Counter Annoying Chinese New Year Questions From Relatives

Jiaoshou, flying.

As Chinese New Year approaches (February 10), a recent trending topic on China’s most popular microblogging platform is…

From Sina Weibo:

#Counter-Questioning During Chinese New Year Holiday#

Going Home for the Chinese New Year and Getting Questioned Repeatedly, Netizen Proposes Countering By Asking Questions First

How’s work? Have you found a boyfriend/girlfriend? How much is your salary? Have you bought a house yet? … What many “fellow students” [casual term for "young people"] fear the most during the Chinese New Year is the various “expressions of concern” and “tortuous questioning/interrogation” that happens when relatives gather together. The mere thought of it makes the idea of going home seem very burdensome and unpleasant~~ If it isn’t exploding in silent misery then its dying in silent misery. Finally, a netizen has proposed a way to fight back: Beat your relatives to asking the questions: Is your husband-wife relationship harmonious? Did your transition to menopause go smoothly? How much is your pension? Have you made any money with your stock speculation? How is your child’s grades? Have you bought a house for your child for marriage yet? …Upon hearing these, will those uncles and aunties be even more depressed?

From Sina Weibo:

@叫兽易小星: “Auntie, your skin looks pretty bad, has uncle taken you out traveling yet?”, “Uncle, when do you plan on buying a new car? My classmate’s father drives him to school in a million-RMB car.” “Uncle, have you been promoted yet? Will you be promoted after the holiday?”, “Auntie, how’s your business going? You’ll definitely be able to open a few more stores next year, right?” #Must Beat Relatives to Asking Questions During Chinese New Year#

Comments on Sina Weibo:

万希希:

[哈哈][哈哈][鼓掌]

Kylin_叁年约:

Good idea.

黎忘幽:

Once you ask these things, you’ll no longer have relatives…

七只兔小白:

Also, has your child gotten divorced?

FTT_nirvana:

Just ask, is your sex life harmonious?

君葡不梨:

“Uncle, did your child get first place this year? That little guy is rather smart.” “Auntie, did your daughter participate in any artistic competitions and win this year?” “Auntie, I think this hairstyle of yours is a little behind the times, shall I show you some currently fashionable middle-aged women hairstyles?”

我丢诶:

天将降大任于诗人:

Uncle, have you finished your doctorate thesis yet?

钢牙小白兔和大胡萝卜:

Brilliant plan.

江南烟雨1121:

Little Shou [the original poster], don’t you worry about grownup matters, have you gotten married yet? Oh, you have? Then have you had children yet? Oh, you have as well. Then when do you plan on having your child go to school, because its really important to choose the right school. A good beginning is half of success and you absolutely must not let your child lose at the starting line, blah blah blah…

厌狗综合征:

What if you don’t get a red envelope?

觉诺可乐: (responding to above)

Obviously you ask after you’ve received your red pocket but before they’ve started asking you.

天一生水Rain:

Yep, I think that’s the way too. Ask until they don’t want to talk to you anymore, and naturally you won’t have to respond to their various questions…

胡淑芬:

Auntie, you’re not young anymore, and you should have an extramarital affair at least once. Is there anyone suitable?

鸣涛:

This way you can avoid them asking you: Do you have a girlfriend yet? Have you gotten married yet? When will you bring your girlfriend home [to meet the family]?

顶蘑菇的马里奥大叔:

Preemptive strike. When I was small, I hated relatives asking about my grades. Now I hate relatives asking about work, about my income, about girlfriends.

套马的shade你威武雄壮:

Fucking, if I didn’t counterattack, you guys [referring to relatives] wouldn’t know just how ball-aching it is responding to these things.

谁允许你直视霈霈:

#Asking First# Auntie, you look like you’ve gotten younger yet again. The plastic surgery is really good. It’s just that you look a little stiff only. Uncle, I saw your xiao san using your credit card going shopping yesterday. Little brother, I saw your little boyfriend fooling around with the girl next door.

貓子Moz:

Preemptive strike: Is your prostate better now?

寒飞驰:

Is going on the offense the best defense?

lee小芒丶那些遗失得过去:

It’d be better to ask: “Uncle, I heard your business was in the red, have you earned it back yet? You must not think of suicide!”, “Yo auntie, I hear uncle found you a lot of sisters [his mistresses], how’s it going lately, your guys’ relationship is doing good, right?” Now this is what I call low. Fuck, I don’t even have the heart to poke at your sore spots, why do you guys have to continually harass us younger generation?

木铅笔:

If I were to dare do this, my parents would definitely kill me. [泪]

真的汉纸_阿殊:

This year, I’ll definitely be using this to leave behind a path of blood! Whoever dares ask me about my achievements, asks whether I have a boyfriend, asks when I plan on getting married, or says they know of a good boy they want to introduce to me, I’ll be doing this!

奚弘之:

Auntie, what university is your child planning on applying to? Uncle, does your daughter have a suitor yet? Uncle, have you remarried yet? [偷笑]

知心二叔么么哒:

“Auntie, I hear you and uncle are thinking of getting a divorce, have you guys divorced yet?” “Uncle, I hear you had an accident, anyone die?”, “Auntie, I saw uncle’s photo at 1024, is it real? How come the woman didn’t look like you?”, “Uncle, XX Sauna, newly opened, not sure what the ‘health services’ are like, have you tried it yet?”

一头活猪:

When Hamas fires one grenade, the inevitable result is Israel launching a new round of air strikes. So, Jiao Shou [the original poster], this tactic of yours is asking for death…

钅失皮忄圣牜勿:

The moment you do this, your relatives won’t even bother asking you anymore. The more self-restrained ones will go out and start rumors about you being a homosexual and infertile. Those without self-restraint will immediately just slap you.

画下天籁:

“Uncle, have you heard of Amway?”

蒋慕玲:

“Auntie, your daughter is 30-years-old already and still not yet married? She has to hurry and find someone to marry. I’m okay, I’m younger than her by a few years, I can continue waiting, you don’t have to worry about me.” “Uncle, your son is also working in Shenzhen, right? I hear he works overtime everyday but isn’t getting any raises. I’m doing a bit better than him. Even though I’m not getting any salary increases, I don’t have to work overtime. Don’t worry, if there’s a good opportunity, I’ll definitely switch jobs. If your son isn’t happy with his work, I also hope he’ll switch jobs soon.”

唐99:

“Silly child, uncle retired last year, so now I amuse myself by pointing and poking, or no, its pointing and poking you young people, hahaha.”

萨尬那:

Uncle, how much of the country’s money did you embezzle this year?

_奋斗A_:

“It’s time to get married, don’t you think? This isn’t something you want to put off.” “You’re right, auntie, in a blink of an eye I’ve become so old, just look at how old you’ve become!”

烟墨白-糕糕:

Whoever’s mouth is fastest is who wins.

诡异空间-小傲娇喵:

What? My cousin had another child? Congratulations! Is it her husbands~~~? Oh, uncle has been promoted again? Congratulations! Be sure to remind him to hide his mobile phone videos well~~~! Aiya! Is this my niece~~? So cute~! Hey, she’s so pretty, doesn’t look like her parents at all~”

sun-killer:

Uncle, do you still end up sleeping in the bathroom after getting drunk?”

于方依是个坐家_Ivanka:

Auntie, has your son found a boyfriend yet? Uncle, I hear your daughter has become the god-daughter [mistress] of so and so, you better fleece him as much as you can!

珮猪正能量:

I don’t have the guts… [to do this]

陆不二:

Just today I was bruised and battered by questions, Jiao Shou’s [the original poster] life-saving post was too late. ≥﹏≤

From Sina Weibo:

@使徒子: Recently there have been a lot of discussion about strategies for dealing with questions from relatives and friends when going home for Chinese New Year, but for some reason I don’t think there is a single reliable one… _(:з」∠) _

responses-to-annoying-questions-from-relatives-comic-a

responses-to-annoying-questions-from-relatives-comic-b

responses-to-annoying-questions-from-relatives-comic-c

responses-to-annoying-questions-from-relatives-comic-d

responses-to-annoying-questions-from-relatives-comic-e

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  • Bugs Bunny

    hahaha
    now i am home already.
    enjoy the warm sunshine here and eat a lot everyday!

    • Gay Azn Boi

      Your comments never make any sense.

      • linette lee

        bunny is saying she traveled back home to her home town for Chinese new year and now she can eat all the local foods from her town all day long.

        • Gay Azn Boi

          Hmm. Speaking of which, I miss Sichuan food so much!! Most Chinese restaurants here aren’t authentic as they cater mostly to White people -__-

          • Daniel Tynan

            I am in Chengdu now and just had hotpot last night. The payback is that the air here is worse than ever and I caught my China cold right on schedule. lemme know if you do find authentic very spicy sichuan restaurant in Toronto.

          • Gay Azn Boi

            OMG hotpot!!! My favourite! What are you doing there anyways?

            There are quite a few restaurants in TO specializing in Sichuan cuisine, but they all seem to have gotten worse over the years. Honestly, any street food that you’ll find in Chengdu is better than what they serve here.

          • MonkeyMouth

            do they still brag in toronto about being the gay capital of the world? or has sydney stole their thunder finally?

          • Gay Azn Boi

            Isn’t it SF?

          • MonkeyMouth

            damn, dude…. sf is old hat. you for one should know all that. toronto and sydney the new hot spot for your kind of shenanigans. feeling lucky now??? but ya… sichuan garden is the bomb.
            GO LEAFS

          • Gay Azn Boi

            Leafs??? They stopped being relevant after 1967.

          • Daniel Tynan

            Taking an extended vacation and staying with in-laws. Getting a bit jumpy to return to Toronto though because I feel time is ticking and my life is on hold. We are planning a road trip through Yunnan that I am looking forward to however. It will be warm at least.

          • Gay Azn Boi

            I see I see. Have fun :)

          • MonkeyMouth

            Sichuan Garden on spadina. best chinese food i ever had outside of china. trust me. real chengduren owned and operated. just up the street from that chinese shopping mall thing that russell peters made (in)famous. “Be a man! You buy this handbag!” Cant remember the name of the mall… ocean mall?

          • Gay Azn Boi

            Hmm never been to Sichuan Garden. I live in the 905 so I rarely go down to Chinatown.

            Btw, it’s good to know there are a couple Torontonians on here. Toronto represent!

      • MonkeyMouth

        is bugs bunny eattot?

  • Gay Azn Boi

    Those questions actually aren’t that bad. It’s not that often that I get together with relatives so I don’t really mind if they ask me.

    BUT the #1 question that I can’t stand regardless of the time of the year is “When are you gonna have a girlfriend?” I feel like punching their faces everytime they ask me that.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/VictimOfBoredom Matt

      Well, when are you?

      • Gay Azn Boi

        -__-

    • The Enlightened One

      Just say you already got one. Her name is Tom.

  • Germandude

    Hm, wouldn’t the most logical question be a simple: “How are you doing?”

    It says a lot that everything is related to money, consumption, promotion, status…

    • Archie

      I had a student tell me once he was very uncomfortable being asked how he was doing. He said it was not the chinese style of questioning, and he was never sure how to answer it, feeling it was the most useless line of questioning one could encounter.

      • hun

        I actually have the same problem. I get bombarded by relatives all the time that the first thing they say when they see me is “do you have a girlfriend yet?” but then when i go out and people ask me “Hows your day” or “How are you doing” i get fucking confused because if i was sad why would i tell a random stranger that right? So i just end up stuttering and repeating “good and you?”. Of course tho this is very different than when close friends say it.

    • carmouflagger

      But everyone knows the answer for that is just ‘fine’ :D

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/VictimOfBoredom Matt

    Finally, some Chinese humor that’s actually pretty funny.

    Aside from the disturbing cartoons. Just had to fuck it up…

    • Gay Azn Boi

      Yup. They’re having gay buttsex.

      • donscarletti

        They’re having incestuous gay buttsex.

        If Southpark has taught me anything, it is that as a Canadian, you should be familiar with the term “uncle fucker”

        I am sure that even a homosexual Canadian would object to being accused of being an uncle fucker, which that guy is, since he’s pictured fucking his uncle.

        • Gay Azn Boi

          Haha you’re right didn’t notice that.

          • x1sfg

            LGBT party! Without the BLT. I’ll bring the G

    • The Enlightened One

      Hahahhaa… I agree and I also don’t get it. I have been in China for six years now and no where else have I seen this sort of super natural ability to just totally fuck things up. Seriously, someone could get very rich here just teaching people how to not massively fuck up things on a daily basis.

      Mathematics or mere logic just can’t explain this super natural phenom.

      • linette lee

        hi The Enlightened One, I hope you and your wife stay home and relax for the chinese new year. ;)

        • The Enlightened One

          Hello Linette,

          Thanks! I appreciate it. Although, I don’t really look forward to it cause we go to her hometown. It isn’t bad but it is like stepping back 100 years or something.

          Hope you do something fun!

    • monmon

      The cartoons actually made me laugh the most. Strange drawing style, but funny.

    • Jose

      Word, WTF did I just look at???

  • El Puma R.

    Shit this reminds me I gotta meet all my wife’s snobbish fake friends next week. She doesn’t like them either.. well most of them, unfortunately those worth meeting are too busy to meet individually… so there’s got to be a big dinner… and the same money-oriented questions and showing off all over again. I can’t believe they waste all that time with all that boring social protocol of theirs.

    • starsky

      guanxi gaunxi gaunxi tis the rule of this century till 2101

      • El Puma R.

        yeah I know but my guanxi must be meaningful.

    • Probotector

      Change comes slowly

    • A Lu

      Ok, I need some expert here. New year will be my first time meeting my girlfriend’s parents. That said, I need all the help I can get…

      • ScottLoar

        You must understand the parents’ concerns and anticipate what they want: Security for their daughter. Meaning, can you provide for the well-being of their daughter? Can you support married life? In time, can you afford children? Are you a reliable, responsible man or just addled by desire? Are you dependable or a flake? Further, can you understand and respect your wife’s culture and parents?

        These questions may not be immediately posed to you but they are lurking in the background and in time must be answered. You can help alleviate the parents’ concerns through your own actions and attitudes, but sooner or later – assuming you’re serious about this girl – the questions must be answered. Going to the girlfriend’s house to meet the parents for the Chinese New Year is not a casual date; I hope you understand that

        • El Puma R.

          Shut up man, he doesn’t have to understand anything you say, plus he said expert, not pressure. Those are your own traditional-since-1966 materialistic questions and probably your parents already gave you all the answers. You look tough like no one but you have to answer to so many. Weak.

          @A Lu just take it easy and it will be fine. If your girl isn’t worried then there’s nothing to worry about.

          • ScottLoar

            I suggest you let A Lu and his subsequent experience be the judge of whose advice had helped the most.

            El Puma R. if you must know my own parents passed away decades ago, so I cannot understand your single-minded insistence that parents are helping their children, unless it is a cry from you to your own parents who aren’t listening (e.g. “unlike my biological mom” who doesn’t cook for her boy El Puma R.). Every post by you reveals more about your own confused self than any insight about the Chinese.

          • El Puma R.

            (Accusing other people of being deficient or psychologically
            altered usually shows the accuser as deficient or psychologically
            altered. Like the guy who was homophobic because he knew he was
            homosexual and felt it was wrong)

            No you dumb-ass, my mom made me eat a lot of veggies when I was a kid… so you don’t need to attack my confused self just yet. And FYI my relationship with them is at it’s best, trust me. As for your parents, well, you could be lying as far as I know. Sorry man, too serious to believe you. Your comments scream “serious” all the time, it’s annoying.

            You just suggested me what I just suggested A Lu. Ok gtg now, you can take care of the forum trolling while I go out with my wife and my nephew.

            PS: I am with Stupid ↓

          • ScottLoar

            El Puma R.’s faults are obvious. You are the guy who in November of last year roundly boasted of how he would be out of this fucking country (China) by January, yet still posts here. You are the guy who couldn’t wait to leave China, who posted the most inane insults about China, and now loiters here commenting more about the very place and people he couldn’t wait to leave.

            Again, you are obsessed with parents helping out and financial independence, which tells everyone you’ve got some problems there. And, that you have a Chinese wife – I believe you – doesn’t excuse your stupid comments about the Chinese, it just makes your attitude even more pathetic. I suspect the relatives would be more than upset to read what you commonly write about them as a people and country, but would be a true insight into your mind.

          • El Puma R.

            … I don’t have a problem talking about myself, really. I do live a happy life with struggles just like everyone else and I haven’t left China yet ’cause me and my wife decided to stay for the new year and then leave. So?

            As for my insights about Chinese people, I do know they have trouble knowing HOW to communicate with foreigners, they might not even know they have that problem, otherwise they wouldn’t be screaming “laowai” or “哈喽“ to us all the time, or coming to impose what they believe as true. Don’t believe me yet? Just take a look at yourself.

            So offensive man, so offensive ! there’s more to life than insulting strangers on a blog, you know? Why don’t you go visit your parents?

            gtg

            xx

          • ScottLoar

            I am not insulting strangers on a blog. I am addressing one El Puma R. whose comments about Chinese in general are wrong, whose replies are insults, and whose opinions show less about his supposed knowledge of Chinese and more about his own personal problems. He couldn’t wait to “leave this fucking country” (his own words) and people, yet goes on and on.

            El Puma R. thinks his Chinese is good by throwing a character out here and there, but nowhere have I read a full sentence let alone a paragraph in Chinese by him, even as he assumes I can’t. Well, I have and he hasn’t.

            El Puma R. does not read what is written to him nor can he understand what is in front of his very nose, but continues with his conceits and opinions despite contrary evidence all around him.

            Look to examples of El Puma R. at his best, like English is the most widespread language “because – DUH! – it’s the simplest”. Can anyone take such a person’s opinions seriously?

          • El Puma R.

            Within a month I’ll be swimming in the beautiful Southern Atlantic Sea with my gorgeous wife while you’ll still be sitting there all alone looking at the smog through your window remembering every little thing I ever said. I do have people waiting for me you know, and that includes you too.

            Get a life dude

          • ScottLoar

            El Puma R., yet another inane post assuming bits and pieces about people you don’t know and don’t choose to understand.

            No, El Puma R., as I’ve posted before, I live in Shanghai and Penang, Malaysia, on the Andaman Sea. Yes, perhaps your wife is beautiful, but a mope like you having a beautiful wife is what the Chinese call 狗屎運.

            Chinese do pose to strangers that China is the best country in the world but, after getting to know a person and understanding that he does not have ulterior motives nor will ridicule, do frankly speak about their country and people, its faults and shortcomings. People like you are so estranged from the people and country you will never understand that, viz. from the pen of El Puma R. “how am I supposed to communicate with people like that?” You’ve proven the point, you can’t communicate with the Chinese so just leave, leave, leave, and stop trying to pose as knowledgeable or understanding about a people and culture you despise, ridicule (“a shit-hole of a country”), do not know and cannot understand.

          • El Puma R.

            “If you don’t like China, just leave!”

            hmm, I think I’ve might heard that somewhere. All in all, I’m leaving with a positive balance, and that counting how many times I’ve been picked on by locals just because I am dumb enough to tell them I am from a more egalitarian place. They say I’m wrong, that is not good, and to do so they use what I tell them about myself. It reminds me of the conversations I have with you. In Dongbei they call people like you 却牛逼. 我的哥们都说在中国却牛逼太多了。 I won’t leave just yet, I endure and I know what it feels like to be loved by Chinese. But it’s not the ones I love who bother me, it’s just people like you. You know, I come from a place where foreigners never want to leave.

            Oh and btw, a sadness carried in the heart can’t be cured by moving the body from one place to another.

            Enough of this nonsense. 滚鸡巴蛋

          • ScottLoar

            Yes, you will leave to return to Latin America (Argentina, is it?) and there regale the locals with tales of China, visiting your unfounded opinions on people with no experience of China, and throw out a word or two of Mandarin like, “In Dongbei ‘we’…(填上廢話)” to awes and gasps of wonder. But, you will be caught short one day, your nonsense will be caught and challenged, and then people there will see you seemed to know a lot but really understand nothing.

          • El Puma R.

            Look how I worry! Look!

            OMG !!! what if this imbecile is right? ooohhh the horror !

            Go learn how to build a bridge mate

      • El Puma R.

        Ok first of all I’ve been through this a lot already, hence my dramatic statement (but it’s because I speak chinese and I have to put up with all the shit of my girl’s cousins and other relatives haha but I love most of them) .

        Just stick to your own truth man, and don’t promise them anything just yet. Don’t rush the conversation. It might come in handy to know that it’s really hard for many Chinese people even to understand HOW to communicate with a foreigner, so even if you feel criticized or you feel they want to sabotage you somehow, just make your girl happy, that’s all you need.
        If they ask you about marriage or serious stuff just answer with a big smile, tell them the truth, in my case I made myself clear when I said “I am not Chinese therefore I don’t have to respond to your protocol just like you do, even though learning other ways is awesome, I have my own time and my own way to see things and so does my girl so these are things we’ve got to work on. I am so happy to meet you, the food is so delicious.”

        That’s all I needed to say ;) My mother in law loves cakes so twice a month I bring her some Tiramisu or Apple pie. Now (unlike my biological mom) she cooks me all the meat I want to eat. Yummy.

        Remember if anything makes you feel uncomfortable all you need is to confirm them you are a foreigner and the communication is different. Show them what “open minded” really means, but let them do the talking.

        Good luck !

      • El Puma R.

        I like me some good’ol Chinese family love

      • linette lee

        Well I am chinese so I can tell you what chinese parents are looking for. I am sure the chinese girl’s parents are nervous to meet you because they are worry for their daughter because you are not Chinese.

        The answer you want can be one of the two following:

        1)If you are still not sure this girl is the girl you seriously consider to marry at one point in the future, then El puma’s answer is the correct one. That means you are telling the chinese parents you are not sure about the future with their daughter. You are HOPING it will work out.

        2)If this is The one. The girl you want to marry to at one point in the future, then Scottloar’s answer is the way to go. The chinese parents will take you seriously and have some expectation like they want their daughter to marry a man who is RELIABLE. Reliability is extremely extremely important. They don’t want their daughter to waste her youth on some player.

        Either way the MOST IMPORTANT is to be honest about your intention. If you are not sure she is the one then don’t lie. If you really love her just let the parents and your girlfriend know that you are really hoping it will work out and lead to marriage.

      • Germandude

        Just be yourself, don’t try to be someone else. Give honest answers to everything asked, maybe not as direct as you would do when home, but don’t play a role.
        First of all: Through that, THEY get to know the REAL YOU. Second of all: Later on you don’t have the pressure to fullfill expectations that cannot be reached.

        Seriously, just be yourself, don’t worry too much and don’t pretend to be somebody else. If you are serious about this girl, sooner or later, a made up impression of you will collapse anyway. Plus, if they don’t like the REAL YOU, well, at least you know. Don’t bullshit around, it worked for me. That’s all I can say. People are people, no matter which nationality.

      • A Lu

        @disqus_qpFQtxPJyF:disqus @cf27739e313d1b16d749ebdf96ee7d2a:disqus @elpumar:disqus @ScottLoar:disqus Thanks guys, that’s pretty much what I’m planning to do. I’ve been in China for a few years and I can speak chinese, so I think i know what they want and I should be able not to mess it up! I’ll just start drinking baijiu with her father and everything will be allright.

        • El Puma R.

          I’m pretty sure it was alright yes

  • x1sfg

    My better half came from one of those old money families in Virginia, where everyone in their family went to Yale not because of grades, but because of money and legacy. I’d get hammered all the time until I started acting like a passive-aggressive asshole like the above comments.

  • hun

    I can actually use some of this during new years with my parents holy shit..

  • Cleo

    Other people imagining/being convinced of my unhappiness does not make me unhappy. I am weary of other people being aggravated by frenemies making disrespectful and unfriendly remarks. Good friends and quality people don’t probe so why get heated about people who unmask their poor quality.

    I think that it’s not a wikileaks that bothers one but the injustice of being mischaracterized and not having the proper ammo to fight back.

    • KAMIKAZIPILOT

      Hi Cleo, wanna go out on a date sometime. I have a girlfriend but we can keep it on the DL. You are a Chinese female right? Most Chinese women are hot. I’ll fly to where ever you’re at. Let me know :)

  • Chu Li

    Or they can answer them like i did.

    Have you found a girlfriend?
    I have many girlfriends, I can’t take them all home. If i bring one home, others will not be happy.

    How much is your salary?
    I make more than you. You can counter their follow up questions with alot of good responses. Like “You tell me your salary first” if they want to know for the amount. If they don’t want to tell you, their salary, Just make up some very low salary ($5 a month) Since you told make them you make more than them, they will know you are messing with them.

    Have you bought a house yet?
    “Since you have a house, i have a house with my $5 a month salary too.”

  • maybeabanana

    This happened almost every time I see my my uncles and aunts.

    Back in the youth days, typical questions would be “Have you learn to drive yet? My daughter has already. What is your major? My daughters got a scholarship at Harvard.” 

    Now, they ask “When are you getting married? My daughter’s got her wedding this year.”

    I have thought of many scenario retorts… none of which I brought to fruition so I simply turn my head and walk away or do I just act like a douche and say: “say what?”(repeat) 

    Honestly, I don’t think they really care about you. Posing these questions are merely their way to amuse themselves in schadenfreunde.

    • ScottLoar

      And, parents love to inflate. The typical “my daughter’s got a scholarship at Harvard” goes on with “and every month she sends us lots of money”, and “Harvard gives her lots of money because they don’t want her to leave”.

      I used to hear this from different parents we know (our children were the same ages), and the kids could not possibly send that much money back each month to the parents, nope, not even if they were prostitutes or drug pushers. Now, with kids out of school and in the real world, away from Mommy and Daddy’s constant care, things sort themselves out and we don’t hear such exaggerations any more. What we hear now are the sorts of things that leave you shaking your head in dismay, saying “There but for the grace of God go I”.

  • Appalled@everything

    “Uncle, your teeth are really brown and rotten-looking. When do you anticipate they will start falling out?” “Auntie, your new hair-style makes you look like a much older woman, yet from around 20 years ago, so it all balances out.” “Uncle, the plate of cold gristly pieces of mostly fat and bone raw animal meat that you brought to the party is really going down a treat with the children.” “Auntie, I heard your son is now about to start his first semester of college, all these years having him share a bedroom with you and uncle, was this some clever plan to make his integration into dorm-life much easier?”

  • MonkeyMouth

    am i the luckiest mofo in the world? my wife’s relatives leave me/us totally up to our own devices. they dont nose around and interfere whatsoever. i aint bragging… but if i know how i pulled this off, i should sell the advice and make some real bread.

  • filabusta

    “When Hamas fires one grenade, the inevitable result is Israel
    launching a new round of air strikes. So, Jiao Shou [the original
    poster], this tactic of yours is asking for death…”

    This comment is great.

  • Joanna

    I think the elders would get a stroke if we replied crudely.

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