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‘Masters’ & ‘My Little Buddies’

Car repair
The theme of this collection of jokes and humor from the Chinese internet revolve around the following Chinese internet memes…
高手在民间

[gāo shǒu zài mín jiān / gao1 shou3 zai4 min2 jian1]

expression.

Traditionally, “the master stays unrevealed among the common people” suggesting that the true masters of a talent, often martial arts, is often hidden amongst the ordinary masses, who don’t draw attention to themselves or broadcast their talents. Nowadays, it is an expression often used in a similar way when someone unknown (like a peasant farmer or a faceless netizen) does or says something unexpectedly impressive.

Link to this entry.

我和小伙伴们都惊呆了

[wǒ hé xiǎo huǒ bàn men dōu jīng dāi le / wo3 he2 xiao3 huo3 ban4 men dou1 jing1 dai1 le]

expression.

“My little buddies and I were all stupefied.” This expression went viral after being used by an elementary school student in an essay to describe his/her and his/her little buddies’ reactions to a “rumored” origin of Duanwu aka Dragon Boat Festival featuring Qu Yuan, the Communist Party of China, and the Kuomingtang aka the Chinese Nationalist Party. The excerpt of the essay was posted by the student’s Chinese teacher on Sina Weibo in 2011 and the sentence went viral in 2013. The expression simply means one is stunned or rendered speechless by something surprising or unexpected.

Link to this entry.

小伙伴 [xiǎo huǒ bàn] “little buddies” is often used to describe a little kid’s playmates.

Car was rear-ended, no money to fix… can only do this…

Car repair

Using a public restroom, didn’t bring toilet paper. Only had a 100 yuan bill and a cell phone on me. Without hesitation, I grabbed the cell phone and called KFC: Please deliver a family bucket. Special request: Must be a male [delivery guy], bring extra napkins. The location is XXX men’s restroom No.2 stall.

[Note: In China, many public restrooms do not provide toilet paper. You must bring your own, or purchase from a vending machine or restroom attendant.]

Funny men's restroom sign

Louzhu: Today I was a bit stupefied by my 3-year-old little girl. In the morning, she wanted to go poo. When I got her onto her little potty toilet, she suddenly very earnestly asked me, “Are poo and pee good friends?

First reply: “No, they are not on the same path” [figuratively meaning two people don’t share the same values and thus aren’t friends”].

Second reply: “Yes, but pee is more loyal [to its friends]. Poo would not accompany pee every single time, but whenever poo shows up, pee always backs it up!!!”

Shit

When I was little, I could never figure out the concepts of zhou sui [actual age, measured from day of birth] and xu sui [nominal age, the traditional Asian way of calculating age, where a child is already one year old upon birth]. Just now a friend said, “The actual age is the amount of time since you came out of your mother’s body, while the nominal age is the amount of time since you came out of your father’s body.” Immediately, with tears streaming down my face, I understood [the difference].

Cute little baby

A friend, his mom used to be a long-distance runner on the provincial track & field team. He too has been talented when it came to athletics ever since he was small. Every time he does something wrong, his mom would chase him, trying to hit him, and the two of them could run all the way to the neighboring town, where they’d then take a taxi back…

Chinese town

Shantou‘s Most Niu Delivery Brother: A godlike existence! My little buddies and I were all stupefied!

Lunch box delivery guy in Shantou

The water in a swimming pool with a lot of people = water + disinfectant powder + saliva + urine + eye boogers + earwax + snot + a small amount of menstrual blood + dead skin + hair + dandruff + various kinds of bacteria + foot odor + pus from open wounds soaked in water + flying small insects + vaginal discharge + sperm + the feces of little flying insects + SB’s accidental shit + the hazardous substances from farts! Hahaha! Little buddies! Go swim in the swimming pool!

Swimming rabbit

The face of an angel, the body of a devil.

[Note: The “body of a devil” usually refers to a slim, sexy female body.]

Beautiful obese girl

Agriculture University’s Handsome Tomboy Goes Famous on Weibo: Fujian Agriculture and Forestry University basketball team member, tall and slender, a student majoring in Animation and Comics in Arts & Gardens College, [but] the most important thing is that she is a handsome T [butch lesbian] Tears

Xing Yachen

Master Hu Shi [aka Hu Shih], your diary is simply the essence of cold/dry humor!

Hu Shih Diary excerpt

[Translation of text in image above:]

In Hu Shi’s Overseas Diary, there were entries like this. The main idea are as follows:


July 4
Started this new diary, also to keep myself accountable to working hard this next semester. First I need to finish Shakespeare’s Henry VIII that I have before me…

July 13
Played cards.

July 14
Played cards.

July 15
Played cards.

July 16
Hu Shizhi, Hu Shizhi [Hu Shi’s Chinese style name]! How could you be so rotten! Have you already forgotten the study plan you previously made? Confucius said, “I reflect on myself three times a day.”…I must not go on like this anymore!

July 17
Played cards.

July 18
Played cards.

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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

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