From Mop:
Come those who have seen “District 9″ — If that alien spaceship were to land in China…
Let’s discuss if that alien spaceship were to land in China…what would be the situation in various places?! Haha!
Comments from Mop:
无良兽父:
Grab a RB [ri ben, 日本, Japanese] person and mix them, see what kind of weird monster can be created.
你是谁我谁也不是:
Other places I would not know, but if they landed in Beijing, they would probably be XXed by special police within 10 seconds. If they landed in Shenzhen, they too would be taken care of by niubi city administrators [chengguan], police “assistants”, etc. If they landed in Henan, congratulations, motherland, ten days later, the whole sky will be filled with shanzhai versions of alien spaceships. Had they gotten hear before the military parade, we could’ve even scared the America to death.
比范坚强更猥琐:
If they landed in Guangdong, they’d all be eaten.
哥挖的不是鼻屎是寂寞:
If they landed in the Northeast, they’d be taken by black society [gangs, organized crime] to be underlings/lackeys/hoodlums.
煎蛋配牙签:
The traffic police would immediately salute: “Turn off your engine, take out your license!
飘渺雨竹:
They’d be eaten if they landed in Guangdong, taken as underlings if they landed in the Northeast, harmonized if they landed in Beijing, and forced to make AV [adult videos] if they landed in Japan.
goodcolin:
If they landed in Korea, they would be claimed as Koreans, that their ancestors were Koreans.
思密达 [si mi da, impression of Koreans]
淫色面具:
Aliens land in Beijing, Beijing people would ask the aliens if they believe in capitalism or socialism.
Aliens land in Shanghai, Shanghai people would drag the aliens to the zoo to put on display.
Aliens land in Guangdong, they would be eaten…
Aliens land in Wenzhou, Wenzhou people will ask the aliens: is business easy to do on your planet?
tqq192225:
Huge war between giant shrimp and river crabs.
等你的咖啡:
If they landed in Hangzhou, and happened to land on a crosswalk, they would immediately be hit and killed by a car driving 70 km/h.
念:
If they landed at my school, I would suddenly realize that our school’s girls are very pretty after all.
asd211:
The spaceship would become a scenic spot made public for tourists to tour, while the giant shrimps would be sent to mine coal.
好名都叫狗去了:
Even if you an alien, you would still die if you annoy city administrators [chengguan].
十个救火少年:
If they land in China,
no matter where,
our country’s go-vern-ment will take care of this group of big shrimp like gods.
Banks, airports, train stations…the go-vern-ment will make special big shrimp lines for all of them,
all to show that our country is a “responsible” country!
This way, other countries will express heartfelt admiration for this “responsible” attitude of our country,
and thus our country’s government leaders will have face.
15154328825:
If they landed in Xinjiang, they would’ve been smashed to death by bricks~
殇御:
There would have been a giant shrimp formation at the National Day parade.
哥很→寂寞:
Land in the middle of the road: hit and killed by a car. Land on the side of the road: beaten to death by city administrators [chengguan]. Land in the middle of nowhere: starve to death. Land in an internet bar: scared to death by fei zhu liu. Overall, there is only one outcome: aliens come to China –> unable to survive.
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This was not a very good movie…
I agree with Marx. The film was a load of old bollocks. Only thing I got from the movie was how bad they are at making films as well as their constant reference to racism. If they’re not racist between the blacks and whites, they’ll be racists to aliens.
As one guy taught me “ya ma sa puss”
They would be called laowais.
“Hello laowais! Do you like basketball? I very want to make friend with you and practice my oral English with you! Do you like China? Can you use chopsticks….”
Alien gets annoyed and vaporizes locals with alien weapons.
And eventually one of them would learn Chinese well enough to appear on CCTV agreeing with everything that Yang Rui says.
In any cases, they will be eaten. I like the comments. Very witty.
Nothing “NB” about a bunch of xenophobic fools. But they would probably get killed off, slowly and behind the scenes, or out in the open, but either way killed off.
lots and lots of inter-species sex
If they landed in China, Stephen Chow would hire them to star in a much better movie than District 9.
What the hell is up with Chinese lying about Koreans trying to claim everything? Its as if they are trying to find a reason to hate the Koreans.
Chinese lying about Koreans trying to claim everything? Try those clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJyXbmaml1w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksct0zqEyWo
And while I googled the internet, I came up with this thread:
http://www.allempires.net/founder-of-ching%C3%A6%C2%B7%C2%B8-chung-qing-empire_topic24548_post459189.html
Chinese sure don’t hate Korean soap operas!
1. Those are all Chinese lies.
2. Most of the “koreans” claiming Chinese culture happen to be Chinese people impersonating Koreans.
3. Chinese people do not understand Korean. The Chinese guy in one of the videos claims that Koreans are stealing Chinese culture by bringing up a Korean news site. I can read Korean and can tell you that the Chinese guy is a liar.
4. Chinese people do not have freedom of speech and believe anything the government spews out.
5. Koreans are not stealing Chinese culture, its a CHinese lie.
6. Chinese people regularily make up fake Korean news sites or university professors to support their claim. They made up a story about a fictional Korean professor who claimed Confucius was Korean. Chinese people cannot read Korean and believe anything the internet says, so they thought it was real. And still do.
All of those are lies made up by Chinese people. Hence the reason why China has a reputation for being liars.
Absolutely brilliant responses by China’s netcitizens…a hoot.
If they landed in China the government would harmonize them and then claim that they’ve always been a part of China and China’s 5000 year history and a new minority making it 57, if they tried to flee or break away then they would go to war with them, this is after their language and culture would be suppressed and all aliens forced to learn mandarin, though I’m sure the Chinese would love to have kids with them due to the fact that they are exempt from the one child policy
“If they landed in China the government would harmonize them and then claim that they’ve always been a part of China and China’s 5000 year history and a new minority making it 57…”
Dude, that is funny AND true!
Actually 58, you forgot to include Taiwan.
Actually 60 because Atlantis and the moon are always provines of China, right?
Don’t be such a tool. Those places are where GW Bush said the weapons of mass destruction must lie.
Oh, I forgot that Iraq is a part of China too.
My bad!
Oh that’s typical Fike2308……… Bomb the fuck out of a country and say it was the Communists. Nice work Team America for showing your own version of a harmonious society over there.
Ummm…I didn’t say that the Communists bombed anyone.
Did you stop taking your medication?
Taiwan is an island, not a race.
Um….. Yes and no……..
if they land in Hong Kong or Guangdong, they will try to cook them and make a new dish or local speciality.
yummy! you made me hungry!
I don’t think anyone would even notice them in China…or the locals would just holler, “Hello laowai Hello!” and the aliens would get annoyed and start ignoring the locals.
They’re much prettier than you, I admit
If they land in China, the “gong an” – chinese policeman will have a new source of “income”
They would end up working in training centers, spending all their income at their local pub on 25 yuan Tsingtao beer, and sharing with each other the few local girls who can speak their alien language.
That’s funny because it’s true
They’d be pssed off because facebook is blocked, aren’t you?
what’s so great about fb? anyway, you got renren hahaha
and twitter too
These “shrimp guys” landing in China would be no different to other foreign people landing here … gawpers wherever they go, getting ripped-off in every shop & business, or having to suffer the cruel taunts of a population of farmers and factory workers.
… At least they dress a lot better than Chinese people!
I just wonder where Chinese people would position them in their quite strict racial schemes..better than black people? Probably it will depend on their level of technological achievements and, especially, income. In that case we will see a new type of mixed babies soon
Interesting point DF. Well I reckon if it was like the movie…the prawns being leaderless, starved, diseased, a pathetic rabble…I don’t think they would be ranked too highly. More likely used for their technology and meat and not even ranked as human (obviously) and maybe even classified as animals. (And you know how most Chinese treat animals!)
This conversation between the alien and a Chinese taxi driver will take place:
Chinese: where are you from:
Alien: guess！
(the Chinese looks up, rolling his eyes thinking of the answer, and finally answers brilliantly)
Chinese: 美国人 American？
Alien: No , guess one more time
(again the Chinese looking up rolling his eyes)
Chinese: 英国人 British ？
Alien: No, I am from the space
Chinese: 是亚洲国家吗 is it in Asia？
And the Alien dies peacefully after that.
they would have bought district 9 fake dvds
And they wouldnt have a problem with understanding the Alien dialogue, which only was subtitled in Russian…
You too?! Man, that annoyed me.
Actually we download it from the Internet. It’s has been years me and my friends haven’t bought fake DVDs.
More like, “And the Alien reaches the limit of his Chinese language skills after that.”
Or the alien reaches the limit of how much staring and how many obnoxious “hellos” it can endure :D
I wonder while tons of laowais land in Guangzhou airport daily, why they aren’t eaten.
That happens in Shanghai, where the Shanghai women eat laowai men alive. Laowai suckers.
Or at least swallow their ‘kids’…
You mean little brothers.
LoL, zing, both you and VeerLeft deserve LoLs!
Hey, Kaiptain Obvious, that’s why he called Shanghai women “laowai suckers”
Very comedic thread. I loved the Chinese responses!!!
You would see one in the background of every commercial next to a white guy in a lab coat.
Or the could use him to replace the African guy in the 维大力 commercial in Taiwan, where the Chinese people make fun of his Chinese pronunciation.
That advert was playing when I first arrived in Taiwan back in 2001, and it was still on TV in August this year when I went back there. Just WTF is so bloody funny about an African guy trying to say WeiDaLi?
Oh god, I shudder to think what would happen if our WESTERN SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY was displaced by SPACE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY. The whole Whitey in Labcoat in Chinese Quack Remedy Commercial profession would be wiped out. You
I’d contribute to this thread but it turns out that I don’t hate China any more than China hates itself
I agree, it stands as a stark contrast to us Koreans living in a utopia, free from government propaganda brainwashing us. Just take a look at Dr. Hwang Woo Suk’s breakthroughs in stem cell cloning, a true testament to Korean scientific prowess!
If the shrimps landed in Korea, I’m pretty sure they’ll say it was once part of their society and it’s just a reunification.
Weird, I thought this thread was about China, not Korea.
Cuz you don’t know how dirty and nasty korean asshole, korea has been a client states of china for very long time in the history and their culture has been highly impacted and import from china, but these motherfuckers never admit this fact, instead, they claim lots of cultrue are being created by themselves, which the fact is originally start from china.
look that pusan and korean dog’s comments.
You will understand why korea is one of most high rate in terms of commit suicide cuz these montherfuckers are being very depressed and stressful, they need to blow off their steam by criticizing ppl. especially china, having been china’s client states and controlled by china for so many years in the history, they finally get a chance to judge and fight back us.
I’ve been to South Korea and I like it.
I don’t like North Korea though.
Have you even been to Korea? Idiot.
I lived in Bucheon, next to Seoul for 4 months.
Idiot.
@Fike2308
You’re just making it up.
Making you an epic idiot.
S. Korea is a far better place than China in SO many ways. Too many ways for me to list.
And if you care to look at China’s suicide rate, I think you’ll find it quite grim.
Its quite obvious they would be eaten with a piece of raw garlic and vinegar.
and the garlic would be chopped into no smaller than 4 pieces
or just left whole.
And big chunks of ginger, too. Have they never thought of using a grater?
They would feature on real estate billboards looking very upmarket or be offered teaching position.
My avator disappeared, so I better contribute to this very peaceful, non-agressive thread.
All the aliens would adapt to the local culture. Females would walk hand in hand, go eye shopping and buy skin whitening products.
If guys, they would only wear black pants and white shirts to work and hope to be able to afford second wives.
.. . to carry on the theme:
If they landed in the US they would be extraordinary renditioned to Guantanamo for some ‘coercive interrogation’.
If they landed in the UK they would be put on meagre state benefits which the Daily Mail would claim meant that they were living the lap of luxury.
If they landed in Russia they would be murdered by far-right groups.
If they landed in Nanjing they would be bored to death my people going on about 5000 years of culture, 57 minorities, 23 provinces, 30 years of reform and opening etc. etc. etc.
If they landed in Beijing people there would discover a previously un-known incident in which the Aliens invaded China and talk about it to them all the time.
And finally, if they landed in Roppongi in Tokyo nobody would notice.
I guess if they landed in China the Nigerians would play the same role as in the film, at least in Sanlitun.
Jackie Chan would declare that even the heavens were opening up to China!
There were aliens in the movie District 9? Funny, I thought they were just black people. badabing!
If they landed in Canada, people would probably start trying to smoke parts of them – “Dude, you can totally get high off prawn skin!”
Unless they landed in the north, in which case they would probably just get beaten with clubs and skinned.
Some interesting what/ifs here. Let me add another country to the what/ifs.
If they landed in Australia:
In Canberra – given a government apology and compensation
In the Desert – classified as indigenous and ignored
In Tasmania – Welcome addition to genepool, Interbred with locals
In a Rural Town – shot and thrown on the BBQ
On West Coast – classified refugee and thrown in camps
In Sydney – merged into migrant worker underclass and all live in the same suburb
In Byron Bay – fit in perfectly and become pot dealers
Taojas: good one. Finally, they would be interviewed by Geraldine Doogue for the ABC. Tasmanis’s mullet heads are bad enough, I don’t dare think about further inbreeding.
as a laowai;they’d get any Chinese girl they wanted .. heahahah !!
as long as they are under 50 kuai, with STD to boot, as you have obviously found out much to your own detriemnt, the desease has spread to your brain.
This one 1398876542 would have AIDS
Seriously, if the government finds alien in its territories. They would wanna keep a low profile. Keep them lock up and do hard labor. In the mean time, they will reverse engineering their technologies and boost their GDP and knowledge capital.
Oh, forgot to add, Chinese people will make Chinese medicine out of aliens.