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Somewhat Morbid, Somewhat Cute, Somewhat Topical

Chinese students tear up textbooks and exam papers to release stress.

Although April Fools’ Day has passed, I’m still going to post this utterly ruthless way of messing with your teacher: Write on the blackboard “Teacher…I’m so tired…”, then place your shoes neatly on the window sill, and finally have everyone lie strewn all over the ground below… Just what sinister brain came up with this? Talk about throwing the teacher’s heart down into an abyss with just one blow…

April Fools' Day prank

For Qingming Festival, we should go back to our high schools to tomb-sweep, because that is where our youth is buried.

Chinese students tear up textbooks and exam papers to release stress.

The Natural Sciences teacher asked: “Why is the human body cold after one dies?” Nobody answered. The teacher asked again: “Nobody knows?” At this moment, a classmate stood up and said: “That’s because ”a calm heart keeps you cool”.

[Note: 心静自然凉 “A calm heart keeps you cool” is a Chinese idiom often used to calm people down when they are agitated by the heat of summer.]

Dead body with toe tag.

This dog has been mistakenly thrown into the washing machine N times. It’s said he now laughs in the face of death~

Towel or dog?

After watching The Return of the Condor Heroes, I understood that age is not a problem. After watching King Kong, I understood that race is not a problem. After watching Brokeback Mountain, I understood that sex is not a problem. After watching A Chinese Ghost Story, I understood that even death is not a problem. And you’re telling me it’s because of distance, and because of time?! Fuck…

A Chinese Ghost Story

A boy fell in love with a girl. When he confessed his love for her, the girl rejected him. She said: “I’m one whole year older than you.” The boy responded: “When I was one month old, you were 13 months old. Your age was 13 times mine. When I was two months old, you were 14 months old. Your age was seven times mine. When I was one year old, you were two years old. Your age was two times mine. As long as you are willing to be with me forever, we will always be getting closer and closer… What a beautiful story, except it was used by the Math teacher to explain the “concept of limit”.

Limit at infinity graph.

Q: Why hasn’t the United Nations taken a stand with regards to this time’s Diaoyu Islands incident? A: When there’s a conflict between a small country and another small country and the United Nations mediates, the conflict disappears. When a small county and a big country has a conflict, and the United Nations mediates, the small country disappears. When a big country and another big country has a conflict, and the United Nations mediates, the United Nations disappears.”

United Nations flag.

2013’s Latest Marriage Vows: “Will you take this woman, to love and to cherish her, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part? Will you, in order for you two to buy or sell second houses, be able to temporarily divorce her, marry another woman, and then remarry her, without leaving or abandoning her, remaining faithful and loyal, as if you two had never been separated?”

[Note: This alludes to recent news stories of Chinese couples getting divorced to avoid new policies and taxes intended to cool China’s real estate market by restricting the number of homes people can purchase and taxing capital gains.]

Divorce for buying houses
“Hurry up and divorce us. We’re waiting to buy houses…”
“It will save us hundreds of thousands of RMB. Why not get divorced…?”
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Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

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