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The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment: Earthquakes

People during the 2013 Ya'an earthquake

The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment

糗事百科 (qiǔ shì bǎi kē), or “The Encyclopedia of Embarrassment”, is a popular Chinese website that publishes jokes and humor submitted by Chinese netizens, with an emphasis on sharing embarrassing things experienced or observed. Here are a sample of those concerning the recent Lushan Earthquake and the 2008 Wenchuan Earthquake.

Experts said…an earthquake like the Wenchuan Earthquake won’t happen in the same area again for 4000 years, and just like that in a blink of an eye, 4000 years have passed.

Chinese news story on scientists' prediction of the next ginormous earthquake
Headline: “Research claims another Wenchuan Earthquake won’t happen again in 4000 years.

I suddenly realized an issue: The Earthquake Bureau in Sichuan that the government spent so much money building is used to tell us what the magnitude was after the earthquake occurs!

The tragedy of the Red Cross Society…all snipped [a phrase used in Encyclopedia of Embarrassment submissions to indicate that the author is leaving out background information that’s already widely known among readers]! Guo Meimei: “Sugar Daddy, my Maserati broke down. What do I do?” Sugar Daddy smiles: “Baby, don’t worry, Sichuan just had another earthquake!” 

Guo Meimei

Today I came across the Red Cross Society collecting donations at the square. I thought for a while, then went to the supermarket and bought a pack of Durex. I really felt that I was so inconsequential; that the only thing I can do for the country is family planning [birth control]. Being unable to get new cars for a young mistress [referring to women like Guo Meimei who depend on wealthy old men] is truly such powerless.

A Guangdong post office's fundraising message mentioned Guo Meimei
The entire message at the gate of this Guangzhou post office reads: “There is no Guo Meimei in the post office. Free shipping for disaster relief donations.”

Kao, another earthquake! And tm magnitude 7.0! I ran out with only my underwear on! [But] this is not the key point; the key point is the girl next door, why is the guy in his underwear who ran out with you not your boyfriend? 

Naked couple during the 2013 Ya'an earhquake
The couple in this photo has no relation to those mentioned in this joke.

The Tangshan Earthquake taught not to sleep too early at night; the Wenchuan Earthquake taught us not to take a nap at noon; and the Ya’an Earthquake teaches us not to sleep in in the morning. All together these three earthquakes have taught us: don’t sleep naked!

People during the 2013 Ya'an earthquake

It’s good to have been in the military! After the earthquake, while everyone else was either running around naked or in their underwear, only fucking LZ ran down fully dressed, and even carrying a water bottle in hand…

Naked man during the 2013 Ya'an earthquake

Back during 5.12 [2008 Sichuan Earthquake], my friend’s family lived near Xi’an, where the tremors were very strong. After the shaking stopped, he tried to phone his family but the calls wouldn’t go through. Extremely worried, he drove more than 100 kilometers back to Xi’an to check on his family. Getting out of the car, he immediately saw his old mom glamorously playing Mahjong in the yard downstairs. “Mom, did you know there was an earthquake?” “I know, why?” Super calm. “Are you all not worried?” “We are, don’t you see we’ve already moved to the yard to play Mahjong?” My friend was totally blown away by her attitude toward life.

Back then during the [2008 Sichuan] earthquake, we just happened to be in PE class. The teacher was planning on giving us a surprise quiz, so with a big wave of his big hand, [he announced], “I’m going to give you all a surprise!” Then the earthquake happened.

I remember when the earthquake happened five years ago…snip…In order to be able to quickly evacuate during an aftershock, a dude in my dorm put an empty beer bottle upside down on the stool before he went to sleep at night. In the middle of the night, when an aftershock happened and the bottle shattered, this guy jumped out of bed and right onto the broken glass, becoming the most heavily injured person at our school… May the people in the disaster area all be safe and sound…

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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

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