Heat Wave in China: ‘High Temperature Oven Mode Unlocked’

An elderly Chinese man wipes his face with water from a fountain.

Below are the top 5 most popular Sina Weibo microblog posts under the trending topic “High Temperature Oven Mode Begins/Unlocked, with over 220k reshares/forwards and 44k comments combined at time of translation…

From Sina Weibo:

@终南山贼: Today I saw a mean comment, don’t know where from: “Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Shanghai friends, the central heating you guys were begging for 8 months ago has finally been implemented.”

[Note: Central heating refers to city-wide heating that is found in cities in Northern China like in Beijing.]

From Sina Weibo:

@切腹菌: Entire City Heated to Death premiers with great fanfare in cities throughout the entire country.

A lot of Chinese people in a wave pool at a water park in Sichuan, China.

From Sina Weibo:

@同学你该吃药了: Want to know how an electric fan can have the same effect as an air conditioner? Prepare some toothpaste, spread it over the fins of the fan, then spray a bit of water on them, and this way the air that the fan blows will have the feeling of being -10 degrees. I’ve personally tested this, it’s a technique that one must know during summary, so go ahead and try it.

From Sina Weibo:

@新浪视频: It’s hot! It’s really hot! Shanghai People’s Square Has Become Teppanyaki! Pork Belly [Bacon] 80% Cooked Within 10 Minutes: The highest temperature measured in Shanghai today was 39.1 degrees [Celsius]. At around 1 o’clock in the afternoon, this reporter performed an experiment at People’s Square: Placed a piece of pork belly [streaky pork] on the marble ground, and 30 seconds later the side that was on the ground had already changed color, with the whole thing about 80% done after 10 minutes. http://t.cn/zQivmHl #The Only Difference Between BBQ Meat and Me is Some Cumin# This is definitely not a rumor, dear! [非常汗]

A piece of pork belly being cooked on the ground of Shanghai's People's Square during a record heatwave.

studFrom Sina Weibo:

@超高校级的端洋气_寒宝: A medical school student told me that he finally understands what is “a life worse than death”… that being, when the morgue has air conditioning while his dorm doesn’t.

Map of record highest recorded temperatures in mainland China in 2013 July.

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  • Mighty曹

    BFD!! 2 weeks ago I attended a wedding in Reno. Outdoor. In the sun. 104F (40C). Wearing a suit and tie.

    • YourSupremeCommander

      Pic or it didn’t happen.
      It would help your case if the floating officials are in the pic too, cause they are legit.

    • hailexiao

      104F in the desert can be fairly comfortable in a white linen suit and panama hat.

      • Mighty曹

        I was wearing a beige linen suit. A panama hat would’ve been awesome!

  • YourSupremeCommander

    In other news, I would rather die than getting packed like a can of sardines in a pool of human excretion sauce.

    • biggj

      Yeah man, I would not go to a chinese swimming pool like that. Half it’s probably piss and god only only knows what else. I would have to be on fire to jump in that…and even then I would hesitate a bit. I’m not that picky of a guy but I have to draw the line at swimming in other peoples piss and shit and period blood and list goes on. And most likely get raped in that thing anyway. hahah

      • Mighty曹

        Remember that story with photos of the overcrowded pool? You know not everyone is getting out of the pool to go use the toilet.

    • Mighty曹

      Just a Sunday dip in the cesspool.

  • Now teach them to bake cookies. I rather them using their car as ovens than as an actual mode of transportation.

  • biggj

    BREAKING NEWS!!!”Officials confirmed it was not that hot….And question this man about why he was not at work. Man breaks down and cries because he let down China and it’s officials. He was sentenced to 2 months in a reeducation camp.”

    • Mighty曹

      You need that ‘scolding’ official in there. He completes the epitome of government officials. One talks, with exaggerated gestures, while others casually stand around with hands behind back.

      • biggj

        He was busy. He had to make sure his daughter finished her homework. haha Family first.

        • linette lee

          Poor baby, I am still upset what that father did to this poor girl. I hope he get sunburn and maybe heat stroke

    • linette lee

      hahaha…you are killing me. They gonna start charging you for copyright.

    • yo

      please tell me! where are you getting these images from???

    • hailexiao

      Are they hovering in the air because of the water fountains?

  • Pft!

    It reached 42 in my town last week. This week was pretty heavy going too, along with extremely heavy rains and humidity. The pollution and trash (i.e. litter or “cultural differences” if you prefer that) make it even worse. On top of that, both our aircons broke. It’s gnarly.

    • Pft!

      I forgot to add the best part…
      Since late April, we have lost power at least four times a week. The only respite from this insane circumstance was during the second half of July, when we lost power “only” three times over two weeks. These power outages last anywhere from thirty minutes to twelve hours; the average is four hours. They occur randomly at any time of the day and/or night. It’s lovely and it saves us a lot of money, rotten food notwithstanding. We love China.

  • YourSupremeCommander

    If you inferiors ever wonder what your supreme commander looks like…. feast your eyes.

    • Mighty曹

      With the helmet you can be an underwater peeping tom.

      • YourSupremeCommander

        shhh.. shut up son, I am trying to keep it as unnoticeable as possible.

        • Mighty曹

          I was there too!

          • Cats hate water. And pools that are probably at least 33% piss.

          • lonetrey / Dan

            33%? How generous, I would’ve guessed half at least >_>

          • Mighty曹

            More like 80%.

          • It’s early morning and they lowered the percent piss content ratio down by shocking the hell out of the pool with a couple thousand gallons of muriatic acid. Gotta lower that pisswater pH, you know.

          • Germandude

            Yeah. And don’t even ask why it’s called Yellow River!

          • Mighty曹

            Hahaha… you hit that one nicely!

          • mr.wiener

            Apparently it’s good for your skin.

          • 中国人

            Mama of, the foreign guy, please you don’t come to (China) a group of silly force

          • Germandude

            If you say so…

          • wat

          • biggj

            Translation: “I don’t know where I am or what the fuck is going on”

          • Mighty曹

            Unless there’s fish in the pool.

          • YourSupremeCommander

            Now you know why I was waving, cause I was giving you a mad shout out bro!

          • Mighty曹

            I heard you but I was distracted.

          • linette lee

            They are scared of lime in water but not pee in water.

          • Mighty曹

            Haha.. true!

          • biggj

            Mighty, No time to ask questions just get in!!! You are swimming in pure piss and shit!!! Take the black mans hand, He will help you in!!

          • Mighty曹

            Hahaha. I’ll pass.

  • This is the first summer that hasn’t resulted in 45C temperatures for a month down in my hometown in Texas. One summer, it was so hot, there were dead bugs all over the driveway, and dead birds in the yard. I had a Chevy Silverado at the time, and I opened the door and the back glass just inexplicably blew out. I feel for anyone who doesn’t have a decent A/C during this.

    • YourSupremeCommander

      People DID NOT have A/C for tens of thousands of years… just saying.

      • Yeah, and we have no records as to how many people died in heat waves back then. Before A/C, homes were architecturally designed to stay cool. High ceilings, strategically placed windows, designed for cross-ventilation, large porches or verandas, large trees were kept nearby to provide shade….basically if you’ve ever toured any old home, like one of the old southern plantation homes in the US, you’ll see all of these things. I’m not up on architecture of other areas of the world (although I am certain you’ll find the old ones are designed pretty differently from modern A/C dependent buildings), but if you come out to Texas and look at our old 19th century buildings and our current ones, you’ll notice a huge difference.

        Also there are things like this: http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/green-living/3-coolest-ancient-air-conditioning-devices/4314

        • linette lee

          And back then not as much pollutions. Fresher air.

        • ikoihil

          You’re 100% correct. I was raised in a home built in 1887 (I know it isn’t *that* old, but its older than most US architecture) in Southeast Texas. Most of the time, I didn’t have to use the AC and could instead use a fan or just open up the transoms…

        • mr.wiener

          My mum still tells me stories about the heat wave they had in the middle of south Australia 70 years ago. People were dying, especially oldies and kids. My granddad built a framework of a hut and covered it in bulap sacks and threw a few buckets of water over it. Apparently it was a good 10-15 degrees cooler in there. Their neighbors baby had been crying for 3 days non stop and had heat rash. They bought her over and she went straight off to sleep.

      • Also, to keep this China-specific: These cities weren’t always giant greenhouse gassed concrete hellscapes for the past tens of thousands of years, either.

      • hailexiao

        People in hot places did most of their outdoors work in the early morning and late evening and took long siestas…just saying.

  • Irvin

    The map of china always looked like a chicken, now it’s a roast chicken, nice!

    • Repatriated

      Chicken? Surely you mean cock?

      • Atlas

        China is too big to be a Chinese cock.

        • Kenshin

          you’ve must have sucked many

        • Irvin

          It’s not the size that matter, it’s the quantity. Even drops of water can make a huge dent with enough numbers.

    • hailexiao

      This week’s special: roast chicken (China), fried chicken wattles (Korea), braised chicken legs (Vietnam)

      Next week’s special: Turtle soup (USA)

  • Kenshin

    Chinese people are always so extreme and unpredictable. First they are extreme communist, then extreme capitalist; first extremely don’t care about environment, now extremely toasty! LOL

    • mr.wiener

      Umm…..I think we’re all in the same boat on that one mate.

    • YourSupremeCommander

      Says the person who likes to lick other people’s eyeballs for fun.

      • mr.wiener

        Japanese are noted for their moderation and never taking any pursuit or pass time to it’s extreme…..said no one ever,

        • Charles

          Does anyone think that Kenshin is really Japanese?

      • Kenshin

        thats just retarded high school students.

        american high school students are busy getting high off cocain and getting pregnant age 16

        • Nah we smoked weed, no one was doing cocaine. Better than licking eyeballs, though.

          • mr.wiener

            puff, puff, pass dude. Don’t Bogart that shit.

      • Uncle Tommy

        Whoa whoa why don’t we all just calmm downnnn. *hands out blunts* there you go. *smiles while everyone is relaxed*

  • MrT

    stupid cnt me rode his motorbike all day in short sleeves.
    Paying the price now.

    • All the gear all the time or else burn baby burn.

  • Pesomeso

    Revenge of Mother Nature, I guess.

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