A member of Shanghai’s Liba BBS forum named “queenie_melody” recently posted: 1985 girl first time looking for man online (picture attached) (if dishonest or just want to play, please do not come in)
Born 1985 on New Year’s Day~166cm, 44kg, body is considered pretty good~, education: vocational college.
Right now at a video game company in administration , monthly salary about 4-5k RMB.
I like to stay at home, usually I do not go out at night, so guys who like bars or nightlife can forget it. (I have a curfew)I am a little girl hoping to find a guy who will take care of me.
Age should be born between 1977-1983 except for 1979. I am afraid of those 6 years apart from me.
Height should be within 175-185cm~to tall I cannot handle, wearing high heels everyday is very tiring, and I do not want the very skinny type.
I like guys with double-eyelids haha. I want the type of guy with big eyes~
I like to dye my hair but I do not like my boyfriend to dye his hair~
I want to find a Shanghainese guy who has a big house (without mortgage), I like to have a pet dog~ best if you have a car…I am afraid of walking and I always take a taxi when I go out (I admit I am wasteful T.T Go ahead and scold me).
Hope the guy’s salary is at least 2x mine…PS: Sometimes I am very childish, guys who cannot deal with this should not apply.
I like doggies, guys who cannot deal with pets should not apply.
Guys with bad or irritable temperaments should not apply.
Most most important is~players not allowed!!!
If there is anything to add, I will edit after I think of them…
Replies on the Liba forum:
166cm 46kg…like an airport?
Many Chinese jokingly refer to girls with flat-chests or small breasts as “airports” because airport runways are flat.
queenie_melody:
Excuse me, I am not like an airport runway.
44kg? Do you think your breasts are big?
queenie_melody:
They are well-proportioned.
Are they bigger than man tou?
A cup
Appraisal complete.
“Lou zhu” (楼主) refers to the “topic starter” or “original poster” on a BBS forum. It is often shortened into “LZ” by Chinese posters.
LZ, how much for one night…
LZ, can I ask what game company you work for?
I also work at a game company.
How come those working in our company’s administration do not make as much as you?
LZ’s skin is so clear and pure, I am so “in.” I have PMed you.
One day earlier and you would be 1984. You are just pretending to be younger.
I basically meet the requirements, but…
house with no mortgage?
Who is that stupid these days? No matter how rich, you should still have a mortgage…
Free your money to invest, who would use all their money to buy a house…
I meet the age requirement, the height requirement, eye requirement, hair requirement, household registry requirement, my house has no mortgage but I live with my parents, no car, though I also like to take taxis (taking taxis is more cost-efficient), same salary as you. Do not know if LZ will consider???? Hehe
QQ:83960947
MSN:king530@hotmail.com
On LIBA, there are not a lot of real people! Who knows if this is some old wife on the internet who simply has some pictures?
Anything is possible!!!
Everyone, why bother….
Those that meet LZ’s requirements, ask to meet her. What is real or fake will then be immediately clear.
I am all in, too bad I have already been stolen by another girl.
Very pretty in the picture…only I cannot imagine why someone like this needs to come here to find a man?
You still think these requirements are not high?
Then what about us 2000 RMB/month, no car, no house guys?
Should we all just go kill ourselves?
You could have said you made 20,000…LZ would not have known any better.
If it is 2000, why say 20,000?
What if she wants a 10,000 RMB purse? Then what do I do?
Do I not eat or drink for half a year to buy it for her?
So pretty, I am not worthy of you. Forget it, I will bump your post for you.
Actually requiring that income be 2x 4-5k is very normal.
Without 10,000, how can you raise a family?
LZ, are you looking for me?????
Too bad I am already married. Would you mind being a mistress~~
I satisfy everything except my age is a little older and my height a little shorter. Is a monthly salary of 200,000 okay?
Is that any different from keeping her as a mistress?
Weird is weird, on Liba you can find all types of Shanghai girls.
I do not understand why you need to use Liba to find a man given your situation.
When your appearance and body are both so good, and your salary is not bad, are you still not able to find a man???
I am speechless.
I am 1979….LZ is superstitious.
According to the Chinese zodiac, there are 12 animals for every 12 years. For example, 2008 is the year of the Pig. it is not good to marry someone who is born 6 years apart from you because their animal would be your animal’s direct opposite. So, since queenie_melody was born in 1985, she does not want to be with someone who is 6 years older than her.
LZ, I do not know if your picture is real or fake.
While I essentially meet all your requirements…
…the only problem is my age, I was born in 1979.
Houses, I have two.
Chevy Lova, non-Shanghai registration.
Those in my industry do not speak of monthly salary.
Yearly salary is about 150,000.
Not sure if this is suitable for you?
Buying and owning a car can be very expensive in China, especially if you want to register it in the bigger cities. For example, getting a registration and the Shanghai license plate that allows you to legally own a car and drive in Shanghai can cost around 40,000 RMB (~6,000 USD). Outside of major cities, it may only cost a few thousand RMB (a few hundred US dollars).
queenie_melody:
If everyone thinks this is a fake picture…
If I think we are compatible, I am willing to video chat.
In fact, individually each requirement is not high.
But it becomes a bit difficult when you put it all together.
Simple probability.
queenie_melody:
Problem is, this is all about living standards.
A lot of people say I am materialistic, but I am confused.
Then what about all those girls who ask for LV all day?
Asking for LV every day and actually getting LV are two different things….
Those girl’s English, education, basic quality and individual character, elegant and cultured, are all very important.
LZ, these kinds of demands are understandable and what society commonly desires. Of course, what you demand is not necessarily what you you will get.
Stop arguing. Remember, Green Olympics!~
I recommend my best guy friend:
Born 1983, 172cm, Libra, docile disposition, takes pleasure in caring for others, good reputation at work 99%. Family has more than two houses, plus without mortgages, is a professional in the automobile industry, yearly income is 100,000 and up, has one Volkswagen Polo, which he says will soon be traded for a Volkswagen Passat, plus his company gives him a gasoline allowance which means gasoline is not even considered part of his expenses. He does not like to speak Mandarin, therefore it would be best if the girl is Shanghainese, or is fluent in speaking Shanghainese.
This person’s future yearly income will have no problems reaching 1 million.If interested, pm MSN.
Is a Chevy Lova suitable…?
As I have said before, men need money and women need beauty~~~as long as you have money, these kind of girls will come to you in droves.
I read everything, it was so tiring. LZ’s quality is pretty high, so having higher requirements is normal!
For those of us who only make 4-5k a month, do we have any hope???
Works for a Fortune 500 company, lives in Xuhui district, and would like invite you to view the ocean together. The Viewing Ocean Hotline QQ782902402
Although not tall enough, I am very sincere.
MSN:andyz83@hotmail.com
Salary already meets the requirement, but the more you earn the more you spend. Gas 1000, parking 800, buying clothes, shopping, playing ball and basically there is not much left…hehe~~~
Have one car, been driving it for 3 years. Because I bought it early, I do not have a Shanghai license plate.
At home, I have two “Teddy” dogs, one male, one female…
Also in Huangpu district, right now I live alone.
Appearance should be acceptable. When I was young, I was even in some advertisements. Now that I am old, at most I might help others by posing for magazine advertisements. Only regret is that I do not have double-eyelids, and that my eyes are not very big. But people always believe it is okay as long as a man has energy in their eyes. I think I am not bad (everyone can go ahead and throw tomatoes…)Hehe~~~if you think we can be friends, add me on MSN…inside my photo album are many of my pictures (I extremely like taking pictures of myself) hehe~~I feel that these blind date kind of things are a little too goal-oriented. There is no harm in simply making a new friend if we get along well. junyao_0527@hotmail.com
Is a 1983 guy okay? My income is 5x your income.
But I am relatively well-developed.My portrait here is my childhood picture.
I meet all the requirements, even surpasses them, but towards you I have no interest.
Every time I go on Liba, I wonder when housing prices will go down. I make 250,000 RMB a year and I still cannot afford to buy a house.
It really is unfair, Shanghainese can inherit property, sell then relocate, then just make 5k a month and can live a nice life. So envious.
What is so unfair?
Shanghai people inheriting property is wrong? Would it only be fair if it was you had the inheritance rights?
It is not good enough that you will inherit so much land when you go home?
What you said sounds really awful, insulting Shanghainese? What are you doing wasting your time on a Shanghainese BBS for? Trying to find a Shanghainese wife? Trying to get a better hu kou for your family’s future generations?
All Chinese have a “hu kou” (户口) which means “registered residence.” It is an official record that says where you and your family is from and it can affect many things in the person’s life. Having a “hu kou” from some places, like Beijing or Shanghai, are often more advantageous and beneficial than from another place. For example, many non-Beijing people want Beijing “hu kous” because it might help their children get into better schools.
This post is such nonsense, LZ’s requirements are not high, and in fact has attracted this many men.
There are even people posting their cars. But, if you are going to post, at least post good cars. Chevy Lova and my 1.8T are not even on the same level.
Why make fun of my Lova?
What is so great about your 1.8T?
Ridicuous.
We do not even know what kind of 1.8T you have.
For all we know, you’ll bring out a Chery.
A report, after a short period of exchange with the LZ, I feel LZ is not suitable for us. LZ cares more about her outward appearance, does not really have any interests or hobbies, whether it was traveling or physical activities, I could not find any shared hobbies, so it ended.
Very reasonable requirements.
You can be sold for a good price.
LZ, your requirements are too low. Pretty appearance + slender body + excellent Photoshop skills, these requirements do you no justice! I think the guy at least must have a villa in She Shan Residential Neighborhood, a car that costs at least 1 million RMB (Chevy Lovas are completely disqualified~), and even better, he must also also be willing to invest in opening a pet store to provide you with everything from Chihuahuas to Old English Sheep Dogs. Then, he should also look like Takeshi Kaneshiro / Wang Lee Hom! How could you settle for less~!
LZ, with this kind of appearance, you can be a girlfriend. But few men would feel secure with you as their wife.
My msn: handsomejustin@hotmail.com
Can I apply? Born January 1980, live on Changshou Road, one Toyota Crown 3.0, acceptable yearly income, two houses, about 110 square meters on average, both on Changshou Road. We can chat.
A few days later, this post spread to another big Shanghai BBS forum, KDS, where there are often popular posts about pretty girls seeking men to marry. Here are some of the replies to the post, Another beauty seeks marriage! Latest news, Fat Kang makes a move (reply #98) :
LIBA really is overflowing with beauties. I cannot pull myself away fro that place…I will cross-post this on KDS for KDS bandits to enjoy also, but since some KDS bandits do not like to post, I will not post the link on the first page, so people will not just look at the link and not post a reply.
I only have the following requirements:
- Still has hymen.
- Hu kou is not registered in Yangpu, Putuo, or Hongkou
- Parents have respectable professions, and their monthly income combined is not lower than 10k RMB.
If you can satisfy this, PM.
Next time remember that simply having a hymen is not enough, she needs to have her original hymen.
Doctors can now use surgery to restore a girl’s hymen and her “virginity.”
She has have never had a boyfriend before?
And she says she does not go to bars. With that kind of face, yeah right…
Without makeup, she would be very ordinary.
No rush. This kind of woman depreciates each year. If you can wait, then let her wait~ those who use make up get old pretty fast.
Vocational school, administration, 4-5k, 1985?
It is okay to have fun with this kind of person but do not even think about making her your wife.
Impressive Photoshop skills…
166cm 44kg is too skinny.
Since she quoted a price, you can still make a counter-offer…
I think her jaw looks too fake~also she is definitely wearing black contacts.
Some girls wear black contact lenses because they make your pupils look bigger and more attractive.
The left side of her face is so clear. Very good Photoshop work.
One look and you can tell she is not from a respectable family.
If I do not see the real person, I do not pay the money.
Single eyelids? She wants a guy to have double eyelids?
You can make 4k doing administration right after graduating?
Never heard of “When there is stuff to do, have the secretary do it. When there is nothing to do, do the secretary”?
So dark [used] down there, and she still demands all this…?
When looking for a wife to marry, one does not look for Liba girls.
If I was making 10,000 RMB a month, I would buy a virgin and, in fact, someone younger.
How many times did she use Liquify [a tool in Photoshop] on her eyes?
Stupid cunt.
Reading the first line, I thought
too skinny, vocational college, appearance does not agree with my discerning taste, etc… I have a place near the metro lines in the inner ring of Shanghai and am getting ready to buy a car, but I do not think I will consider this kind of girl with these requirements.
Try taking off your black contacts, your makeup, and not using Photoshop to post your picture.
Haha, just here to join in on the fun. Looks like beautiful girls still cause a stir here?
1985, vocational school, administration, 4-5k? Did I read this right or do I mix with the wrong social circles?
Haha, it seems like she is pretty popular on Liba, a lot of guys are fighting for her. If you are going to go, go quickly. In general, I think girls listing requirements have their reasons. Only after meeting them do you know if they are good or bad. If you give up then you lose an opportunity! Bandits charge!
Even this is considered a Liba beauty?
She is a mess.
Haha, Fat Kang has already made his move. If you do not make your move now, when will you ever make your move?
Pretty good looking.
Overnight 1000 RMB.
I satisfy the requirements. They are not high. Send a pre-Photoshopped picture.
Features are acceptable, and face is very good.
I have a mortgage-less house, though a little small. I like small dogs, but do not like dog poop. I have a car but my wage is low. I exceed your age range by one year, height is within your range, but my eyes are only single eyelids.
Women demanding these many requirements definitely do not understand that the “things” men can get from her are now available everywhere. What was once rare is now commonplace.
Without makeup, she would scare people away.
Our bandits should descend from the mountain, go to Liba, and do what they are meant to do.
Do you know that your position may only earn this much for the rest of your life? Do you know what a “youthful meal” [job only young, pretty girls can hold] is?
A “youthful meal” is a job that only young, pretty girls who have not gotten old yet can hold. Example: secretary job.
Buy her a vibrator for her to play with!!!
Breasts, where are the breasts!
Without breasts I might as well touch myself.
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This one is priceless….
“No rush. This kind of woman depreciates each year. If you can wait, then let her wait~ those who use make up get old pretty fast.”
People that are that specific about their prospective mates finacial and background details, but care less about their personality or points of view on issues, ideas about life etc, are bound for unhappiness.
Pathetic side to Chinese dating. Just pathetic. Double eyelids…MOST OF YOUR RACE IS SINGLE LIDDED! Wake up sister, analyze your shallow post and then yourself.
But that type of dating request (shallow) seems pretty common in China. Seems that requests for certain incomes, cars, “famous brands”, etc. are very common.
I’m lucky that my wife is cute (she’s from Hangzhou :), smart (went to Bei Wai), nice and kind (loved by most everyone who knows her or works with her), not overly concerned with material goods (rather than want famous brands, she’ll buy smart and put the savings into investments) and that she married me!
Firstly, the face is wrong – too thin, too perfect, the eyes are not right: she looks like she’s on drugs. Dyed hair is awful on an Asian woman (looks like a prostitute).
Secondly, if the girl is that perfect, why is she posting online for a man? They should be flocking to her.
Thirdly, how could a first year graduate be earning that kind of salary from a technical college?
Stay away, guys!
Likely had eye surgery as well. Will make a perfect mate fr some dumpy office drone who will make money for her shopping habits and make her content financially. Then she’ll be free to get poled by her english tutor.
Where do you get this stuff??
I love this: “Age should be born between 1977-1983 except for 1979. I am afraid of those 6 years apart from me…”
Those poor unfortunate souls born in ‘79. Seems so entirely random.
It’s silly Chinese horoscope nonsense… Remember those placemats that say “if you’re a rat, beware the tiger” and stuff like that? This is what she’s referring to. It’s supposed to be a bad pairing. The ideal pairing? 9 years apart, if memory serves.
It sounds so creepy to have the list of requirements laid out like she’s baking a cake. But you know what, if she’s so picky, it’s the best way to sort the wheat from the chaff- I bet her PM box* is full right now.
*take that whichever way you want to.
she’s another one of those girls who had plastic surgery in Korea to look like japanese manga characters – totally unreal, creepy, shallow and materialistic.
junyao’s quite handsome. hope he never gets double lid surgery to change his lovely eyes.
Well I’m Chinese American I live in Northern California. I speak fluent mandarin but cannot read or write it. My parents own multiple real estates in Beijing but thats really none of my business. My annual salary is between 70-75 K US, which translates to about 400ish K RMB. I’m 5′7″ which is around 170 cm. I don’t own a house but I’m worth about $120k US liquid + stocks, not counting my retirement portfolio. I’m fit and so good looking you’d totally flip out. Come and talk to me, I really want to meet you girl, I really want to know your name.
Good call, Liger. I bet she totally reads ChinaSMACK.
Awww cmon… no one here listened to Jodeci?
No doubt she’ll love you for your financial assets until she meets someone with more dough and a big house.
LoL
Whatever happened to actual dating? You know, finding out a man’s likes and dislikes before you found out what kind of car he drove?
This is the sort of woman that makes me ashamed to own a vagina and double-lidded Chinese eyes. Newsflash sweetheart: a husband is not merely a man that picks up where daddy left off. A man who wants a keeper marries a woman who can take care of herself, not a girl that refuses to learn how to.
hahahah well Anonymous I’m betting on it… see with Women like this… you don’t buy… you lease… her value will depreciate over time due to old age… and when her lease is up she will become someone else’s liability. Gold diggers my friends transcends culture and race. Just know how to spot them, bed them, get it out of your system and move on. When I want to find a wife, trust me it won’t be like this.
@ Chinamerican:
I reckon your perspective on these issues is partially thanks to where you’re from, and judging by your name, I’m guessing that’d be the States. In the interest of helping people “understand” why this seems more prevalent in Chinese culture (though, as The Liger mentions, it can be found in every culture/country), you have to understand that there is still a strong tendency to treat women as commodities. Understanding this, you also might be a bit more understanding of the women who do what they do to make the most of their situation. Capitalizing on your physical charms to gain financial security is just one obvious example. The more assets you have, the more you can demand, all in the interests of self-preservation and advancing one’s own place in society.
Now, that’s just a large generalization of the situation but I do think it is important to realize why this stuff happens and why even most of them don’t think there’s anything wrong about it. It’s socio-economics and it is easy to judge with rose-tinted glasses, it is much harder to provide the foundations for them to change towards our own ideals borne out of our own circumstances.
@ Kai
Oh I full well understand it. I learned through many dysfunctional Chinese women that married men to come to the states that it looks like a great deal. More often than not, these marriages end up in resentment and even violence. There are not enough girls w/ their heads screwed on straight to realise what the potential consequences of such a relationship are.
Now, not to toot my own horn but I know I’m cute. I know that my above average looks get me to places and things I otherwise would not if I were not considered attractive. I fully understand, like other women and girls, that beauty is a commodity and a depreciating one at that. What bothers me is the sheer hubris of these women – where I come from, the response is “you ain’t all that!” How precious a commodity does one thinks she is to be able to be so arrogant as to weed out potential suitors by tax bracket and material possessions? And how disrespectful is it of a woman to treat a man as merely a collection of commodities (and vice versa)? Not to say that she should throw caution to the wind and let herself be swindled by every smooth-talking lothario but it disgusts me when people treat other people as a means to an end. How can someone write a want ad listing all the material things she wants from a man and so proportionately little of what she wants out of a man’s personality and compatibility as a partner?
Honestly, how out of touch with reality is this girl that she doesn’t try to act like a mature adult and instead demands a man to put up with her childish antics?
I can’t believe you translated all of the comments. Wow.
I cannot believe that someone pays attention to this. Every time I hear from girl that she wants to find someone to “take care” of her I get stumbled. This is nothing more than hiring whore long-term basis.
Some of my friends that dated chinese girls told me that girls blackmailed them! (Disclaimer: SOME of my friends, not all).
It is better for all of us and her to go to Zhong Shan Park, and meet some real people.
@ krdr:
LoL, out of morbid curiosity, what did they try blackmailing your friends with?
@Kai
Thanks for reminding me. I forgot that part. They blackmailed them with sex. Like:
“You don’t want to buy me this bag. I hate you”. Then, there’s no sex until bag is bought.
@ krdr:
LoL, were your friends that desperate? They should’ve listened to you and just found girls that were not gold-diggers (or at least less so). Man, that’s terrible. LoL.
@Kai
As I said, some of them had that problem. Some guys like to be with gold-diggers. As we saw, there is guys who wants to date queenie_melody, although she appears artificial with manga eyes.
And why guys wants to date this girl? I think it is same as with cars: better, shinier, more polished, etc… and other guys with opened jaws.
You know that’s why for gold diggers you can’t hope to hold a long trusting endearing relationship with them. Even if you’re well off, you still might encounter moments of hardship and you can’t have someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with jumping ship. And certainly not someone I feel would, in any way, make a good mother. That’s why my theory of Lease Don’t Buy when it comes to women like this. Sleep with as many as you can while you’re young, get it out of your system. Then go find yourself a girl that will love you for the rest of your life and marry her. It would be perfect in an ideal world but men have this problem called lust, and that ultimately causes problems.
I’m not sure how many of you guys are from the States but there’s this song that goes…
“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life… never make a pretty woman your wife”
“So from my personal point of view… get an ugly girl to marry you”
@The Liger
Dam’it, I already married beautiful, outgoing, well mannered, from good house girl! Beside that we are in love… ;)
i cannot agree with you about sleep as many as you can. It is just wrong.
@ The Liger
Being a good woman and being a good-looking woman aren’t mutually exclusive. By claiming so, you’re promoting the madonna/whore myth just like this girl.
By sleeping w/ all those women, you are relinquishing your moral high ground – you don’t build a reputation as a decent person when you keep company like that. It’s one thing for two consenting adults to have non-committal relationships but if you plan to “lease” a gold-digger and string her along, you are just as morally repugnant as she is.
I’m actually really ashamed that George Lam put that in his song. He’s such an awesome performer.
Two useful things I learned from here:
1. “like an airport” expression
2. and “Are they bigger than man tou?”
Wow – I’ll try really hard not to stereo-type but do the people commenting here not realize how very very superficial they are making their country sound to anyone not from there? Not that my country has any real claim to depth but these comments make the US dating sites look like bastions of philosophically sound minds and open hearts. Between young – childlike women nearly selling themselves this way to men actually calling women who look like they are still in middle-school “used” – holy crap. I think there will be no trip to China in the near future. I hope this is only a representation of the NASCAR type element in China and that those with more intellect and true taste will make their presence known so that those inclined to sink to stereotypes won’t have this version of your culture as an unchallenged example in the net community.
I agree with the above poster. The nasty comments about women reflect poorly on the imbecilic men who are posting. wonder how many are actually chinese? sure hope they don’t represent all chinese men as a whole.
I see what you guys are trying to say… but to me it almost seems like a willful attempt at being naive. I am Chinese I came to the US at a very young age so I’m pretty much raised American but I have a very traditional Chinese family. I’m about to turn 30, and from college till now I’ve dated every kind of Asian. The US has close to a 60% divorce rate, and I think part of the reason is that in American culture the individual has become the main focus. Not social structures such as community or family. Everything is about the self, if I’m not happy then fuck it I’m gonna want to be somewhere else with someone else. Not enough thought is given to the kids or the family unit in general.
Its all nice pretty and fun to imagine a world where women don’t care about wealth and you can find a life long partner that you can cherish for the rest of your life but often times that shit ain’t the truth. My cousin is a gold digger. She’s my cousin, we grew up together, I love her but I still know what she does. I don’t judge her for it, but I can see that she feels a sense of entitlement because she’s pretty, very skinny and smart. I also know her current boyfriend, he’s a family friend, owns a house that is now worth over a million US in Cupertino, CA. Makes an annual salary of over 200,000k US, thats 1.4 million RMB, worth enough money in retirement and stocks to just retire now and not have to worry about anything the rest of his life. But she’s doesn’t want to marry him because she wants better options. This guy is already 42 years old and wants to start of family, he doesn’t have time for this kind of thing. And just recently he completely gave up and she’s still just out there trying to meet more powerful men, she’s already 27.
My final point is, to understand those possibilities are always there, you can always give a person the benefit of the doubt but don’t ever make yourself completely defenseless. Try not to be so naive, but then I guess if you don’t have any assets to lose you don’t really have anything to lose, but if you don’t have any assets you wouldn’t have a shot with any of these kind of women anyway.
@ Sondra and Anonymous: Don’t worry, I think you guys are just seeing a few data points. You have to understand that people tend to do and say really stupid things on the internet they wouldn’t otherwise do in real life simply because of the “anonymity” factor. The fact is, we can see a lot of the same crap almost everywhere in the world, least of which being the United States or Europe. It just depends on where you look and who you surround yourself with.
@ The Liger: Well put, but…man…LoL.
@ Liger:
Slightly OT but I worked in a law firm specialising in divorce in the Asian community in Santa Clara and San Francisco counties. First of all, your statistic is bull:
http://www.divorce360.com/community/profile/journalentry/4073/andreanostramo/that-famous-divorce-rate-true-or-false.aspx
Secondly, our clientele was primarily Asian immigrants and white people. They get divorced for a myriad of reasons and it is downright insulting to say that divorces are done primarily with a flippant attitude toward family. There is no reason why “shame” should prevent a person from getting out of a toxic (e.g. emotionally or physically abusive) relationship and secondly, not all divorces are acrimonious (e.g. using money/custody of child[ren] as control) and tear families apart. This sort of antiquated thinking is what prevents people from admitting to themselves that they were either not compatible as a couple in the first place or just fell out of love. Why should husband and wife be forced to punish each other and sometimes the children involved just so they can uphold some semblance of a family for the sake of pretense? I’ve grown up with a fair amount of Chinese couples (i.e. biological aunts and uncles) that have a marriage of convenience and when it’s a bad match, it really does screw up the kids.
As long as there are shitholes for women to get out of, there are golddiggers. For every woman that has the proper drive, confidence, skill, and brains to do it in a manner that she won’t regret, there are probably hundreds more who, for whatever reason, will have to rely on her body for the same objective. This is true regardless of race or creed and has been for a long time. Don’t try and pawn it off on the US or its culture.
@ Chinamerican:
I think both you and The Liger bring up valid points but I want to propose some things for consideration:
1. Is marriage what necessarily comes after “falling in love?”
2. Is divorce justified by “falling out of love?”
3. How are both of these affected by the values of our surrounding society and culture?
I personally consider marriage to be more about “commitment” than “love.” Being in “love” with someone is merely something that might lead to one making a “commitment” to the other person. You can replace “love” with “compatibility” or “financial necessity” or whatever.
As such, if marriage is a “commitment,” what is it a commitment to? Is it to “love?” Or is it to “raising a family” or to “one’s children?” It could be for many things. But let’s say it is for “raising a family.” Would divorce be appropriate in such a context? You might argue that both spouses and children would be better off if the spouses were divorced, but is that really true (and there are certainly plenty of research studies trying to argue this or the opposite)? Or is it a really just placing one’s own selfish interests above the interests of the children or the family unit as a whole?
Is commitment in marriage about being committed to each others’ happiness or, for example, is it about being committed to making things work for the benefit of the family, children, each other? Is saying “divorce if you’re unhappy” really the right advice? Is that advice relieving people of their commitments or their responsibility to overcome problems, find solutions, compromise, and make things work?
Naturally, there are always extreme exceptions that seem black and white but for the most part, these are shades of gray. In order to answer the question of whether divorcing due to unhappiness or “falling out of love” is something we want to morally condone or accept, we have to ask ourselves why “marriage” in the first place? And to really, honestly, intellectually deal with these questions, we can’t escape a broader consideration of social values and norms.
You can be certain that social and cultural values impact what role marriage and divorce plays upon an individual, a family, and the society as a whole. When people refuse to divorce “for the family” it may really be “for the family,” or at least an attempt…however successful or unsuccessful that attempt may appear. It is not necessarily “for the sake of pretense.” I reckon you’re not trying to paint with broad brushstrokes but I do think such a statement disrespects the real, honest, sincere, emotional, and difficult considerations that go into divorce.
Life is far from ideal and it is hard to categorize everything nicely. Marriages of convenience often as much about selfish motivations as divorces are, and both evade any conception of marriage being about love or commitment. That is unfortunate. Nevertheless, I think we, as a society, need to be respectful to how our society’s grasp of marriage and divorce is constantly evolving and constantly question what gives rise to what we advise others and believe in relation to these issues.
I certainly abhor the notion of recommending a spouse remaining in a long-term and incorrigibly abusive marriage just as much as I abhor the notion of spouses casually exiting a marriage because they just don’t “love” each other anymore. Perhaps I’m just being idealistic in my notions of responsibility, responsibility for your own decisions, your vows and commitments, and your children. Perhaps responsibility takes a back seat to convenience in this day and age…but I’d like to hope, even argue, for better.
I’m not sure if your experience handling divorces affects your insights and disposition but the seemingly casual attitude towards marriage/divorce in America (coupled with high divorce rates) is as disheartening to me as the seemingly widespread acceptance of infidelity in marriage in China. Both hurt people. So where do the problems lie? In attitudes towards divorce? Towards marriage? Or humanity itself?
@ Kai,
I think not divoricing for the sake of pride or face is stupid but then again, I think the institution of marriage as it exists and the benefits of which are touted, is, for the most part, a farce. Of course, people should not get married if they do not intend to make a commitmment but an uncontested divorce is a relatively simple matter, especially if there are not a lot of assets and/or children involved. I believe that the reason for marriage is to have a good partnership in order to create a family, even if the family is only husband and wife. It doesn’t mean there has to be love there but at the very least, they must be able to respect, tolerate, and communicate with each other. If they can’t manage that and they can be adults about it, then they should get divorced. I, for one, don’t believe that a life of monagamy is for everyone. Some people never want (or even should) be married and still others are serial monagamists. This doesn’t make them bad people and forcing them into society’s expectations just ends up hurting the couple. Marriage, in its current and not-so-current legal incarnation, is simply a pooling of resources for the benefit of all parties and if it becomes so toxic that it is affecting quality of life, then aside from all the non-legal aspects (e.g. romance, family love, societal expectation) about marriage need to be reconsidered.
I really am not trying to swiftly categorize divorces but once people find out how expensive attorneys’ fees are, they usually decide to reconcile if they think there is any hope of it. It is usually only the serious ones that go through with it. My boss, the divorce attorney, is actually separated from his wife but they still live in the same house and raise their son. He says “it’s cheaper to keep her.”
I do believe that people do really stay together “for the family” but many times, it does more harm than good. I’ve seen that quite often, it comes down to a spouse, typically a woman, who is unsure of his/her abilities to take care of her kids/herself/elderly dependents, if she breaks from her husband. It’s very patronizing in some cases, especially when a man thinks “well what would she do without me?” It affects the children the most (if there are some involved) b/c kids are very astute to these situations, where they do recognise that they are potentially burdens, and honestly, even though divorced parents might not be able to give their kids the same sort of family life that a traditional nuclear family might afford them, I think it’s by far more healthy when parents decide to be happy for their children’s sake, not despite them.
I have an example of a college friend of mine, whose parents divorced after he finished college. They were Russian immigrants so marriages of convenience were common. It was a pretty clean split and now both of them have significant others. Their son is an adult and perhaps they just did not want to be together. They raised a responsible young man and they felt that they had deferred their own needs long enough. I do not know if they ever loved each other in the first place but they certainly respected each other and they simply agreed to pursue different paths.
The Russian family kept it together until after their son was old and mature enough to handle the potential fallout. Most people would find little fault in that scenario. The worrying scenario is when parents opt to divorce because they’re too lazy or unwilling to do what might be in the best interests of their younger and more vulnerable children.
As both of us have acknowledged, it is hard to say what would be in the best interests of the children, keeping it together or divorcing, because there are subjective value judgments involved and humans are nasty little creatures when it comes to rationalizing away their guilt and irresponsibility.
I’m tempted to expound further but, on second thought, I feel it isn’t necessary. The only reason divorce is a terrible thing is because there is a thing called marriage. The only reason why marriage is so tricky is because it is an attempt to instill order upon chaos. That chaos is humanity. We’re imperfect and limited and we’re capable of the most terrible things that hurt others. We’re as much burdened by our idealism as we are damned by our inadequacies.
So…let’s abolish marriage, yeah? Who’s with me?!? ;)
hello treeriteinc@yahoo.com in cali, wanna be friends? i’m Rob, you’re so cute..Muah
Sure.. have sex with as many local Chinese women as you can and use them for all their worth — since they’re with you for your passports and money anyway. However, it’s difficult to find a good ABC or foreign girl after that because they know you’ve been a man whore. Sadly, no one respects or want’s to touch a man whore. For the man, women’s beauty depreciates, for for women it seems, the man’s morals and value’s depreciate the more they sleep with Shanghai hoes.
Mmm shanghai hoes are the best! Its like costco … 3 for $5!
@penis man
Actually, the ones you reference aren’t “shanghai hos”, they’re hos in shanghai, likely Anhui peasant hoes – if in doubt always check the scarred up wrinkly knuckles…they been workin the farm.
@ penis man:
Yes, I agree with Rick. Those are DEFINITELY not Shanghai hos. Shanghai hos are FAR more expensive than $5!!! LoL
What out dudes!
When a Shanghainese girl says : “Don’t play and take good care of me…”, then she means:” You should work, cook, wash dishes and stay every evening home to take care of the kids. Hand over your creditcard, I’m going to shop with my grilfriends…”
After a while you’ll know that a pretty face is not enough…..
Even the most shallow, unattractive men demand a young and pretty face as a prerequisite for a girlfriend/wife.
Ah well I’ve found myself a new GF since the last posting on this board. And I’m pretty content right now. The trick is find one that’s college educated with a good salary, intelligent and mature, and not manipulative. She is one that often offers to pay because she has no problem paying for dinner considering the money she makes and with what she has accomplished in life feel no need to depend on a man. Yeah in the end I guess this is what I’m looking for. I’m not rich by American standards and neither is she but to our combined incomes makes us pretty well off. Guess what I’m trying to say is in the end I’m looking for a wife with whom we can do a good job raising the kids… not a wife that expects you to just take care of her. So why would I go for gold digging Shanghai women? If I’m old and ugly and rich then this kind of girl might be an option, but I’m young with a good career ahead of me looking for a girl who has similar accomplishments in her life to give our kids a great childhood. My parents provided me this and I think its only right I that I do the same for my kids. They are going to college, and this is where the first division of the class system starts… at least here in the US.
I got de double eyelids, but im savvy enuff 2 realise not to date chinese chix, well, specifically, shanghai chix. Pathetic whores.
it took me a few years but they really are all whores. i feel embarassed to see a fellow honkie walking down the street with a whore hes too dumb to recognise. keep it in the whackshacks. have they no shame?
wot r the chances a chinese whore, speaking english, dating foreign men isnt trash?
pump n dumps at best
Ive recently re-realised civilisation, 5000 yrs of chink golddiggers dont add up
“…….5000 yrs of chink golddiggers dont add up”
the worse examples of modern Chinese women bring out the the true colors of certain people
Hahaha, you guys are hilarious. One fake example and you’ve all become armchair experts. FTW
This women is a shame for Female community.
What are you? looking for a man or selling to a man?
We have pride…
Please think or your self because you crapping out.
You want a perfect guy but do you perfect?
Girl… go be one if you really like money… its faster… and no contract attached
Boy… do think it over… worth it? totally ashame
This Biatch is soooooooo photoshoped!!! she used the liquify tool, what a loser.
Forget the ugly LITTLE (everywhere) boys. I’m your MAN. Look like James Bond- the Pierce Brosnan version. Want pre- photoshopped pix. Bakgoy@yahoo.com
She wants a double eyelid man??? This is ridiculous! I wish the girl would really grow up! It reminds me of Wilde’s Importance of being earnest when the girl(I forgot the name) would love anyone just for fact that the man’s name is Ernest.
how do i use liquify tool???? I NEED it!!!!!!!
:P
both photos were taken by herself. Don’t you have any friends to take your picture?
MOSKAU…
Enter the hymen store
Two men are scorched and burned…
Kite me a sign.
billy is the handyman, porcelain is the surest plan
ha ha ha ha ha hey!
She’s nothing better than just a bitch…
She is quite ugly too demanded for girls like her. 10 year old boys body
Hi, you can call me Sou from Sou Tadayoshi.
Currently i have income of RMB 26,500++ a month.
I am interested to know you better. I didnt go out at night except for going to temple and excercise.
I didn’t go to bar or any life night at all.
Though i am 1984 year born. I hope we can be friend and have a chat or email, it never hurt to get new friend everyday.
I am 175-180 in height. I am not skinny nor overweight. I do not know about me having double eyelids. i will present picture when we have a chat.
I also do not think i have big eyes. I didnt do hair colouring too and i dont mind you do. Its your right.
I do have a dog, it is white highland terrier type pure breed with certificate. Again i am though not shanghainese. I do have big house around 1 acre all around, it is not mortgage. I do have car BMW, Mercedes, Alpaht, and another 10 car more or so.
I am very patient though i’m still human.
contact me on my Email. soutadayoshi@yahoo.com
or you can add me on your Yahoo Messenger, if you do have one.
Where’s Mao when China needs him? His good deed was enforcing rehabilitation of whores so they would learn useful skills self-worth. These shameless hussies of today could use the same re-education.
Wow sooo many funny comments on here. I live in Canada and pretty much raised here since I was young, funny thing is before I was married I actually met such a girl with demands like this. We met for a coffee and the way of thinking she had scared the crap outta me and I was heading for the hills! After a week she messaged me and wondered why I never called back! hahahahah!
Hi Melody, if you are serious… My name is Zac, I live in Australia, I’m 173cm, if there is anything else you want to know just ask… My email is the_tenkin@hotmail.com
I am all qualify for her, but would you like Bangladeshi? if you accept pls.inform me, here my add: mizan2021@gmail.com
Thanks
“I like doggies” style?
Sorry… but this one was too easy and nobody here has made it…
要和谐吧!!!!
Im 185cm tall,1993,well endowed,own 3 bicycles currently robbed another from a black kid.I also have a bus pass that lets me travel for free.
I also have a british visa, and a mortgage free house, I also hate going out to bar, because i have curfew just like you. My grades in school are good, and im sure i can provide for you when you are older.
Add me on msn nklinx@hotmail.com :)
i am 177, born in USA, shanghainese. i am 18…. haha. where am i going with this. i dont think i will be qualified anyways. my salary is 7 dollars an hour at walmart, because im a student, 1st year in college. i have eyes that look like yours. i wiegh 160 lb. i can speak shanghainese. i can drive a car. i own a BMW. im planning to move back to china someday. (im doing this for fun) but if you want me, you can have me!!
Without all those make-up i’m sure she’s ugly like a witch >.<
Guys,don't just believe in photos specially taken by her..
I wonder how she looks like when she just wakes up in the morning maybe all those guys declaring their flame here would run away leaving a message "sorry,i my double eyelids deceived me" haha
I am kowang from Nepal. I am good hearted and very hard working person. Ya I got a doubled and big eye as u like. If u wish to marry me then mail me in lama.sher.pa@hotmail.com or lama_sherpa07@yahoo.com. I am born on 1988 in dragon year. I feel good to marry girl bigger than me
hahaha…anyone get a reply yet?
if not, you guys are rejects. rofl!
Dear queenie_melody
I have read your post with great interest.
Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours.
Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money”:
Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason.
The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset.
It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation.
If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”.
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted.
It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”.
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy.
And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in “leasing” services, do contact me…
I LAUGH HARD AT ALL THOSE WHO PUT THEIR INTERESTS IN THIS GIRL HAHAHAHAHA
YES,IVE SEEN MANY GIRLS LIKE THIS ONE NOT BAD WITH MAKE UP BUT ONCE THEY’LL GET IN THEIR NATURAL STATE,UGLY LIKE HELL.
YOU HEART SHRINKS,AND FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN.
SO GUYS THINK TWICE BEFORE DATING THIS KIND OF GIRL.DIVORCE IS WAITING FOR YOU UNLESS YOU’RE KEEPING HER ONLY FOR SEX MUAHAHA
guys who make rude comments about ‘ugly’ girls are usually losers themselves. And they’re ugly as hell on the outside and inside.
hi , how r u – this is jack- just shifted to shnaghai – how about you – how is your life going on – hope everything gr8- are you still in shanghai now a days?? awaiting your reply – just wnt to be your good frnd.thanks.j
I’m cute, passionate, responsible and wild. My salary is about 30 to 40x yours. I’m a CEO. If you’re a lady outside and a bitch in bed, I’ll marry you.
Felix-
180cm
PS: Can you make love for 4 hours? I can.
I’m cute, passionate, responsible and wild. My salary is about 30 to 40x yours. I’m a CEO. If you’re a lady outside and a bitch in bed, I’ll marry you….for 5 years maximum. End of the story. You’ll be ugly as hell in 10.
Felix-
180cm
PS: Can you make love for 4 hours? I can.
Man this has gotta be a prank rite? Sif a gal is so stupid to do something like this.
Na i think its real.
Hey queenie melody, i am very interested in your offer and i meet all your above requirements.
I don’t like posting my private information so add me on msn and we can video chat to see if it will work out.
I really hate these rich men baiting “adverts”. Gives the impression that Chinese girls are prostitutes!
This is god dam hilarious, i really feel sorry for you, open your legs, get some things and die with what achievements in your life?…haha..funny shit you type of girls. Here’s some free advice, you only live once…do something with your life besides opening your legs for a good life.
I hope you find true love….but seems you in love with yourself too much. I feel sorry for any guy that what to settle down with this one….you’ll be sorry.
Japanese girls are better that Chinese girls.
huh
i have those “coveted” double-eyelid but i thought it was a girl thing.
would like a girl who stays home but i’m on the too skinny side