‘Houses More Dependable Than Men’, Says Chinese Women

women-love-or-houseFrom Sina:

Houses are more dependable than men, testimony of the house-slave lifestyle of a MM born in 1984

After seeing so many people’s ordinary lives, no matter if they are better or if they are poor like me, they are all blessed and happy. Awhile ago, my boyfriend and I broke up, so now I have once again returned to the hard life like when I first began working. Paying for a small house by myself, I often lose sleep because of the pressure, both hating yet also being satisfied [with this situation], hate because I have given up a lot for this house, living a life that is neither alive nor dead, no longer going out with friends to karaoke or have fun in order to pay the mortgage, very rarely going out shopping in order to pay the mortgage (only going out when household necessities have been used up). Yet while I am in pain, I am also happy, once inadvertently hearing something like this: “An immature man will die for his ideals, while a mature man will suffer for his ideals!” I believe this is applicable to women as well, that I can still live and live happily after leaving that man!

First let me introduce myself, I am from the countryside, my family was poor so I never went to university, only vocational school. Half a year before finishing vocational school, I came out to work, and there has not been much glory/good things in my life, everything I see being the more gloomy side, looked down upon when I was in school by schoolmates because I was poor, and even the good friends you think you can trust can betray you. To this day, thinking of those times I cannot help feeling tears well up in my eyes. That year, my family really could not provide any money, my father asked me not to study anymore, and I really did not want to be like the other village girls who at 16-17 years old would go to the coastal cities to work, crying and kneeling before my father begging him to let me finish school. My mother cried and my father cried too, and in the end it was my paternal grandfather, whom I respect the most in my life, who stood out to make the decision to let me continue studying. All of this I told one of my friends and did not imagine she would talk about it openly at school. Sigh! My first job was sales office staff, and even though it was sitting inside an office there were still busy times and I would do everything, at night when loading cargo I would go help move cargo, 10-15kg of veterinarian products stop feeling heavy after moving them enough times, moving them until 1-2 in the morning but still going to work on time the next day. Though it was tiring, I was still very happy, because I can finally work. I got 45 yuan for my first month’s salary. Hehe, not even enough to go home with, the boss was embarrassed so he had me go to accounting to borrow 50 to go home.

I had ten schoolmates when I started school, but I was the only one to remain, and thinking about it now, I can only say that was my luck, all the hardship only making me stronger. Actually, had I not encountered my current company, I think I would have continued working at that company, because I am someone who does not like to change jobs often, having worked for six-seven years now and have only worked for these two companies. The boss of my current company helped me during my most difficult time, and while now it only looks like a very small help, when a person is in need of help most and not a single person helps you, his help was even more the big kindness that one can never forget in their lives. My boss is over 50-years-old, and is also a person I really respect and admire. Not long after he set up his company, I gave up my past job to come to the city I am in now. In a blink of an eye, it has been six years. From an unremarkable/unnoticed little company to now where it is still just a medium sized company, the sweat that has been exerted [to build up this company] has been profound for even me as an employee.

I have been talking about the past so far. I just wanted 1) to let everyone understand that it has not been easy for me getting to where I am, 2) vent a little some of the hardship that has been stewing within me. The house was purchased with a mortgage in 2006. At the time, houses and housing prices were all crazy, housing prices were skyrocketing, everything was snatched up, a complete frenzy. At that time, I had personally saved several tens of thousands kuai, my family contributed an additional 20,000 because their situation had become better, and with 70,000 kuai combined paid the downpayment to “snatch” the small house I currently have. A 62 square meter small two-bedroom house.

Chinese people in line to buy a house.
Chinese people in line to buy a house.

When I purchased the house, my boyfriend had said he would also contribute a little, but I disagreed, thinking it would be messy because we were not married and what if we break up later on. I didn’t imagine that my what if would actually come to pass. He said at the time that if I did not let him contribute to buying the house, he would contribute a little for decorating the house. I have always been a relatively independent person. Anything I can do by myself I will definitely not bother others to help because I cannot repay that person’s kindness. As the saying goes, when someone helps you a little, you should repaying their kindness with more, and I do not have the ability to repay people more.

Let me talk a little about my current situation. Purchasing a house and paying the loan has made it so I do not have much savings anymore. Including decorating the house, I am now heavily in debt. When decorating, my boyfriend contributed 20,000, and my parents gave 10,000. From the company I borrowed 30,000, and I thank my company for trusting me, but I have not told my coworkers that I have purchased a house, and the money I borrowed from the company I dare not mention, because even though I am a founding member of the company, I am afraid of affecting my coworkers’ moods. The money borrowed from the company is repaid with my year-end bonus.

Below I will talk a little about the boyfriend matter. Seeing so many posts where sisters’ boyfriends or husbands are all very good, I am also envious. I am not that lucky. I was with my boyfriend five years, and we almost always split the bill. How much income he has I do not know, but we split the rent and those things evenly. Perhaps it is because we have been together for too long, perhaps it is because I personally do not like to make myself up, perhaps it is because my love for him made me want to control him, perhaps it is because he simply never loved me. To now I have not yet understood [what happened], but he later left with another woman. As the guilty party, the 20,000 he contributed for decoration was forfeited. Ha, at that time I had even wanted to die, hatefully preferring for us to die together.

I do not know how I got through that time period, the three day vacation during the May 1 holiday, I stayed at home alone, not going out, only eating two meals, three days later leaving the house looking like a wandering soul/ghost. It was my parents and the house that helped me recover my senses. I often joke with my friends and schoolmates saying that paying for that house is just as difficult as raising a son. Every month you cannot break payment even if it means not eating and drinking. This house however is the most reliable/dependable. As long as I do not break payment every month, it will always belong to me! Hehe.

May this post resonate with the sisters on this BBS forum who say they want to buy a house even if it means borrowing from their credit cards. You are braver than me, as long as you can persevere on, life will repay you.

A house slave.
A house slave.

Comments from Sina:


I do not want to be a house-slave [slave to a house/mortgage]~~~!


[I] very much admire lou zhu‘s courage and independence! This is something that many people these days lack! [I] want to learn from you.


Just today I was sitting with some female coworkers discussing this problem. It is very tiring/difficult for women who only depend on themselves, because in this world men are the strong and women are still the weak, so only by depending on men can we live more comfortably/relaxed! Why do we all search for Prince Charming? It is in order to live a happy life! A house is of course more dependable than a man, but a house cannot be a substitute for a man, so we diligently spending men’s money, whether boyfriend’s or husband’s, will give them a great sense of accomplishment! So those who want to move heaven and earth need to to make men willing or happy to let women spend money! Only this way can be a happy life for women! Since we are “the weak”, then we must learn how to appear weak. After all, who made our social role to be the weak!


You are truly a strong person…jia you…I admire your personality…


Yes, there are still quite a few slaves to houses in this society.


Everyone has their own way of living, this society is a complex society.


I really want to shake your hand, [because] we have the same fate, the same situation…


Men and houses, if only one can be chosen, then choose a house.


The evolution from being a slave to a general, we cannot ignore the existence of the female sex’s charms. Hehe, however I would not marry you. Because you have a house!


Lou zhu, you are very strong, and actually I too am a person not willing to give up. Society today has too few good men, so us women must constantly improve/strengthen ourselves, so we are not the weak. As long as we have a strong/persevering heart, we will not lose to men. I am someone who has [gone through this]. When my child was very small, my ex-husband would often stay out late playing women. No matter how much I pleaded he would not listen. In the end, I was willing to give up the house (the house was purchased through his parents’ seniority, their name is on the deed, and at the time he was saying the house was his if we divorce) and divorced him, moving out alone with my daughter. Several years later today I have purchased a house by myself. My mother’s family’s [financial] circumstances are not good so I did not have them contribute, and only borrowed a little over 10,000 from friends. A month ago I moved into what is finally my own house, my mood comfortable and relaxed. You are still young, jia you! Good luck/fortune is waiting for you.

"I am more dependable than a man."
"I am more dependable than a man."


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Written by Fauna

Fauna is a mysterious young Shanghainese girl who lives in the only place a Shanghainese person would ever want to live: Shanghai. In mid-2008, she started chinaSMACK to combine her hobby of browsing Chinese internet forums with her goal of improving her English. Through her tireless translation of popular Chinese internet news and phenomenon, her English has apparently gotten dramatically better. At least, reading and writing-wise. Unfortunately, she's still not confident enough to have written this bio, about herself, by herself.


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