‘Little Brats’

Cute Asian 'little brat'.

熊孩子

[xióng hái zi]
noun.
An annoying kid, a little brat. Originating from dialects in northeastern China, Shandong, and Henan, this internet meme is sometimes used with affection to refer to a naughty or silly child.

#U.S. Imperialist Little Brats# Little Children Brainstorm Ideas for the U.S. to Repay Its Debts, Suggests “Kill Everyone in China” — Recently, The Chicken Feather Show [a nickname for the Jimmy Kimmel Show, as 鸡毛 jī máo sounds like “Kimmel”] invited a group of children to have a “Kids’ Table” discussion panel and let them express their opinions on the government’s shutdown. When asked “the U.S. owes China 1.3 trillion dollars, how should we pay them back”, a little brat surprisingly remarked, “We should go all the way to the other side of the planet and kill everyone in China.” | Video: Jimmy Chicken Feather Show, Kids Table Discussion Gives Ideas on How U.S. Can Repay Debts translated by @铁手Desperado

[Note: At time of translation, ABC and Jimmy Kimmel have already apologized to Chinese-American protesters for the kid’s controversial comment.]

I won’t tell you that our residential community has a team of Avengers.
I won’t tell you that seven or eight little brats are wearing their underwear on the outside safeguarding peace in the universe either.
I won’t tell you that among them is a Superman in a T-thong even less.
Okay, okay, now T-thong Superman is grounded in the bathroom forced to stand facing the wall. Superman’s mom is considering whether they should move, while Superman’s dad is posting on Qiubai [Qiushi Baike, The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment, a popular Chinese internet forum for posting jokes or embarrassing incidents].

Today I overheard a conversation between my neighbor and his son. Little brat: Dad, when I get rich in the future, I will buy a plane to take you to work every day. Neighbor: …CNMD [ancronym for 操你妈的 [cào nǐ mā de] “fuck your mom’s”, curse word] you can afford a plane, and you TM still let me work? I immediately LOL’d. Absolutely a true story.

A friend is a middle school teacher and just posted two pictures that cracked me up. A little brat at their school in the ninth grade joined the teachers’ [online chat] group by mistake, then… If you don’t court death, then you won’t die [popular internet expression].

Online chatting records

I am an elementary school teacher. Today I saw a kid pick up something from the ground and eat it so I went forward to stop and admonish: Don’t eat things you find off the ground; it’s not sanitary. But the kid gave me a straightforward and good-natured response… Teacher, my Chinese zodiac sign is the dog, so it’s okay. (ㄒoㄒ)(ㄒoㄒ) I was instantly stupefied…

[Let me] tell a story about my naughty 5-year-old… This afternoon when I went to his kindergarten to pick him up after school, he kept mumbling to me about how tired he was. I said: What did you do today? That little brat said something that made me almost spit blood, “After I finished arguing with the teacher, I had to then argue with the children, so how could I not be tired!” Should I give him a beating or should I give him a beating?

Met a little brat? Let me teach you a trick.

Wall doodles.

Saw this while shopping, got the impression that laowai are so qipa [unbelievable, strange]. This little brat didn’t want to walk anymore so he clung to his dad’s leg and his dad just dragged him like that for over 50 meters.

Foreign little brat.

I have a 3-year-old little brat at home and after picking him up from school yesterday, he began crying for no reason and wouldn’t stop. I ignored him and went on to do housework. This little brat cried for two hours and then by himself got a bowl and came to came to me saying: Mommy, I’ve cried enough. I want to drink water.

Just now, several grandmas with a group of little kids were playing right by my window. It was terribly noisy! So I quietly opened my F: drive, turned the volume up to max, and soon those little brats were taken away.

[Note: The above description will be familiar to many–especially male–Chinese netizens. In China, many children are watched by grandparents during the day while their parents work, and children playing together can be noisy for neighbors living in high-density residential complexes/communities. Computer hard drives are commonly partitioned into multiple drives by computer users in China, and non-C: drives are often used for saving certain files or documents, such as downloaded porn films.]

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  • Cauffiel

    If I get sofa, winter will last 6 more weeks.

    • Cauffiel

      Enjoy the winter, suckers.

      • ALzeco

        Get a life

  • wafflestomp

    All Chinese kids are little brats.

    • Kiwi

      Corrections: All kids are little brats.

      • wafflestomp

        just the Chinese ones should of been aborted.

    • Probotector

      In China, many believe that being bratish is cute, and we are immature for complaining about it.

      • Kiwi

        Really? my mom always beaten the shit out of me for being cheeky

        • Probotector

          Depends on who it’s to

    • slob

      I find it funny how the foreign ‘brats’ are interpreted as weird and racist while the Chinese kids are supposedly funny and cute. Truth be told, Chinese kids are fucking monsters and all these watered down stories and stupid shit are what you would find in a “10000 funny jokes for your kids” book. Where’s the real stories of how unfunny it is when a fat little 5 year old porker is kicking his grandmother while she helplessly gives him all he wants? Last week I saw a 10 year old telling his Gran to piss off, yesterday I saw 2 kids pushing their grandfather out of the way so they can shoot each other with stick guns, and just this morning another piece of shit screaming at his gran as she took him to kindergarten. You want a funny story about Chinese brats? Smack those little fucks in the face and record it then upload it to youku. THAT would be some funny shit.

      • masonman

        You’re an asshole. Also do you think they are born that way? They learn how to be an asshole from their parents/grandparents. True no matter where in the world you are. Immature and disrespectful caregivers create immature and disrespectful children.

  • Riddler

    Who is that fat slug in the picture? I wonder who spawned that? AND he’s wearing a pink t-shirt. Do you think it could be that rapists little bastard?

    • slob

      She’s considered cute and beautiful here. In Australia she’s a grotesque sloth.

      • Riddler

        That’s a SHE?!

        • slob

          Now that you mention it…I’ve no idea whether this mini Jabba is a boy or girl.

          • Riddler

            I think eattot is breeding.

  • Germandude

    Humor is an art. Art needs to be interpreted. Interpretations can differ. Differences can cause disharmony. Disharmony is not wanted by Chinese. Chinese lack humor. Thank god I didn’t read this with any expectations…

    PS: and a German trying to teach sth about humor…

    • Probotector

      That was funny. :)

    • Justin

      Hmm…Yeah, last I checked there was some sort of empirical evidence to support the claim that Germany is the least funny country: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/8560815/Germany-officially-the-worlds-least-funny-country.html

      So I’m not sure you’re qualified to lecture on comedy. We Americans, by contrast, are a nation of smart-asses with a proud tradition of smart-assery throughout our history from Benjamin Franklin’s tongue-in-cheek quips to Mark Twain to the Daily Show and Colbert Report today.

      I actually think a lot of the Chinese humor is funny if it is interpreted in it’s own cultural context. A lot of it is wordplay that you don’t get because you probably never bothered to learn the language and even if you can speak it passably and understand the 成语, your subjective experience of a joke written in that language will not be the same as that of a person raised speaking said language who understands its cultural connotations. Language is the space in which culture exists. If you fail to understand the language, how then can you presume to be able to judge the culture?

      Therefore, it is a profoundly ignorant statement for you to say that “Chinese have no sense of humor”. Enjoy that new asshole I just ripped in you, sir. Now you have three holes to spout shit from, and if it weren’t clear already, I’m referring to your existing asshole and your mouth.

      • Germandude

        “Yeah, last I checked there was some sort of empirical evidence to support the claim that Germany is the least funny country”

        Yeah, that’s a great joke. EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE for sth being funny. You know. Different people, different tastes.

        Interestingly, Germany is the least funny country. How about Austria and Switzerland? They are even less funny to most…

        “We Americans, by contrast, are a nation of smart-asses with a proud tradition of smart-assery”

        Another great joke of yours. I like them and keep them coming.

        “A lot of it is wordplay that you don’t get because you probably never bothered to learn the language and even if you can speak it passably”

        If you are an English native speaker, chances are that I speak 2 to 3 times as many languages as you do. And that isn’t funny…

        “If you fail to understand the language, how then can you presume to be able to judge the culture?”

        Good point. That actually explains why the US fights so many countries in the world. Probably all wars are based on misunderstanding language and culture, because most English native speakers only speak, well, English.

        Dear Justin,
        I am very sorry that I caused you such a headache with my statement (which you even took serious). My true opinion is: The translations of Chinese humor on cS do not make much sense because the joke (hopefully there is one and we don’t get scammed) is lost in translation. This has been criticized for a long time already by many regular readers here.

        For the new asshole that you ripped in me, sir, I am happy you like it. I don’t see it. Maybe the day the drugs you’ve taken wear off, you will learn that playing the “tough boy Justin explaining what’s humor” is lacking something. Sorry, it’s lacking two things: sense and humor.
        Now I am waiting for you putting your next brainfart into text and think that’s just funny.

  • Jahar

    Last post is genius.

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  • maybeabanana

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIgG1-lguPA
    Here is my obligatory humor for today… I like how the title says ‘beauty’.

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