小伙伴 [xiǎo huǒ bàn] “little buddies” is often used to describe a little kid’s playmates.
Car was rear-ended, no money to fix… can only do this…
Using a public restroom, didn’t bring toilet paper. Only had a 100 yuan bill and a cell phone on me. Without hesitation, I grabbed the cell phone and called KFC: Please deliver a family bucket. Special request: Must be a male [delivery guy], bring extra napkins. The location is XXX men’s restroom No.2 stall.
[Note: In China, many public restrooms do not provide toilet paper. You must bring your own, or purchase from a vending machine or restroom attendant.]
Louzhu: Today I was a bit stupefied by my 3-year-old little girl. In the morning, she wanted to go poo. When I got her onto her little potty toilet, she suddenly very earnestly asked me, “Are poo and pee good friends?
First reply: “No, they are not on the same path” [figuratively meaning two people don’t share the same values and thus aren’t friends”].
Second reply: “Yes, but pee is more loyal [to its friends]. Poo would not accompany pee every single time, but whenever poo shows up, pee always backs it up!!!”
When I was little, I could never figure out the concepts of zhou sui [actual age, measured from day of birth] and xu sui [nominal age, the traditional Asian way of calculating age, where a child is already one year old upon birth]. Just now a friend said, “The actual age is the amount of time since you came out of your mother’s body, while the nominal age is the amount of time since you came out of your father’s body.” Immediately, with tears streaming down my face, I understood [the difference].
A friend, his mom used to be a long-distance runner on the provincial track & field team. He too has been talented when it came to athletics ever since he was small. Every time he does something wrong, his mom would chase him, trying to hit him, and the two of them could run all the way to the neighboring town, where they’d then take a taxi back…
The water in a swimming pool with a lot of people = water + disinfectant powder + saliva + urine + eye boogers + earwax + snot + a small amount of menstrual blood + dead skin + hair + dandruff + various kinds of bacteria + foot odor + pus from open wounds soaked in water + flying small insects + vaginal discharge + sperm + the feces of little flying insects + SB’s accidental shit + the hazardous substances from farts! Hahaha! Little buddies! Go swim in the swimming pool!
The face of an angel, the body of a devil.
[Note: The “body of a devil” usually refers to a slim, sexy female body．]
Agriculture University’s Handsome Tomboy Goes Famous on Weibo: Fujian Agriculture and Forestry University basketball team member, tall and slender, a student majoring in Animation and Comics in Arts & Gardens College, [but] the most important thing is that she is a handsome T [butch lesbian]
Master Hu Shi [aka Hu Shih], your diary is simply the essence of cold/dry humor!
[Translation of text in image above:]
In Hu Shi’s Overseas Diary, there were entries like this. The main idea are as follows:
Started this new diary, also to keep myself accountable to working hard this next semester. First I need to finish Shakespeare’s Henry VIII that I have before me…
Hu Shizhi, Hu Shizhi [Hu Shi’s Chinese style name]! How could you be so rotten! Have you already forgotten the study plan you previously made? Confucius said, “I reflect on myself three times a day.”…I must not go on like this anymore!