Work, School, Love, Dating, & Cheating

Prepare food and housing to find a wife

Oh Bed, let me go! Don’t be like this…the holiday is over, I’m a person who needs to go to work!

Cartoon girl in bed.

A friend of mine is unemployed. His little nephew said, “Uncle, go get an abortion.” “Why?!” “The radio says you can have an abortion today and can go to work tomorrow.”

Cute mixed-race little boy.

My little brother was in a car accident where he was thrown seven meters away, and survived without a single scratch, all because the big school backpack on his back cushioned his fall. He said it was the first time he felt that going to school is useful. Knowledge changes one’s destiny!

Asian boy with big black backpack.

A man went to a fortune teller. After touching his bones, looking at his face, and analyzing his “Eight Characters of Birth Time”, the fortune teller said, “You fall in love at 20, get married at 25, have a baby at 30, and you’ll have a lifetime of peace and prosperity, your family life filled with happiness and your late years free from worries.” This person was at first surprised, and then became angry, replying: “I’m 35 years old this year, have a PhD, am a single bachelor, and I have never fallen in love.” Haring this, the fortune teller contemplated for a while and then said, “Young man, knowledge changes one’s destiny.”

Knowledge changes one's destiny

Once upon a time, there were two green apples. One day, one apple kissed the other one…and that apple blushed. Then, it was… eaten.

Chinese apple love story.

In Titanic, Leonardo said to Rose, “You jump, I jump.” More than ten years later, in Inception, Leonardo told Mal, “(If you jump), I’m not going to (jump with you).” You see, after men mature, they no longer believe in such a thing as love.

Jack and Rose flying on the Titanic.

At junion high, the teacher in charge of our class encouraged us to focus on our studies and avoid dating when young: “What’s the hurry? The Party will provide you with one [a husband/wife] in the future.” Over the years, I’ve kept these words in mind. Now I’m 28 years old, and I’m still a single Party member…

Prepare food and housing to find a wife
This is a parody of Chinese Cultural Revolution posters, which reads: "Prepare food, prepare a house, find a wife."

However ugly you are, you should still look for love, [keep looking] until the whole world is filled with love!

Communist Revolution style Chinese poster promoting dating.

A banner in Xiamen University Tan Kah Kee College says: Bring cheating notes to the exam, and never be tall, handsome and rich in your life.

anti-cheating banner

A school came up with this quirky strategy to prevent students from cheating…

Chinese students with folders hung around their heads to prevent cheating during tests and exams.

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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

  • blues


  • [email protected]

    “A friend of mine is unemployed. His little nephew said, “Uncle, go get an abortion.” “Why?!” “The radio says you can have an abortion today and can go to work tomorrow.”

    Who would find this funny? In China I am not even able to get the ultrasound doctor to tell me the gender of my unborn baby because Chinese conservative medical professionals are so anal about people aborting girls (please don’t get me wrong on the aborting girls bit). Again, who would find this funny?

    • Jeff

      I made that my new facebook quote.

      maybe that’s how to find a job these days?

    • Fu ZhiGao

      In a less famous part of Guangdong province near YangJiang, a small coastal city halfway between HaiNan and ShenZhen, I saw an enormous sign at a bus stop that said something like “Love your daughters” with pictures of four or five cute little girls on it. The sign must have been twenty or thirty feet high and about a hundred and fifty feet long.

      If you know a doctor or pay a bribe you can get them to tell you the gender of your baby. If not, there are illegal clinics that you can go to that will also let you know. The sad thing is those places also perform abortions and will ask if they find out it’s a girl when you want to “打你的孩子”. Just awful.

    • dace

      Actually, its illegal to tell the parents the sex of the unborn baby, and if hospitals are found to be doing it they get heavily fined.

    • Brett Hunan

      If there is no discernable penis in the ultrasound pic then your baby is a girl. If he/she wont show you pics of the torso you could ask the doctor if you should paint the crib pink or blue or ask if you should buy skirts.

      • Fu ZhiGao

        Based on my experience, hospitals in Shanghai won’t give a picture of the baby. Those in other places do though sometimes.

    • donscarletti

      Which would be absolutely ridiculous, apart from the fact that people in China have been aborting girls in record numbers. Do you think it is so fucking important to find this out a few months early like primative people did 30 years ago?

      The tragic thing is, even though you found a good doctor, many others will break the rules and do it anyway.

    • Notorious

      I think ultrasounds are for health reasons. I think the parents should allow themselves to be surprised. I have a friend who is about 60 years old now (yes, much older woman), a doctor/scientist at a prestigious university here in my town – she is Chinese. Well, I remember she told me (and she wrote a book about her experiences), that when her mother found out she was a girl, she abandoned her. Her father had just died a bit before her birth. She only had sisters born before her and her mother desperately wanted a boy to honor her father.

      Now this woman is a doctor/scientist in the United States. Never did understand why the disappointment when a girl is born.

      • Niels

        Aborting a healthy baby for the reason of being a girl is such a shame.

        • [email protected]

          I agree with you, Niels. And from my point of view, our inclination to learn the gender early was just because It would have been nice to know. My anger at be refused such a simple piece of information about my child was much greater than my need to know his/her sex. Ultimately we didn’t bother with it. Definitely we didn’t try to pay some sleazy doctor for the ‘privilege’, or rub the guanxi rag on someone to get favors tossed our way. It makes me pretty sick to think about it all again.

          • Notorious

            It bet it’s extremely annoying to have that bit of power , that right — denied over something that has nothing to do with you and your loving family. All the best wishes for your newborn whatever he or she may be :)

  • eattot

    hmm,that boy is so cute…
    wish my kid could be so pretty too…

    • Capt. WED

      LOL. you can just go rape some random CB. Cuz we know you have no chance. considering the nitemare fugliness behind that mask. (We’ll seen you other picture ;) Can’t believe you told some random NY chinagirl that she was fugly LMAO )

      Did your mom ever tell you who your dad was? This guy:

      • glcn

        damn nigga, you serious? you needa chill.

      • eattot

        u go die!
        you must be super ugly!
        i am an attractive girl i do not need any fucker to tell me.

        • Alan


          • mr. wiener

            Eattot does tend to go straight from 1 to 11 on the ol’ anger amp. But Capt. WED was being a dick, as unfortunately tends to be his want these days. His lucid moments are getting fewer and further between lately.

        • Fu ZhiGao

          Just ignore them.

          Sticks and stones…

    • Capt. WED

      repeat! YOU ARE FUGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


      Please take that shit off my screen you scaring my future kids.

    • Capt. WED

      Hongjian is so right. China should embrace fascism fully.

      We need a repeat of “xia xiang” of the 60’s except this time we’ll marching you little post 90 fucks. You will be used as slave canno fodders to build the new great wall (of our enemies’ blood and guts). More likely you will just be used as a comfort women for the fucking warrior class.

      • donscarletti

        Sure Eattot is anoying sometimes, but three posts worth of flames for one innane comment about babies?

        • coala banana

          gotta give eattot credit for her honesty. Isn’t it all about priorities ?

          Her priority is to have a beautiful looking baby and i remember her posting some weeks ago that she wouldn’t even like to care about it when her baby would be ugly.

          While most of us (me included) wouldn’t go so far to abandon a child simply cause it doesn’t fit a particular spectrum of beauty, you got to give credit to someone who is at least honest about her feelings.

          BTW, who likes the ugly anyway ?

          • eattot

            Capt. WED is your running dog?
            or you two just flatter each other here?

          • mr. wiener

            No, Capt. WED is not Coala banana’s running dog. Capt. WED is his bitch:)

          • coala banana

            and i thought CaptWed and the black mutant frog notorious are engaged ?! However, both show extreme schizoid tendencies !

            Eattot, you post some sick shit from time to time, but it comes across honest, so i have not problem with that.

            CaptWed is entitled to his opinion too, even he comes across like an ordinary trolling dumb ass. Notorious, is the typical angry black women, but on top of that she has some scary ass looking frog like eyes. I wouldn’t want either one of them near me in real life !!! I would rather prefer the presence of HongJian !

          • mr. wiener

            She is oiling her bullwhip and getting on her dominatrix outfit as you speak. Hope your evening together is not too…unpleasant, and you are able to walk without limping too much afterwards.

        • Notorious

          Oh please, I’ve endured more than that and without five guys jumping in to criticize the attacker, so please. She’s fine, I’ve seen Eattot chew some of these guys up and spit them out.

    • cc

      You need to open your legs and let someone in first you dozy cow.

  • Christina

    HAHAHA the students are wearing horse blinders!!

    • coala banana

      good to see that rich young girls can find some entertainment by laughing about poor kids. What would you rich “never accomplished anything on my own” fucks do, when there wouldn’t be some poor kids exploited for your own amusement ?

    • Notorious

      the ongoing harrassment begins. Just a tiny bit of info becomes whatever story he makes up. His mother should be shot for unleashing an idiot like this on the rest of human kind.

      • Notorious

        I think I am going to report him to the site admins if he continues to harrass women like this. Simpleminded buffoon cannot leave women alone or stop harrassing them.

        • Christina

          lollll notorious,

          don’t bother.

          everyone on ChinaSMACK knows he is a ridiculous psycho. just look at his above attack- accusing me of exploiting poor kids for enjoyment, as if I put the horse blinders on them and not their own teachers to prevent teaching. He is so ridiculous, just let the rest of chinasmack whup his sorry saggy butt.

          • Christina

            oops, cheating :D not teaching

          • Notorious

            Fine… but still, so annoying. I saw him twist every post you wrote last night into something you didn’t even say. I’ve been ignoring his posts (not even reading them) which has suited me just fine, but then I saw his attacks on you escalating and escalating. now he’s in stage two, which is to follow you around on CHINASMACK attempting to smear your character jedi-mind f*cking everyone into seeing something that isn’t there. Next thing you know, everyone will be viewing your postings in the way he misconscrued, which is as a spoiled evil person who laughs at poor children because she is rich — which we all know isn’t true. So he needs to be stopped so WOMEN in particular can post without constant harrassment from this small dick invertebre.

            Information is dangerous with a person like Coala because he uses it as a weapon, particularly against women like the coward he is. Any real man would dislike such a scrawny little beast.

  • FYIADragoon

    “In Titanic, Leonardo said to Rose, “You jump, I jump.” More than ten years later, in Inception, Leonardo told Mal, “(If you jump), I’m not going to (jump with you).” You see, after men mature, they no longer believe in such a thing as love.”

    Probably because they realized that women decided there would not be such a thing much earlier.

  • Li Peng

    I think you girls better be careful how you talk about Coala Banana, as he has been known to use his tongue in a penetrating manner.

  • Li Peng

    Eattot, what do you think of Chinese eating fetus soup?

    • eattot

      i’d like to eat, if it can really make me look younger.

      • Luobo

        Cannibals deserve immediate and terminal justice.

  • chris

    how can they be considered human?

    [Note: Please do not impersonate other people.]

  • UncleSamsBest

    LoL I have some of those old propaganda flags & posters that my grandfather brought home from the Korean War.