After it snowed, everyone in Tianjin has become an artist~! Hahaha…
On a winter day, a girl got a fever and her face was all red. She went to the clinic. The doctor came in and put his hand on her forehead. 30 seconds later he switched to the other hand. And then, this lousy doctor said, “So warm.”
So, the two factors that hinder the unity of the Chinese people are “heaters for [people in] northern China” and “free shipping for [people in] Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and Shanghai” eh?
[Note: People living in northern China get to enjoy city-wide central heating in winter–they need to pay annual fees though; some merchants on online shopping websites offer free shipping to people living in Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and Shanghai, probably because they live closer to those customers.]
Someone went on a business trip to northern China and ordered beer at a restaurant. The server asked, “Do you want room temperature beer or cold beer? That person flared up, “You want me to drink cold beer in this frigid weather?!” The server calmly said, “The room temperature is -15° [5°F], the cold beer temperature is -1°[30.2°F]. -_-|||
A genius passed by…
After watching Empresses in the Palace aka The Legend of Zhen Huan for a few days, I began speaking to my roommates in an affected way, “Hmm, the cake you bought today is extremely good. Rich thick cheese coupled with a luscious mousse. Nothing is better than this. I would love to take a few more bites. Although I will gradually plump out, it is worth doing so.” “Speak a human language [Talk like a normal person].” “…The cake is really delicious. I want another piece.”
The above and following “humor” may be difficult to understand for people who aren’t advanced Chinese readers but are nonetheless something of a trend amongst Chinese netizens familiar with the Chinese TV series Empresses in the Palace aka The Legend of Zhen Huan whose popularity has resulted in numerous reruns on various TV channels in and outside China. The series depicts the conflicts and intrigues among the Emperor Yong Zheng‘s wives. The main character, Zhen Huan, is an innocent young lady who enters the palace but soon discovers that the palace is actually a cruel and harsh place, forcing her to learn how to survive on her own. You can watch this TV series with English subtitles online here.
Specifically, the “Zhen Hua Style” jokes here involve the characteristic speaking style widely used by the characters on the TV series that is widely associated with how people in their station would speak in that historical period. Think of it as the difference between how the nobility may speak versus the average commoner’s vernacular. It is more or less similar to humor in English that may employ haughty false accents or speech to give off an air of sophistication.
“I just saw a math problem on Intensive Exercises, and the way this problem is constructed is extremely cunning. I figured that if this problem is given to you to solve, it’ll definitely enhance your familiarity with the formulas, which will be extremely conducive to your math skills.” “Speak a human language!” “I have no idea how to solve this problem…”
说人话 shuo ren hua, literally “speak a human language”, consequently is a reaction to “Zhen Huan Style”.
Zhen Huan: When I woke up this morning, my body was sore all over, and I felt completely washed out. I assumed it was because I had played too hard over the past few days; I figure that if I can take three more days off, to smell the fragrance of flowers, and bask in the warmth of sunshine, my mood will definitely go up, which must be extremely good for work.————Consort Hua: Bitches are always pathetic. If you don’t want to work tomorrow, just say it. The thing I hate most is this bitchiness of yours!”
In the morning she opened her eyes. Last night’s drunkenness has faded. She discovered that the bed was hers, the house was hers, but the stranger, already dressed, was going to open the door and leave. She suddenly felt a little morose, so she blurted out, “I don’t know your name yet!” The man turned back, gently smiled and said, “Just call me Lei Feng…”
The above and below jokes requires some familiarity with Lei Feng being well-known amongst Chinese as the Chinese government’s propaganda poster child of a Good Samaritan.
The wife was using the restroom at night only to find that there was no more toilet paper, so she called her husband who was playing computer games, “Honey, there’s no more toilet paper.” Husband: “Wait until I finish this round.” The wife intentionally screamed and howled to hurry him up, “Toilet paper! Hurry up and bring me the toilet paper…!” After a few screams, the doorbell/intercom buzzer rang, so she changed to yelling, “Honey, someone is ringing the doorbell.” After some time, the husband picked up the intercom handset, “Who is it?” Answer: “Dude, your wife asked you to bring her toilet paper.” Husband: “…and who are you?” Answer: “Call me Lei Feng…Lei Feng…