Has my Chinese citizenship been rescinded? Chinese citizens legally enjoy 115 days off per year, but I don’t; the average living area for a Chinese household is 116.4 square meters, but not my household; the average disposable income for a Chinese citizen is 3,600 US dollars, but not for me; the average height of a Chinese male citizen is 174.2 cm, but not mine; Chinese citizens have 1.18 children on average, but I don’t; every year (Chinese citizens) have the opportunities to vote and to be elected, but I don’t; suddenly I feel as if I was emigrated abroad, but unfortunately I was not.
A Japanese man came to China as a tourist. His first stop was Zhejiang. He found a local tour guide, offered 3,000 RMB, explained that his ancestors died in China during the the Second Sino-Japanese War, and asked the tour guide to take him to the place that witnessed the most Japanese casualties in China for him to pay his respects to his ancestors. The tour guide accepted his money, used 300 RMB to rent a minibus, and after an hour, told the Japanese man they’ve arrived. The Japanese man got off the van and looked at the place: Hengdian World Studios.
Took a trip to Hainan over the Spring Festival. Conversation with a local. ”Brother, where are you from?” “Shenzhen.” “Oh a Northerner!” “…”
[Note: A Shenzhen resident would think a Northerner lives on the north of the Qinling Mountain-Huaihe River Line (shown in the picture below).]
My friend took this photo on the train back to Harbin from Beijing. Such profound skill!! A photo that must go viral!
Alas, in the blink of an eye I’ve become an uncle. When my relatives, brothers, and sisters bring their kids to my house to visit over the Chinese New Year, my favorite thing to do is just as those kids are happily watching cartoons, I’ll ask, “Dan’er [Egg’r, an affectionate nickname for little boys], what scores did you get on your final exams?” …. This kind of suffering must be passed down generation by generation!
Today at the dining table, I asked my little brother and little sister about their grades and the two of them answered without hesitation. My little sister said, “I no longer care about what grades I get. I only care about marrying a good man in the future.” My brother frowned and also said, “I don’t care about what grades I get either. As long as I don’t marry a woman like my older sister, it’ll be OK.”
LZ is a high school student. For a 21-day winter break, 9 Winter Break Homework exercise books were assigned, with each exercise book having around 80 pages… All of this, I tolerated! But then you wrote on the cover that you wish me a happy vacation! Now that pisses me off! If this post is re-shared over 1,000 times, I’ll tear them all up!
[Note: This Weibo got 1,568 re-shares and 869 comments on 糗事百科 (qiǔ shì bǎi kē) aka The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment, a website that publishes Chinese jokes and humor submitted by Chinese netizens. The purpose of the website is to share the most embarrassing things experienced or observed by the authors. The original post on the website got 33,515 upvotes, 1,559 downvotes, and 406 comments at the time of translation.]
I tore them up! Happy Winter Break! There’s still 4 exercise books left! If this post is re-shared over 100 times, I will tear up all of them! Thanks, Qiushi Baike, for giving me the strength.
[Note: The original post on Qiushi Baike got 16,197 upvotes, 1,444 downvotes, and 419 comments.]
On the bus, an elementary school student held a Winter Break Homework exercise book in his hand and told his mom, “Mom, my winter break homework is too much!” His mom took the exercise book, flipped through a few pages, and then tore it up and threw it out the bus window. The whole bus, including that elementary school student, were stunned. Then his mom nonchalantly said, “If your teacher asks, say dad and mom had a fight, and mom tore up the exercise book.'” What a good mom!
Upon seeing this, Brother [referring to the self] strongly felt I was born in the wrong era!