Chinese Son Refuses to See Mother Because She is “Too Ugly”

Auntie Ding, the mother of a son who refuses to see her after she traveled 5 hours to visit him and bring gifts for his family and newborn daughter.

Currently one of the most commented articles on Chinese web portal Phoenix Online with over 37k comments spanning over 1800 pages and 137k participants…

From Phoenix Online:

Zhejiang: Mother Wakes Up Early and Travels with Carrying Pole to See Son, Who Refuses to See Her Because He Thinks Her Too Ugly

TV Presenter: The next story is about an elderly person, an Auntie Ding from Yuyao. Recently, Auntie Ding’s daughter-in-law gave birth, so today she left home at 4am in the early morning shouldering a carrying pole as she transferred buses twice to travel from Yuyao to Xiaoshan [district in Hangzhou] in order to see her newborn granddaughter. However, when she arrived, her son refused to pick up his phone.

Narrator: We saw Auntie Ding at the Xiaoshan Car Market, her head covered in sweat from the heat, with the many bundles and packages she brought with her this time beside her.

Auntie Ding: He said I’m ugly, that I shouldn’t come, saying I would embarrass him.

Narrator: Auntie Ding is from Yuyao. Her son is 32 years old this year. Last month, her son called home and said [he and his wife] have given birth to a daughter. So Auntie Ding came specifically this time to see her granddaughter.

Auntie Ding: My old man [husband] said not to come, and I said our daughter-in-law has given birth, so I definitely must come, that I’ll bring some stuff to give them. I got up at 4am and got here a little after 9am. Before 10am, I was wandering here and there searching [for her son]. Those two workers asked if I was scavenging garbage [usually for recyclables]. I said I’m not scavenging garbage, I’m looking for my son, he’s a car salesman. The two workers then also helped me look, but my son still hasn’t appeared.

Narrator: Auntie Ding says she left home at 4am in the morning, and rode the bus from the village to Yuyao, then rode another bus from Yuyao to Xiaoshan, shouldering a carrying pole the entire way carrying rice vermicelli, ham, and dried beancurd for her son’s family, as well as baby clothes she had prepared for her granddaughter, all made by herself. A basket of eggs even had a live chicken, but it had already died by this time.

Reporter: Did you give him a call before hand?

I called him yesterday and said I would come, that my body/health has been better these few days, that I was worried for his wife, so much that I couldn’t eat [due to mood]. My husband also said to him, your mom isn’t eating, she wants to visit, so let her visit. He said okay.

Narrator: The merchants nearby also used their mobile phones to help Auntie Ding call her son, but no one answered. Auntie Ding says she only knows that her son works at a company at the Xiaoshan Car Market, but as for which company and what he does, she isn’t clear. A merchant pretended to be a customer and sent a text message to Auntie Ding’s son, only to get a reply saying Chief Xu was on a business trip to Xiamen. Auntie Ding says her son has not been in touch with his family much since graduating from university, had met his current wife about four or five years ago, and the two married last year.

Reporter: Do you keep in touch much normally?

Auntie Ding: I’ll call him, and he’ll talk to me briefly, but he won’t call, he won’t call you [on his own normally]. He hasn’t called/visited after finishing college.

Reporter: He stopped keeping in touch after finishing university?

Auntie Ding: Very rarely, and he doesn’t care to visit.

Narrator: Auntie Ding says her body hasn’t been well lately. Previously, she worked as a housekeeper for others, while her husband does temporary work at construction sites. They had borrowed money from everywhere in order to put this son through college. Their son graduated from a well-known school, and when he got married, he had asked for money from them, because their financial situation was truly very difficult, Auntie Ding had given her daughter-in-law a gold necklace. Auntie Ding says she had specially purchased the clothes she is wearing right now before coming.

The reporter called Auntie Ding’s son one more time, but still no one answered. Finally, Auntie Ding decided to leave, to go back. The things she had intended to give to her son’s family, Auntie Ding could only again shoulder them as she walked into the bus station.

chinese-son-refuses-to-see-mom-says-she-is-too-ugly-02

Note: Not included in the transcript above is a brief comment by the TV presenter at the end of the video. The presenter comments that they are willing to believe that there may be a problem (resentment, grudge) between mother and son that outsiders do not know of, but when it comes to a mother who gave birth to us and raised us, and even if she has done something wrong somewhere, what is there that cannot ultimately be tolerated or forgiven?

Comments from Phoenix Online:

凤凰网新浪微博网友:hmYF-吴亦凡是我本命

What’s the use of graduating from university? The knowledge and diploma can’t hide the ugly in his heart.

凤凰网新浪微博网友:徐州比格自助餐厅

Every mother is the most beautiful. This kind of son is bitterly disappointing!

凤凰网新浪微博网友:依贝丝-EBAYS

Let us all despise this kind of unfilial son together.

凤凰网新浪微博网友:醉大宝求原地满血复活

A son never thinks his mother ugly! And this guy graduated from college! His brain is full of shit!

凤凰网新浪微博网友:灰烬中的钻石

Tell me where he is, I want to go beat him up. Afterward, you can call the police, and say it was intentional injury.

凤凰网新浪微博网友:哲学问题

Truly no better than a pig or dog!

凤凰网广东省网友:胡底

A son does not think his mother ugly is something all animals know by instinct. The greatest, most pure and sacred love in the world cannot surpass that of a mother’s! When a son is far away, a mother worries, and will brave all hardships in search of him. This son thinks his mother ugly. This son doesn’t know how beautiful his mother’s heart is, while his own heart is incomparably false and ugly! This son is worthless.

凤凰网新浪微博网友:孙小宁Sunny

Raised an ingrate.

凤凰网福建省网友:Q595655076

China’s traditional virtues has been completely destroyed by you [the son]… Do you know what “of all virtues filial piety is the most important” means…?

凤凰网新浪微博网友:丧尸小强

As it is said, a son does not think his mother ugly, a dog does not think his home [master] poor. To say you are worse than a dog is simply an insult to dogs.

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  • 5000 years of history

    She should of stayed home on the sofa!

    • lacompacida

      You bought her a sofa ?

  • Honibaz

    These upsetting stories about children ungrateful towards parents who cared for them when they were young, questions the strength of filial piety in modern China. I really think that in the case of China, there is a need for explicit contracts or other legal documents between family members when it comes lending/borrowing of money. If the children decide to be ungrateful, they should be punished by allowing the parents to seek debt repayment from them, which could include the tuition the parents had to pay for their elementary school education, tutoring fees, etc.

    • donscarletti

      Nothing says family love more than litigation.

      The issue here is expectations. You should have kids for one reason and one reason alone, the biological need to reproduce. Kids are a drain on a parent’s resources because kids carry a parents genes and legacy into the future. You cannot live forever with current technology and even if you could, you probably shouldn’t. Your descendants however will propagate your genes and hopefully your values to future generations. From a purely biological standpoint, it is far better to die than to burden your children.

      Now, there is a lot that children can do for their parents and I would hope that they would do. But while taking care of ones children is duty and obligation, to take care of ones parents is simply love and compassion. Life is not symmetrical nor cyclical, your children’s primary duty to you is to live well and continue your legacy, and as Mencius would say “不孝有三无后为大”.

      What you are forgetting is that Western kids are even more of selfish shits, but nobody minds because thats what is expected. This is the rule of nature since mammals evolved, suckled on their mothers teat and left her when they were weaned. Chinese parents try to substitute Confucian thought for natural order, probably out of self interest but can only ruin their own relationships and alienate their own children further.

      That said, I am currently well in the black in money spent on my parents in adulthood vs money spent on me in childhood. Why? Because
      firstly I am reasonably good at making money and it doesn’t hurt me so
      much and secondly because I love my parents and want them to be happy.

      But are my future offspring likely to be like this? I doubt it. Is that going to change my plan about having kids? No, not at all. The natural order is to sacrifice for the future generation. Only selfish people would think otherwise.

      • David

        Being one of an age who has lost both parents, I can tell you this. You will certainly feel much better that you had a chance to give back to your parents when they are gone. Unfortunitly I only really started making good money a few years before my mother died. My dad was polite enough to hang around long enough for me to do things for him. I got to take him traveling (cruises with the grand kids and such) and get him a few things he would never buy for himself (like a riding lawnmower lol). And even though my father was a certifiable asshole when I was growing up (probably required to deal with me and my 7 siblings) he was an incredible grandfather to his 32 grand and great grand children. So feel free to spoil them rotten (well as much as they will let you) Don, because you can’t do it later and it will only make you feel good (good selfish reason).

    • Ryo Saeba

      “Elementary school education, tutoring fees, etc.?” Seriously? Shouldn’t you be expecting to pay this when you decided to have a kid?

      Having the kid was the parents decision, not the kid’s. Paying for everything, unconditionally, until they mature and can live on their own is also what is expected when having a child.

      If you raised the kid right, they will treat you as you’d expect without you asking or expecting it.

  • JabroniZamboni

    Ding Dong.

    No one home.

    Chinese person acts selfishly. Not exactly front page news. Quite sad though, I can’t imagine how this woman feels. Her only crime was helping her son rise out of a difficult situation. They will shame him at least.

  • Teacher in China

    I guess none of us can know exactly what the issue is between members of this family – it might be that some serious shit went down and this is the result of it. I can, however, relate a personal story about my wife and her parents (without too much detail, you understand) that I think may offer some insight.

    My wife was born in a small village here in Dongbei (I have been to it, and it is tiny – cant be more than 100 people or so there). They grew up quite poor and with not a lot. She had a chance to exploit a musical talent and get into some kind of artists school instead of going to a regular high school and has turned all of her hard work into a successful guzheng school. Most of her clients are families that have extra money, as lessons and the instrument itself are not cheap; and a lot of them are stinking rich and love to show it with all their brand worshipping, etc. It has led to, on more than one occasion, my wife bitterly exclaiming how embarrassed she is when her mom or dad drops by the school unexpectedly with their obvious farmer-like qualities (loud talking, unfashionable clothing, lack of fancy car, etc). I don’t particularly like it when she talks like that, but I can only imagine the complex emotions that come with such a change of circumstances such as that which she lived through, so I try not to judge too harshly.

    I can’t imagine how often a story similar to my wife’s is being repeated all over the country at the moment. Not saying that’s what’s happening here in this post, but who knows, right? Easy to judge when you don’t know the situation completely.

    • lonetrey / Dan

      I feel like this is the fairest way to approach this situation.

      We don’t have all the facts. Let’s not jump on the “thousad lashes for the unfilial son!!!” bandwagon…

    • Don’t Believe the Hype

      The problem is that one day you were no longer allowed to have siblings in China, and then suddenly every boy and girl got everything they wanted (comparatively). This dramatic shift, along with rising income, has created a perfect storm of spoiled selfishness that may even one day lead to what we now have in america

      • firebert5

        It’ll likely be worse since it is compounded in the extreme with a much larger population in general, and an entire generation of only children compared to the U.S. not having such extremes already.

    • FlyingTiger

      It doesn’t just happen in China. I can’t count how many episodes of American TV sitcoms I’ve seen where some country bumpkin starts a new life in NYC or LA or someplace only to have his or her bumpkin family come visit and embarrass her in front of her new friends. Comedy ensues.

      Of course in the TV sitcoms, the episode usually ends happily with the character embracing their family and their past regardless of their image. A sweet ending perhaps that doesn’t happen in China enough.

    • Having lived in China, I must say I prefer the loud country bumpkins than the snobbish, plastic, uber-materialistic city vermin. Yeah they talk loudly and spit everywhere, but what you see is what you get, no agendas or any hang-ups about self image and all that.

      • Teacher in China

        Yeah I think I can agree with that in some ways. In the city I’m living in anyway, the only difference between the country bumpkins and the uber-materialistic set is the money itself. They still talk loudly and spit everywhere and stare, but they do it while dressed to the nines in the latest brands.

      • JabroniZamboni

        The rich city dwellers have the nongmin manners too. Money doesn’t mean class.

    • Guest

      First of all, the son said it was okay for his mom to visit. When she does, he ignores her? That’s just mean. She traveled so far to visit him.

      From the mother’s testimony, if it’s true, the son is ignoring her because she is ugly. Not knowing the whole truth does not mean that we don’t know one side of the story. If we look at the testimony (could be facts) before us, the son and parents do keep in contact. When the parents call, he would talk to them. It doesn’t seem to be a sour relationship.

      Next, the son receives several random calls but does not answer. He responds to a text message sent directly to him and responds that he’s on a business trip. If he had a secretary, she would answer the phone. If someone responds to a text message, that’s most likely the owner of the phone and not a secretary.

      If the parents and son do not talk to each other, it would seem irrational of the mother to randomly visit her son with so much on her shoulder and without knowing where he works. She was expecting to meet him at his work place and that involves being in contact via phone.

      Lastly, we don’t choose our parents. We don’t choose the circumstances we are born into. People should not normalize the behavior of being embarrassed of their parents. It’s shameful. We should be proud of where we come from. From village to city is a obstacle. Parents should be proud of their children for improving themselves. Children should be proud of what they overcame. Parents are a reminder of that challenge. As the saying goes, nobody is perfect. And in relation to that, nobody has perfect parents. It’s a facade to believe otherwise and it just reveals the immaturity and naivety. (I’m astounded to hear a university graduated 32 year old still feeling this? I understand children feeling this in elementary and high school but several years after college?)

      • Teacher in China

        1) Read further down this thread to see more facts about this story.
        2) It’s easy to say that it’s shameful and you shouldn’t be embarrassed of your parents when you haven’t actually lived through it.

  • If you’re thinking about your mom in terms of how attractive she is, there’s something wrong with you.

    • socali

      Even if she was ugly, I would love her. I think thats what the point of this article was

    • Rick in China

      Although I can guess you’re being facetious, obviously the kid feels that his mother is unkempt and will ‘bring him down’ socially just by her mere presence. As disgusting as that is, we can understand why he feels that way, even though most people would acknowledge it’s absolutely disgusting and wrong.. with the assumption that the articles representation of the facts is close to truth.

      It’s the classic poor-to-rich new circle of friends for the ambitious, where when one of your old crowd comes by you want to pretend to be separate and having never known them, out of fear for damaging your potential within the new, shallow group.

    • To reiterate the points Rick in China has made: the son is not mad at his mom for not being hawt but for being broke

      • Due to Anonynonymous’s comment that there was a follow up to this story and that it had been completely sensationalized, I’m not even sure if the son was necessarily mad/upset with his mom, or perhaps he was for an entirely unrelated matter. Dunno until someone translates it.

  • Don’t Believe the Hype

    This is a sad story, strongly suggest a human flesh flailing

  • Karze

    Freaking ungrateful idiot. His mother brought and wiped his dirty ass until he is big enough.

    I pray that his son or daughter will do this to him and let this guy suffer.

    • Plot twist: His mom did this to her parents.

      • mr.wiener

        In the case of my mother in law, yes she did.
        But now it is don’t do as I did, do as I say.

    • Ryo Saeba

      Ungrateful for what? Bringing life into this world? Having a baby is not some miracle that only certain people can do. Heck, a lot of times, it comes as an unplanned accident. The parents choose to have unprotected sex and had a kid. It is their JOB to “wiped his dirty ass until he is big enough.” They are suppose to do it because they are their parents.

      The right way to parenting is not expecting ANYTHING in return. Unfortunately, Chinese have kids because they expect compensation. It is like a written contract: “I took care of you when you were born, you take care of me when I am old.”

      As for the article, you really can’t blame the son. Most Chinese are born already in a deep hole. It is very difficult for them to climb out since their parents are in the hole with them. A low percentage will make it out of that hole but not enough to get the parents out (or perhaps they don’t want to). Parents really shouldn’t expect anything.

      In any case, you really shouldn’t expect your kids to be grateful because having them was YOUR choice, not theirs.

      • Probotector

        There’s truth in what you’ve said, but many Chinese still admire their parents for ‘giving them life’, even though, as you said, “having a baby is not some miracle that only certain people can do”. Indeed, and this is coming from a guy who lost his kid at birth. In spite of this, Chinese society expects their kids to appreciate the ‘effort’ involved in conceiving a child.

        • Ryo Saeba

          Because they are constantly being brainwashed into thinking that is the way it should be. They are reminded daily at school, on TV, the news, and from old people who have no idea what life is like now. Instead of encouraging them to live their own life, they are encouraged to repay their “debt” of being “given” life.

    • Repatriated

      Umm…No. His grandmother wiped his dirty ass until he was big enough. Ha.

  • lacompacida

    There are too many forces in play, one of which is the social pressure from peers who favor rich and famous, especially in parents. If his father was Li Gong, he won’t feel this way towards her mother.

  • YourSupremeCommander

    FINALLY! We have a story about THE FONG!

    • LaoShu

      You made my day !!!!!!!!!

  • Donald Med

    The thing I don’t understand about Chinese culture. Everyone understands the feeling about wanting to get away from your parents. Even if you have great parents you want to be separate from them. Yet Chinese people will never publicly admit this even if they have horrible parents. The thing is Chinese parents are mostly terrible to their children. Every Chinese person I know close enough to talk about personal issues has a similar story. They have parents who beat them and mistreated them growing up. Showed no love or intimacy. Just went to work to feed the family and forced the kids to do ridiculous amounts of homework or face beatings. It is so common but when this kind of discussion like in the news story above happens no one ever talks about child abuse or just bad parenting. Some parents deserve to be abandoned by their children. Of course most parents and children have “normal” relationships but we need to assume some parents are monsters.

    • Rick in China

      “but we need to assume some parents are monsters.”

      Is that seriously your default?

      All we see here is a loving mother who wants to give gifts to her grandchild travelling far and taking on personal burden to do so. All we see, is a mother who wishes her son a good life…and a mother who is caring and loving, but denied. All we can see is the son refusing to even allow his mother to give her gifts and best wishes in person, because she “is too ugly”. You can “assume” that she’s the devil, but I would say that’s a totally unfair and unjustified assumption based on absolutely nothing, and as such, you’re a fucking asshole.

      • He didn’t say we need to assume this mother is a monster. He said we need to assume that some parents are monsters. Whether or not this mother might be one of those monsters, we can only speculate but not know. Just as one can’t judge a book by its cover, one can’t judge a three-decade parent-offspring relationship by a couple of photos of 50% of the group at present day.

        Even if the mother featured in this article is the biggest sweetheart in the world, it still doesn’t negate the truth of what Donald said. He never claimed her to be one of those monsters; he only correctly pointed out that it’s a feasible possibility.

        • Rick in China

          I suppose you have no concept of context. In this story, hence this discussion, we do not need to assume some parents are monsters and that this person could be one. We will likely never find out anything more than the above, so this is what we have to frame this discussion with. You can say that he didn’t specifically say this parent, but when we are talking about this story, no…we don’t need to assume by default that this parent is anything but what is depicted above.

          You, of course, could assume some parents are monsters and dismiss the kid’s actions as assumed to be justified, but then I’d also consider you an asshole. There’s no evidence to group this person in with the assumption. I suppose you could also say “but he didn’t” – which you kind of are, but, again.. CONTEXT.

          • It’s a possibility.

            If you can’t at least accept that objectively factual statement, then please just stop responding to me.

          • Rick in China

            It’s a possibility that you’re a chat bot.

            If you can’t at least accept that objectively factual ridiculous statement, then please just stop responding to me.

          • That is a possibility, although substantially less likely than any given mother possibly having been a bad parent.

          • Rick in China

            Bad parent != “monsters”

            The grandparents in Canada who basically tortured little superman until he died from malnutrition, those, are monsters. I don’t think many parents reach monster status.

          • Every Chinese person I know close enough to talk about personal issues has a similar story. They have parents who beat them and mistreated them growing up. Showed no love or intimacy. Just went to work to feed the family and forced the kids to do ridiculous amounts of homework or face beatings.

            ^ Does that seem mythical to you? “Monsters” is obviously hyperbole (a dedicated literalist could argue that monsters veritably don’t exist). The question here is the possibility that the mother could have done something in the past three decades to explain why her adult son might justifiably not want to see her. Torture is not the bare minimum prerequisite for grudge holding.

  • Zen my Ass

    Maybe she used to beat the shit out of him when he was a kid. Who knows? Who cares?

  • NeverMind

    Here is my own story…What would you do if your mom was a good person but also a person who asked for cash constantly so she could give it to your sister or to help someone else with it? What if you had a wife and wanted to save money and yet your mom wouldn’t understand? What if you have spent a lot of your own money to help your mom yet she never considers it?

    Are you then justified in avoiding your mom yet sending her a monthly allowance or are you obliged in sacrificing your life so you could help your mom with all the cash she wants? ( This would mean a life of constant borrowing of cash from others so you could give it to your mom).

    • KamikaziPilot

      That’s your story but in this story isn’t it the son who used to ask the mother for money? Just reading this story I can’t tell if there’s more to it but on the surface it does seem like an ungrateful son. I mean the least he could do is see his mother. I also find it hard to believe that a son wouldn’t see his mother just because she was physically ugly. Maybe the son is just aloof, I don’t know.

      In your case I’d cut your mother off, at least monetarily. She can’t rely on you as a bank account. Unless it’s an emergency don’t give her another cent. I’d say your wife comes before your mother.

      • NeverMind

        I had a chance to explain my situation, but to an onlooker it would always seem like a guy who doesn’t care about his mom. I also come from an Asian background which automatically implies that I have to burn for my parents because they did a ‘favor’ on us.

        • KamikaziPilot

          I come from an asian background too but I never felt obligated to cater to my parents every wish. Even if they requested I do so, I have enough backbone to say “no”. I guess if you believe your parents come first no matter what, there’s nothing more to say but in my case I have my own life, and I think you should too, you owe it to your wife at least.

    • Ryo Saeba

      Usually though, it is the other way around. The parents will ask their daughters to help out with their son, as son’s are consider gods in China. (/s)

      • NeverMind

        That would be rare because they are allowed only 1 child :)

        • Ryo Saeba

          You can pay to have another. Or you can have them but they can not be registered. And unfortunately, many people do the later.

          • David

            I have two female (I mean from two different families) friends who had to leave school in middle school to go make money for their family to support their younger brother. Both are poor families but wanted a son and basically sent their daughters to the city to make cash to take care of their little brother. One girl is in her early thirties now and is incredibly successful owning 5 Japanese restaurants and a Japanese KTV place (she always avoids talking about what she had to do when she came to the city at age 15). She still takes care of her useless brother who finished university (that she paid for) who can still not get a job. He basically hangs out at the KTV place pretending to be an ‘assistant manager’ so his sister has a reason to give him money every month. I have spoken to him many times and he thinks it is great having sister pa for everything. The second one is only twenty and he brother is 14, so still living at home. She gave massages for a year to save enough money to buy him a laptop computer for school. But she still works and scrips and saves and has nothing above the bare minimum for herself and visits home during spring festival.
            I know it is anecdotal but that is why I came to China, to get first hand experience.

  • BillBo

    I highly doubt a grown man won’t see his mother because she’s physically unattractive. I imagine something more went on here and the son probably isn’t to blame.

    The story itself seems fishy though. Isn’t saving face a big thing in Asain cultures? Why would this woman go on TV to say her son won’t talk to her because she’s ugly? Wouldn’t it be shameful even if none of it is true?

    • Ryo Saeba

      I wouldn’t be surprised if the wife had some part in it.

    • David

      When reading the first article I assumed by ‘ugly’ he meant emotionally, socially or some other character trait that makes her embarrassing to him, not physically ugly. However, since I can not read the original Chinese I do not know what specific character she said he said and if it had multiple meanings.

  • Willcow

    I’d never ever treat my mother like that. This guy is a disgrace

  • The mother simply represented values the son did not identify with any more. She is”ugly” in the sense that her presence would devalue his own sense of self-worth, especially if seen by those whom he wished to impress. He doesn’t hate her because she is ugly, he hates her for being poor. He hates himself.

  • Dr Sun

    Every mother is the most beautiful. This kind of son is bitterly disappointing!

    • David

      I visited Dr. sun’s home this week in Shanghai. I am sure it is not the only place that claims to be his home (all over the east coast of America are hotels with “George Washington slept here” signs) but it was in the tourist book so I went.

  • Boris

    Need a translation!

    • Murasaki

      It just says that the son didn’t call his mother ‘ugly’ and It was a misunderstanding.

      Then it says she left his father and him when he was 5 but they’ve
      reconciled their relationship when he married. He didn’t have his
      cellphone when she visited, which had caused this whole thing.

      Something, something he is being very badly mistreated by the media and public and something.

      That was, I think, about 50% of the first half. I have no idea what the
      second half is about, since the writer began using big and abstract
      words. LOL so it’s probably better to wait for someone with better
      linguistic skills. I tried!

      • Boris

        thanks.

  • moop

    its days like these that make me grateful that i have a totally hot mom

    • David

      lmao

  • The article (I wonder how much confidence we can even invest in it) states that the whole scenario did not exactly unfold as how the original news report had portrayed it.

    The mother had left the family to pursue another marriage when her son was still a child. He was raised by his father and grew up ridiculed because he had a mother who abandoned him. Despite all this, he eventually made something out of himself. However, he did not forget his mother and actually took the initiative seeking her out.

    He kept in contact with her and told her immediately when his child was being born. When she came to visit sometimes after the birth, he was away on a business trip and, most importantly, was unaware of her plan to visit, thus could not be there to receive her.

    It is sort of implied that the situation was misunderstood by the mother and she over-dramatized it which the media simply took to another level.

    The article then goes on to caution the readers regarding the sensationalist approach the news industry tends to take and to not believe everything they read.

    ——————

    I feel this article could be accurate then again it could be not. I hope this article can at least offer some closure to those willing to believe.

    • Kai

      Going by just the original report and this specific follow-up which is at least 50% editorial about the problems of modern media and admonishing the public to exercise more rationality and critical thinking (or at least to reserve judgement until all the facts are known), there are still some things that I feel aren’t cleared up.

      In this follow-up, the son argues that he wasn’t aware of her visit. The mother says she did, that her husband even had to perusade him, and that he agreed.

      In this follow-up, the son says he dropped out in middle school and never attented college. The mother had represented her and her husband as having supported him through college.

      These are VERY different stories/details. The more different they are, the harder it is to say it was all just a “misunderstanding”. They are so different that we’d pretty much have to conclude one is outright lying, and that’s upsetting in its own way.

      About the mother saying the son said she’s ugly, that she’d embarrass him: If we assume the mother isn’t lying, and give her the benefit of the doubt, we could interpret that as figurative, that the son had at one point given her the impression that he’s embarrassed by her, perhaps for reasons similar to what other commenters here have offered, that she’s a country-bumpkin and could reflect poorly on him in the eyes of others. That’s mean and vain of him but not exactly a rare sentiment around the world in similar situations.

      About the mother saying she had contacted him and that he was aware of her coming: I find it hard to imagine the mother going through all that trouble traveling so long and carrying so much stuff without being fairly confident she would be received by her son. I mean, would you go through all this trouble without knowing if someone was expecting you and thus risk making your trip and expenses completely for naught?

      So was there a phone call the day before as the mother said? How accurate is her representation of that phone call? The follow-up article doesn’t address this. Maybe the son had agreed to her visiting but she thought it was okay the next day and he thought he was just agreeing to her visiting sometime in the near future. Maybe there was a miscommunication and misunderstanding there? But if he knew she was coming the next day and he knew he had a business trip, why didn’t he tell her? It’s either that or she’s lying through her teeth.

      Which has to be entertained as well because the stories are so seemingly different.

      Another thing to be questioned is why the media was even there. On one hand, we might want to think this story is so small that the media wouldn’t find it worthy, but then on another hand, this might be just the sort of sensationalistic story local media would go for. But how did they catch wind of it? Did someone at the scene contact the media because they too were outraged by the story of an unfilial son leaving his mother out to hang after she had gone through so much trouble to bring all these gifts? Unless the mother contacted the media herself to smear her son, then whoever tipped off the media must not have been one of those bystanders who just gawks but doesn’t do anything to help a situation.

      I feel like there are still a lot of unanswered questions and pieces that don’t quite fit together. The mother said a lot of very specific things. As did the son. Some of what things he said (or some of the things said about his past) seemingly offer a compelling reason for him harboring resentment against her and thus explains why he may have left her hanging that day. However, he also denies knowing she was coming at all, thereby removing the notion that he intentionally ignored her out of resentments about their past. How do these two details reconcile with each other? If he simply didn’t know she was coming, why is the past about his mom leaving him, him being raised by his father, and being picked on for not having a mother relevant at all to explaining what happened? If he simply didn’t know she was coming, that’s all he needed to say.

      Perhaps he said those things to contradict her statements about how she provided for him throughout college. That would make sense in a “setting the record straight” sort of way. But that again begs the question of why the specific details from both sides are so starkly different as to preclude misunderstanding and suggest one side outright lying.

      So who is lying?

      • Taojas

        Exactly. When I read this piece last night I was thinking the same thing – If you carefully read the original article there is something fishy about this woman’s story. The “Ugly” comment was what whipped everyone into a frenzy, but there is no further info about it at all. When,exactly, did the son make the Ugly comment? It wasn’t that day, he wasn’t answering her calls. It wasn’t the day before – he told her she could come. It wasn’t the month before, when he visited. When then? Years ago? There is not enough specific information to put it all in context. This would lead a pragmatic and cautious reader to red-flag it as over-hyped/ factually lacking/ false. This “story” is another example of sloppy journalism at best and media sensationalism at its worst. It’s also a case-in-point (among many others)about how many seem to have lost critical thinking skills and the ability to reserve judgement by not immediately jumping on the bandwagon by condemning, denouncing and being a general moron on the internet until you know more about the particular matter.

      • ElectricTurtle

        These sorts of things should be incorporated into the ChinaSmack article itself so we’re not perpetuating the misinformation.

        • Kai

          You’re suggesting something others have suggested before. The reason cS doesn’t do this is because:

          cS’s editorial mission is to provide a glimpse of Chinese internet trends and phenomenon. We do this by aiming to translate what goes viral or becomes popularly discussed. We translate because we want to show you exactly what Chinese netizens themselves saw/read, only in English, to help readers cross a language barrier. In other words, we’re not here to report the news, we’re here to show you something that happened AS it happened, so you can make your own conclusions and derive your own insights.

          We’re not investigative journalism, nor Snopes, not out to investigate and uncover the “truth” of anything, to “set things straight”, or “correct the record”. We don’t (and can’t) vouch for the accuracy (or truth) of what we translate, only the accuracy of the translation and providing you links to the sources so you can corroborate the popularity and content.

          Everything else is up to you (and the comments section). We avoid inserting our own commentary or “editorializing” what we translate, because our mission isn’t to share what WE think, but provide a sort of snapshot. Our site is about the Chinese internet and about Chinese netizens, not about us. Sensationalist stories and netizens jumping to conclusions before further details come out are part and parcel of the Chinese internet, as well as the internet everywhere frankly. This is something best learned when people figure it out on their own. People can’t figure it out if it is spoonfed to them.

          This is why I’ve often said cS is a terrible site for “news”. It just isn’t our editorial mission. If you want investigative journalism or analysis and commentary, there are plenty of mainstream English media that already do this. We encourage it in our comments section, but we generally keep our published content objective translations and nothing more.

          We also believe it is readers who have to approach the content on cS with the proper context that is clearly laid out on our prominent About and FAQ pages. They have to take some responsibility for exercising critical thinking skills. They have SOME responsibility for understanding what cS sets out to do, and its limits.

    • The Chinese media is learning fast and learning well from their Western tabloid counterparts!

  • Kai

    It sounds like you think Rick is trying to make Canadian parents look worse. He’s not. He’s just trying to argue what kind of actions qualify people to be “monsters”, that a “bad parent” is not necessarily a “monster”. He’s expressing his disagreement with Donald’s characterization, thinking it goes too far for what he described.

  • Teacher in China

    Nice! How’s life back in at home treating you?

  • Ann

    At first I thought the son appeared awful – but actually, there can be a lifelong issue behind this. Perhaps he really IS a bad person, but not every parent is an ideal parent, and there can be a loooong history behind this story. Now ask yourself what could be the motives of a mother to out this whole story on national television – and what kind of character may she have? It could also be that both are totally different people – sometimes being a child and parent is very troublesome, and sometimes the problems are so big, one cant overcome them, without paying too high a cost. I think nobody has the right to judge other families just due to a rigid moral system. We first should live the life of others to have full understanding of whats going on. It is easy to be judgemental, if your own family is peaceful, or if you have no insight of pain.

  • Markus P

    I guess he is immune to “your mumma” jokes.

  • JabroniZamboni

    I was talking more about the son, however, it looks like it may just be a whole other case of “made in China” reporting.

    The selfishness is not by choice. Even the very educated, the upper-class, sometimes have a complete lack of empathy, or even a smidgen of respect for others and their thoughts/well-being.

    It is a lack of education. Not in the formal, traditional sense, but in the “they didn’t teach me to wash my hands not pick my nose” kind of way. Put down the calculus, learn some humanity. I mean this in the nicest of ways too.

    My wife does things that astound me, not out of malice, but out of simply not knowing that in most circles such behaviour is unacceptable. The bullshit and lies (white ones in my case), are second nature and seemingly involuntary; the reaction times of them dictate that they are almost trained to think this way. I get it; people had to scratch and claw…yet at a certain point you must break to cycle to advance.

  • Irvin

    Just another insignificant story to diverge our attention from more serious matters, like this http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2014-07/16/content_17807534.htm

    • Kai

      I don’t think that’s accrate. Both of these stories were popular on the Chinese internet. As far as living up the cS’s stated editorial mission, Fauna did so. It’s also exceedingly unlikely that there was any concerted effort by anyone to use this story to divert attention from the Guangzhou bus arson. They simply came out around the same time and both got a lot of attention. Zhou Xun’s marriage is arguably the most popular story on Sina Weibo, but is it “insignificant” in any objective sense? No, it is what it is and people follow celebrities. Is it meant to divert attention from more serious matters? No, it is what it is and happened when it did.

      • Irvin

        I stand corrected then, however it’s more than arson, it was an explosion. The video of the surveillance was shared everywhere in wechat.

        • Kai

          My bad, I was thinking of the burning bus pictures I saw and thinking “fire” hence “arson”.

  • Markoff

    what kind of mother doesn’t even know where her child lives/works? if he doesn’t want to meet her she could at least leave the bags at his house/work, but you must be really stupid to go to visit your son even without knowing his address and then travelling with baggage back

    and I can relate with son not being excited with mother around his already messed apartment with newborn not giving him sleep

  • Hank

    As somebody whose own mother chose to abandon me, I’ll take that ugly sasquatch for a mom and let her visit me.

  • Ryo Saeba

    Unfortunately, I am reminded of this constantly by my own parent who has done nothing but feed and roof me until I was able to make it on my own. Oh but I’m not alone. My wife’s parent is the same. So are most of her relatives. How do I know? They always urge us to have a kid. I ask why? Their reply: “Who will take care of you when you get old?”

  • hehehehh

    what a bitch

  • Xio Gen

    She is ugly, but that kid is just an ingrate and an asshole. She made all that for her granddaughter, even made her clothes! What a fucking asshole!

  • David

    The American dream is that if you work hard enough you can achieve what YOU want. For some, this is a nuclear family and a house in the suburbs with two cars. For others it is owning a jet or opening a successful small business and for still others it is making just enough money to get by so you can spend all your free time pursuing a dream (like music or art or in my case teaching). Personally I think it would be great for China if more people felt like they could get what they wanted. If you wish to achieve moral fortitude it may take longer than simply achieving a Mercedes, but it will be better for you.

  • David

    Did you by any chance see or read what happened at this follow up? Just curious.

  • Ryo Saeba

    You give these people way too much credit.

  • Repatriated

    So where’s the pic of this beautiful specimen that rejects his mother?

  • Ah_FQ

    See Chinese people receive the bad influence of foreign countries and without the traditional filial piety, my heart bleed, and strongly opposed to U.S. imperialism and cultural infiltration, defend our Chinese traditional Marxism, so that all the foreigners go back overseas!

  • jackk

    Praise the glorious Chinese Red Army & it’s Cultural Revolution

  • Pingback: Son refuses to see mom because she’s “too ugly”, but is that the whole story? | RocketNews24()

  • kaikai60

    the son needs to be bitched slapped a few times. omg what an ungrateful Son of B.

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