hess

        Here we go again..

      • jin

        nope youre all just dumbasses, reason chinese vag looks hairy is because they dont shave, ask a western girl to never shave and she will get a hairy vag too.

        • pockets

          80’s bush! Ever seen an old porn? Western women are so hairy that it goes down their legs and up their asses!

        • alex

          Jin, I thought it was a given that I was referring to this issue of shaving (especially with the rural folk here), rather than starting a discussion of genetic differences in body hair/odour…

          Seemingly Linette took offence to this, possibly owing to her hairy vag, but her statement of their genetic superiority regarding body hair and odour has proven me wrong. All the seemingly hairy chinese vag/armpits must be an optical illusion, because they dont grow hair down there in the first place. Thanks linette.

          • jin

            they are hairy and looks hairy cause of 3 reasons.
            1. they dont shave.
            2. its black and thicker, so it looks more.
            3. its a jungle

    • mr. wiener

      I would venture to say Asian punani in general is on the less hirsute side of hairy.

      • Brett Hunan

        Punani is punani…. am i wrong?

        • mr. wiener

          Absolutely. It’s like pizza. the worst pizza I ever had was still OK ;)

          • linette

            @mr. wiener
            The nerve of you compare punani to pizza. The next thing you know you gonna compare to eggroll. LOL
            @brett and no. I don’t think all women or punani are the same.

          • mr. wiener

            Not an egg roll. More like a subway sandwich, but with more meat.

          • Brett Hunan

            I dont think women are all the same either. But egg rolls/subs are universally great.

        • linette

          How do you know? You have any comparison?

          • Brett Hunan

            Do you want details??

          • linette

            detail..???
            I dare you….
            You men actually study them? Now I can say men are men…am I wrong. Haha…

          • Rick in China

            Vaginas are as varied as ears.

            There are cavernous vags, hot cross buns, BLTs, BLTs with extra lettuce, witches noses, hungry clams, monkey lips, bird beaks, etc – many varieties.

          • mr. wiener

            Nope, you’d be right. We are simple creatures with simple wants and needs.

          • cc

            Look left.!

    • linette

      Here Alex, have some beeswax.

      • mr. wiener

        Sounds more like he needs a weed whacker.

        • linette

          hahaha…or lawn mower….haha

          • 404namenotfound

            or a chain saw

          • linette

            chain saw…….

            hahaha..funny

      • alex

        Dont be plain dumb linette. It’s a well known fact that Asian are less hairy than non Asian. They have less body hair and less body odor because of less apocrine glands. All vag is practically bald in china.

        • mr. wiener

          Lets not beat around the bush here. Hicks is hicks. If they don’t know what a fake vagina is chances are they’re not into feminine hygiene or muff waxing. [though there is probably plenty of carnal knowledge and some questionable forms of “animal husbandry”]
          If Alex’s ideal girlfriend is “Barbie” than more power to he, but to claim that Han hirsutedness is greater than any other race is plain wrong unless you are a barefoot gynochologist with que longer than the great wall.
          Linette is probably correct in this instance , but more empirical evidence is needed. I want you all to go out and take as many samples as you can and report back at the end of the week.
          Brett said it best though. “Punani is Punani , by any other name would it smell so….kinda like anchovies?
          Thankfully I’ve never seen a vertical smile I didn’t like :)

          • linette

            ……I want you all to go out and take as many samples as you can and report back at the end of the week………

            This is such an important task. I need to work on it right away.

          • Northerner

            This is a splendid idea.

            I suspect we collectively have enough experience to compile quite a substantial and accurate ‘Quality of Punani’ survey. We could have an index including: overall aesthetic appearance, elasticity, viscosity rating 1 (linked to stimulation x seconds), viscosity rating 2, (linked fabric deposits analysis subject to regular daily activity over period of 8 hours in clean knickers) colour and tone, base and super structure evaluation (including: aperture, depth, width, wall height and thickness, appendages and things that dangle, look off putting and generally get in the way), orientation and alignment ratings (front, middle/perpendicular,back, centred, off-centre, on inner thigh), odour scale (dead Pikey inside a whale to Alpine Meadows sort fo thing), superfluous covering (we could use animals in the index here including Porcupine, Hedgehog, Persian Cat, Yorkshire Terrier, New Born Mouse etc), membrane texture (egg yolk, slug, silk, chagrin, harris tweed, deep fried batter)…

            From this we could set some pretty realistic benchmarks by nationality and hopefully reach a concensus on ‘the ideal’.

          • linette

            OMG…the Quality of Punani survery to search for the ideal punani.. You are killing me!

          • Northerner

            If you’d care to participate Linette I’ll need a postal address. In a couple of days you’ll receive a return envelope and instructions; basically we’ll need a set of photos with an object (for scaling) I would suggest an iphone as that is pretty universal and passport open at photo page for authenticity purposes. These can be returned in the envelope provided along with the fabric article that has been subject to the above conditions. You’ll get a couple of stickers for the return envelope 1. Fragile, Handle with Care and 2. Biohazard! We assume you are a responsible sort so please use these at your discretion.

            All submitted materials will be sent to Dr Jikan’s laboratory in Tokyo for analysis and then discretely disposed of.

          • linette

            Biohazard!?! I am sure Dr Jikan is your friend.

            Sure I will do that. Why wouldn’t I want to? I will definitely do it but under one condition. You have to mail in the envelope along with your address and a photo of you and a letter with full description how you want me to provide punani photos. I like to know who I am dealing with and I need instruction to follow. Send it to me in this address.

            1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
            Washington, DC 20500

          • linette

            By the way. My real name is Michelle. Don’t put Linette okay.

          • Northerner

            Dr Jikan, a friend? You could say that *winks at R L Stevenson*.

            Actually Jikan has already prepared an instructional video. It is quite short but very comprehensive, all the instructions you need will be contained therein.

            I forgot to mention there will be an ‘Animals in Transit’ sticker as well.

            The return address is Jikan’s ‘in’ 国会議事堂 Ichi-chome, Nagatachō, Chiyoda, Tokyo.

          • Xero

            Hair isn’t the issue here. It all depends how well the girls wash. :/

          • Brett Hunan

            Linette this might be one of the most clever things I have ever read on chinaSMACK… Haha!

          • Northerner

            It’s not that clever. We’ve done a search and that address is already contributing to our survey.

            I smell a rat.

          • mr. wiener

            It’s not a rat, smells more like a pussy cat :)

          • linette

            Brett Hunan

            clever thing………..

            Do I get a kudo or what?

            It’s getting too much tension and too hot in ChinaSmack site isn’t it? What to do…… People will always fight over racism. We are all living in a crazy world. :(

          • linette

            mr. wiener

            ………….It’s not a rat, smells more like a pussy cat :)

            hahaha…you smell pxssy? You are a bad boy!

          • linette

            Northerner

            I am still waiting for my envelope. Hellllooo… Make sure you send it to the address I gave you.

          • Northerner

            As I said Michelle we already have that address in our data base. I am currently overseas doing field work. I will publish your morphotype on return to my office next week.

            Thank you for your interest.

        • Huan Jing

          Don’t be a silly goose, Alex. It’s very true that Asians, particularly Chinese, Japanese, etc. are less hairy and have less body odor than non Asians. There are some exceptional Asians like Indians, who are as hairy as white people and smell even worse than an obese Chinese old dude who doesn’t bathe. That’s just racial differences, can’t be helped. In similar conditions, eg. a gym in the states or Australia, a white person is going to smell FAR more like shit than a Chinese guy.

          Vag is always hairy. The difference is unshaved white vagina (as in the case of East Europeans) is so hairy thick, it’ll look like the woman has a penis. No wonder why white women shave. As for white guys, you can show off your banana if you start applying lawnmowers :)

    • Sunshine

      Look at all these people so learned in pussy hair.

      • linette

        I know right. They talk about it like expert. hahaha.. I don’t think women do that with men.

  • Notorious

    question… the hole on that thing stretches to accomodate a male penis like a vagina? otherwise, only a very small male machinery would fit into that thing.

    • Northerner

      No-one, hopefully, is going to fall for that one, Notorious.

      • Notorious

        im not inferring anything. i don’t believe in big/small penis myths

        • Northerner

          I know that from your other posts.

          Just your question reminded me of the time at school when one girl casually asked a group of us that played in the rugby team ‘so which of the team has the biggest cock?’ and one of the boys eagerly blurted out something like ‘well —–‘s is probably the biggest but —- and —- are also quite big.’ He got the shit knocked out of him in training after that until he quit the team.

          • mr. wiener

            And of course he should everyone knows the the hooker has the biggest cock, follow closely by anyone in the forwards.

          • Northerner

            The forwards?

            Aye they were the ones always shouting ‘go on, take up it hard’ and ‘come in inside me now.’

          • mr. wiener

            Sounds like you like a nice tight end yoursef, you whingey winger you :)
            I’m a lock myself. Play with the Taipei Baboons…Well I will when they take that bloody pin out of my shoulder next month.
            Where’s about are you at bro?

          • Northerner

            Hooker — Stand Off — ended up on the wing. Well spotted Sir!

            I reside in Hong Kong for my sins — you’ll guess from the typologies I played League. Played some union earlier on though. Stopped playing some years ago.

            Pin? Age and too much scrummaging or bad tackling technique?

          • mr. wiener

            Forgot I was a forward and tried to pass the ball when I got tackled. Should’ve stayed with the pick and runs. Got slammed and broke the collar bone. Playing as a sub against my own team too at the time!! My wife wants me to only play with the over 40’s from now on ,but i enjoy it too much.

          • Northerner

            Collar bone doesn’t hurt much does it?

          • mr. wiener

            It just feels…wrong\weird even when the bones are grating against each other. I wouldn’t actually say it hurts a lot. Bloody inconvenient though.

          • whiskersthecat

            Fun fact: When you break your collar bone, you can’t pass out from pain. If you’re ever interrogated by anyone serious about it, they’ll snap those first. Carry on, sirs.

          • jeffli

            Is this the Chinasmack small penis rugby pissing competition or something?
            back to topic bois! back to topic

          • mr. wiener

            I shall keep this fun fact at the back of my mind the next time I ask my wife where she put my motorcycle keys.

          • mr. wiener

            Jeffli you sound like one of those blasted aerial ping pong playing Aussie rules people. Or worse yet, A metrosexual soccer player! Remove yourself from this conversation sir, as real men are discussing a real sport.

          • jeffli

            Allblacks for ever!

          • jeffli

            rugby league is for people like john hopoate and is finger of doom!

            bitch smack the missus! tell her “get in the kitchen and cook me some iggs! butch!” and go down the pub.

          • Northerner

            Rugby League is for real men like Ian Roberts — at least down under. Love the way the commentator got ‘pulled off’ in there.

            If you are not familiar you’ll have to do your own interweb research.

          • Northerner

            ‘pulled off a smacking tackle’ to be precise. Shit how did I miss that?

        • Brett Hunan

          the toy is 15cm long…

          • Northerner

            Won’t be slicing mine in half to use it then.

          • Brett Hunan

            All im saying is, coffee came out of my nose as I read that.

          • anon

            However, the mean of an erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size

            If I was in the business of manufacturing male sex toys, I’d probably stick with 15cm. Any extra is a waste of raw material and may have the unintended side-effect of making your end-user sad, and that affects sales.

            This entry is actually quite fascinating…

            Circumcised men are on average 8 millimeters shorter in terms of erect length compared to their intact counterparts.

          • Brett Hunan

            Thanks for cheking on that anon… :)

          • anon

            So what I have missed over the past week? I see the posts with the monster comment numbers but I’m honestly afraid to wade into them on this beautiful Sunday. Might hang myself in the process. So I chose the one about the sex toy. I think I’m going close chinaSMACK now and see how I feel tomorrow.

            I would’ve thought a circumcized penis would be slightly longer, unencumbered by and free from the extra skin holding it back from growing forth. Then again, maybe the circumcision traumatized the baby penis and stunted its growth. Or maybe the extra skin helps stretch it down and longer over time, given that most penises spend their time hanging down rather than standing at attention.

            Okay, I’m done for the day. Enjoy your Sunday, everyone.

          • Brett Hunan

            Lol its alright, I wasnt having a go at you. I found that bit interesting as well.

          • linette

            anon

            You didn’t miss anything. Too many people trolling here and flaming racism. It was like a black versus Chinese racial dispute. People are trolling. No big deal. They will get over it. I am sure in real life they won’t dare to behave with such nonsense. I agreed the penis toy article is safer to comment on. Adding my 2 cents. I think majority of American and Chinese men don’t get circumsized. Am I right? Why would you want to anyway. That skin gives you more sensation because of the nerves no? I think. hahaha…. :)

          • anon

            Actually, I think circumcision is commonplace in America but not in China. Western countries had some Jewish influence, and it was argued by the medical establishment that circumcision promoted better male hygiene (actually, its just easier to stay cleaner without a wrap of skin to hide bacteria in), as well as discouraged masturbation (moral/religious arguments). I think it has long been determined that there is no real scientific or medical benefit to circumcision and it boils down now to simple custom or norms (which include modern “aesthetics”). If you can’t teach your boy to properly wash his junk, you have bigger problems, and the anti-masturbation angle isn’t of interest to me.

    • cc

      Not every female has a cunt like a bucket, which you obviousy do.

      • Northerner

        Lunch + keyboard and screen = fucking mess.

  • Paul

    This just made my day. Toooo funny.
    I wish there was a transcription of what was said about the rare specimine.

  • GodsHammer

    1. It’s horrible that they couldn’t notice the mock female genitalia on the one end.
    2. It’s even worse that they couldn’t discern that its made of RUBBER and not actually a mushroom at all. Pathetic deduction skills.

    • El Puma R.

      There’s no deduction skills at all. These are not taught in this country.

      • Alan

        Elementary my dear El Puma!!

        But in all seriousness, Chinese are the least analytical and observant race of people I have ever met. Good at maths, but fail miserably at everything else….Sherlock Holmes need not worry, lol.

        • DUDE

          I like the reporter. Can intro? Sure can teach her alot of stuff while watching her giggle and coy and whing and shriek and shy.

  • D. Tective

    It’s not the reporter’s fault; what about the editors and producers and technical staff and film crews? Did they even get an “expert” to check the rare “mushroom”? This should be a story about how ridiculous “reporting” is in China, not how “stupid” a reporter is.

    • Rick in China

      They all knew. They just wanted to see the young female reporter manhandle a vagina toy – likely take mental photos for their spank bank.

    • Somethin Somethin

      dude we all know this was a publicity stunt. Two kinds of stories in China boring as dogshit and nationalistic spank fest. This was some producer who got tired of doing the same thing every week and thought he could get away with it.

  • whiskersthecat
  • Zhang

    Why do you make fun of China? Why don’t you focus on your own problems. If you don’t respect China you will be asking for trouble.

    • Northerner

      ‘Why do you make fun of China?’

      Because it’s easy, etc…

    • Frank Zappa

      you’re boooooring..

    • Ma Xiao

      I was once walking past a shop in Shanghai and there was an old guy curled up asleep in the window display, in full view of the world. He looked really cute and comfortable, great image, so me and my mate stopped to take a picture. As we were snapping and laughing at the pictures this random Chinese guy approached us said angrily (in English) “Why are you laughing at China? Don‘t laugh at China!”.
      This, and Zhangs comment above, is a big problem that China as a country needs to get over.

      • Zhang

        You need to be taught a lesson.

        • Ma Xiao

          跟一个不讲道理的人讲道理是对牛弹琴 :)

          • jeffli

            奶奶个熊!Ma Xiao – your grandmothers bear! lol

          • jeffli

            you too Zhang! I heard she has two bears!

        • El Puma R.

          No, Zhang. China needs to be taught several lessons. We don’t make fun of China, we see it as it is.

          I think you watch the 7pm CCTV 1 news too fucking much. First 25 minutes, they’ll say how wonderful is to live in china and how marvelous the chinese leaders are (which most of it is a lie)The last 5 minutes, they just talk PURE SHIT about other countries.

          SO… if it bothers you that we’re laughing of china while we’re in china because you’re blind from eating recycled drainage oil and proud of it too, you should hear what we say and know about china in our own countries. It will definitely make you furious.

          You need to learn that when you are trying to evolve and improve yourself (as a person, or as a nation as well) the first step you take is the acceptance and understanding of your own flaws and problems.
          Therefore you can criticize yourself and use it in a productive way.

          Anyway, I’m sorry for you man, you are from a place where they taught you there’s nothing you can do about anything.

          • linette

            ……..You need to learn…..acceptance and understanding of your own flaws and problems………use it in a productive way.
            ……..you are from a place where they taught you there’s nothing you can do about anything…….

            This part I agreed. But all the other countries they have their own problems and corruptions too. In the western countries their so-called donation money or bonuses sometimes it’s just bribery or corruption money.

          • jeffli

            Linette is right,
            other countries do have their problems ,
            (/lots of Chinese villify African and middle eastern peoples because of issues with their corresponding countries)
            but here we are mainly commenting on what happens in China. – Chinasmack – righteous too!

            Do you know why China’s milk supply is better than it was in 2008?….. because the New Zealand govt. highlighted to Beijing that China was killing its own people, since then two people were executed, a dozen went to jail, and the milk supply has marginally improved. (I hope for the health of the kids)

        • jin

          ah whoever you are zhang -.- you fail at trying

        • Young Man

          Fuck me even eattot thinks it’s funny.

          I think Zhang is taking the piss.

          I’d rather think that than the alternative- that s/he’s really, really stupid.

      • whiskersthecat

        I use to teach this kindergarten class. After every class, I would get up to leave and the children would rush me, grab onto my legs so I couldn’t move. One day, I snapped a photo of it to show my friends back home what these adorable kids do. Anyway, immediately afterwards, the normally nice and innocent Chinese teacher walks up to me and asks if I can delete the photo. I said no, it’s film (I was using an old eLan 7e) and asked why in the world she want it deleted. She said because it makes fun of China, because it depicts the Chinese people at the feet of the Americans. No joke. I was completely blown away, told her that she’s being ridiculous, told her to stop being so paranoid and scared of foreigners and that the only person in the room who saw it like that was her.

        Zhang is one of those morons. He wears his wu mao on his sleeve.

        • mr. wiener

          Bit of a cultural cringe or what?
          Whiskers are you in Taipei too? look me up I have a bar here and sell sausages [*shrugs* It’s a living]

          • whiskersthecat

            Oh nice, how would one go about looking you up? I’m afraid to Google search “Mr. Wiener”.

          • mr. wiener

            try Mr. Sausage

          • whiskersthecat

            Ok looks like I found it, or found an imposter. Either way, when I go, I’ll tell them to tell the main guy that “Whiskers” is there. I hope you have cat food because I am actually a cat.

          • mr. wiener

            give me a buzz beforehand. we have weird working hours.

    • D. Tective

      Well… wait. I read the Chinese comments and it looked like lots of Chinese were making fun of their own country. Go ask them first. Solve your own problems…

    • Alan

      If you don’t respect China you will be asking for trouble.

      Threats now?

    • hess

      soar butt?

      • mr. wiener

        “Soar butt”?….is that a flying arse then?

        • hess

          damnit

      • jeffli

        soar butt wat?

    • The Enlightened One

      Zhang,

      You have an inferiority complex. Get help before you run into a primary school and start bashing kids in the head with a hammer because you can’t take the heat. Get help now!

      • Sunshine

        “The Enlightened One”

        You need to learn how to spot a troll if you want to survive on the internet for long.

    • Xiongmao

      Fuck off.

  • dongling

    that’s her career over with as a reporter. She will be ridiculed and laughed at forever now. She may get a job in a sex toy factory though.

    • Appalled@everything

      For the rest of her life, she will be looking at phallus shaped objects and wondering ‘could that be a dildo too?, I just don’t know’.

      • jeffli

        No No…I’d say right now she’s naked spreadeagled on the bed holding a hand mirror between her legs
        (like in those western sex education books)
        and with knitted (and plucked?) brow, she’s thinking “it doesn’t look anything like my X!”

        She will later discover the need for two mirrors to look at her own sphincter lol ……………. no..no.. we all do unless we’re contortionists!

        Now which one of you chicken pluckers would “handle” such a thing?

    • Frank Zappa

      i don’t think. beeing not be able to recognize that sex toy is nothing to be ashemed of. i didn’t recognize it either… and reading comments of chinese seems they support her.

      • Appalled@everything

        And you call yourself Frank Zappa. Good grief

        • mr. wiener

          More like Bobby Brown :)

    • Somethin Somethin

      I hope it isn’t in quality control, somebody could be seriously injured with her on the job.

  • eattot

    hahahaha,so funny!!!
    they can not feel it’s just rubber?hahaha!
    but some so called super rare and expensive mushroom do look like peins.
    this recalls me a funny story.before graduated,i went to a magazine dealing with a sex magazine.the chief asked me to do a monthly topic.i thought for long time,then wrote an report:why people do not wanna have sex.i thought it’s a good job,but she got mad,she said we want people know and have good healthy sex, not opposite.
    hahahaha!

    • jeffli

      I…… don’t quite get the humour there

      rubber?

      I would have thought its quite funny that no-one has seen a pussy in the light of day.

    • Dripping Third Leg

      Guys like me who don’t wanna have sex with girls like you lies in the furry moustache/legs you have down there . Go get shaved, Eattot, I may not feed and spoil you otherwise.

  • YellowSB

    It’s quite obvious what the opening of the toy looked like. I don’t know who to blame first, the reporter for never having looked at her own vagina or the education system that never even showed her a diagram of one.

  • Zhong-Zhong

    Awww poor naive woman! This is what happens when information is censored/suppressed! Does she know where babies come from?

  • Castro

    I hope they find out the truth of what happened to that little girl who died from the thirteen stab wounds.

    • 404namenotfound

      little girl? O.o

    • Xiongmao

      Why take on serious subjects when you can do some light hearted fun of a rubber mushroom? It’s China after all.

  • Appalled@everything

    Well I never saw a sex aid quite like that exactly, but it is dildo-esque for sure. Problem is though, there must have been some seams, or mould-line somewhere. It could not have felt organic, and something that size must have been heavy if it were an organic thing, this thing would not doubt have been lightweight rubber or something. She is definitely not the smartest little peppercorn in the grinder, but hell, in this country, what’s the difference?

    • Appalled@everything

      Just realized it isn’t a dildo, aha, it is a ..whatchmacallit’ tube? sleeve?

      • mr. wiener

        Perhaps a “faux front bum”?

      • http://www.wtchina.freeforums.org Elijah

        It’s called a pocket pussy or fleshlight.

        Uh, not that I know anything about the deluxe model with a ring of beads that run up and down the length of it and the vibrating base.

        Nope. Innocent and pure all the way.

        • mr. wiener

          No the thing you just described is the Rolls Royce of vibrators, the “pearl bird”.
          ………….Not that I’d know anything about that either.

        • Little Wolf

          In prison, they make pocket pussies out of rubber gloves filled with Vaseline. But they call it a Fifi Bag and they find piles of them when they do a shakedown.

          I’m too shy to buy those kind of toys….I was in a XXX sex shop in Reno just kind of lookin around when a guy came in and asked “Do you have any strawberry-flavored edible panties”?, as matter-of-factly as if he was in a supermarket looking for the produce section. I done alot of crazy shit in my life but I think I’d be too embarrassed to purchase such things unless the store was empty :(

          • http://www.wtchina.freeforums.org Elijah

            Thanks Little Wolf for taking this conversation to a dark place… Always, ah, interesting, yeah.

            @Weiner: As for having a Rolls Royce, only the best for Mr. Happy.

            Going into shops, I have no problems with. Especially if I know exactly what I want.

            Hypothetically speaking, for sure.

            PS. Squeels are awesome fun for everyone, just what my friend told me.

    • El Puma R.

      I’d say some bum found this rubber vajayjay in the woods and told everyone he found the biggest mushroom you could ever eat -gross- . And everyone believed him.

    • moom

      It looks like an insert out of an inflatable doll. There is a hole right through the doll and the two “caps” help hold the insert in place. The silicone rubber stuff it is made out of is very stretchy, so that would make it clear it isn’t a mushroom of any sort.

  • bscalled

    she’s probably a virgin – hope she don’t lose her job for something so funny

    • Xiongmao

      Better change her line of work. She’ll never be able to do a report again without people looking at her funny.

  • Horatio Caine

    Horatio: Looks like report is…………. innocent until proven guilty.

    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

  • El Puma R.

    I can’t stop laughing from watching the video !

  • Vincent

    i am not fooled,

    i am sure that they all knew that it wasnt a mushroom.

  • lonetrey

    You can’t be serious. Lolol, poor girl. But I wouldn’t hold this against her, just a funny story.

  • Foreign Devil

    Typical assholes blame it on the Chinese journalist: “The programme team apologizes that the reporter is too young to understand worldly affairs.”

    When THEY are the ones who obviously screened it and chose to broadcast it. They are also too naive too understand wordly affairs. . but Chinese enough to not take any blame or be willing to lose face. . just pass all the blame onto their employee.

    • Strangerland

      Ahh, Chinese and their innocence. Although it’s an amusing error of judgement, you have to admit- such kind of innocence in people is refreshing to see/read. I say we need more lighthearted moments like these, we have enough dramatic tragedies around the world nowadays, we forget how to enjoy good humour. Live and let live.

    • Whacha!

      Calm down buddy, see light in this humor article and try not to get mad all the time to make mindless dime a dozen debates here about Chinese this and Chinese that.

  • red scarf

    ……. and they say Western media is arrogant of the facts……

  • MrT

    My kind of girl ;)

  • Bai Pifu

    Ahh yes the very rare Chinese masturbation mushroom hardly ever seen in nature has 5,000 years of history, especially known for its special function: two Chinese men can use it simultaneously without the worry of ever touching tips.(15cm)

    • chopin

      not for me~~~

  • Kim Jung iLL

    Thank got they call the reported rather than cooking and eat it. Maybe the reporter have never seen her own pussy before. But those mens, are they bunch of virgins?

    • GodsHammer

      No…but in typical fashion, they’ve no idea what the various parts look like, 1) because , who cares where a womans clit is, 2) who has time to cut the dreadlocked bush off of the average countryside xiao meimei to see the marvels beneath?

      • Pong Lenis

        Answer to question 1): me
        Answer to question 2): me

  • xiaohouzi

    I agree with many of the above comments… I wouldn’t have known what it was either… I mean, who really buys and uses such a thing and why?

    • Alan

      Oh come on xiaohouzi, are you serious?

      Are you telling me chinese guys don’t jerk off?

      • chopin

        that is not jerk off that is answering the nature’s call

      • xiaohouzi

        I wouldn’t know… i never witnessed that just as i’ve never seen one of these peculiar mushroom-like thingamajiz before.

  • jeffli

    Well tap mr on the head with a lingzhi and call me a dirty botanist! thats where it is! I lost it six months ago in a paddock in Xian on night while I was doing over a local gurleeboi,
    we spent hours searching for it and couldn’t find it!

    My god they don’t recognise the labia majora or minora and the wrinkled sphincter at the other end.
    I understand the young lady not knowing, but what about these guys? Oh right theres no tail next to the X!

    very very 牛X! (niubi!) hahaha rotflmao.
    what would happen if they found a 16 inch black dong? would it be considered the remains of QinShiHuang?

    I reckon some naughty boy left it there on purpose to befuddle the village!

    • GodsHammer

      The 100m well was not dug in a day…at night someone got rid of their ‘toy’ before their _________ found it. And in the morning, voila! Cum-mushroom!

  • Foreign Devil

    You guys have got to see this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOt-RaQu8kI&feature=related

    whenever people in China are naive some business guy is gonna rush in and take advantage of them. THis guys selling sex toys as rare mushrooms for $5000 USD!

    • DUDE

      Thanks alot. I appreciate the info.

  • Dr Dust Cell

    No one’s posted a taobao link yet?

  • jeffli

    breaking news!
    A new type of mushroom has just been discovered – “the black mamba” 18 inches long 4 inches wide and black.
    As Chinese medicine, in rare cases, it is known to cure Astigmatism and nagging wife syndrome.
    Can also be used to mix cocktails.
    To be taken internally if possible.

  • thepeasant

    haha, this only proves that media is the shits.. even if the reporter is young and inexperience.. look at how they “staged” everything including bystanders and people who are gathering up to see the “rare mushroom”

  • chopin

    yeah, the female reporter was innocent. but the program team should have acknowledged something wrong before this get broadcasted. i mean not even one male member of the program team could be a little bit evil and that does not any sense.

  • jeffli

    Can I have my toy back now?

    • chopin

      HA HA i like this comment

      • jeffli

        Thank you Chopin, nice to see other cultured people here.

  • hacienda

    educate the chinese masses! unblock the pronz!!!

    • 404namenotfound

      Where’s Sora Aoi when you need her?

      • Dr Dust Cell

        in Henan, having public onscreen sex in 科美克家居 mall

  • Taylor

    Okay, young, innocent, naive, stupid, whatever…. You can’t tell the difference between the organic material of a mushroom or a rubber/latex masturbating tool? Regardless of sexual deviant or innocent angel character, if you can’t tell the difference between the two you’re just retarded.

  • andywattbulb

    Honest mistake. Penises do look like mushrooms.

    • 平凡人

      Hello……., that is an equivalent of a c**t / v*l*a. Take close look.

  • Maikoh

    I do own a few and to dispel any myths, it’s actually made of silicone which is much softer, lighter and organic looking than the rubber used to make dildos. It’s odourless as well. The Chinese made ones are of poorer quality and often contain bumps and manufacturing irregularities, adding to the realism of the mushroom appearance. I don’t blame her for not knowing what it was.

    • Northerner

      ‘The Chinese made ones are of poorer quality and often contain bumps…lumps, warts and assorted detritous and are subject to extremely poor levels of maintenance.’

  • 平凡人

    Those guys were trying to be funny, I bet they knew what it was.

  • DaBlackCat

    I don’t know why so many nonasians claim that Chinese girl’s are hairy. I had many different gf through out my years in NYC. Also sampled quite a bit during my biz trips to Asia. True there are Chinese girls that are as hairy as the Spanish (italian, hindu, etc) girls but there are many Chinese gems that are devoid or have so little intimate hair until there late twenties. Dongbei girls are the best examples.

    • Pete of Perth

      My pet shitzu has a hairless areshole

  • JT

    Love that she said one end is like a mouth!! Hahaha…

  • BC Mafia

    IDIOT!

  • VoiceofReason

    Looks as if every country has its Fox News.

  • First of all, I want to thank Google Translate

    Secondly, the funny comments

  • rokosmodafukas

    hahahahaaa.. this is one sick news! glad didn’t see anyone try to smell the damn thing..

  • http://www.abicana.com/shop2.htm Knut Holt

    Mushrooms can have very suggesting shapes and colors.
    http://www.abicana.com/masturbation.htm

  • No.

    Why are people there so obsessed with ”pureness” and ”innocence”? lol She’s a grown woman, she’s allowed to know *things*. Sheesh smh

  • loki

    you know if it was halve that size. she prolly would have recognized it…. GET IT !!! hahahahaha….

Personals @ chinaSMACK - Meet people, make friends, find lovers? Don't be so serious!»