Chinese People’s Secrets: Part 9

More translated secrets of Chinese people…

From Tianya, “Share your heart’s darkest secrets…do you have the courage?”:


When I was small, I never lacked money, but for some reason at the time I liked to steal money from my house. The craziest was when I stole money from my mother’s purse almost daily. Later, when I discovered where she put her money, I would steal money directly from there. This went on for a very long time, and I thought she never knew, but she later told me that she knew.

I am very thankful she did not lose hope in me at that time, or blame me, and her reaction instead made me feel guilty.

Nowadays, I have never again taken money from my family, and instead have given money to my family. Other than my mother, I have never spoken about what happened in the past.


I worked in a forensic medicine department. One time, there was a girlfriend who was curious and wanted a tour of our place, so I took her there at night, and later QJed her on the autopsy table. Finally, I killed her and soaked her body in the corpse soaking tub. Every time, I secretly take out a piece of her to throw away. I have even SYed once to her incomplete corpse.


It is very difficult to talk about my secret. I used to have constipation, and it developed to the point where I would have to use my hand to pick it out. Yet, it was not the very serious type, because if I did not do anything, it would still come out about once every three days. However, I cannot endure the feeling of my belly having a lot of things. Right now, I defecate about twice a day, sometimes 3-4 times. After reading this much [secrets], I think I am the most BT.


I was sexually molested before when I was young by my neighbor’s older brother. After growing up, I one day suddenly thought of this. At that time, he had already gotten married, and whenever I saw him, I would remember. I think he would also definitely remember. Therefore, I am very scared of seeing him. However, he is normally a very good guy, and also very honest (it is true honesty, not faked), so I really do not understand how he could have done such a thing at that time.
Later, I secretly hoped in my heart that he would die, but I never expected him to really die not long later. I cried for a very long time. I did not think that it would really come true. Later, this became my secret. I have always believed it was I who killed him, and whenever I see his parents I still feel very guilty. Fortunately, they still have a child, otherwise I would really blame myself to death.
This has been buried in my heart for 7 years, and speaking out makes me feel much better.


My double eyelids are fake, but I have never admitted to it to save face.
When I was in high school, I went behind my current boyfriend’s back and kissed with my classmate, and he also tried touching me, but I prevented that.
When I was small, I used to be very curious about sex, so my older sister and I took off our clothes and tried it~~~the feeling was a blanket/quilt that stank of piss. (I am a female)


I am outside of the country [outside of China] and my first time was with a foreign boy, and he is not my boyfriend. At that time, I was slightly depressed, appearing cheerful and open on the surface, but really lonely in my heart… I remember that my first time was when I was celebrating my 21st birthday. He carried a cake to my home door. 21 is a very important birthday in the West, and for him to remember, I was a little moved… Afterward, we maintained sexual relations for over a year, but he is a very good person. Later when I found a boyfriend, I stopped talking to him…

But later on, every time I dated boys, as long as I felt the feeling was pretty good and there was a chance of developing further, I would have [sexual] relations with them…because I feel that if two people’s sex is not harmonious then there could not be much development in the future. However, this kind of behavior apparently is a little too casual in foreigners’ eyes, especially since I have not yet established a clear relationship with the other party yet…but I have actually discovered two guys to be not good enough after going to bed with them, so might as well not continue with them…

Other people all think I do not have a boyfriend, but I have on and off had these relations I am not very willing to share…I still hope for a true love, but it always appears that I will not have this kind of luck. Is occasionally having this kind of “sex friend” very immoral???


I am not a good person, not willing to speak the truth, but also not willing to lie, so I often ignore people, but I still have friends who are good to me. However, to me, they are like a heavy burden. I do not want her to be good to me, but with her being so kind-hearted, I feel a forced feeling. Every year, she will give me gifts, and every time I will feel pressure and want to kill myself. I do not know what qualifications I have to bear this kind of clean friendship. I feel I am a filthy person. I am a disease, and am a very ugly person, and am an impulsive person, and am an immodest person. Actually, I am a very introverted person, and do not like lively environments one bit. I do not like a big group of friends. My possessiveness is to the point where I do not dare associate with friends, nor associate with anyone. If anyone has relations with me, she/he will definitely be suffocated by me.
I hope everyone will all desert me. I hope my suicide will be successful. I even hope I have a traffic accident, so I can die quickly. I do not want to continue living in this world one bit. I am very tired, very tired. I long for God to kindly take me back. I would be eternally thankful. Let me die.


The dorm leader/boss would say bad things about me behind my back, and would attack me with insinuations in front of me. So for three continuous days, before lunch and dinner, I would take his spoon to the bathroom and rinse it with urine before returning it. Then I would go with him to get food, come back, and watch him eat…


  1. My first boyfriend stole my money so his outside woman could get an abortion. Of course, later he also got his just deserts, and I had also thoroughly given up on him. Those who know of this matter do not dare to speak of it in front of me. I never thought I too would have my foolish moments.
  2. I have been hurt by a guy I really loved before, so I no longer trust men. For a very long time, I would spend time with fair-weather friends [friends you play with only] to get drunk and do K [“king-fen” or ketamine, a drug]. I also lost my job, and even spent a full year with a guy who came out of prison. For him, I had an abortion. At the time, my family did not know what I was doing all day, and was very disappointed in me. Now when I think of it, I feel that I was really stupid at the time, and did them wrong.
  3. When I was with the prisoner, I was even a drug dealer’s lover, and a black society’s big brother’s lover. Other than a very dependable good friend, no one knows about this.
  4. I have had several one night stands, very stimulating but I did not climax/orgasm.
  5. Later, I suddenly woke up, broke off contact with that group of people, my life also got better, and later I found my current husband. My husband knows that I used to be very fond of playing, but does not know I had played so excessively. Watching him trying hard to make money to raise our family, I feel like I have wronged him. However, I also know that only by covering up everything will he not be heartbroken about me having been like that.
    Finally, I want to say again: I am sorry, dad and mom. I am sorry, my husband.


For the past few years, I lived in half of a big house (two houses, one living room).  The other half of the apartment was one room and one living room, rented by a Canadian-nationality Macau person. The two halves only had their own doors, but the lock was like those in hotels that can be opened with a hard card.
During the time of SARS, that Canadian was scared and went back to his country, and I stayed in Beijing bored. Maybe because I had seen too many European art films, I always think of doing some strange, outside of the norm things, until one day, I used my national identification card to pry open the other person’s door, went in, walked around, saw on his wall a picture of him with his children, and then suddenly had a strange idea…
I took his picture home, scanned it, used PS [Photoshop] to erase his son from the picture, printed a new photo on the same kind of photograph paper, then returned to my neighbor’s home, and stuck it back in the original place. After a few days, my neighbor returned. When he sees that flawless picture, what kind of thoughts will he have? Why did his son disappear?…

Note: Many of the these usernames are the same because people are using a public/shared account to post their secrets so no one knows their normal Tianya username.

To be continued…

See more Chinese People’s Secrets.


Written by Fauna

Fauna is a mysterious young Shanghainese girl who lives in the only place a Shanghainese person would ever want to live: Shanghai. In mid-2008, she started chinaSMACK to combine her hobby of browsing Chinese internet forums with her goal of improving her English. Through her tireless translation of popular Chinese internet news and phenomenon, her English has apparently gotten dramatically better. At least, reading and writing-wise. Unfortunately, she's still not confident enough to have written this bio, about herself, by herself.


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