Women Give Their Daughters Dating Advice, Chinese Reactions

Be with someone who ACCEPTS your flaws.

From Sina Weibo:

英国报姐: On Buzz, several women were interviewed. They were asked, as people with experience, to leave their their daughters a piece of advice about love. Here I share it with everyone.

You should NEVER rely on someone else to make you happy. Make yourself happy.

If your friends + family don't like your significant other, hear them out! (They might just be right)

Find someone who thinks you're beautiful without makeup!

If you try to please EVERYONE, you'll never please YOURSELF.

Relationships may come and go but your family will ALWAYS be by your side!

If you don't take yourself seriously, nobody will.

Don't worry about dating. Just live your extraordinary life. Shine shine shine. You'll find each other in time.

After your first heart break, you might think your life is over, but it's SO not...someone much better will come along.

Comments from Sina Weibo:


If his family doesn’t like you, no matter how much he loves you, you’ll still seriously reconsider.


As for me, I think “you must know what kind of people his parents are, because once you marry into their family, your husband will be deeply influenced by his parents, and there will definitely be aspects you will love or not love. Your parents-in-law’s characters will really affect your marriage happiness index”!


What I read was instead the traumas these mothers have experienced before…


[汗] To summarize: Be yourself, love yourself, because no matter what there will still be family who loves you~ So we can see how screwed men are…


All of this is unnecessary to say, because did you listen to your mom in the past? One has be badly bruised before one will believe. For one to grow, one has to first be hurt.


I proposed to my girlfriend today. She said if I get 520 upvotes on my first microblog post, she’ll agree to marrying me! I hope you guys can support me, thanks! [good][good][good]


Girls absolutely must not fall out with her parents over a man. Without family love, how long could romantic love last, and how far can blind love go?


Was anyone like me and tried to read only the English to see if they could understand?


Always analyzing others clearly, but oneself living in confusion.


Have heard so much advice/good sense, but still live a miserable life.


I was with my ex-boyfriend for over a year and we ultimately broke up because his mom didn’t like me. Even though his mother had said she didn’t like me in the very first month when she met me, he never told me and it wasn’t until over half a year later that I found out, perhaps still hoping it could be changed. Later when we broke up, it was really devastating. So if his family doesn’t like you, you really need to decisively break it off!!!!!


The most important is that you can be yourself in front of him, your truest self.


See the truth through family. If he is meticulous in winning you over, you will not see his shortcomings, but if his family exhibits qualities that you particularly cannot tolerate, then you have to be careful, because you must not underestimate the power of inherited genes.


Everyone knows such advice and good sense, but when you encounter that person, all of this will be abandoned to the back of your head.


Whatever you say is all useless. Imparted wisdom is no substitute for personal experience. Find yourself a good husband, find your daughter a good father, so that she has a happy, warm, sweet, and harmonious family growing up, influenced by the harmonious relationship between her parents, and she’ll naturally have a good romantic relationship and a good marriage.

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Written by Fauna

Fauna is a mysterious young Shanghainese girl who lives in the only place a Shanghainese person would ever want to live: Shanghai. In mid-2008, she started chinaSMACK to combine her hobby of browsing Chinese internet forums with her goal of improving her English. Through her tireless translation of popular Chinese internet news and phenomenon, her English has apparently gotten dramatically better. At least, reading and writing-wise. Unfortunately, she's still not confident enough to have written this bio, about herself, by herself.

  • Surfeit

    All them women been D.E.N.N.I.S’ed, y’knooooowww!

    • Rick in China

      HAHAHA, the best advice system ever. IASIP

    • bprichard

      I’m pretty good at Neglect Emotionally!

  • AbC

    None of the above really applies in China… Most parents just want their girl to marry someone really well off.

    • Irvin

      That’s a normal sentiment (人之常情),who would want their daughter to marry a man-child?

    • Jake The Peg

      Maybe in China you’d see a mum holding a sign saying…
      “Find a guy who will wear makeup to look like an 80 year old for your wedding pics”

  • Rick in China

    The advice to my daughter:

    You know the story of Repunzel? If you date someone I don’t like, expect to relive her story.

    • mr.wiener

      Infrequent haircuts? Being named after a cabbage? Living in a room with a view? Having a man who views hairpulling as a kind of foreplay?

      • What Rick in China means is that if his daughter dates someone he doesn’t like, she’ll totally be cut off from his money. He’ll only support her with rent and hair conditioning products.

  • Germandude

    “If you can choose between money and love, choose money, because money can buy you love”.
    A stupid sentence I’ve heard many times. Sad people living according to it…

    • SongYii

      Money can buy attention. This is mistaken for love by many.

    • Irvin

      Love is overrated.

    • Nana

      I would always choose money, coz money is always real.
      too many men are diggers nowadays.

      • mr.wiener

        Life is a sh*t sandwich. The more bread you have the less sh*t you have to taste.

        • By your words, that must mean of the world’s ruling elite, life is a bread sandwich.

          You couldn’t have come up with a better way to describe the rich.

      • Zappa Frank

        with this sentence you show to be a digger yourself

    • mr.wiener

      Yo GD. Long time no post.

      • Supporting the return of Germandude. His new avatar must symbolize a life-changing event.

        • mr.wiener

          He got a Brazilian?

          • Are you telling me he got married?

          • mr.wiener

            No. I think it is a unit of measurement, as in : ” The national debt of this South American country is a Brazillian dollars”.

          • David

            Awww I thought he just got all his ass hair removed with tape. I thought THAT was a Brazilian. Brave man.

          • Ah, again with the racist jokes with you. What do you have against the feelings of the Chinese people?

        • Germandude

          @mrwiener:disqus Correct. Back home.

    • Jahar

      My German friend showed me a report done in the US that showed money influences happiness up to about 80k per year household income. At that point, needs are all satisfied, and the wants satisfied by more money just replace the wants you had satisfied before.

      • Germandude

        Ha, I’ve read that too somewhere.

  • Amused

    Ok, I’m calling complete bullshit on number 2

    “You should never rely on someone else to make you happy. Make yourself happy”

    Women are by definition UNABLE and probably unwilling to ever live up to this maxim.

    • SongYii

      Where do trannies fall?

      • Amused

        Probably close to wherever they tripped ;)

        • mr.wiener

          It’s the high heels.

          • Sophia Dalke

            Pfff I wish I could wear heels. I’m friggin’ 6 feet in flats.

            Then again it’s not the only way I’m usually bigger than guys… ;)

    • Ken Morgan

      I actually like this one for ALL people. In that if you are happy alone, then its all nice and well. If somebody comes along it’s a nice bonus.

    • christina


    • Dude, I think you’re overreaching in your statement.

      I think it would have been enough to say that for a man to tell his significant partner “make yourself happy” is relationship suicide.

    • donscarletti

      Yeah, but if you found one who did, you’d take her no matter how she looked or whether she could cook or not.

    • mr.wiener

      Batteries not included.

    • pooperscooper

      It’s nothing but a derivative from “If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect for someone else to love you?”

      If you’re unable to find some sense of wholeness for yourself (whether its love, happiness, peace), then there’s no need to expect someone else to do it for you if you’re not going to do it for yourself.

      • Amused

        Never been in a long term relationship, huh? We can all read what it says, and probably all agree its a worthwhile and logical sentiment. It’s just that 99% women seem to be born and raised with the idea that its a man’s job to make them happy.

        • pooperscooper

          That’s odd, considering it seems like a majority of women are born and raised with the idea that it’s THEIR job to make a man happy (and if you do that, he’ll never leave you).

          But at the end of the day, it requires both parties to put in the same effort towards one another. Once one side becomes imbalance, the entire relationship becomes imbalanced.

  • I really hate this bullish!^…
    Last time, one of the girls lashed out because she was carrying a sign about her vagina?
    When I see this crap, I think of Al Franken/Stuart Smalley

  • Maio

    I wish my handwriting was as good as the shine shine shine lady’s one!
    (second to last picture)

    • donscarletti

      I’d take ugly writing with an insightful message over a pretty one saying something trite like “shine shine shine”.

  • Irvin

    All these advice is about relationships, how about something that really matters? like “don’t take shit from nobody, cuz ebola kills!”

  • Kai
    • Jahar

      IS that a link to the original post or to teach us how to masturbate? because i have trouble sometimes…

  • mr.wiener

    I suport larger signs with printed messages.

  • vincent_t

    Seems like it is a common issue that the Chinese will give up their relationship simply because their parents don’t like the 1 they are dating. I wonder how many of these cases the parents don’t like the relationship simply because the bf doesn’t have a house or have a hukou in 1st line cities.

  • commander

    Love is an elusive concept to pin down because all people believe the fell in love once in their lives, and they had at least one story to tell to sympathetic ears.

    Some people claim love is nonexistent and material affluence matters because they may have the bitter experience of their passionate love being frustratingly spurned by someone whom they loved and who put financial wealthy over their pure emotions.

    Some claim that love is existent when you believe it exists out there because they met ideal partners to live together now happily.

    Others try to seize the middle ground saying that love is personal experience in essence so some people are lucky to fall in love with those who are on the same wavelengths and live a happy life while others, mentally scarred from previous bitter break-ups, are skeptical about the existence of genuine love, thus occasionally distancing themselves from an opportunity that would give a true sense of unity with others if they were less skeptical and less reluctant to see in a positive light others who they feel have some kind of chemistry.

    I think three groups of people are all right since love is personally defined and no one can say their own experiences are better than others in love. Even if they are, other groups of love theorists wouldn’t believe they were wrong with the way they love others.

    The conclusion: All groups of people want to fall in love if they are single, and even those who are the most skeptical about love and believe in material wealth’s power want to fall in love again because human beings are vulnerable, and fallible after all.

    This is all about love in the human world as we, as imperfect beings, are alone and always to seek to replace inherent solitude with a sense of togetherness, though it may be short-lived.

    • Jahar

      I made it 3 paragraphs in.

      • commander

        If my comment strike any resonance with you, it would be good to give it your up-vote. :)

  • Zen my Ass

    Dating advice in China: find someone, ANYONE, get pregnant and… that’s it.

  • Jahar

    I hope my future marriage doesn’t depend on the number of likes I get on a microblog post.

  • Jahar

    I like the make out and goofball ones. They especially don’t sound like being caused by bad experiences.

  • FYIADragoon

    That masturbate advice from that one mom is really good advice for all children. A lot of worthless relationships would be avoided if people entered them for reasons other than boning.

  • Gerhana

    Well these advise are probably relevant to communities with westernised thinking. I dont know if these would apply in rural China. Personally I think people should be taught how to love, not just the mechanical aspect of love making like in sex education class. I had to learn everything on my own, as im sure many others here. It would be nice if the world doesnt see it as an embarrassment or a taboo topic.

  • Advice from a world-weary dad: “No matter what you do, just don’t lose your virginity to a jerk”

    I guess in China, this also counts for wedding night sex.

  • donscarletti

    OK, one is giving her son the same advice:

    “You have to love every inch of yourself before you can give your all to someone else”.

  • JayJay

    whether you like it or not, finances play a big part in any family, west or east.

  • Roger Daily

    in reality none of the women will take their own advice. first they will play around with the bad boys until finally settling for some servile idiot before their tits start to sag.

  • Probotector

    The conflict between familial love and romantic love is often based on the supposition that parents and family are more important to said individual than their significant other. For a number of people, that is not the case. For many, family is not as important as finding a life partner, and the opinions of mothers or parents may not be of interest to them as much as the opinions of their boyfriends are. There is logic in this, because after all, most parents are out of touch with their posterity’s generation and are often out of touch with their feelings. Moreover who’s to say that parents love you more than your partner automatically just because they’re your parents? In any case, you can’t build a life and grow old with your folks, so if it comes to a choice between your parents’ opinion and that of your partner, as long as YOU’RE sure about him, then that’s all that matters.

  • Puk

    This is a little corny and cliché to me, hehe.. I was hoping for something new but these are things I’ve heard over and over again. A little harsh reality would be refreshing sometimes.

  • kingObing

    Most of the Chinese commenters seem like snobby “traditional” girls, and frankly seem like damn fools. There is no such thing as an idea of true happiness because their lives are dictated by their family’s wishes.

  • Tony Gambino

    CHinese need to enter the 21st century and stop living for their parents. Your parents may disown you for who you choose. And if they do then they don’t love you to begin with, otherwise they wouldn’t do that. THey may say they love you, but actions speak louder than words. And if you love your kids you don’t disown them for anything at all, much less the spouse they choose. Even if you don’t like them. Your children don’t owe you anything either. If you give and expect something in return then its not giving. So be giving parents, not takers. Let them disown you, disown them too then. It will hurt at first, but at least you are true to yourself and can be happy. Either that or you are a slave and will never be happy. Better to feel hurt that your parents don’t want you than to be a slave to them.

  • Tony Gambino

    Your life partner should come first, period. I am shocked at the number of Chinese MEN even who would leave their woman because their parents disapproved. Be a man. Make your own decisions. Its a sign of maturity. Your devotion should be to your wife, even over your own mother. Or you are not a man yet. Still a little boy.

  • Tony Gambino

    Here’s a little Psychology lesson for you: When one is a child they depend on their parents for everything, even love. In fact, you need love to survive, and you need your parents approval because the vulnerable child needs to survive, and needs his parents to do so. When one grows up, if emotionally stable and mature, parental love is not necessary for survival. Sure its nice, but an adult male or female no longer HAS to have his parents love to survive, otherwise he or she has not really grown up. This is called “emotionally leaving home.” That means you should choose your spouse regardless of what your parents think, and if they disown you or don’t love you, you aren’t going to die. It might hurt, but it won’t kill you. It’s called growing up.