‘Foodaholics’ & ‘Legendary Replies’

Went to a lecture yesterday, and when it came to people who often eat until they’re stuffed having short lives, she said: Throughout life, we eat about 9 tons of food. Whoever finishes first, leaves first…

Be a foodaholic, be a stupid cunt. [Alternate Chinese translation of Steve Jobs’ quote: “Stay hungry, stay foolish.”].

One night I wanted to buy some snacks to eat, but my mom stopped me, asking, “You are not dieting anymore?” I said, “Well…I have a boyfriend now, someone who wants me…” Then my mom stared at me for a long time before saying something very inspirational, “You don’t plan to change boyfriends anymore [get a better one]?”

She removed the string and let her beautiful hair down, gently took off her glasses, smiled shyly, and took off her coat…she said: What do I do? I’m still really nervous. I reassured her: Don’t worry, nobody knows who we are here. She said: Yeah, and then she walked over confidently…for the third time towards the free cake sample stand at the supermarket…

The life of a foodaholic is just like a train…to sum up, it is: Guang [逛, “shopping, strolling”]—— chi [吃 “eating”], guang—-chi, guang—chi, guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi…

[Note: This is a quip involving an onomatopoeia. “Guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi guangchi” sounds like a running train.]

CCTV is interviewing [people on the streets] again. The reporter asked: “As a Chinese, what can you do for the motherland?” Legendary reply: “Emigrate, and not to add to the disarray in the motherland.” The reporter asked again: “What do you think is the manifestation of patriotism?” Legendary reply: “Emigrate, to add to the disarray in capitalist countries.”

A woman tearfully complained on her blog, that she had just learned that her husband named their daughter after his first love. She added that she always knew that her husband was deeply in love with his first girlfriend. Since her husband met her, he has always been very nice to her, so she used to believe that she was the happiest person in the world. Only now has she finally learned that her husband has never forgotten his first girlfriend. A netizen’s legendary reply: Actually your husband just wants to tell his first girlfriend: I fucked your mother.

I just saw that Baidu picture where a person posted about how his girlfriend seems to be cheating on him but ended up asking a question about an oil leak with his motorcycle. My husband and I searched for it on Baidu and it’s actually real, but there’s also a legendary reply below it that cracked us up!

[Text in the picture:]

Additional Question: I have a serious question to consult with everyone here: My girlfriend has been deceiving me lately. She’s always going out at night with others and coming back very late by taxi which, however, does not stop at the door. I snooped through her cell phone and she threw a fit. One night when she went out, I rode my motorcycle [out to follow her] and hid at the corner of the street waiting to see who would pick her up, only to discover that my motorcycle was leaking oil. I want to ask, it’s only been a year since I bought this motorcycle, is this oil leak covered in the warranty?

Answer: I’ve come across this problem before. I used to go out with my woman and afterwards, I’d take her home by taxi, but [one night] I saw a stupid cunt motorcycle leaking oil at the corner of the street. I was confused: Gas prices have gone up but [this guy is] still riding a motorcycle? The second I looked at him I knew this was no ordinary diaosi. As soon as my woman saw him, however, she began shedding tears, saying that it was her boyfriend and she didn’t know that he cared so much for her. My brain totally went blank, and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to love anymore. Before I could react, she jumped out of the car running towards the street corner, and I too rushed out of the cab to chase her but suddenly I saw a vendor on the side of the street selling spicy skewers. I want to know, are these safe to eat. If I eat them, will I get sick?

The last legendary reply is from popular Chinese young-adult fiction writer Guo Jingming to @Tinglinzhen Studio, the weibo account of Party, a literary magazine created and edited by China’s most popular blogger Han Han. Understanding the following requires an advanced understanding of the Chinese internet slang 萌 (cute, cuteness), 艹 (fuck), and 日 (fuck), as well as the rumored rivalry between Guo Jingming and Han Han as the result of constant online comparisons of the two writers.

From Sina Weibo:

#Cute Japan Korea#

Tinglinzhen Studio: Today [I] saw a sentence: When it comes to 萌 [cute/cuteness], who can compete with Han Han…you’ll get it in a second.

Guo Jingming: 萌 is a loanword from Japan. Seems like young people all really like 日韩 “Japanese and Korean” culture. I do too. These days, Japanese and Korean styles are very popular.

萌 as used by Tinglinzhen Studio is composed with the character parts 艹 and 明 . 艹 can mean “to fuck”, while 明 is the third character in 郭敬明 Guo Jingming’s name. So, besides “cute/cuteness”, 萌 can also be interpreted as “fuck Guo Jingming”.

Guo Jingming correctly pointed out that the internet meme 萌 is borrowed from the Japanese language, as a result of the popularization of Japanese and Korean pop culture in China over the past two decades. However, 日 can also mean “to fuck”. and 韩 is also Han Han’s surname. So, besides “Japanese and Korean”, 日韩 can also be interpreted as “fuck Han Han”.

At time of translation, this topic has generated 640,255 discussions.