Long Hair, Chinese Parents, Anti-Hetero Bias

#When My Hair Is Long Enough to Touch My Waist#

When my hair is long enough to reach my waist, young man, will you marry me?

When my hair is long enough to reach my waist.

The above phrase comes from a line of Chinese poetry but became popular on the Chinese internet recently with the above two Chinese study abroad students at the University of Cambridge in the UK. Their photos were posted online after they had volunteered to provide legal assistance to Chinese companies after the EU announced it would launch an anti-dumping investigation against Chinese companies. The two photos led Chinese netizens to quote the above phrase, suggesting romance for the two good-looking students. Soon, Chinese netizens began uploading photos of their hair with parodies of the phrase.

“When my hair is long enough to reach my waist, young man, will you marry me?” —First, you need to have a young man; second, you need to have a waist.

face palm

When my hair is long enough to reach my waist, young man, will you…hey! Young man, don’t run away!

Girl with long hair

Who told you girls to have nothing better to do than go on about “long hair reaching the waist” everyday? laughlaughlaugh

Hairy person.

Yesterday, I went to eat Roast Duck Over Rice. At the table next to me sat a father and a daughter. The daughter looked like she was a high school student~Snip [indicating the end of background information]~The moment the roast duck over rice came, the uncle [a friendly way of addressing an older man, referring to the father] began giving his roast duck to his daughter, putting it on her plate, all the while saying: “Here, have more, have more!” Louzhu [I] was touched: Talk about a good father of China! However, then came the GC [the climax of the story]. The uncle continued: “Have more, so when you become a fatty and no one pursues you, you’ll finally [settle down] and focus on your studies! ~Uncle~! What are you trying to do here? What happened to being a good father~?

[Note: 中国好XX [zhōng guó hǎo XX] Literally, the “good XX of China”. Alternatively can be understood as “Chinese good XX” but ultimately an expression made popular by the popular reality singing competition show, The Voice of China and used as an exaggeration and hyperbole.]

I’ve fancied a goddess [a Chinese internet meme referring to the object of a man’s affection] for a long time. I even once confessed my love to her and was rejected, but we still often chat. Today while chatting with her, something came up and I momentarily left [the computer]. My mom then pretended to be me and continued the chat with her. When I came back and looked at the chat history, she actually agreed to be my girlfriend! Haha! Mom, you’re so awesome! So I just want to say two things: 1. “Aged ginger is more pungent” [a Chinese proverb meaning older people are generally more experienced or wiser than the young, such as achieving what the young can’t]; 2. I’m surely her biological son.

The new underwear my mom bought me…snip…do I wear it or not…?

I fuck! I got fucking cuter again!

Oh fuck! I’m fucking handsome yet again!

Every time my mom uploads pictures to her Qzone, she immediately logs onto my dad’s QQ and comments on her pictures: “You are so pretty! This truly is “using one’s own hands to get ample food and clothing…” [a famous slogan created by Mao Zedong in 1939]

An elementary school student's essay

[Translation of the text:]

Today, when Mom was cleaning up the fridge,
she took out three bulbs of garlic,
which had gone so bad that they had turned purple-black
and green sprouts had grown out.
Holding the garlic, Mom said to me:
Look, although these bulbs of garlic have gone bad,
they are still capable of generating new life!
What tenacious spirit this shows.
Hearing that, I was greatly enlightened,
In the future, I shall never find a wife like my mom,
a woman who is so lazy that she leaves garlic bulbs until they die
and yet still can find so many excuses.
This is such a meaningful day!

[Note: “A Meaningful Thing/Day” is a classic essay topic from the first to the sixth grade in the Chinese elementary school education.]

A friend of mine works at an airline company. She told me that today someone made a complaint about a flight attendant. The reason was…[she] had asked a passenger to turn off his mobile phone, only for that passenger to hold up his “golden tyrant” [a new gold-colored iPhone 5S] and say. “This is 5S!” So the flight attendant took out her iPhone 3 and said: “And this is your uncle.”

[Note: 土豪金 [tǔ háo jīn] Literally “local tyrant” and “gold”, a popular Chinese internet meme used to describe the new gold-colored iPhone 5S, popular in China because it easily distinguishes itself from previous versions of the iPhone and as a color symbolizing prosperity and wealth. The internet meme can be understood variously as “tyrant gold”, “golden tyrant”, or “the gold of a tyrant”, a humorous way of stereotyping the sort of people who would buy such a color iPhone and, their behavior, and their characters suggesting that they may be arrogantly wealthy. “Your uncle” is used here both to indicate the iPhone 3 as being an elder to the new iPhone 5S and also as yet another variation of the “your mother” or “your sister” way of essentially saying “fuck you”.]

Today I saw a girl pursuing a guy, super cute, saying: “Be my boyfriend, okay? If okay, then great. But if not, then I’ll have to think of another way.”

#How Can People of Different Sexes Love Each Other#

People of different sexes can't fall in love.

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  • boo

    this doesn’t make much sense

    • mr.wiener

      I often wonder how do you explain a ‘knock knock” joke or “why did the chicken cross the road” in Chinese.

      • jin

        1: 磕磕
        2: 谁啊?
        3. 草泥马!

    • A Gawd Dang Mongolian

      Makes plenty of sense to me. But then again, I’ve been on the internet FAR too long.

    • lonetrey / Dan

      Haha, it’s just a bit of random humor. I found “#How Can People of Different Sexes Love Each Other#” to be quite entertaining

    • Boris

      As long as your hair doesn’t reach your ‘waste’.

    • Nessquick Choco

      as every chinese joke

  • mr.wiener

    Ahh, the after dinner mint, the palate cleanser. Chinese humor that helps us deal with the weird wacky wonderful/woeful that is China…..Ah don’t listen to me…I’m 3 sheets into the wind on whiskey and painkillers from my rugby f*cked ankle.
    Taiwan time 11:43 come sweet Morpheus. take me in thy arms.

    • lonetrey / Dan

      oh dang, hope you get better soon! :(

    • That’s a good place to be. But as of 10:50 am I am paying the piper. Ouch mi poor garden shed:(:(

    • Atlas

      “Ahh, the after dinner mint, the palate cleanser. Chinese humor that helps us deal with the weird wacky wonderful/woeful that is China…..”

      Tell me brother, was your homosexual love rejected?

      • mr.wiener

        I get fairly camp on whiskey and painkillers, but what happens on a rugby tour, stays on a rugby tour

        • zhuge liang

          that’s fυcking gay as fυck bro.

          • mr.wiener

            Then I’m a f*cking gay ass bro f*cker apparently.

    • bprichard

      Sorry about the ankle! I wrecked mine a couple of months ago and it’s still not right. Hope yours is a little better off than that.

  • MrC

    oh so great humor! China people so funny!

  • Probotector

    Those hair photos remind me of cousin it from the Addams family.

  • linette lee

    People are just mean on the internet. They love gossip and love watching drama and people breaking up suffering. So bad. lol.

  • linette lee

    This is funnier. I almost died laughing. Those are all the sounds made by foxes when they communicate. They say foxes they communicate in over 30 sounds. That’s what the fox say.

    • lonetrey / Dan

      Ahahaha Noooooooo whyyyyyyyyyyy! I have been purposely avoiding that hearing that song ever since my friend posted a Vine of it, so I just saw this for the first time.

      Ah well. Thanks for getting me to watch it, glad I didn’t miss out on this video >_>

    • Kai

      LoL, wtf did I just watch?

      • maybeabanana

        A Huxley example of the creative minds of our generation.

  • Clark__K

    Hahahahaha…. too funny.

  • 剑胆琴心

    this!

    • You can hope and pray for Leo to be on top of you, but how much would you pay him?

      • 剑胆琴心

        fuck off!

        • Ah eattot, I like your yunnan bridge noodles, do you like them?

          • 剑胆琴心

            yes,i go eat often.you wanna treat me this bridge noodles?

          • I would, I love yunnan food (lived in sichuan near yunnan for some time!), also had a gf from yunnan before. I’m also not an old man like you think, and actually do not hate you. Also hope you had a good national day party yesterday.

          • 剑胆琴心

            who your?
            where you from?
            your in sh now?

          • From england, and in nanjing now. Where are you from in yunnan?

          • 剑胆琴心

            a tiny town close to kunming,one hour driving.oh,once on chinasmack too…we belong to kunming.before you lived close to lu gu lake??

          • I know kunming well. Yunnan is a nice province. The across the bridge noodles are great. What do you do in SH?

          • 剑胆琴心

            i was in a foreign company for years but bankrupted,before dealing with claim now free.and you?

          • Was working in Spain teaching adults, and now work teaching EAP in Nanjing. You worked in insurance?

          • 剑胆琴心

            no,trading.how long you been china?seems quite long…

          • about 6 years but have been home and worked another country. Now you do trading? Anyway, if ever in nanjing or I’m in SH, my treat

          • 剑胆琴心

            haha,good.
            but i do not think i will go to nanjing.and i will leave sh soon.

          • Where will you leave to?

          • 剑胆琴心

            secret…haha!or maybe we better not chat here.do you have qq or wechat?

          • yeah I have qq, not sure how to send to you

          • 剑胆琴心

            in555 at 163 com

          • thanks, sent

          • mr.wiener

            All that trying finally pays off!
            But will the catch be as much fun as the chase?

          • just mates, hows the hangover, touch and go here, but coffee seems to be working:(

          • Joey

            I wish CS had some kind of separate section for this. Maybe call it ‘Personals’.

          • mr.wiener

            I’ll assume you aren’t being sarcastic. It’s at the bottom of the page.

          • Francis de Wolff

            Dude, alas, I don’t think the juice will be worth the squeeze sadly, if there is a way to pm me, I will tell more.

          • wingedgenius

            eattot, I have no idea how you’re able to put up with everyone here insulting your responses on a daily basis. I commend you for your persistence in “trolling the trolls”, but I wonder why you keep coming back here…

          • 剑胆琴心

            none your business, fuck off!
            everyone?your everyone?
            because i talk something white people dislike.
            white misers, white fuckers,white cheap fuckers…what else you expect?i come here to revenge an old snob dog…
            and i will never forgive.enough for you?

          • wingedgenius

            I can understand now why you are the way you are. I hope you are able to find a way to heal someday…

          • 剑胆琴心

            and if your this mfker, the only words for u is: fuck off, go die early@

          • mr.wiener

            He was actually being nice to you.

          • Middle_Kingdum

            That time of the month again for my dear sweet Bunny?

    • donscarletti

      Oh, you’re looking at the subtitles? Translated phonetically, 捷克斯洛伐克 JieKe SiLuo FaKe instead of by meaning, 捷克,肏慢点儿!

      • 剑胆琴心

        are you foreign student?
        your chinese is very good…

  • Middle_Kingdum

    Oh, ha ha ha!! The Chinese humour always so strong and so clever!!

    • mr.wiener

      …said no one ever….well, except for those 1.3 billion Chinese.

  • why_do_i_try

    DEs Last few years i have been so very lacking in cash and debts were killing me from all angles. That was Until i learned to generate money.. on the INTERNET! I landed on surveymoneymaker p net, and started doing surveys for money, and doing so, i have been far more able to do my things! i’m so glad, that I did this!!! – 9QHi

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