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Chinese Students, Inflation and How Humans Taste

screaming rabbit

I have a question: Are Mayans reliable? If they are, I will not study for the finals.

The Mesoamerican Step Pyramid

Know what the highest level of zhai is? I’m a university senior, and I still got lost on campus yesterday.

screaming rabbit

In Economics class, the professor asked what the difference between tóu zī [“investment”] and tóu jī [“speculation”] is. A guy answered: “One is Mandarin, and the other is Cantonese…”

Cantonese curse word
Can you figure this one out?

In middle school, when teaching about generating electricity through friction, the physics teacher asked: “When we take off a sweater in winter, we hear static, and even flashes [of electricity]. But it’s not like this in summer. Why?” A guy sitting in the back: “Because we don’t wear sweaters in the summer.”

two eggs

I often see people talking about chi huo! Let me tell you about my son! When my son eats, I’ll stand by him and repeatedly say: “Baby, lift your head up and get some fresh air!!!”

Chubby boy answered the question "What do you think is happiness"

[Note: “Are You Happy?” was a national interview project conducted by CCTV before the 18th National Congress of the Communist Party of China, widely ridiculed by Chinese netizens as blatant propaganda that is simultaneously out of touch with the popular public sentiment. In the above screenshots of one such interview, the reporter asks, “What is happiness?” whereby the conspicuously portly elementary schoolboy answers, “Happiness is getting enough to eat and wearing enough to be warm.”]

When you call your girlfriend 11 times but she doesn’t answer even once, you still can’t be certain that she’s in trouble, but when you see 11 missed calls on your mobile phone all from your girlfriend, what you can be certain is that you’re in trouble…

kneeling down on a washboard

I once fancied a girl who was a medical student and went to class with her. That day, I don’t know if the teacher went crazy or something, but the teacher started talking about how one could slowly poison their husband so he would die a mysterious and sudden death. There were options for feeding him poison over half a year, a year, and 10 years. Seeing her eyes lighting up as she diligently took notes, I decided we would just be good friends.

shivering

【What’s inflation】 Thirty years ago, a fake rich guy from Taiwan could marry a top-tier mainland beauty; Twenty years ago, a Taiwanese sugar daddy could keep an extramarital sugar baby [lover] in southern China; Ten years ago, a Taiwanese farmer could spend very little money to take home a mainland girl; Five years ago, an elite mainland man could marry an elite Taiwanese woman; Over the past two years, mainland guys of the rich second-generation have focused on marrying Taiwanese female stars. This is what inflation is.

Wang Xiaofei married Barbie Hsu

Wang Xiaofei married Taiwanese star Barbie Hsu.

Last night I dreamed that God said he could make one of my wishes come true. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said, “Too difficult, make another wish.” I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful. He thought for a while and then said, “Give me the globe again. Let me take another look…”
globe

An excerpt regarding medicines and their tastes from the the “Human” chapter  of Compendium of Materia Medica: [Head] hair, bitter; dandruff, salty and/or bitter; earwax, salty and/or bitter; knee grime/skin, sweet and/or salty; human feces, bitter; human urine, salty; menstruation, salty; human semen, sweet; teeth tartar, salty; skull (only the fully decomposed is good), salty… You think Grandpa Bei [Bear Grylls] is good? Dr. Li [Li Shizhen], you are the real hero.

Bencao Gangmu

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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

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