The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment: Earthquakes

The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment

糗事百科 (qiǔ shì bǎi kē), or “The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment”, is a popular Chinese website that publishes jokes and humor submitted by Chinese netizens, with an emphasis on sharing embarrassing things experienced or observed. Here are a sample of those concerning the recent Lushan Earthquake and the 2008 Wenchuan Earthquake.

Experts said…an earthquake like the Wenchuan Earthquake won’t happen in the same area again for 4000 years, and just like that in a blink of an eye, 4000 years have passed.

Chinese news story on scientists' prediction of the next ginormous earthquake

Headline: “Research claims another Wenchuan Earthquake won’t happen again in 4000 years.

I suddenly realized an issue: The Earthquake Bureau in Sichuan that the government spent so much money building is used to tell us what the magnitude was after the earthquake occurs!

The tragedy of the Red Cross Society…all snipped [a phrase used in Encyclopedia of Embarrassment submissions to indicate that the author is leaving out background information that's already widely known among readers]! Guo Meimei: “Sugar Daddy, my Maserati broke down. What do I do?” Sugar Daddy smiles: “Baby, don’t worry, Sichuan just had another earthquake!” 

Guo Meimei

Today I came across the Red Cross Society collecting donations at the square. I thought for a while, then went to the supermarket and bought a pack of Durex. I really felt that I was so inconsequential; that the only thing I can do for the country is family planning [birth control]. Being unable to get new cars for a young mistress [referring to women like Guo Meimei who depend on wealthy old men] is truly such powerless.

A Guangdong post office's fundraising message mentioned Guo Meimei

The entire message at the gate of this Guangzhou post office reads: “There is no Guo Meimei in the post office. Free shipping for disaster relief donations.”

Kao, another earthquake! And tm magnitude 7.0! I ran out with only my underwear on! [But] this is not the key point; the key point is the girl next door, why is the guy in his underwear who ran out with you not your boyfriend? 

Naked couple during the 2013 Ya'an earhquake

The couple in this photo has no relation to those mentioned in this joke.

The Tangshan Earthquake taught not to sleep too early at night; the Wenchuan Earthquake taught us not to take a nap at noon; and the Ya’an Earthquake teaches us not to sleep in in the morning. All together these three earthquakes have taught us: don’t sleep naked!

People during the 2013 Ya'an earthquake

It’s good to have been in the military! After the earthquake, while everyone else was either running around naked or in their underwear, only fucking LZ ran down fully dressed, and even carrying a water bottle in hand…

Naked man during the 2013 Ya'an earthquake

Back during 5.12 [2008 Sichuan Earthquake], my friend’s family lived near Xi’an, where the tremors were very strong. After the shaking stopped, he tried to phone his family but the calls wouldn’t go through. Extremely worried, he drove more than 100 kilometers back to Xi’an to check on his family. Getting out of the car, he immediately saw his old mom glamorously playing Mahjong in the yard downstairs. “Mom, did you know there was an earthquake?” “I know, why?” Super calm. “Are you all not worried?” “We are, don’t you see we’ve already moved to the yard to play Mahjong?” My friend was totally blown away by her attitude toward life.

Back then during the [2008 Sichuan] earthquake, we just happened to be in PE class. The teacher was planning on giving us a surprise quiz, so with a big wave of his big hand, [he announced], “I’m going to give you all a surprise!” Then the earthquake happened.

I remember when the earthquake happened five years ago…snip…In order to be able to quickly evacuate during an aftershock, a dude in my dorm put an empty beer bottle upside down on the stool before he went to sleep at night. In the middle of the night, when an aftershock happened and the bottle shattered, this guy jumped out of bed and right onto the broken glass, becoming the most heavily injured person at our school… May the people in the disaster area all be safe and sound…

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  • slob

    ZZzZzZzzz

  • opinionator

    liked the one about about the old lady playing mahjong.

    • markus peg

      This joke seems like a true story, those kind of stories are good to share.
      I like it as well.

  • Mighty

    LOL @ “There is no Guo Meimei in the post office. Free shipping for disaster relief donations.”

  • YourSupremeCommander

    I have three words for this post: WEAK.

    • James

      We now know rensi apparently thinks anything is funny

  • http://www.chinasmack.com/ MrT

    me to Chinese girl.
    “Where you from?”
    “My mother!”
    Girl laughs and laughs.
    —–

    • http://www.chinasmack.com/ MrT

      it was your girlfriend.

      • http://www.chinasmack.com/ MrT

        …….

  • BiggJ

    This guy has reached max level in china…….. I give props to barber though.

  • s

    dd

  • Guest

    Considering it was a nuclear explosion underground and not a natural occurrence is pretty important to factor in to this subject. There is now no denying it was a nuclear accident. FORTUNATELY it was contained because of being underground, but I wonder about the water aquifers in the area.

  • Mike Lovett

    I really am waiting for the day when China has to admit it was an underground NUCLEAR EXPLOSION of stored weapons, rather than a natural disaster. The PROOF exists. There is ZERO denial for the proof. I really hope the water table was not polluted by nuclear radiation. It owes its people that truth in the least.

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