‘Foodaholics’ & ‘Legendary Replies’

This collection of jokes and humor from the Chinese internet revolve around the following Chinese internet memes…
吃货

[chīhuò / chi1 huo4]
noun.
A glutton, someone who eats a lot, especially if that is all they can do, eat and nothing else, a good for nothing, a foodaholic. Can be used similarly as “foodie” but more multipurpose.
Link to this entry.

Went to a lecture yesterday, and when it came to people who often eat until they’re stuffed having short lives, she said: Throughout life, we eat about 9 tons of food. Whoever finishes first, leaves first…

9 tons of food

Be a foodaholic, be a stupid cunt. [Alternate Chinese translation of Steve Jobs' quote: "Stay hungry, stay foolish."].

Steve Jobs' quote

One night I wanted to buy some snacks to eat, but my mom stopped me, asking, “You are not dieting anymore?” I said, “Well…I have a boyfriend now, someone who wants me…” Then my mom stared at me for a long time before saying something very inspirational, “You don’t plan to change boyfriends anymore [get a better one]?”

Girl eating a piece of watermelon

She removed the string and let her beautiful hair down, gently took off her glasses, smiled shyly, and took off her coat…she said: What do I do? I’m still really nervous. I reassured her: Don’t worry, nobody knows who we are here. She said: Yeah, and then she walked over confidently…for the third time towards the free cake sample stand at the supermarket…

Free cale samples

The life of a foodaholic is just like a train…to sum up, it is: Guang [逛, "shopping, strolling"]—— chi [吃 "eating"], guang—-chi, guang—chi, guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi

[Note: This is a quip involving an onomatopoeia. "Guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi" sounds like a running train.]

a foodaholic at KFC

神回复

[shén huí fù / shen2 hui2 fu3]
noun.
A legendary or godly response, reply, or comment.
Link to this entry.

CCTV is interviewing [people on the streets] again. The reporter asked: “As a Chinese, what can you do for the motherland?” Legendary reply: “Emigrate, and not to add to the disarray in the motherland.” The reporter asked again: “What do you think is the manifestation of patriotism?” Legendary reply: “Emigrate, to add to the disarray in capitalist countries.”

A reporter interviews a citizen.

A woman tearfully complained on her blog, that she had just learned that her husband named their daughter after his first love. She added that she always knew that her husband was deeply in love with his first girlfriend. Since her husband met her, he has always been very nice to her, so she used to believe that she was the happiest person in the world. Only now has she finally learned that her husband has never forgotten his first girlfriend. A netizen’s legendary reply: Actually your husband just wants to tell his first girlfriend: I fucked your mother.

I hate my ex

I just saw that Baidu picture where a person posted about how his girlfriend seems to be cheating on him but ended up asking a question about an oil leak with his motorcycle. My husband and I searched for it on Baidu and it’s actually real, but there’s also a legendary reply below it that cracked us up!

Funny question and answer

[Text in the picture:]

Additional Question: I have a serious question to consult with everyone here: My girlfriend has been deceiving me lately. She’s always going out at night with others and coming back very late by taxi which, however, does not stop at the door. I snooped through her cell phone and she threw a fit. One night when she went out, I rode my motorcycle [out to follow her] and hid at the corner of the street waiting to see who would pick her up, only to discover that my motorcycle was leaking oil. I want to ask, it’s only been a year since I bought this motorcycle, is this oil leak covered in the warranty?

Answer: I’ve come across this problem before. I used to go out with my woman and afterwards, I’d take her home by taxi, but [one night] I saw a stupid cunt motorcycle leaking oil at the corner of the street. I was confused: Gas prices have gone up but [this guy is] still riding a motorcycle? The second I looked at him I knew this was no ordinary diaosi. As soon as my woman saw him, however, she began shedding tears, saying that it was her boyfriend and she didn’t know that he cared so much for her. My brain totally went blank, and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to love anymore. Before I could react, she jumped out of the car running towards the street corner, and I too rushed out of the cab to chase her but suddenly I saw a vendor on the side of the street selling spicy skewers. I want to know, are these safe to eat. If I eat them, will I get sick?

The last legendary reply is from popular Chinese young-adult fiction writer Guo Jingming to @Tinglinzhen Studio, the weibo account of Party, a literary magazine created and edited by China’s most popular blogger Han Han. Understanding the following requires an advanced understanding of the Chinese internet slang 萌 (cute, cuteness), 艹 (fuck), and 日 (fuck), as well as the rumored rivalry between Guo Jingming and Han Han as the result of constant online comparisons of the two writers.

From Sina Weibo:

#Cute Japan Korea#

Photoshoped pic of Han han and Guo Jingming as a gay couple

A popular photoshoped picture of Han Han (left) and Guo Jingming as a gay couple.

Tinglinzhen Studio: Today [I] saw a sentence: When it comes to 萌 [cute/cuteness], who can compete with Han Han…you’ll get it in a second.

Guo Jingming: 萌 is a loanword from Japan. Seems like young people all really like 日韩 “Japanese and Korean” culture. I do too. These days, Japanese and Korean styles are very popular. lovea_orglovea_org

萌 as used by Tinglinzhen Studio is composed with the character parts 艹 and 明 . 艹 can mean “to fuck”, while 明 is the third character in 郭敬明 Guo Jingming’s name. So, besides “cute/cuteness”, 萌 can also be interpreted as “fuck Guo Jingming”.

Guo Jingming correctly pointed out that the internet meme 萌 is borrowed from the Japanese language, as a result of the popularization of Japanese and Korean pop culture in China over the past two decades. However, 日 can also mean “to fuck”. and 韩 is also Han Han’s surname. So, besides “Japanese and Korean”, 日韩 can also be interpreted as “fuck Han Han”.

At time of translation, this topic has generated 640,255 discussions.

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  • mr.wiener

    I’m tempted to ask everyone who says: “The Chinese just copy everything” ….When are they going to start copying our humor?
    To each their own.

    • Kai

      Except the train and romance novel sex scene one, I thought most of them were quite funny. Loved the dark humor of the first one, the literal alternate translation of the Steve Jobs’ metaphorical quote, the daughter naming one. The last one and the train one are obviously going to get lost in translation, pretty much like how Chinese people totally miss out on the puns and wordplay jokes so prominent in many English TV shows and movies. Not much can be done about that but they’re big parts of pop culture.

      • mr.wiener

        “Quite funny” …That’s the problem. It means you are trying hard to get the humor, to appreciate it, to respect it. But humor has to be something you don’t have to work at. Translation and culture aside I think Chinese humor doesn’t work for me, no matter how long I spend here.

        • BiggJ

          Yeah man you’re 100% right. My Grandmother buys “readers digest” books. And in the back page of the book they have a few jokes and comics. That is what these jokes remind me of. Like an old woman may find them funny. The jokes on here are not bad….there just not funny….just lame quirky. Each his own I guess.

        • Kai

          Er, I’m not sure saying “quite funny” by itself means I’m “trying hard to get the humor”. It just means I found it relatively more funny?

          Don’t get me wrong, I understand what you’re trying to say, I just thought these specific jokes were fairly easy to get and funny to me personally. I can’t say that about every one of these posts.

          Stephen Chow can be pretty funny but given what you’re saying, you’re probably missing out on like 90% of his humor, minus the physical comedy stuff. To me, that’s the same as Chinese audiences missing out on most of English humor they have access to. It’s sad both ways.

          • mr.wiener

            Ok I read too much into that.
            But Stephen Chow is more than pretty funny to me at the moment. *sigh* if I could get all the humor he would be a comedy god.

    • http://500px.com/justinrjones whiskersthecat

      “If your first reaction to a dog show is ‘when do we eat’, you might be a mingong”
      – Jiefu Fuke’si’woxi

    • fsck
      • Kai

        LoL, so that joke was inspired and not legit. Pretty cool you recognized and remembered it.

        How sad in a way, but kinda cool in a how things spread around the world kind of way.

    • wotingbudong

      I remember a few months back, there was this Shanghai sitcom that was almost line for line, a copy of that episode of the I.T. Crowd where the lads persuade Jen to take ‘the internet’ in a box to her Manager of the Month meeting. If that counts.

  • markus peg

    I love this one:

    “CCTV is interviewing [people on the streets] again. The reporter
    asked: “As a Chinese, what can you do for the motherland?” Legendary
    reply: “Emigrate, and not to add to the disarray in the motherland.” The
    reporter asked again: “What do you think is the manifestation of
    patriotism?” Legendary reply: “Emigrate, to add to the disarray in
    capitalist countries.””

    LOL … agree, disagree what does it matter, that’s a funny one.

  • 剑胆琴心

    i wish my stomach could be smaller or my appetite could be weaker…
    i always wish i could make some kinda small magic tots once took it then people got slim in one or three days,all fat changed into oil…then i would be super rich,hahahaha!

    or some magic machine could kill fat cells by lens or another super cells could eat fat cells…
    hmm, but i always believe people will find a way to defeat against fat…

    • slob

      Or you could just go for a walk

    • mr.wiener

      Try kettle bells, great for your core muscles.

  • wha–

    puns are the lowest form of humo(u)r

    see what I did there?

  • http://simplydesigned.tumblr.com/ maybeabanana

    I’m glad they do have that sense of humor…but they aren’t there yet. The one about the mom and daughter being fat, that is just so sad…way to go mom!!

  • this is boring

    yawn

  • Charles

    Funny – especially the motorcycle one. Thanks!

  • Charles

    Encouraging that an American actually feels this way. I live in China and here words like cao, wo cao, ta made,,, etc, everywhere – though not so much from educated people. In NYC, where i used to live, I would also here this kind of language constantly and my impression from the Brits I have met in China is that they talk like this non-stop. I wish we could all be a bit more sophisticated.

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