From KDS:

Husband has gone out socializing, how to inspect his JJ [penis] when he comes home

1. Smell its odor
Normally it should have the filthy offensive odor of not having been washed
If you smell semen or sexual liquids odor
or the pleasant odor of bathing products
then it’s up to you [to decide why]…
While I’m at it, the normal offensive odor should be primarily from the offensive odor of urine, slightly salty.
Semen and sexual liquids odor are slightly fishy odor.

Normally when you have the chance, smell [his penis] more, lick more, and slowly you will be more familiar with it.

2. Let it [the ejaculate] out and look at the color, white means he has ejaculated within the past 3 days, yellow means he hasn’t. (Some people say the color will change after time too, you can check yourself.)

3. Check if there is any condom or soap odor.

4. Question: There are tests and there are countermeasures. If you drink more liquids after doing the deed and urinate a few times, won’t you then have the stench of urine again?

Answer: There is a difference between fresh urine stench and the urine stench from a day without bathing…the key still lies with experience. Normally, one must carefully observe and learn from experience.

5. Feel the eggs [scrotum/testicles]. If they have elasticity, then he hasn’t ejaculated, but if they are soft and limp, then he has ejaculated [recently]. This someone else taught me.

6. Every morning, draw something on his JJ~ If at night there is a change in the design, then that means…

However, this is not necessarily accurate, [because] after he has done it, he can just draw it again himself.

7. Spit some saliva on his JJ, rub it, and see if there is any residue.

8. Then you might as well put a paper seal on his JJ, and check at night if the paper seal is intact, and also put a wax seal (very expert).

9. Let me provide one more method then. After bathing, apply some baby powder or talcum powder to your husband’s JJ so that if it has been washed later, you will definitely know what happened.

10. 1. Draw a firecracker on his JJ and if it is broken when he comes back at night, then there is a problem.
2. When he comes home, do it with him again and if the time is longer normal and the amount he ejaculates is less than normal, then there is a problem.
3. If he went to a sauna, smell his JB‘s odor. If it is different from the rest of his body’s odor, there is a problem. Normally, the prostitute uses tissue to wipe the JB and PY [屁眼, pi yan, butthole]. A wet/moist paper towel’s odor is different from soap; some men will not bathe to avoid suspicion, but a wet/moist paper towel will necessarily be used. If after doing it he uses soap to bathe again, most men will not wash their JB and PY [屁眼, pi yan, butthole] with soap a second time, unless they are pros like me.
4. If he went to a KTV, even simpler, just smell his JB odor and see if there is any JY left on his underwear. If it was done directly in the KTV, normally they will only use a paper towel to wipe iit, and what more, it is wiped beforehand, not afterward (they don’t even wipe after a handjob). So it is very likely that it wasn’t cleaned very well or that the JY that leaked [pre-cum] before doing it is still on the underwear. Unless the man first wore a maxi-pad.
5. Check his knees, whether or not they are red, or if there are any red marks on the inside of his shoulders…(no detailed explanation necessary)

11. Please pay attention to how the balls [testicles] change when doing it, it changes relative to the JB. When the JB is hard/erect, the scrotum is taut. When the JB is soft/flaccid, the scrotum is relaxed. However, when doing it a second time, even though the JB is hard/erect, the scrotum will not yet have recovered to its taut condition, the duration will be longer than the first time, although it will still become taught when he ejaculates. Afterward, it will drop down again~~~

This list has circulated on the Chinese internet many times before. For example, here are some older posts on XCar, Douban, & Tianya.

Comments from KDS:

十三点主公:

狄俄尼索斯:

A very technical post.

人品王:

Yeah, every time I go out to have fun, my wife has to inspect my JJ when I get home, give my JJ a massage [do a physical inspection], to check if I have gotten too wild outside and my JJ has been injured.

双飞王子:

What are men going to do now?

FERRARI:

Who thought of these things? Requesting countermeasures.

songwu:

Don’t need to mind this at all. If you have this kind of woman, just divorce them.

桔子酱:

A lot of the methods are only tenable if [the husband] really had just used [his penis, had sex].
[Otherwise] if nothing happened and you smell his JJ right when he gets home, then you would just be seen as having gone crazy.

23/7=搞:

Written by a man. How many women would do this? And how many men wouldn’t want to get a divorce after a woman does some of these [to them]?

布雷斯塔:

Haha impressive… Must learn.

小猪:

Strongly request female version.

Roger:

It’s tough being a husband.

祛病消灾:

Accompanying photo.

小路:

LZ isn’t human!!!

空心菜:

It should be to dabble some water on his JJ, because a JJ that has used a TT [套套, tao tao, condom] will not moisten, although this is useless if he bathed after doing it.

无睾丸男:

Fooling around with women is a right that God/Heaven bestowed upon men that no woman can strip away. Thanks.

Do you know of any other way for a woman to check if their man has recently had sex with another woman?
Time for a new husband or wife? Personals @ chinaSMACK.

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Continued from Part 1.

Note: The translation of this Chinese netizen’s story is slightly abridged.

From Mop:

I am a bisexual, my love life from high school to university! [Part 2]

Now when I look back, my mind really was confused because I also had some drinks. But I was fully aware of it…. Just like this, my first kiss was gone…. (the most aggravating thing is when I mention this story, he [Tao Tao] surprisingly doesn’t remember!) I helped him take off his coat, Xiao R came in, and I told Xiao R that it’s already late, I have to hurry back home. Xiao R said go ahead [….], and I took a cab home…..

While sitting in the cab, I felt really fidgety and thought this can’t happen again in the future, it’s too outrageous! I even felt kind of dirty! After I got home, I took a shower, and climbed into bed….my emotions were a mess…worried something might happen to him while he was at home by himself….Would he kick off his blanket while sleeping? Such a cold day, he’s bound to catch a cold if he did that. That night I tossed and turned nonstop until 2 am when I finally started to feel some sleepiness. I was just about to turn off my cell phone…. suddenly it rang, a new text message, it was from him! To be honest, I was very happy and hurriedly read the text message. He said: “Hang, be with me, I will take care of you!” My emotions were chaotic…. I didn’t know how to respond, so I replied “Ah? Wait a moment.” He texted: “Agree faster, if you don’t agree, I’ll beat you up!” I chuckled and replied “OK, then.”

That weekend was very special, I don’t know which words can describe it perfectly. Saturday morning he called me to tell me he was awake. I said “Oh, and….” He said he was very sober about the text message he sent last night! He continued to say that since I agreed, could he call me precious [i.e. darling, baby]? Sigh, I really don’t know how to describe my feelings at the time. Excited? Happy? Confused? I don’t know… after all, this was my first serious relationship….. I said to him, “If you want to call me that, then go ahead. I’ll agree to whatever you want to call me, heh heh.” He responded, “Ok, darling (that was really quick), I will go help my parents out at the restaurant, be good at home for a while…. One more thing, yesterday night when you and Xiao R took me home I knew it was you who took off my shoes and coat, haha!”

I felt my face getting hot so I said, “Uh, you should hurry to the restaurant, I’m going to study…..” It was the beginning of January, and final exams were near. I sat at the foot of my bed and opened my notebook… absolutely could not focus on studying… my mind was filled with what happened last night. I recall thinking that absolutely no one else can know about this, if someone were to know, how could I remain in school?! I was stuck in this confused state for two days, and finally, on Sunday night he sent me a text message, “See you tomorrow morning, goodnight darling.” I didn’t reply…. turned off my phone and went to bed. The next morning my mom asked me, “Hang, something good happened to you these past two days? [You’re] giggling all day.” […] I basically jogged the whole way to the bus stop, and sure enough, I saw a familiar silhouette. After he saw me, he had such a big smile. We didn’t say much, I sat on the back of his bike, but this time I didn’t cling onto the bike seat…. rather, I hugged his waist….

[…] Just like it used to be, after getting to school he went to park the bike, and I went to class. He sent me a text, “Pay attention to the lecture! My big darling!~” Heh heh, to be honest, I felt really happy. When the morning classes were over, my school’s sports committee convened at noon, and since he is the committee member for his class he couldn’t play [sic] with me. So, I decided to go chat with Shang Shang just as her phone died, and she wanted to borrow mine to send a text. I didn’t delete any of the texts that he sent me, and just like that, Shang Shang saw everything! Eyes wide open, she stared at me…. “This can’t be real, right?!” I said it was real. Consequently, I told her everything that happened these last few days…. fortunately, she was able to accept all this… During afternoon classes, Tao Tao came to find me, and I told him the incident with Shang Shang. He said, “Don’t worry about it, I will become your pride and joy, believe me!”

Vacation time….heaven for students has arrived~, but this vacation would have an extraordinary meaning for me. Tao Tao is the kind of guy who would always give me small surprises, and he would remember clearly every sentence I said…. For example, near the school there are two breakfast shops that sell stuffed egg crêpes and soy drink, but the place on the right has the better soy drink while the one on the left has the better crêpe~ I remember one time casually saying this to him… and he remembered it. Every day after dropping me off at school, he would ride his bike and get me soy milk from the shop on the right and crêpes from the one on the left~ heh heh.

During vacation we went to play at a lot of places. For Spring Festival we went to a fair at a temple which had tossing a bean-bag and hitting soda can games… He tried the bean-bag game once, and surprisingly, got them all… the vendor had no choice but to give him the watch hanging on the wall. Just like a kid, he brought his watch over and said, “Darling, I got the big prize, the big prize!” I also played at his house a lot, his parents are really nice~ but when these two were alone it was hard for them to not argue. We were also like this, to be honest, I have a very bad temper…. Right now, my temper is even worse than it was back then… perhaps it’s all because he spoiled me… I remember once he agreed to go with me to buy a cell phone number [i.e. SIM card]. He said, any newsstand or convenience store would sell this, just go buy it yourself…. I said, “I wanted to go to the [market for SIM cards] and get a number that ends with your birthday…” He responded, “There’s no need, that’s very expensive…. also, I agreed to meet up with some buddies to play pool.” I got very angry and quickly said, “Forget it, I will go by myself, no need for you to accompany me” and then turned off the phone after hanging up….

The following day I left my phone off and went to the market by myself, [only to find] that it was 220 RMB [i.e. about $32], and there was no guarantee I could get that number, so I bought a random number… ending with 98402… means nothing special~. Still feeling bitter, I didn’t tell him that I changed numbers and texted all my friends my new number. Another day passed…. and I still didn’t contact him… when I woke up in the morning I discovered a text from an unknown number… “Darling…. I was wrong. Forgive me… I bought a sweetheart number to match yours!” I looked at the number again, the first few numbers were the same, and the ending numbers were 02489…..

I gave him a call back… on the phone he said: “Babe~ don’t be angry… don’t hurt yourself by being angry!” Heh heh, I actually wasn’t angry anymore… but I pretended to be unhappy… I said: “How did find my new number?“ and he teased back, “I’m so handsome~ so charming~ I can easily ask your friends to find out your new number! Haha~” I couldn’t help it and burst into laughter (I still haven’t met another person as shameless as him) “Ok~ I’ll forgive you this one time~! How do you plan on apologizing~” He replied: “Babe, wait at home for me!” and he hung up.

Shortly after, the phone rang and he wanted me to come downstairs…. In my neighborhood’s courtyard there’s a small pavilion, and he wanted me to go there. Upon arriving, I saw 6 bottles of red tea and 6 bottles of green tea on the ground forming a heart shape… I remember saying to him once that I loved to drink hot red tea during the winter, while he likes to drink green tea….After seeing all this, I almost cried, it was really touching….. All the bottles of red tea were hot, and he proceeded to pout like spoiled brat by saying “Did you know that hot red tea costs 4 RMB!”

Happy times are always brief, school started again….I honestly believe high school studies put lots of pressure, and we got a new homeroom teacher who teaches math for the second semester. Everyone knows my math is very poor… sigh~ Naturally, this teacher didn’t like me very much… When Tao Tao came to my class to find me, the teacher warned me to not let older students do this anymore, it’s a bad influence! I was bewildered and didn’t know what this bad influence really was! But, I had no choice, Tao Tao stopped coming to find me, instead he sent text messages, and we’d go to the grass field at the playground to chat… Two men sticking to each other day after day, it’s hard not to arouse suspicion… This time, an extremely vile girl would appear……

Allow me to say that Tao Tao is very handsome (if there are a lot of replies to this post, I’ll post his picture)….. 190 cm tall, which makes him the tallest in our school. Not surprisingly, there are girls who like him, and those who like him will follow him closely….those who follow him closely will consequently focus on me….. Objectively speaking, this girl is rather pretty, and her name has Bo in it, so lets call her Xiao B, haha [this sounds like xiao3 bi1, which means little cunt]. Xiao B is one grade level above me, in other words, the same grade as Tao Tao, but she was in Class 3 while Tao Tao was in Class 1. Supposedly, she started liking Tao Tao as a freshmen (I heard all this later from Tao Tao). That day, I left school with Tao Tao to go home, and his phone rang~ He casually handed me his phone and said: “Requesting the boss’ inspection!” I laughed as I took his phone and saw a stranger’s number…. Tao Tao proceeded to say, “Requesting the boss to approve acceptance of this call from an unknown number!” I laughed to the point of crying and replied, “Hurry up and see who it is! Don’t hold up official business.” The call was from the girl, and she probably said something about liking Tao Tao and wanting to be his friend [i.e. girlfriend], would he agree and also asking Tao Tao who I was. Tao Tao didn’t say too much other than he would not agree since he already had a friend but didn’t say it was me. I could understand his reply, after all, today’s society has not opened up to that extent, and we were still not accepted by many. However, something that would make one’s blood boil with anger happened that night….

That night my phone rang… a stranger’s number… everyone can guess who it was…. No mistake, it was Xiao B. She said, “I know your name! I know what’s going on between you and Tao Tao! Let me tell you! He’s not meant for you! Get away from him! I will give you a one week deadline! If you’re still stuck on him like dog-skin ointment [sic, i.e. like a bandage], I will tell your homeroom teacher and his homeroom teacher! You can decide what to do!” […] Without letting me get a sentence in, she hung up, and I immediately called Tao Tao, only to find that the line was busy… presumably, Xiao B was also calling him, and shortly after he called me back saying, “Don’t mind Xiao B, just like a crazy dog!” I echoed, “Yea, you should also not let people like this get you angry!” He responded, “Sigh, looks like your hubby is still hot stuff!” At the time, I thought that if he were in front of me, I’d slap him for sure!~ haha. Even though we agreed not to pay her any attention, we were still afraid she would tell our homeroom teachers. During that week, we basically didn’t see each other during school, only going to and after school were we together~ However, this matter did not end here, and one day, I got another message from Xiao B….

To be continued…

Comments from Mop:

xixifi:

Hey! Live broadcast!
Haha, even though I can’t accept homosexuality… but I still want see what the homosexual mentality is like…
Once my high school girlfriend went to college, she became a homosexual… looking at our situation always seems to revolve around me not giving her a man’s “care” so she came to think that finding a man or a woman is the same.
TMD, I was only 18 at the time, how was I supposed to know how to “care” for a woman…

河豚居士:

I’m not going to read anymore, LZ is totally a girl. At first, this story was pretty novel/interesting, but in the end, however you look at it, it still sounds like it was really one man, one woman

ftokgood852:

lalalalalala, update faster, I know it’s slow posting with your cell phone, but I really want hear this story

奔跑的奶牛:

Unable to accept this! Or accept this without choice…?

lpx123123:

Lately, I also wanted to do some research lala, so I’m interested in your essay. Update quickly, will read more tomorrow.

又是名字的问题:

What are you doing, why am staying up until now for your post, yet you still didn’t update! Speed!

匿名人士3817 :

I remember a handsome guy at my high school who always liked to hold me and say I was his little wife… at the time I didn’t understand at all…. only felt very happy…. to not hide it, is not acceptable..

爱依不变:

I’ve fainted, lou zhu I want to ask if your story is very long? Can you write faster? Also, I saw there are quite a few people who don’t support you, I want to say that I support you, I have no prejudice against homosexuality. Lou zhu, jia you write [write more]! Faster, faster, and even faster than that!!!!!

嘟嘟和小小:

Lou zhu, your writing makes me want to start talking about my own experience… I support you… It’s fortunate that I’m very happy.

程小僧的那些事 :

This really is like a light novel…. that man is too brave, how come I haven’t seen a man who’s that brave…. Beijing is a big city after all (-_-)

Find someone to share hot tea with. chinaSMACK personals.

Note: The above image is not related to this story.

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Note: The translation of this Chinese netizen’s story is slightly abridged.

From Mop:

I am a bisexual, my love life from high school to university!

I was a new student at an ordinary high school in Beijing. Due to my strict upbringing during middle school, I had never dated before, and I was rather pure when I started high school. At that time, I really didn’t know anything about dating, but things that should happen will happen, people that we should encounter, will be encountered…

One day during lunch, I had just finished soaking some ramen in hot water, and when I turned around a tall shadow rushed towards me, a tragedy [sic] happened. Scalding hot broth spilled all over me, but luckily, I was not burned. I was in a panic and decided to change my clothes first before finding who was responsible, but he took off his uniform and said: “Sorry, I didn’t burn you, did I? You should take my uniform”.  At this moment, it occurred to me to raise my head and see who this troublemaker was, so tall…. roughly 190 cm [i.e. 6 ft 2 in].  I gave him a hard time, but I knew he didn’t do it on purpose, “when possible, forgive them” [Chinese proverb]. However, I still took his uniform, he took mine, and he asked me which class section I was in, what my name was. I replied that I was a freshmen in Class Four, my name is Xiao Hang. Wearing his large uniform was quite funny because the sleeves were as long as the ones on Beijing opera costumes!

When I entered class the next morning, I saw him waiting for me at the doorway, his hand holding my now clean uniform. I walked over, and he said “I’m really sorry about yesterday, at the time I didn’t see you and knocked you over. Here’s your uniform, I took it home and cleaned it.” I took my uniform and said, “It’s alright, your uniform is at my house, and I’ll bring it tomorrow. Which grade are you in?” He chuckled and said “Keep the uniform, consider it a souvenir, haha. I’m a sophomore in Class One. You can call me Tao Tao.”

And curiously like this, I became acquainted with him. To be honest, at the time I didn’t know anything about male-female relationships much less relationships between two men, so I didn’t think about it too much. After the incident, I didn’t try to talk to him until one day I bumped into him after school and said hello. He wheeled his bike over and asked: “Are you taking the bus home?” I replied, “Yeah, at the stop just ahead.”  “How about I give you a ride over there on my bike?” Being lazy, I happily agreed. After arriving at the bus stop, he asked “Where’s your house?” I answered “Neighborhood A”.  “Not very far, I might as well give you a ride over!” At the time, I felt bad for giving him so much trouble, so I politely refused and took the bus home.

After another period of time, the days got colder, and it was basically dark when school let out for the day. One day after school, I was with my classmate and very good friend Shang Shang. She shivered as we left school, so I lent her my coat since she’s a girl and would be riding her bike home while I took the bus. But it was really cold today, and while standing at the bus stop, he yelled to me before coming up and said “It’s so cold today, especially without a coat”. I smiled and said “It’s not a big deal, the bus will be here shortly.”  He replied “Why take the bus? You ought to take a cab!” Conveniently, a cab drove by and without giving me a chance to say anything, he pushed me in and said “Driver, Neighborhood A”.

Sitting in the cab, I thought “This guy is weird, why does he want to take me home so badly?” While I was thinking, he chimed, “My house is near yours, it’s at XX location.” So I said “Then you should get off first since your house is closer, I can get home by myself.” He remarked “I wanted you to take the cab, of course I have to drop you off, otherwise it wouldn’t be proper.” What kind of thinking is this? Not long after, I got home. While helping me get out of the cab he said, “Can I have your number, it’d be easier to keep in contact.” I didn’t think too much about it and gave it to him. He got back into the car and went home.

After having dinner, I started my homework, and the phone rang with a stranger’s text message, “Whatcha doing? Did you eat yet?” I didn’t realize it was him, so I answered: “You are…?” He responded “Relax! I just dropped you off and you already forgot who I am!” I suddenly realized it, and replied “Sorry, my mind is slow, didn’t think about it enough, hey hey!” He responded “put my number in your contacts! I still have some stuff to finish up here, I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” I still didn’t think too much about it and went back to my homework before watching some TV and going to bed.

The next morning, I turned on my phone and discovered three text messages, and all were from him. The first: “Whatcha doing? Sleep yet?” The second: “Why aren’t you replying?” The last one:  “You must’ve turned off your phone, must be sleeping, have a good rest, see you in the morning!” I wondered what he meant by “in the morning”. While waiting at the bus stop, I saw him wave toward me and he came over. “Get on the bike, I’ll send you to school.” I was stunned, and said “Ah, I shouldn’t do that. I’ll just take the bus.” He said “Take the bus? I’m already here! Lets go, get on!” I admit that I’m a person who can’t refuse others… I couldn’t help it, so I got on. He pedaled very quickly, and I held onto the bike seat. We arrived soon after, and he told me to hurry on ahead and get some breakfast. After this experience, he basically brought me home and took me to school every day and would often come to my class to find me. We’d spend lunch time on playground chatting, and I began to know him. His family runs a restaurant, is pretty well off, and he runs long-distance track. After a while, there was no longer any awkwardness between us, until that one day….

It was a Friday, and like any other day, I waited for him after school while he got his bike. As he pushed the bike towards me, he said “Hang, today’s my birthday, tell your parents you won’t be eating at home tonight. Is that ok?” I called my parents to let them know where I was going and then went with him to a restaurant.  He told me he already had a room reserved and some of his friends were already there. (At the time I was really nervous, I don’t know why, maybe it was because I didn’t know any of his friends.) There weren’t a lot of people, around six, and when we arrived they made a big fuss about how Brother Tao brought with him so-and-so…. at the time I didn’t pay much attention to it. During a birthday, it’s hard not to drink, Tao Tao can drink a lot and loves to drink (his drinking was the main problem that constantly disturbed our relationship, I’ll bring it up again later) and being his birthday, he had a lot…. It was already past 9 pm, and he drank himself to the point of passing out, so I asked one of his friends, Xiao R, what to do. He said lets take him home, and I agreed.

I helped Xiao R take him outside (people who have had too much are really really heavy), and Xiao R managed to get a cab before we hoisted him inside. His house wasn’t far away, and when we arrived I told Xiao R he should drop him off since I had to hurry home. Xiao R grumbled, “I can’t move him by myself!” (Indeed, Xiao R was a scrawny kind of guy, not even 170 cm [5 ft 7 in]). No choice, so I helped Xiao R drop him off. When we reached his house, Xiao R knocked on the door a few times, but no one answered. Xiao R said to get the keys from his pocket. I reached in to his jacket and started to search for the keys….not there, so I started to search in his pant pockets… I reached in and he suddenly grabbed my hand and started to move it to that area. I was very startled and quickly pulled my hand out …. and that’s when he pointed to his bag. I opened his bag, found the keys, opened the door, and we laid him down on his bed. Xiao R went to go get a moist towel to wipe him off and instructed me to take off his shoes and clothes. It was already late, but I grudgingly complied…. I guess good people gotta finish what they start. I took off his shoes first, and when I started to take off his shirt….. he suddenly pulled me into his chest and embraced me….. Ok, I admit that once again I was very startled. He hugged me tightly, I felt his breathing become more urgent, he turned his face towards mine… I saw this familiar yet unfamiliar face and, to my own surprise, closed my eyes and moved my lips toward his…

To be continued…

Comments from Mop:

潜水专用小马甲:

Update more quickly.

天楠筷子龙:

Strongly urge lou zhu for updates… updates….

天使又怎样_:

Don’t be too explicit, also: your taste is really strong, ha.

我叫康帅搏:

Dirty animal! Let this old monk fuck you.

NB小白:

Strong taste or whatever, I like it, LZ continue

牡丹的甜甜圈:

。。。。。。。。

ARes_Viva:

Nothing too exciting.

大柏树家的猫猫:

This is really sweet! Bless you two!

装逼b侠:

LZ, if there are no updates, I will beat you up.

酱子简单:

Lou zhu is really unique

《深谷幽蓝》:

Pray that the sweethearts of the world will find a way to be together

酱子简单:

Lou zhu , increase your efficiency! The masses of Mop are waiting!

丛林熊猫:

To say nothing else
My fantasy is to find a bisexual wife.
As for the reason… all men should understand.

Bi-curious? chinaSMACK personals.

Note: The above image is not related to this story.

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More translated Chinese netizen comments about how they were disciplined by their parents when they were children, such as what “weapons” their moms and dads used. See Part 1 here. These comments were selected from the popular Chinese news portal and BBS discussion forum, NetEase. The original Chinese post topic was titled: “What weapons did your parents use to discipline you?”

Comments from NetEase:

广东深圳网友:

Thin bamboo strips, broom, clothes hangers, basically I experienced anything my mother could get her hands on, but being beaten by both my mom and dad at the same time was rare. My old man basically use his palms, otherwise it would be bamboo strips. His slaps were really loud/strong, one slap and my face was all red. Bamboo strips were bad during the summer, I didn’t dare wear shorts.

stuart_wm:

I remember back in sixth grade I was unjustly and violently beaten by my old man’s leather belt, directly knocking me to the ground, and even the neighbors downstairs ran up. Later when my old man saw my butt at night, he himself shed tears. Before elementary school the washboard was frequently experienced by me, while my old man’s shoes was another frequent guest. Even so, I still consider myself lucky, the kid next door [had to experience] fresh hot coal cinders. Just looking made me cringe.

kinsue:

A wet towel~ I there pretending to be a hermaphrodite and my dad threw the towel he had just used to wash his feet, my face really stung…
Before the third grade I was beaten many times, beaten behind closed doors, beaten until not one part of my body was not bruised. Then my dad would remorsefully rub medicine on me and tell me to behave.
Later on, my mom had a fight with my dad over him beating me and from then on he never beat me again. However, replacing him was my mother, and my mom only had one method: “Shadow palm, I didn’t even get a chance to see it before my body was covered with palm prints.”

上海闵行网友:

No mixed doubles [being beaten by both parents at the same time], almost always all just one of them. When the male-side [father] beats me, the female-side [mother] would feel heart-broken and scold the male-side. Then they would get into an argument between themselves, but the harm/suffering I experienced was worse. When it was just my mother, my father would be the observer…just my mother was the most frequent, and nothing was off the table, a thorny tree branch all shattered, lines of blood all over my back, almost like Guo Jing from The Legend of the Condor Heroes. Once I lost a book, it was winter, she found a thorny branch, the thorns on my body really hurt, from back to front, I was whipped 3 times by the branch, once it hit my eyes, but good thing it didn’t blind me. In addition, her wretched claws that twist into my face; even today, I still have many marks. Slaps to the face, knuckles, and sticks were basic weapons, and a few times even the fire-tongs…once they [parents] even ran out of things to use, so they took off their flip-flops and smacked me right in my face. They were the really hard kind of flip-flops and on my face immediately appeared a shoe print, completely red…Just my father was rare but it was life threatening, once I was thrown in the air, and good thing I landed on my butt…Looking back at my childhood, I really scorned my parents, basically a major beating occurred every few days and small beating occurred daily…In reality, I was actually very well-behaved as a child, starting to cook when I was seven, and my grades were pretty good, almost never got into trouble, and was never mischievous. But my biggest flaw was that I was really stubborn…my little brother was a lot worse than me, he misbehaves, and we both get beatings, but when he saw that the situation was about to get bad, he immediately leaves, waiting until their anger subdued before coming home and sweeping the floor…but for me, I get beaten. I wouldn’t cry, just stubbornly took it until they were done…later my mom told me that my stubbornness made her even more angry…A few years ago, I still jokingly asked my parents whether I was their real son. They were not happy…so now I stop mentioning these things. After all, they know they were too hard on me…In fact, regarding beating children, I still feel it is needed, but you can’t be too ruthless.

扯–淡:

The 18 palms of the descending dragon, and the shadow kick of Foshan.

浙江杭州网友:

My dad seldom beat me but when he did, it was vicious。 My mother, on the other hand, often beat me but would cry every time afterward. Any tool/instrument could be used, as long as she could lay her hands on it. When I was young I would cry in a corner after getting beaten. When I was a bit older, they had to chase me to beat me (basically they couldn’t because they couldn’t run faster than me). After that [period], I would just stand there and let her beat me (not uttering a sound). One funny instance, my mother was chasing me with an aluminum ladle and eventually got so frustrated that she threw it at me, right onto the back of my head. Only after running further for a distance did I feel the cold wetness, and when I felt it was blood, I fainted. When I woke up, it was in a hospital, and it was almost New Years, and my head was covered in bandages, and my mother wouldn’t let me say it was she who caused it.

偶麦噶:

Iron-sand palm
Clothes hangers (each time the plastic ones breaks; later every time my brother and I were beaten, my mother would hand [my father] metal ones. Every time they finished beating me, my brother and I would throw the clothes hanger out the window)
Feather duster (there was a lot of dust)
Leather belt
Electric cables (this was the most painful)
Shoes
Lute (My dad was in the living room cheerfully playing his flute [instrument]. My brother and I were in the bedroom pretending to be Ultraman vs. monsters and fighting, and we broke the bedframe. As a result, he came in and it was straight to the beating. That one time really scared me. From that point on, you could beat me to death and I wouldn’t pretend to be Ultraman again.)
Books (Halfway finishing my homework, I started to play with my cell phone, immediately getting a hit on the head!)
Now thinking about, I feel ashamed. I as a girl getting beaten the entire day along with my little brother…

zpy751029:

My experiences involve the combined torture of both flesh and spirit. Holding up chairs (depending on age, holding different sized chairs, this way it was more humane). Writing self-criticisms. Every morning before getting up out of bed, under my father’s supervision, I had to recite [the self-criticism] once, in addition to solemnly pledging to never commit [the mistake] again…it really hurt my self-esteem!

Breaking bed frames as Ultraman vs. monsters. chinaSMACK personals.

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While the degrees of corporal punishment on children vary from culture to culture, as a society centered on the household, China is no stranger to the use of parental discipline. As this recent report indicated, smacking children may even be beneficial! Let’s just hope that is not the case.

Netizens on the board NetEase posted the question: “What weapons did your parents use to discipline you?” Here are some of the translated comments of the tools used, along with the “techniques” experienced by these poor souls.

Here is a video introduced by Russell “Gotta beat your kids” Peters as part of a tribute to the often dreaded feather duster.

Comments from NetEase:

凡事想开点:

I’m a good girl, I never been disciplined before.

cqqhero:

Hand, foot, whisk broom, bamboo rod, feather duster, wet hemp rope, rolling pin (large size), door stop bar (not too thick).
Usually my old man single-handedly beat me, while my mother watched.
Rarely when my old man is out, my old mother beats me.
Sometimes it involves mixed-double [both mother and father].
I lived in a large community when I was young, with 60 or so households, I probably got beaten more than all the other kids combined.

lv403:

When I was young I really was mischievous, the method by which my mother beat me was limitless, anything close by could be used as a weapon. A few times my mom and dad double-team to beat me, after getting tired, they have lunch, after eating they continue to beat me…aye…I am destined to suffer! What a fate! I remember once coming home late after school, my old mother threw her bowl of noodles on my head, and noodles hung all over my head…aye… I can only sign…

木秀于林:

My family appreciates the nature, so it was always with the willow tree branches/sticks/twigs my dad picked from the willow tree by the pond, stripped of leaves, with my mother herself personally disciplining me. Each time, the number of willow branches used depended on how much trouble I got into.

我是水星来的:

I myself had never been disciplined, but I am studying the tools described above so that I can discipline my son.

股海飘雨:

My old mother’s weapons are the most powerful, just being talkative. Annoy you until you surrender, or else she will endlessly mumble away.

daofan:

The lock chain on a motorcycle.

网易火星网友:

My mom: broom, rolling pin, knitting needles, not to stab me but to spank me. Pinch my inner thigh, any tool at her disposal.
My dad: pool stick, flying kick, slap in the mouth, chopsticks beating my head…any tool at his disposal.
I want to say I am a girl…but under by parents’ toughening I can always beats boys two years my senior. Every time ends in my victory, they all complain [to their family] of getting beaten…

江苏徐州网友:

The most common was the feather duster.

linyanan9802:

My mom is a teacher, but my sister, my brother and I received more beatings than all other kids around us. Among the tools listed by netizens here one was not mentioned: the toilet brush. My old mother always uses this tool to chase my brother thousands of meters, not one part of his legs and torso was spared. As for other tools, basically anything that can be used, drawing blood was common…but birth mother will always be birth mother, even when you grow up you won’t hold a grudge against them. Because I received flesh pains growing up, I would never use violence to treat the next generation.

wywbww:

Bamboo branches, leather belt, broom stick, fly swatter (I bet you didn’t think of this).

Have you been disciplined as a child? When was the last time you received a good ass whoopin’? Share your stories below.

Like to be spanked? chinaSMACK Personals.

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