What If The ‘District 9’ Alien Prawns Landed In China?


From Mop:

Come those who have seen “District 9” — If that alien spaceship were to land in China…

Let’s discuss if that alien spaceship were to land in China…what would be the situation in various places?! Haha!


Comments from Mop:


Grab a RB [ri ben, 日本, Japanese] person and mix them, see what kind of weird monster can be created.


Other places I would not know, but if they landed in Beijing, they would probably be XXed by special police within 10 seconds. If they landed in Shenzhen, they too would be taken care of by niubi city administrators [chengguan], police “assistants”, etc. If they landed in Henan, congratulations, motherland, ten days later, the whole sky will be filled with shanzhai versions of alien spaceships. Had they gotten hear before the military parade, we could’ve even scared the America to death.


If they landed in Guangdong, they’d all be eaten.


If they landed in the Northeast, they’d be taken by black society [gangs, organized crime] to be underlings/lackeys/hoodlums.


The traffic police would immediately salute: “Turn off your engine, take out your license!


They’d be eaten if they landed in Guangdong, taken as underlings if they landed in the Northeast, harmonized if they landed in Beijing, and forced to make AV [adult videos] if they landed in Japan.


If they landed in Korea, they would be claimed as Koreans, that their ancestors were Koreans.
思密达 [si mi da, impression of Koreans]


Aliens land in Beijing, Beijing people would ask  the aliens if they believe in capitalism or socialism.
Aliens land in Shanghai, Shanghai people would drag the aliens to the zoo to put on display.
Aliens land in Guangdong, they would be eaten…
Aliens land in Wenzhou, Wenzhou people will ask the aliens: is business easy to do on your planet?


Huge war between giant shrimp and river crabs.



If they landed in Hangzhou, and happened to land on a crosswalk, they would immediately be hit and killed by a car driving 70 km/h.


If they landed at my school, I would suddenly realize that our school’s girls are very pretty after all.


The spaceship would become a scenic spot made public for tourists to tour, while the giant shrimps would be sent to mine coal.


Even if you an alien, you would still die if you annoy city administrators [chengguan].


If they land in China,
no matter where,
our country’s go-vern-ment will take care of this group of big shrimp like gods.
Banks, airports, train stations…the go-vern-ment will make special big shrimp lines for all of them,
all to show that our country is a “responsible” country!
This way, other countries will express heartfelt admiration for this “responsible” attitude of our country,
and thus our country’s government leaders will have face.


If they landed in Xinjiang, they would’ve been smashed to death by bricks~


There would have been a giant shrimp formation at the National Day parade.


Land in the middle of the road: hit and killed by a car. Land on the side of the road: beaten to death by city administrators [chengguan]. Land in the middle of nowhere: starve to death. Land in an internet bar: scared to death by fei zhu liu. Overall, there is only one outcome: aliens come to China –> unable to survive.



Written by Fauna

Fauna is a mysterious young Shanghainese girl who lives in the only place a Shanghainese person would ever want to live: Shanghai. In mid-2008, she started chinaSMACK to combine her hobby of browsing Chinese internet forums with her goal of improving her English. Through her tireless translation of popular Chinese internet news and phenomenon, her English has apparently gotten dramatically better. At least, reading and writing-wise. Unfortunately, she's still not confident enough to have written this bio, about herself, by herself.


Leave a Reply

2 Pings & Trackbacks

  1. Pingback:

  2. Pingback:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.