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Idiosyncrasies and Peculiarities

Who says the map of China resembles a big rooster? Actually it’s a pretty young girl !!!

Map of China

After a laowai became obsessed with mahjong…

non-Chinese mahjong lover

Bin Laden said: China is the only country that can not be provoked: Al Qaeda once sent five terrorists to attack China. The first one was supposed to blow up an overpass, but got lost on the way; the second one was supposed to bomb a bus, but he could not squeeze onto the bus; the third one was supposed to blow up a supermarket, but his bomb was pickpocketed; the fourth one was supposed to bomb a train, but the tickets were sold out; the last one successfully blew up a coal mine, and caused hundreds of casualties. After sneaking back to the Al Qaeda headquarters, six months passed and there were no news reports whatsoever, and Al Qaeda executed him for lying!

Osama bin Laden

The teacher said, “These days, the Chinese people who have money, power, or knowledge have all emigrated abroad. Why is it that those of us without money and power remain in China? Because Mencius said, ‘The poor and humble can not move!'”

[Note: In this joke, the meaning of Mencius’ statement “Neither poverty nor humbleness can make him swerve from principle” is deliberately twisted.]

Mencius

A young idler, a lifelong mainlander.

[Note: This joke is an adaptation of the Chinese proverb “A young idler, an old beggar.”]

Mengniu's press conference 01

Mengniu press conference 02

[Above images: The Mengniu Diary Group, one of the leading diary companies in China, admitted at a press conference that “the possibility (of having aflatoxin in its exported milk products) is much lower than that in the products on the mainland market.

It is said that when a Chinese person dies, if you then flatten him, you’ll have a periodic table of elements…

milk safety crisis

[Note: The joke here is that the bodies of Chinese people are filled with dangerous substances due to poor food safety.]

Zhejiang Yongkang No. 2 Middle School [see image below]: “Without the Gaokao (China’s College Entrance Examination), would you be able to compete against the rich second generation [the children of the wealthy]?”

high school inspiration slogan

If Pan Jinlian didn’t open the window, she wouldn’t have encountered Ximen Qing; if she didn’t encounter Ximen Qing, she wouldn’t have committed infidelity; if she didn’t commit infidelity, Wu Song wouldn’t have been forced to escape to Mount Liang (after killing her and Ximen Qing); if Wu Song didn’t escape to Mount Liang, Fang La wouldn’t have been arrested and he might have obtained Song’s territory; if Fang La obtained Song’s territory, there wouldn’t have been the Jingkang Incident, the entry of the Jin military, or the Qing Dynasty; then there wouldn’t have been a closing off to the outside world, the Opium Wars, or the Eight-Nation Alliance. That way China would have been the only superpower in the world, and the other vassal states would have been as unimportant as passing clouds. Little Pan, did you have nothing else to do? Why the hell did you open the window?!

Pan Jinglian
Pan Jinlian is a fictional character in the classic novel Water Margins. She had an extramarital affair with Ximen Qing, and was then killed by her brother-in-law Wu Song.

Someone made a post asking: If China and the Philippines were really to go to war and you would be sent to the front line, what could you do with your professional skills? There were all kinds of replies. Then came a chihuo and everything became quiet: Eat up all their food!

glutton

If I were a National People’s Congress delegate, I would definitely make this proposal: Use Alipay [an online payment/escrow service similar to PayPal that is used with Chinese online marketplace Taobao] when it comes time to pay taxes, so we can wait for the government to achieve something or fulfill a commitment before confirming the payment, otherwise get a refund of the total sum. By that time, government officials will be chasing after us calling, “Dear, give a positive review! Dear, vote for me, and I guarantee to serve the people! Dear, the achievement is here, please verify!

NPC representatives fell asleep
Four NPC representatives were spotted sleeping during the National People's Congress meeting in 2005.

The greatest hermit retreats into the noisiest market, the master stays unrevealed among the common people.

sleeping on the iron chain

street haircut

riding three bikes

back from the market

dog standing on a bike

dog sitting on a bike

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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

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