Increasingly Difficult for Rural Chinese Men to Find Wives

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From NetEase:

Graduate Student Returns to Hometown and Complains that Finding a Wife is Difficult: Betrothal Gifts Start at 100k, Demanding A Car, A House, and No Brothers

[Yangtze River Daily] report — “Betrothal gifts already start at 100,000 yuan [RMB, ~16,400 USD], must have a house, a car, no brothers, and parents who are alive and healthy.” Recently, a Huazhong University of Science and Technology post-graduate student posted on a BBS an article titled “A Bachelor Dog’s Return to His Hometown”, lamenting the increasing difficulty of finding a wife, resonating with many students.

Li Zhao (pseudonym) is a student of Land Management at this school. With the start of school, the Political Theory course teacher assigned them to write about their visit home, and he used this opportunity to share his innermost thoughts, “These things are those that I have long wanted to say.”

Compared to three years ago, the most obvious change in Li Zhao’s hometown was the increasing difficulty of finding a wife. There are less girls in the rural countryside now, and their requirements have become much higher. Betrothal gifts now start at 100k yuan, and the structure of one’s family is also considered, desiring those without brothers and parents who are still alive and healthy (to help take care of a child/baby), and having an older sister would be even better, as she would be able to take care of the elderly [parents]. “Of the over 20 households in the village, there are over ten with boys of marriageable age without wives, nor are there anyone engaged in matchmaking, because there simply aren’t any young women to be matched with! When [the people] didn’t have any sons, they did everything they could to have them, and once they had sons, they worked hard for their sons, saving money for decades, only to discover that the disparity is getting larger and larger.”

Li Zhao analyzed that this is because of reasons such as agricultural tax reforms in recent years and widespread increases in income from those leaving their hometown to work, but also influenced by competitiveness between the people. He laments that with rapid urbanization, the plight of university students from the countryside is “the most awkward”. The devaluation of educational attainment and the powerlessness of knowledge oppress these class of people. Entering the cities, they have no foundation, but they also can’t return, so what awaits them is a long-term struggle in a city far away from home. The girls in the cities look down upon those from the countryside, so rural men have no choice but to face reality.

“Either make do or wait five to ten years until one has a foundation before thinking about marriage. As for me, my parents cannot wait, and hope that I can marry upon graduation. Therefore, I will have to settle for good enough.” Li Zhao has 37 classmates in his class, with rural students being the majority, and many among them have the same problem. In the two days since this post was posted, there have already been nearly a hundred comments. Quite a few students express “deeply sharing the same sentiment”, with there even being one rural student revealing that the betrothal gifts in his hometown already average 200k yuan, and [single] girls are still becoming less and less.

Comments from NetEase:

老鼠药专卖店 [网易湖南省长沙市网友]:

Now you know how hard it is to find a wife. Just how many rural families became got an abortion when they became pregnant with a daughter? Now your sons have grown up. Don’t blame the girl’s family for having high betrothal gift expectations either. It’s not as if their daughters were raised without cost.

蒸锅梦 [网易辽宁省葫芦岛市网友]:

At first I could not accept those who have kissed before. Then it was as long as they were virgins. Now it is if they haven’t had an abortion. In the future, it’ll be those who are getting remarried. After that, it will be as long as they are alive. Beyond that, I dare not imagine…

执着火狐狸 [网易山东省网友]:

What can you do? All the rural girls have crowded into the cities to be leftover women or >mistresses.

何立言 [网易浙江省杭州市网友]: (responding to above)

China’s rural newborn sex-ratio is close to 123, meaning for every 100 females, there are 123 males, whereas the normal newborn sex-ratio is between 103 to 107. This statistic makes it clear that there are 38 million men who cannot find wives.

泼你一脸墨水 [脑洞初开]:

What’s scary isn’t this. What’s most scary is worrying that one’s child is not one’s own. Good luck to you all!

普天下的人民都爱你 [网易广西贵港市网友]:

Brother, it’s just 100k. Brother [referring to self] deals in 100 millions every time!

送子和尚 [网易河南省郑州市网友]:

100k yuan for a wife to use for a lifetime, or 100 yuan for a woman to use for awhile.
Which is more cost-efficient?

网易浙江省杭州市手机网友 ip:211.140.*.*

Back then they aborted if it was a girl, now their sons can’t find wives, and complain that betrothal gift amounts are high. It’s all karma/retribution, serves them right that they can’t find wives.

304953947 [网易云南省昆明市网友]:

Is it marrying wives or buying wives?

紧嫩夹抽x [网易陕西省西安市网友]:

I’m particularly worried about the various vast but sparsely populated northwestern provinces, with the popularization and penetration of online commerce and logistics into rural villages and towns. Online businesses mostly based in Zhejiang, Guangdong, and Jiangsu will suck dry what was already limited consumption ability in the rural countryside, leading to the already fragile commerce and industry in these rural parts quickly collapsing and dying out, causing large numbers of people becoming unemployed, directly leading to the devaluation of real estate, and then affecting new urbanization. I hope the government will enact legislation to prohibit Taobao express deliveries from entering the Gansu, Qinghai, and Ningxia provinces, and only allow local express deliveries to go out [of those provinces].

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  • FYIADragoon

    Getting their just desserts. Treating daughters as a burden and only wanting sons is a stupid mindset. I’d say this is karma, if anything. Seems they forgot that part about who holds up the other half of the sky….

    • http://yoursexycousinrex.tumblr.com/ Your Sexy Cousin Rex

      it’s not like these men aborted their older sisters themselves though

      • plorf

        no, but their parents..

      • lonetrey / Dan

        Sins of the parents, being dealt with by the children.

      • FYIADragoon

        Of course, but the sad fact for these boys is that they will act as the retribution against their idiotic, myopic parents. When their children never find someone to marry or bring home a bride vastly below what they actually merit, their parents will finally see their stupidity in following this trend. Even this Spring Festival, all I saw were happy parents with boys. Perhaps when the post 90s finally have children, they’ll remember the pain of being in the sausage fest generation, and will allow things to return to the natural ratio.

        • Teacher in China

          Upvoted for “sausage fest generation”.

  • dusjanbe

    The car and house part seem a bit unreasonable.

    The brothers and healthy parents is understandable, possible “finnacial drain” from “brothers” and the copious amount of household works, taking care elders plus raising children which basically turning their entire adult life into domestic servitude.

    • Ken Morgan

      See this:

      I’ve seen hypergamy like this myself. Dating in Asia was like going to a job interview. When in Asia I still love to go on such dates. I tend to leave before the bill comes though :)

      • Donald Med

        I don’t understand. Why would you leave before the bill comes? If you leave then you cant take her home for sex.

        The only possible scenario where this makes sense is;

        You had sex with her already before the meal is over. Then naturally got hungry so you went to a restaurant to eat. She said she wanted to come with you because she is hungry too. You said “OK, I guess you can come.” Then in the middle of the meal you had the genius idea to skip out on the check because you already had sex so who cares if she is mad right? You Sir, are a sex hero!

      • Poodle Tooth

        Hahaha, these women believe in meritocracy. IN CHINA.

        Edit: China is very egalitarian! Towards women! The only person in this video I don’t want to smack is the guy in the red shirt.

        • Mark

          Why? I agree with him. Those kinds of women dont worth your attention or your money. They believe only in money, what good is that? even a woman who works as prostitute is better than them, she only asked what has been her right. But those women, they as too much for the benefit of their own only, do u want to marry those kind of women? Those who’ll probably leave when u broke?

          • Poodle Tooth

            What are you responding to?

      • Lazybearlars

        My god that video.

        All of those women asking for AT LEAST 10,000 [$1700+ a month] when they obviously can’t make that themselves.

        And then some asking for a house in Beijing plus a car plus 500,000!

        And the thing is absolutely none of them are good looking!

        The bloke in the blue shirt nails it, ‘instead of buying a house I can visit a prostitute every day for 20-30 years!’.

        And the women saying ‘I should be able to buy whatever I want.’

        Where’s the willingness to work for it and buy it YOURSELF?

        • Poodle Tooth

      • Mar

        Animals need resources to mate? What resource? Geezz…they keep spitting nonsense even though they have no brain.

        • Poodle Tooth

          Nutrients. They need nutrients to mate.

      • Apothis

        Chinese language in audio and Chinese language in subtitles…….makes sense.

        • Ken Morgan

          You realise you can choose the language of the subtitles on youtube? You also realise that most Chinese/HK/TW shows have subtitles to act as a bridge and therefore potential viewers to be able to watch and understand them right? TVB has had Chinese subtitles on Cantonese programmes since the 1960s. By 2007 they switched to simplified Chinese in order to be able to sell the programmes to Mainland China TV stations.

  • Amused

    Looks like its time to head up to the NK with a bag of rice and a couple of boxes of choco pies if you’re looking for love dudes.

    • Eric Hill

      I’d marry ANYONE for choco pies. Thems is good.

      • death_by_ivory

        Delicious.Damn NYmart was out of them,now I have to hunt for them somewhere else.

    • Dark Night

      Actually some Chinese people would kidnap refugees and rather than turn them to the Chinese authorities they would shackle them to the house and use them as slaves. In certain cases a bunch of men would pool their money to purchase a woman and use them as sex objects. So… there’s that.

  • Free Man

    Children always suffer from their parents or grandparents mistakes. The last generation wanted boys, now they got too many of them. These boys suffer consequences they weren’t responsible for but their parents and grandparents. That’s the sad part of it.

    From an egoistic asshole’s or philanthropic (you choose) point of view: evolution will take care of some of these rocket scientists. Some of these idiots aborting girls and keeping boys will have no daughter-in-laws nor grandchildren and therefore their genes will be removed from the big pool called humanity. That’s good, I think. Less competition for genes of smarter people.

    The girls and their families only do what everyone else always does: get as much as you can for yourself. Or is here anyone claiming that he/she would work for less money than what they could get on a job (exclude those doing pro bono tasks, thats done for other reasons than money)? They are the fortunate ones for a couple of decades. I think after an unknown amount of time when men were being oppressive to women thats a small compensation for the female ego.

    I was wondering if there is a place on earth that sucks even more than China and has women willing to emigrate or is willing to accept chinese immigrants. That could easily solve the issue for chinese men … and might cause the next one.

    • andi

      Unfortunately sexual slavery is booming.

  • Cameron

    Despite the ratio disparity, there are still plenty of single women in China, who are considered non marriage material for the sin of approaching 30 years of age (or, heaven forbid, older than 30) or who are considered “untouchable” as they had a previous marriage/child from previous marriage.

    • Zen my Ass

      Agreed. There’s plenty of single girls and women in the city where I live, but they’re considered undateable because they’re too old, too independent, too aggressive, whatever… Point is these guys from the countryside, even by adjusting their mindset, won’t be able to approach these ladies, let alone date them… too wide is the disparity. A sad future awaits Chinese men…

      • Zappa Frank

        I doubt those ladies would marry a guy from the countryside anyway

        • Zen my Ass

          Exactly, even if those guys clean up their act (and they won’t).

        • Guest

          Some of them won’t, some of them WILL – if the guy is willing
          to be a GOOD house husband, like the domestic set up in the Hong Kong romcom “Just Love” 老婆大人

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Love_II#/media/File:JustLove2.jpg

          Frankly that arrangement would make more sense. The women could make more money in factories and offices than the men in construction work. The man is physically strong enough to carry his child and groceries. The man is with the children so he has no room to cheat – the woman might, but really, she has less biological incentive to do so because it’s not like she could secretly have a child on the side – and because the man is the stay-at-home primary caregiver he’ll get custody, child support, and spousal support in the case of a divorce.

          • Zappa Frank

            But the cultural pression, not just in China, makes really difficult for a woman to marry down

          • Guest

            Things can change, my grandfather was from Mainland, but he had zero problem with my mother marrying my father who was lower-class than her – of course, much like in sitcoms, the man continues to harbour lol bitter resentment over his wife’s better childhood.

            I won’t make the same mistake as my mother, I won’t marry down, unless I was super rich enough for a house husband – there is just too much of a risk of him resenting me for being ‘rich'(er) than he was. I won’t marry UP either though, because then his family would probably look down on me, somehow I’ll have to find someone who make just as much money as me.. Maybe I can convince the people who do my taxes to match make…

          • monster

            i do not mind marry down. as long as that guy is handsome and doing well in bed. i am very sexual person.

          • KamikaziPilot

            BAAAAAARRFFFF!!!! I’ve seen your pic Eattoomuch, and I wouldn’t touch you with a 20 foot pole, and your personality is psychotic too.

          • Vance

            You are thinking like a Western woman. It is good that you are open minded.

          • KamikaziPilot

            Hmmm, but what about ugly or average chicks? I think a women’s looks are often considered her greatest asset not only in China but most places. I can see where there’s a shortage of females in rural China maybe it would be hard to marry down but I’m not sure what you said is usually true, except if the girl is pretty. Do you think your wife married up, haha?

          • Zappa Frank

            hahaha… my wife definitely not.
            Now my consideration was based on the situation described in the article. Many Chinese men in countryside cannot find a woman. We’ve pointed out that indeed there are single women, around 30, that are unwanted. As far as I’ve noticed those single women around 30 are usually by far better educated, with a much higher income than the men of the countryside, not talking about habits. I sincerely think would be hard for them to marry that down.. the ones I know would rather prefer remain single for life. And this is regardless the beauty of the girl.

          • KamikaziPilot

            You think your wife married down, haha. You’re too hard on yourself I think. How about in Italy? How about an ugly, middle class girl never married? Would she marry an average looking, poorer man? That would be considered a step down right? I’ve also met many Chinese women divorced or never married that are supposedly happy being single, which kind of surprised me but not anymore.

          • Zappa Frank

            In Italy is a bit different because there is no social pression for marrying, in the south is still present maybe, but mostly nothing heavy like here in China, not anymore at least, before was more like in China. An ugly middle class girl for sure would marry an poorer guy, social differences are not so important and not so big, at least not as I percived are I’m China….that is quite ironic for a communist country.

      • Munkee

        A guys marry B ladies, B guys marry C ladies, and C guys marry D ladies. What are left is D guys (those poor countryside dudes) and A ladies (independent successful shengnv).

    • Teacher in China

      That seems to be changing in my small town. I know of a lot of of people on second marriages even with kids involved. That includes my own brother-in-law. I’ve always thought of Dongbei as being one of the most traditional and backwards parts of China, so if it’s happening here….

  • Jahar

    You sound ready for a divorce.

  • Zappa Frank

    Hope is just a moment, else you should question yourself if she is the right woman for you, because no, not all women are like this.
    Anyway, is likely that this part of chinese culture is going to change soon with the urbanization as it changed in the west (was the same)

  • Zappa Frank

    How unexpected….

  • https://www.google.com/+SophiaDalke Sophia Dalke

    If you were a Chinese man with a spine if you couldn’t get her to pull her weight directly, you’d go to her family and complain, threaten her and her parents with divorcing her. Her parents would lean on her more effectively than you ever could since they want grandchildren, and she’d probably freak because old divorcees in China are pariahs and she’d have to work anyway.

    I normally wouldn’t give advice like this, but I don’t respect people who don’t work. It’s fine to be a housewife if you’re working at it, but otherwise get off your butt.

    • Powerlurker

      Most Chinese men however, would just cheat on her.

      • monster

        most white losers go to thiland or philipino look for cheap sex too.
        thanks to american old fkers, these famous red lights zone are doing well.

        • David

          Obviously you have never been to Thailand. Of course there are plenty of whites but very few Americans, almost all European. But there are so many non-white losers there that the white losers are almost hidden (except in a few concentrated market places). When I was there last month with my wife the largest population there, other than Thais, were Chinese. I am not saying that makes them losers, many had their families with them, but you should know what your talking about before posting. Have a great day E.

    • monster

      sigh!
      i almost fall in love with your photo.why you are a woman?
      if you were a guy, you are 100% my type!

      • https://www.google.com/+SophiaDalke Sophia Dalke

        Well, I’m trans, so I’m really in between. Non-op MTF so anatomically my primary sex characteristics are male, but thanks to hormones my secondaries are female (and going to become moreso). Regardless, Sophia is my legal name.

      • KamikaziPilot

        Are all white guys your “type”? Do you like my picture? Don’t I look handsome to you? I know you like me eat-a-lot.

        • monster

          as i said before, you look like a hippo!

          • KamikaziPilot

            So I take it I look handsome to you and you love my sexy rock hard body. I believe Japanese men and Chinese women are the perfect couple, don’t you? But I wouldn’t go near you, your psychotic and have a rat face with tiny beady eyes. Take care sweetie!

          • monster

            hahahaha!
            hahahaha!
            no matter what u say, i am still a pretty girl@

          • KamikaziPilot

            And I’m a very sexy and handsome man, many Chinese girls say so, no matter what you say, hahahahaha!!!

  • Bal Ram Duwa

    Mr. Deng Xiao Ping plz come and deal it efficiently otherwise new Mao will arise again.

  • yurah

    The only solution here is to move to another country and begin race mixing.

  • NondescriptRG

    I bet rural men in many other countries fare not much better than these fellows. Gender imbalance is not the only problem.

    • Eric Hill

      You’re not wrong… You ought to see some lf the stuffed pigs of women that the men in my VERY small Colorado town compete for… It’s complete absurdity.

      • Guest

        the men aren’t exactly top notch either lol…

  • Heleen Van’tveld

    Appearently in Ukraine they have too much woman, lets swap some genes…

    • Raymond

      What happened to the men?

      • Dan

        War

  • mwal

    What’s most fun is that the pressure to get married comes mostly from the parents, who want their sons to marry and have children to extend the familial line — but only boy children, eh? They don’t want none of them girl children.

  • Eric Hill

    Call me crazy, but maybe it’s time for the Chinese to stop looking on marriage as if it’s a financial transaction. A friend of mine who was recently hospitalized had a 21-year-old roommate (because it’s China and you don’t get your own hospital room) who was there for a good old fashioned grandmother-initiated, against-her-will abortion.
    Evidently, the mother-to-be’s family was already quite well off, but didn’t want the poor laborer father marrying their daughter. Solution? End their grandchild’s life over money.
    Evidently, these kind of things aren’t taboo enough for the wretched grandmother not to walk around sharing her story with patients and staff members while her inconvenient grandchild was being dissected out her daughter’s womb.
    What can one expect of a culture where the unconscionable is commonplace?

  • http://anabelenruiz.deviantart.com/ Ana Belen Ruiz

    I laughed at this:

    “At first I could not accept those who have kissed before. Then it was as long as they were virgins. Now it is if they haven’t had an abortion. In the future, it’ll be those who are getting remarried. After that, it will be as long as they are alive. Beyond that, I dare not imagine…”

    you are not so exigent now, huh? if you treat people like a good, you deserve to be treated the same way.

    • KamikaziPilot

      I was about to say that was my favorite comment also. At least someone has a sense of humor.

  • Transient Indigenous

    Grandmother inspired abortions are very common in America. Can’t ruin grandma’s reputation within her community even it means legalized murder. It’s just hush hush. Women are evil.
    The Chinese men who can’t find Chines wives might do better just getting ex pat women. They don’t have the hang ups on whose from where since a Chinese man is a Chinese man.

    • hess

      “legalized murder”

    • Zappa Frank

      actually doesn’t seem to me there are so many expats women available.

  • Vance

    Meanwhile…here I am, an American who went online by choice to search for my next lifetime companion getting many, many letters from dozens of Chinese women. I went online originally to search Philippine women, which I have experience with. I started getting letters from all over the world, including the Philippines and Ukraine, which is understandable. Both places have an enormous surplus of beautiful women. But getting so many from China surprised me. I knew about their disparity of men to women where there are many more men than women, about the only place in the world where this is true. What was even more astonishing to me was the quality of the women that were writing. Most are very wealthy, very beautiful, promise great loyalty and faithfulness, and most openly promise great sex from the start. You guys can guess their ages, for I have now learned of the “Shen nu” phenomenon. The Chinese guys don’t want these girls? Really? To a 45 year old American male, they are the cream of the crop! This is the weirdest thing on Earth! So I read these articles and I am just amazed that these men would rather run around alone rather than take one of what is probably some of their best women in reality. These women don’t sit around the house and demand stuff as the one commenter was complaining about. Hell, I have had some of them offer to take care of me! By that, I mean financially. I could be the gold digger if that was what I wanted!

    Granted, at this point, it is all Internet correspondence and still “theory”, But, in addition to a couple in Ukraine, one of the most promising prospects is one of these girls in China (from Nanning), which is why I came to Chinasmack and other websites on China so that I could learn something about Chinese people. I now wonder if they want to eliminate themselves from the Earth with their one child policy and with refusing to marry their best and brightest women. Oh well…this Sheng nu thing is proving beneficial to me anyways.

    • Guest

      I try watching Chinese drama, the one with the Empress Wu Zetian, because it’s supposed to be sexy, but all the actresses look like LITTLE GIRLS.

      Truly there is a great cultural difference at play here. In Britain, the sex symbols are in their 30s, 40s, and sometimes 60s (Helen Mirren).

    • Teacher in China

      I’ve had some experience with online dating in China. Just be careful dude. Not everything is always as it seems.

      • YourSupremeCommander

        You mean when the girl says she’s 23, she… er… he’s really 43? I know right, to foreign English teachers in China, all Chinese look the same.

        • Teacher in China

          Ha! Never had one THAT bad….
          I was thinking more along the lines of
          1) beware the photo – they are often perfectly positioned to attain maximum hotness, and the post-production techniques are getting more and more sophisticated, so you actually have no idea what the girl REALLY looks like if all you have is her dating profile pics.
          2) beware the motivations – especially if they are talking about taking care of you financially. Rule of thumb in life: if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. Met several girls back in the day that ended up being serious gold diggers and/or passport seekers.

          As for the other comment…that was a joke, I guess? When I first arrived in China, I was definitely guilty of that. After my first 6 months here, I traveled around to different parts of the country on holiday and I quickly noticed how wrong I was. And now, after almost 10 years, I can definitely tell quite a few differences between the people from different parts of the country, sometimes even better than my Chinese wife can!

      • Vance

        Thanks for the tips. This is an American agency with actual offices in China. The girls actually have to physically go in to the office with the counselors to apply, so while I know nothing is completely foolproof, I hope that this will help reduce some of the risks. I also have other options in other countries (Ukraine is absolutely insane! That must be goddess country.) and even local, so if she doesn’t work out, I’m not left in the dust. I’m most worried about: parental approval, and should they demand a dowry (who still does that in the modern world?) that I just could not physically manage. I don’t think they will as it is a wealthier family. As I said. All theory until we actually meet.

        • Foreign Devil

          The Chinese still have the dated perception that US citizenship is the highest prize there is. . (little do they know they will become a tax slave of the only country that taxes based on citizenship and not residency). . but that aside, you shouldn’t have to give a “dowry” in CHina. . you already can offer them the great US immigration gift.

          • Vance

            Well…I can afford that then! lol. I try to avoid those that only want visas and money. It is hard I know. Only a visit will tell for sure.

        • Teacher in China

          Sounds more legit I guess. Dowries are still common in my part of the country (small town northeast China), but I’m not sure about bigger cities. There’s a lot of talk about how a guy needs a house and a car to even have a chance at marrying a woman, but if this girl is wealthy, then I doubt she will care. Hope it all works out for you!

          • Vance

            Thanks!

          • Vance

            Thanks!

    • RegisterToPost

      Don’t kid yourself, most of those are fake profiles.

    • vincent_t

      No it doesn’t sound too boastful. It just sounds like you are new and a little naive here. If you haven’t meet them, don’t is what I am trying to say. Hope you don’t feel offended.

      • Vance

        I am actually naive when it comes to China. Other than what everybody in the west knows and thinks of China, I knew nothing of the culture and society until I started this. You do not sound to impressed. I would think that with something like 650 MILLION women, SOMEBODY must be a good catch?

        • David

          Don’t worry, there are plenty of great women in China. You just have to come here and learn about them in person. Especially if you are thinking about a serious relationship/marriage. I have a friend who is 31 years old, absolutely beautiful, owns 4 Japanese restaurants, speaks English, Korean and Japanese and travels around the world a lot. She can from nothing and worked hard for the last 10 years to earn what she has. In any other country she would be highly respected and loved by her parents (who were dirt poor farmers until their daughter started providing for them) but all they say is that she is too old and will only be satisfied if she married ANYONE and gives them a grandchild. I told her to fire the lazy younger brother, who she pays for doing no work, tell mom and dad to support themselves and live her life to be happy. Of course she will not do that. I honestly don’t have any white friends in China that I think are good enough for her. I have dated women from the Ukraine and maybe I was just lucky but they were all tall blonde, buxom and beautiful (also strong willed, opinionated and independent). China, like most other countries, has every kind of woman you want to meet. Strong, docile, lazy, hot whatever. The trick is meeting the right one for you. Good luck. And no, I am not introducing y friend to some guy I have never met in person from ChinaSmack lol

          • Vance

            HaHa!! Well, I’m working on one already. I think she will prove to be of similar quality. Yes your friend would be highly respected here. I’m amazed that these women are so entrepreneurial and hard working. They seem to get no encouragement for it.

    • Amused

      You too could be the next Deuce Bigalow…

    • Foreign Devil

      reflects my own experience. However you should get them on webcam ASAP. Also if you are serious. . go to China and spend lot’s of time with them.

      • Vance

        Working on it. Thanks for the tips.

        • Married2chinese

          Hmm Money + Left over Women, in reality they might be too demanding once you get to know them. Trend carefully.

    • Bing

      Here are several explanations:
      1) thinking about the huge population in China, and then compare with Ukrain and Philippine. you just got a “normal” amount of replies.
      2) Sheng’nv is a social problem and it’s a big one. In China, 郎才女貌, which put female’s beauty with male’s wealth together, is a common understanding. I feel bad for those ladies.
      3) Don’t be too positive about those ladies. I’m not saying mean words here, but as far as I know, some of the sheng nv have picky standards on males. Don’t ask me how i know it—I just knew some of them in real life :)
      4) I’m not assuming you are a not a charming guy. However, your US citizenship gave a big plus.
      5) As an NGO worker, I’v seen so many international marriages between older white gentleman and younger Chinese females. A certain portion of them, though, didn’t end up well. Manipulation, Domestic violence happens a lot.
      6) White people have different taste on the Chinese beauty. Most popular Asian figure is rated very low among Chinese.

      Hope you still have your confidence one piece. One last hint:
      Too many choices does not mean a better marriage. As a Chinese, theoretically i have .7 billion Chinese ladies to choose from. but when culture, habits, living customs come together, things can be very tough even between two chinese.

      • Vance

        Thanks for the tips. I do know these issues and try to guard against them.

        1.) I have actually gotten letters from both those places as well as many other countries and the USA. The most by far have come from Ukraine which seems to be an absolutely unbelievable place as far as beautiful high quality women are concerned. I am communicating with a couple from there. So not all eggs in one basket.

        2.&3.) She is 28 so just entering sheng nu-ism. If what she tells is true, she had a boyfrend for a couple years, then discovered him cheating. So it seems like she spent the 2 years they give a Chinese woman to find a husband on a relationship that did not work out. So I’m hoping it’s more of a wasted time issue and not a pickyness issue. we’ll see. I am clearly not loaded and she knows it.

        4.) She is a doctor with 7 years of med school. The US offers visa’s to people with such skills, so I don’t think she needs me to get in the country. She may have more money than me. If they pay doctors anywhere near what they do here, I know she does and her family is well off, so she doesn’t need me for money.

        5.) I know about the uncertainties of marriage. There are never guarantees. I had a great marriage for 12 years. It suddenly collapsed overnight one day when she cheated and I have no idea why all this happened since she seemed to be happy. This also caused me to lose a son. very long and complicated story. Nothing that can happen with this Chinese girl can be anywhere as close to as bad as what I’ve just been through.

        6.) It is a good synoptic relationship between the East and West that the western mend seem to be attracted to the women that the Chinese men reject. They are all so beautiful that even the “ugly” ones seem beautiful by the standards of the rest of the world. I think this girl is very beautiful. In the end, that is all that really matters.

        So hopefully some of these things mean that we will avoid some of these issues. We will see. Your input as a CHninese who knows the culture is appreciated. Thanks!

    • monster

      you sound like a good man.

      • Vance

        Thanks!

  • KamikaziPilot

    Marriage isn’t for everyone, I’ll give you that and neither is children. It’s really up to you to decide what’s right for you. What makes you happy is the right answer.

    • Mark

      i agree Kamikazi-san. But in China, not married is almost impossible.

  • Irvin

    Eat, shit and sleep are the only things necessary for survival, everything else we can live without. In fact, the more things we perceived to can’t live without, the more we becomes a slave to it.

    • YourSupremeCommander

      WRONG. What about drink, breathe, and fuck?

  • Dark Night

    I bet there are more than enough women on the rich end of the society. Gold-diggers seem to be apparent in every society.

  • Teacher in China

    “As for me, my parents cannot wait, and hope that I can marry upon graduation. Therefore, I will have to settle for good enough”

    Or you could grow a set of balls and tell mummy and daddy that it’s your life and you’ll marry when you’re damn well ready to. It’s this pussy-like attitude that’s one of the main reasons the divorce rate is skyrocketing in this country. People get forced into marriages at a young age and by the time they’re 30, they’re fucking miserable, so they get divorced.

  • Edward Kay

    LIfe’s a bitch, and then you marry one. Saw that on a t-shirt.

    • Markus P

      Life certainly changes after marriage, I thought it was just TV shows taking the piss…

  • FYIADragoon

    Correct. And I think that with modern culture, daughters aren’t given away anyways. They still regularly interact with your family (often more than with the husband’s), and I’ve even seen families where they spend Spring Festival with the mother’s family. And a smart daughter is more likely to attract a smart son in my opinion…and I don’t think I’d want any idiots marrying into my family.

  • Eric Hill

    I blame the caustic values of the starvation generation… it’s many of the 21-27 year old girls’ parents who’ve managed to convince them that their highest calling is to marry a man with a house and a car. Nothing but old world survival mentality at work. God bless those few young women who’ve relocated to the cities and cast those values into the gutter, where they belong.

  • vincent_t

    calm the fuck down and get some sense of humor.

  • Eric Hill

    It occurred to me that, even in America, one generally has to make something of one’s self before they consider the option of marriage. An uneducated laborer who still lives with his parents in China has no more reason to expect a willing partner than an unaccomplished minimum wage slave in America. Being one of too many poor Chinese guys in China’s like being one of too many poor white guys in America. You want more demand? Move to where’s there’s less supply. You won’t find that in the dying countryside. That’s just economics.

  • Guest

    if i was someone who kept my daughter, why would i want her to have low standards of who she would marry when there are so many desperate guys to choose from? of course they have high standards, they hold all the cards.

    • Bing

      Social Darwinism?
      Those who have are regarded as low standards->very limited resources->will be poor anyways->no future->NEVER MARRY MY DAUGHTER TO THEM!!
      How about characteristics, manners, behaves, potentials?

      • David

        Absolutely. Or him treating her well, loving her, them staying married, her being happy, raising a child who knows love. All things to consider other than money when it comes to marriage.

        • Mihel

          It depends on how poor they are.
          Idk, having a solid roof above my head and not having to work 16 hours a day to make a living ranks above finding true love for me.

  • Markus P

    “no brothers, and parents who are alive”
    WTF… *”Kills two brothers and parents”* Now can we marry?

    • Kai

      To clarify, they want a man who doesn’t have brothers but whose parents are still alive and healthy. It is reiterated in a subsequent paragraph.

      I was surprised that they wanted the parents alive and healthy. While I understand the desirability of having parents alive and healthy to 1) not be a medical financial burden on their son and thus daughter-in-law, and 2) help take care of the kids while the parents work during the day, I cynically thought it would be stereotypical for the women to want the parents were dead so they wouldn’t have to deal with in-laws at all. Not wanting the guy to have brothers is probably about to traditions of brothers competing for family resources and inheritence.

      It’s too mercenary for my sensibilities, but I’m blessed in that I didn’t grow up in their circumstances and thus share their considerations. Even so, I’d like to think there’s such a thing as going too far, and at least some of these women or their parents are going too far.

    • Bing

      you haven’t read those mean jokes enough.
      I know an old one.
      “有車有房父母雙亡”.
      Literally, “Have both car and house; Both parented died”

  • middle finger

    They should accepting gay couples.
    You know there are not enough female ratio in China but then still many closet gay guys marrying women because of family and society…

    • Bing

      believe me, in big cities, gay is not a problem to many people.
      It’s really difficult to imagine this decades ago, but now many people don’t care. People are very tolerated from gay jokes to real gay marriages.
      But, they have to be pretty. 一切都tm得看臉啊。

      • middle finger

        Haha I know what you mean, nowadays young girls going crazy when they see two pretty boys together but eww if you’re gay and ugly

  • firebert5

    “Virginity isn’t even a requirement for royal consorts in Britain anymore (it was during the time of Diana, but not now).”

    That’s really not helping your case, mate.

  • WFH

    fine by me…the rich get richer..and more sex..

  • Foreign Devil

    These farmers should actually be rich if the market was not so controlled and manipulated by the government. In a country so populated that imports huge amounts of food in order to survive. . a farmer would be doing very well if they sold their food in a free market economy. Also. . I think Chinese are the least romantic people in the world. Marriage is a complete business transaction.

  • Foreign Devil

    She does at least cook right? My wife is somewhat similar. . no career ambitions. but she is at least very thrifty . . always trying to find ways to save the money I make. Also very loyal. . All my brothers who married career women have since divorced or been cheated on. If we lived in CHina it might be difficult though. .as I might be the one to stray. Too many temptations there.

    • monster

      one must condition for me to sign marrigeline is: no need to work, unless i choose to work.
      make money for a loser is not my hobby.
      even so i still wanna be single a while. wait to meet the guy on my must fk list still.

      • bujiebuke

        wut dafuq did I just read?

        • Vance

          I think she is one of the legendary Shanghainese girls. I am just learning of all things China, but one of the things that seems prevalent is that many women from Shanghai have extremely high materialism and materialistic expectations for husbands. Anyone can feel free to correct me if I’m wrong here.

          • KamikaziPilot

            That’s the stereotype but I don’t know for sure as I’ve not known any Shanghaiese girls personally very well. But really I think Eat-a-lot aka Monster acts the way she does because she’s mentally unstable, not because she’s Shanghaiese, if indeed she is, I don’t know if she is. Don’t put too much into stereotypes, everyone’s an individual with their own personality.

      • Vance

        Monster, I always enjoy reading your posts. Stop by anytime!

  • monster

    some farmers are quite rich…only poor guys are hard to get one.
    but it’s really a big problems nowadays.
    divorced women can get married soon, even find a never-married rich guy.
    if i had enough money,i would not marry either, just find a handsome guy for kid, then fk whoever i like.

    • Bing

      wait, are you a male or femal

      • David

        She is female. Female and a little. . . touched. haha

  • Jesus H. Christ duh Lawd

    china is full of homosexual men, lots of girls to go around

    • Bing

      let’s 圍觀 a racist+homophobia person here!!

  • commander

    One of the remedies for the dearth of brides in rural China is to ensure that fruits from radical modernization and economic growth spread to the countryside, raising average incomes for guys working in the country.

    China is deeply concerned about its economic slowdown and possible ramifications for its political stability for the communist reign, so the central government goes to great lenghts to cotinue providing momentum to the economy by with economic stimulus pacakges.

    But what should be also noted is that without the spread of economic benfitd to the lower class, keeping the economy going may be just a half-baked measure.

  • Ezrahhh

    Marriage has always been an act of commerce (eg to combine wealth, to obtain or maintain social status) betwn 2 families in most cultures. Prince William’s balding head is a direct byproduct of this practice. so why acting so surprised?

    • Bing

      looool. me second.
      The problem is not an act of commerce, is you find you are too poor to even buy one.

    • monster

      your photo is you?
      wow. so catching!

  • Kai

    Heh, though to be fair, preference doesn’t necessarily imply contempt, just as an Asian girl preferring white men doesn’t mean she has contempt for Asian men. The preference for boys in agricultural environments is not uniquely traditional to the Chinese anyway. They’ll learn a lesson, the hard way, but it might not be fair to say they necessarily had “contempt” for women.

  • Dolph Grunt

    The men to women ratio in China has been (at least in my experience) common knowledge and even topics in school since the 90s… They’re just realizing this now? Sheesh!

  • Stefan

    This is why foreigners shouldn’t find Chinese wives, it makes the problem even more worse…

  • Kai

    I want a daughter myself, a daughter that magically becomes a son once she hits puberty. I have the irrational belief that little boys are obnoxious brats I don’t want to deal with, but also the all too stereotypical fear a father has about his little girl growing up and suddenly being porked by other men. OMGCANTHANDLEMENTALIMAGERYNOOO!

    • Guest

      For me, the reason I don’t want a son is that I would have to worry about him joining a gang or something!

      With a daughter, I’ll have to worried about her being sexually assaulted or getting pregnant, but with a son, I’ll have to teach him not to sexually assault someone or get them pregnant AND avoid getting sexually assaulted himself! One in eight rape victims are male, but guys don’t take it seriously enough.

      I really don’t think it’s a bad thing if my daughter grow up to sleep around, so long as she is old enough, it’s healthy mutually respectful, no STD risk no pictures than end up online. …and it is only by this comment that I realise that you are a man! I’ve been thinking that you were also a woman like me, especially your comment about WM/AF preference! Ha, the different thoughts of mothers vs. fathers. You’ll be paranoid about your daughter sleeping with anyone at all, but as a woman myself I want whoever she’s with to be able to satisfy her because a lovelesss spiceless union would be soul destroying.

      There is also the matter that I can’t quite picture a husband, what he’ll be like, if we’ll divorce, and it would be easier to raise a daughter without a father than it would be to raise a son. I also think I would be the one who make most of the decision about raising a daughter whereas if there was a father he’ll be the one who makes most of the decision about raising the son.

      • Kai

        Do I look a woman in my profile photo?!? O_o

        I say I’d be disturbed by the thought of my daughter becoming sexually active, and I would be on some level, but I doubt I’d actually flip out and have some irrational problem with it. I’m just being honest about my irrational apprehension of it. I think it’s a pretty common thing for fathers, to be protective of their daughters, or to always mentally see them as their “little girl/princess”, not unlike the dynamic between many mothers and sons. I imagine most parents (families even) go through this “our babies have grown up and become their own sentient beings” sort of process. There’s something always fundamentally identifiable, endearing, and even amusing about it. I vividly remember when I suddenly realized my younger siblings had “grown up”, when they cross over from being “a kid” to being your peer.

        Yeah, I’d obviously want my grown daughter to have a full life, which includes a healthy sex life. It’s just that I instinctively can identify with those fathers who wait on the porch with a shotgun and give their daughter’s dates the suspicious stink eye that more or less says “I’ll kill you if you hurt my little girl”. Whoever goes after my girl better earn my trust.

        There’s lots to say about the traditional family and how it should ideally work out. It’s always good to have parents who complement each other and can contribute different perspectives and desirable qualities to their children. I frankly might end up raising a tomboy of a daughter, as I worry about how we sort of socialize often unfair gender expectations into our children (such as praising beauty in girls and ability in boys) that end up limiting them. I think traditionally or stereotypically, what you said is true, that mothers tend to shape their daughters and fathers their sons, but I also see sons being closer to their mothers and daughters with their fathers.

  • Jackie Chun

    this is a result of your government’s policies, so keep on blindly defending them and their rule, without family mainlanders now have nothing to live for anyway

    • Alex Dương

      Without family, life sucks for everyone.

  • bujiebuke

    not sure how that would clarify what I just read…

  • KamikaziPilot

    She’s psychotic and wants attention.

  • bujiebuke

    everyone seems to remember her as Eatot or something or another… I just don’t recall reading her craziness at all. Did she get banned for a while? What’s the story?

  • KamikaziPilot

    I’m assuming she got banned at one point and now she’s using a different computer/location where the mods can’t be sure it’s her. Not sure how long you’ve been on this site but I definitely remember her psychotic episodes. She doesn’t post very regularly so maybe you missed it but I remember her getting into it with posters like Germandude, BiggJ and Kate (that’s where she posted her pics, she’s ugly and never smiles).

  • bujiebuke

    ” she’s ugly and never smiles”

    LMAO

  • Kai

    @bujiebuke:disqus as well.

    She gets banned everytime she goes too far, and sometimes those who intentionally egg her on get banned with her. Technically, we should ban her again every time she circumvents our moderation, but we prefer to think she’s so obvious that people can just ignore her, and we’re ungodly lenient so long as one’s behavior isn’t patently dishonest.

    With your curiosities satisfied, we’d prefer you guys to NOT egg her on, regardless of whether you think she’s genuinely like this or this is some sort of online persona she puts on. We don’t even know if she’s really a she, and that then raises the question of why “shes” get so much attention. Backs straight, gentlemen.

  • KamikaziPilot

    I’ll try but sometimes it’s hard to resist replying to her/him/it. Her comments are like a piece of meat in front of a hungry lion. I’ll try to be strong.

  • bujiebuke

    This is what she wrote: “wait to meet the guy on my must fk list still.”

    What in cthulu does that mean? Can you blame me for asking clarification? And then the whole “piss in your eyes”, I mean, who says that?

  • Kai

    Hah, good man.

  • Kai

    Nah, I’m not blaming you, and I found your responses rather amusing actually, but we just don’t want another round of people taking the piss out of her (because it is so easy to do so) and have her flaming back with all sorts of random to cryptic but profanity-laden retorts, polluting the comments section.

  • bujiebuke

    “random to cryptic but profanity-laden retorts”

    LOL, yeah I can see that happening. OK, I’ll do my best to not take that bait…

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