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Myths Chinese Girls Have About ‘Laowai’ Foreign Men

Romantic foreigners.

Chinese Lover cover art.

Here is the third part of our translation of a popular post from Tianya, a major Chinese online discussion forum. In Part 1, he discussed the differences between Chinese and foreign men that result in foreign men having more success when it comes to picking up girls. In Part 2, he shared several anecdotes and conversations he had with his foreign male friends about their love lives.

From Tianya:

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Below I’ll talk a bit about some of the false notions/myths our countrymen have about laowai.

@Myths Among Girls@

Myth #1: I am free, I am proud.

This is a myth that exists among many Chinese girls, thinking “I’m just enjoying my sexual freedom. I, one, am not taking any money and two, am not receiving gifts. I’m not after any material benefit, so my having sex [with laowai] is noble, elegant, and dignified. It is Sister [referring to oneself] who played the laowai, not the laowai who played Sister.”

This happens to be the biggest mistake/myth, because for many poor laowai, there are only two types of women in China: 1) Prostitutes; 2) Free women. However, do they respect free women more? Negative. The women that laowai look down on more are not the prostitutes, but the women they can get without spending any money, because this kind of women wants nothing but laowai dick [The original Chinese expression can be literally interpreted as “the seven inches below a laowai’s crotch”]. In men’s eyes, this kind of women is slutty, depraved, without self-respect, cheap, and stupid. So when laowai say that Chinese girls are “easy girls”, they’re referring to those girls [who have sex with laowai] without asking for money.

Another kind of laowai in China are not poor, but they are shrewd. These laowai are adept at picking up girls. In their eyes, there are also two kinds of Chinese women: 1) Smart girls; 2) SB girls. While it takes a lot of energy and money to attain the first kind of girls, it’s very convenient to get the second kind of girls who come fast and easy just like a buffet. When a man really likes a girl, he is actually not afraid of spending money to pursue her. What he fears is that the girl is so cheap that anyone can get her.

There are some shrewd laowai who will tell you during the first few dates: I feel that in China there are many girls who just want my money and a green card, but don’t really love me. I want to find someone that loves me for who I am.

The unspoken words: Let me fuck you for free. It will show that you are noble and dignified. Free girls are good girls. (17-yuan brother [mentioned in the post title] confessed to me that this is precisely the goal when he says Chinese girls are gold-diggers, to make these girls ashamed to ask for money [lest they be seen as gold-diggers].)

Many girls fall into this trap. They think: I didn’t ask for money, so why do you still look down on me? I am free, [so] I am noble. You laowai should of course respect me. However, the reality is, that 17-yuan Brother and other laowai in China call these girls “SLUTS”, “bitches” and “easy girls” behind their backs.

The only reason why they don’t call these girls prostitutes is because prostitutes cost money. In laowai’s eyes, these kind of girls are idiots or female nymphomaniacs, and are less deserving of respect than prostitutes.

If a woman is unable to make a man spend energy and money in pursuing her, then to this man, she is without value, to be dumped like a napkin at any time. (I feel this statement could also be applied to Chinese men.)

Romantic foreigners.

Myth #2: Chinese men are more practical, laowai are more romantic.

It’s actually the complete opposite. Many Chinese men are really innocent and pure, dull on the surface but romantic on the inside, able to save a lifetime’s worth of money just to buy a house to marry you.

Whereas laowai are very selfish and self-interested, spending all their money on themselves, only considering how to live a carefree, comfortable, and pleasurable life, and will never spend all his savings just to marry a woman. Especially the poor laowai in China, they often hope to get financial support from women.

Chinese men, in their bones, are simple and gullible. You only need act cute or use some small tricks and they will fall in love with you.

Laowai in China are all misers. Playing tricks on them is useless. Laowai are very cool-headed and savvy, always calculating what they can get. Many laowai are passionate when dating Chinese girls, but as soon as you bring up the topic of getting married, they slip away, because they are very clear that what the Chinese girl wants is a long-term meal ticket [commitment], whereas the laowai just wants a long-term free sex partner.

The reason why laowai in China don’t want to marry Chinese girls: Money.

Chinese men are usually very practical at the early stages of a relationship, but they become very romantic after you are together. When they first meet you, they will ask about your job, educational level, and family background. Many girls become uncomfortable at that moment, and then just “pass” on this dumb guy.

Laowai are the complete opposite. They are very romantic at the very beginning, but become very practical once you are together. When a laowai starts dating a girl, he follows his feelings only, because either way, when it comes to picking up girls, he has nothing to lose. He won’t pay attention to or ask about your personal matters, but when you want to talk about marriage with him, or officially become his girlfriend, that laowai will start calculating: Will marrying this girl be worthwhile, practical, beneficial?

So when many girls who have been with laowai for many years eventually broach the topic of marriage, it becomes a tragedy. The laowai starts calculating.

Myth #3: Laowai men like open-minded and forward girls. Just be proactive and you can win laowai‘s heart.

No, men’s nature is to hunt, they don’t like the food that comes easily. Those excessively open and forward girls, any man will enjoy them for a little bit, and then dump them. They will never be serious with those girls. In this regard, laowai and Chinese men are the same.

Some of my laowai friends always have some brain-damaged [stupid or crazy] girls constantly calling them or sending them text messages, asking about them every day, even when they are ignored and don’t get replies. To be pestered like this, laowai despise these girls a lot, thinking it is strange that they have so little self-respect, that they must have mental problems.

An American friend even begged me to answer a call and tell the girl that he changed his phone number and that the number is now mine.

Laowai also often complain that many Chinese girls, on the first meeting, say they love them and want to marry them, or after a one-night stand, cling to them refusing to let them go, demanding to be their girlfriends.

When mentioning those girls, my laowai friends always use a contemptuous, helpless, amused, and mocking tone.

A laowai told me, “I don’t understand why it is so easy for the Chinese girls to fall in love. If I like her, I will take the initiative to pursue her; even if she didn’t like me, I would still pursue her. I can’t stand those narcissistic women who assume that I love them and demand to be my girlfriends as long as I say something nice about them. Those who say they want to marry me are even more annoying. Proposing is a man’s business. It’s really weird when a woman proposes.

Asian couple holding hands.

Myth #4: Chinese men seek mistresses, while laowai are even more loyal after marriage.

Sorry, girls, the laowai men who become even more loyal and devoted after marriage refers to the normal laowai abroad [living in their home countries]. They indeed don’t go out looking for mistresses [don’t cheat on their wives].

When it comes to laowai in China, after they marry you, there is a 95% probability that they will have extramarital affairs.

Why? First, laowai feel Chinese girls have a unique sexual appeal to them. This kind of appeal is not something that only you have, but rather something that every Chinese girl they see — whether beautiful or ugly, tall or short — has.

Second, China has many girls with no self-respect that will “climb on the stick”, regardless of whether or not you’re married or already have eight kids. If they want to interfere with your marriage, you wouldn’t be able to stop them. After marriage, the amount of temptations for laowai [in China] is the same as before marriage.

Third, if Chinese men have extramarital affairs for sexual pleasure, they won’t divorce you, but many laowai will want a divorce after having an extramarital affair, because they only care about their own happiness. If you can’t bring him the happiness their lover does, then he will want to divorce you.

And [after divorcing you], it will always be another woman sleeping on their bed.

There’s also a British friend, who pursued a girl for a long time and finally got her, only to dump her two weeks later. I asked him why. He said, “This girl is very pretty, but is very boring in bed, unable to accept anal sex or oral sex, nor does she know how to be on top. Too conservative. I wasn’t happy when I was with her.”

Most laowai are very practical when looking for girlfriends. You must be able to satisfy their various sexual peculiarities.

Laowai have many advantages and tricks that Chinese men don’t have when it comes to picking up girls. Chinese men pick up girls using instincts, whereas laowai use intellect.

When it comes to Chinese men meeting girls, there are usually two types: One type is the totally serious and earnest type, asking about the other person’s state of affairs, their family, their work, etc. Your purpose in doing so is to develop a relationship, but the girl will think you are a boring and annoying person. The second type is the obscene type, who is immediately touchy-feely upon meeting the girl, or tries to kiss the girl by force, or bring up sex topics. This type of men is usually despised and loathed by girls.

In contrast, when laowai meet girls, they, one, don’t ask about family and, two, don’t talk about work; they only talk about light-hearted and romantic topics, such as “I went to Vienna last week”, “I’m learning the piano this month”, “I’m very interested in Chinese history and culture”, etc. first creating a very relaxing and comfortable environment to make you let your guard down. This is the first step in picking up a girl. If you cannot make a girl relax, then you’ll have to forget about picking her up. When a girl feel relaxed, without pressure, and begins yearning for this sort of laowai high-end lifestyle, that’s when their belts start getting loose.

Next, laowai begin using their skills in complimenting and flattery, which is shamelessly praising the girl to the extreme. Even if this girl is plain-looking, he will flatter her as rare goddess, or he would compliment your intelligence, saying that you are the smartest and wisest girl he has ever met, that you will definitely have a bright future. Another trick is to make the girl feel that she is very special, very unique. He would adulate you: You are different from other girls; I think you are very special; you are like from another planet; your opinions and ideas are all very special, and I really admire you. With this kind of ploy, girls will very easily get carried away and forget themselves. This is the so-called killing with flattery, and now the belt gets even looser. (Damn it, any woman of a normal sexual orientation [heterosexual] would be unable to resist this method of pursuing someone. Who doesn’t like listening to nice words? How come Chinese men are so stingy when it comes to saying these things??)

Next, the laowai makes a move, but not like obscene Chinese men who suddenly start kissing by force or grabbing the boobs, scaring the girl away. Every laowai man is adept at flirting. He will first gaze at the girl, first seducing with his eyes, and this gazing will be one of infatuation and admiration, making you feel as if you’ve suddenly become the most beautiful woman. Then he will gently touch your arm, whisper flattering words in your ears, and at the same time blow in your ear, arousing a girl’s lust. Here, many girls will find it difficult to control themselves. Facing a romantic, wealthy, tasteful, deep, sweet man, who wouldn’t be moved/tempted?

Then the laowai who knows how to read women will evaluate the situation. If this woman has been aroused by his seduction, then he can passionately kiss her or caress her back and waist. If not, then he will wait patiently for while, say even more flattering sweet words, gaze at her a little longer, etc.

Under this circumstance, those girls who are used to the obscene and stupid Chinese men will usually be unable to control themselves, and their belts will be mostly loosened.

Finally, the laowai will make an invitation, but not like some of the SB men in China who ask: Do you want to come to my place?

Laowai will ask indirectly: I have some good movies. Would you like to go to my place to have some red wine, watch some DVDs, and listen to some music?

Here, the belts of quite a lot of Chinese girls will have completely fallen off, blindly going home with the laowai, totally manipulated.

The pickup techniques of laowai include many other advanced techniques, techniques that Chinese men wouldn’t be able to learn quickly, and even if you were to spend the time to learn them, it’d still take longer to master them. But you guys need to know where the difference in level is between you guys and laowai. Don’t just close your eyes and YY [delude yourselves] that the only reason women fall for them is because laowai have big JJ.

After all is said, some girls still don’t get it. Don’t pay for the laowai, don’t be free, don’t “climb on the stick”, don’t use them to satisfy your physiological needs. Do you think doing so and giving laowai the impression of being a free female animal is honorable and glorious?

China’s international image is currently on the rise. Foreigners all very much envy us, knowing that China will become the number 1 world power, so some girls need to stop bringing shame upon our motherland.

Actually, I used to think that no matter how bad Chinese girls are, they still have a better reputation than Thai girls. However, several days ago, a laowai friend of mine living in China said he was going to take a trip to Thailand, so I asked him casually: “Do you like going to Thailand because there are more easy girls there?”

He said, “There are a lot of easy girls in China too.”

I asked him another question, “Then between Thailand and China, which country’s girls are easier?”

This laowai didn’t even think before firmly answering, “They’re about the same.”

Many Chinese people think laowai are relatively kind and simple, that love is love, without any other goals or intentions, and since they don’t care about appearances or age, nor do they ask about the woman’s job or family background, laowai’s love is even more pure and simple.

Even many celebrities hold this belief when marrying laowai, but the truth is, many laowai in China are vain and avaricious, doing whatever they can to pursue any women they see who seem to be from a rich or connected family. What more, laowai love going after female stars, whereas Chinese feel intimidated when facing a female celebrity, not daring to pursue them. However, laowai aren’t afraid, racking their brains to chase stars who have fame and fortune.

This kind of pursuit is different from when they pursue and trick girls from poor families, not just using flattery and text messages. When laowai really want to get a woman, they will use persistence/clingy-ness, passion/foolishness, and bravery. Those are things many Chinese men do not posses.

He will call the girl more than a dozen times a day, “clinging to her like a fool” for years as if just one day, courageously chasing her without regard to all else. I know a laowai who pursued the daughter of a local entrepreneur. The third time they saw each other, he knelt down to propose, the girl moved beyond words...

If it’s a girl from a poor family, the laowai will say: I don’t understand why Chinese girls are in such a hurry to get married. Marriage is for life. We should spend several years dating, learning more about each other before deciding [to get married]. How can we rush into such a decision? (The unspoken words: Cohabitate with me for free. Brother [referring to self] doesn’t want to get married yet…)

However, when it comes to female stars or women of a certain wealth, laowai will suddenly become very romantic, taking you to meet his friends and family, demanding to meet your family, or kneeling down to propose after just a few dates, hoping to immediately capture you.

Because the laowai sees benefits involved in this marriage, he can’t wait to register for marriage.

But if the daughter of a poor family wants to marry one of those laowai fooling around in China, it would be very difficult. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and try. The Laowai will find all kinds of excuses and reasons to explain why after one or two years of being together is still not enough to marry you. All kinds of apprehensions and hesitations. He might promise to marry you in a few years, but after stalling a few years later, he still won’t marry you, procrastinating until you can’t take it anymore and break up with him.

I know a girl who cohabited with a laowai for over seven years, but the laowai refused to marry her, and they finally broke up…

Another female friend told me, “Laowai are so romantic, falling in love with a friend of mine at first sight, and then proposing to her with a roses in his hands the second time they met. This friend of mine is neither pretty, doesn’t dress up, doesn’t have a lot of education, but that laowai fell in love with her immediately.” I asked her, “What does your friend do?” She answered, “She opened a coffee shop all by herself…”

Regarding that set of photos often seen online, of an ugly Chinese woman showing off her laowai husband, many people sigh: Laowai men sure have strange tastes when it comes to women. Actually, it’s said that the woman’s family is extremely, extremely rich.

a wedding photo of a plain-looking Chinese woman and her Western husband

Myth #5: Laowai are very easygoing, don’t care about trivial matters, and are very easy to get along with.

Many Chinese girls think laowai are easy-going, easy to get along with, and don’t care about formalities and manners. The truth is, based on my observation of laowai friends around me, a portion of them are quite vain and materialistic.

This type of laowai usually belongs to the middle class. Their incomes are okay or pretty good, but they don’t have any property, no savings, yet they are covered in top clothing brands and visit all kinds of upscale places.

Of these laowai, some demand that their girlfriends have the same level of spending and tastes. For example, they like it when women wear famous brands, accessorized with jewelry. Of course they won’t tell you directly about their preferences, but they will observe your living standards.

When it comes to Chinese men, the poor ones don’t have any demands about what brands women wear, while the rich ones will buy you everything if they see you not dressing well enough. In China, only homosexuals pay attention to things like women’s clothing brands.

But when it comes to having a girlfriend, some laowai in China pay a lot of attention to your clothes and living standards, even what brand of perfume you use. If they think you are not stylish or classy enough, if you’re not a woman with tastes, even if you two get along well, you two will break up eventually.

There’s this laowai I know, who has never brought his girlfriend out to meet his colleagues. While other people brought their girlfriends to parties, he never did. He told me he was very dissatisfied with this girlfriend, that this girl didn’t dress classy enough, that she gave him a watch for his birthday, but it was an imitation of a famous brand… He felt this girlfriend wasn’t good enough to be shown to others. I don’t know what happened to them later, but once this laowai meets a so-called “classy” girl, this girl will definitely be dumped…

Chinese guys usually don’t pay attention to what women wear. When girls dress more childish, they think it’s cute. But some laowai pay a great deal of attention. They are especially disgusted with adult women dressing like little girls, such as wearing Hello Kitty or whatever. Those laowai will laugh at those girls behind their backs, thinking that those girls behave inappropriately.

“The vanity of some laowai in China is actually beyond your imagination. Take my friend P as an example: Every time before and after a date, he will Google the girl, for instance her name and email address, to searching for more information about her on the internet.

Of course not all laowai are like this, but some middle-class laowai are especially vain, focused on pursuing famous brands and so-called “classy” women.

Du Juan by Quentin Shih, Vogue China

Part 4 features translations of netizen reactions to the overall post.

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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.