Fatty Kim & North Korea vs. South Korea, Who Would Win?

Kim Jong Il wearing black in front of snowy mountains.

There has been a lot of news about North Korea (The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea) recently. Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader, personally visited China earlier this month, and now South Korea is certain that their navy ship, Cheonan, was sunk by a North Korean submarine earlier this year. Below is a collection of translated Chinese internet posts and Chinese netizen comments from the Shanghai KDS discussion forum.

From KDS:

Actually, Kim Jong Il coming to China recently was for the South Korean warship matter

If it were only for increasing aid, it wouldn’t have been necessary for him to personally come, as China providing him aid isn’t new, and sending foreign relations chief would have been enough.

Him personally coming is obviously because the warship was indeed destroyed by North Korea, and he too knows this will cause trouble, that the international community may consider it an intentional act of war, and that [sending] someone below him would not give face so he could only come himself.

The question is what motive did North Korea have for taking out this warship? A show of force? Or have they already prepared their military and economy and are prepared to make a move on South Korea?

I think so far North Korea definitely does not have the ability to initiate a second Korean War. If they were to do this, even if China used its veto in the United Nations, America would still send its military, and the defeat and even overthrow of North Korea would be the obvious result.

However, I do not exclude him using this kind of incident to test the international [community’s] bottom line tolerance towards him.

At this point, we can pretty much be sure that this ship was intentionally destroyed by North Korea, otherwise Kim Jong Il would not personally have come to China.

Comments from KDS:


This can also be explained by Fatty Kim having been wronged, so he rushed over to ask for help. There are two sides to everything, and who really understands political things anyways?


Actually Kim came for medical treatment, and while he was at it, got botox injections.

Kim Jong Il wearing black in front of snowy mountains.

大宝男 人:

Of course, can North Korea be trusted/believed? I’d sooner trust/believe Henan people than Fatty Kim.


Although I have no good feelings towards South Korea, but Fatty Kim, this rogue always causing trouble everywhere, is even worse.


It is better to take out rogue countries earlier than later. The people living underneath the light of the Kim sun is really difficult.

侬看个只 腿:

2012 is not so scary, what is scary is the world war North Korea starts then, pulling China first under the water.


I bet that in another month there will definitely be another nuclear bomb test, and then big brother [China] will quietly give 1 billion USD as compensation, then the fat bastard will take 500 million and give the remaining 500 million to Kimchi [South Korea], then Kimchi and Old Eagle [America] will make a few performances about how everything is peaceful…the entire process will take 3-6 months…


Welcome Grandpa Kim to come to Shanghai to see the World Expo.

钢筋 混凝土:

I feel there’s a problem with the South Korean bangzi‘s fighting ability. The advanced Cheonan, actually being sunk by an antique North bangzi submarine, and the captain even has the face to return alive [instead of dying in shame with his ship].

South Korean warship Cheonan sunk.

Chains lifting the sunken ROK Cheonan warship.

Salvaging the sunken Cheonan.

South Korean military funeral.

From KDS:

South Korea fighting North Korean now would simply be cutting grass, no need for imperialist America’s help!

The Kim family should probably tone it down a little.

Let me edit the post a little, and post some data.

South Korea population: over 40 million, South Korean military: over 600,000.

North Korea population: over 20 million, North Korean military: over 1 million.

The 38th Parallel is about 150km away from Pyongyang.

The 38th Parallel is about 50km away from Seoul.

The national strength of South Korea is N times that of North Korea.

Basically we can ignore North Korea’s navy and land forces.

But Seoul is within the range of North Korean artillery, this point is pretty annoying/troublesome.

However, seen another way, Pyongyang is also within South Korea’s range.

With Seoul destroyed, South Korean can still build ships and vehicles.

With Pyongyang destroyed, North Korean would not have any other decent cities.

South versus North Korea city lights at night.

Comments from KDS:


The bangzi [South Koreans] may have better weapons than North Korea, but North Korea has nothing to lose, and would have no problem taking you down with them, so the bangzi wouldn’t dare be too reckless with them!


LZ is so naive, when fighting a war, the most frightening are those who aren’t afraid to die. What use are good weapons when millions of brainwashed charge over. Even using all your missiles won’t blast them all, just give up hope.


North Korea has over 10,000 missiles aimed at Seoul, something artillery cannot stop!!!


I look forward to the day when I can see rogue states like North Korea disappearing from the earth.


America was so cocky back in the day, doing whatever it wanted, but eventually made mentally retarded by Vietnamese monkeys [humbled by the Vietnamese in the Vietnam War]. As long as the war is not about comparing technology and money, it’ll be OK.

无敌小 喵呜:

Without imperialist America…South Korea will be cut down like grass~
But South Korea still has one deadly weapon, airdropping Oreo cookies, Big Mac hamburgers, finger-licking good chicken, and Nong Shim ramen.


Sacrificing one warship in exchange for a reason to attack North Korea, very good very good.


South Korea cutting grass accidentally steps on a landmine and South Korea is no more. emoticon

Make the North Koreans nervous and they use a nuclear weapon and South Korea is no more. emoticon


North Korea as a pile of ruins is still North Korea.
But is South Korea as a pile of ruins still South Korea?

瘪三 腔调:

I hope before the fighting begins that both sides’ XS [girls] can first all fly over to Shanghai to avoid suffering and loss. emoticon


I laugh.

South Korea and North Korea have constantly been preparing for war, treating each other as imaginary enemies for decades.

South Korea today is not the South Korea of yesterday.

The military difference between North Korea and South Korea is not something human wave tactics can make up for anymore.


Hard to say about Northern bangzi.
The government trained them so many years.
Their strength must be much more than Afghanistan and Iraq.
Southern bangzi cutting them down like grass is definitely not possible.


Even China now doesn’t dare do anything with North Korea, a completely rogue country…


LZ you’re definitely wrong here! If North Korea were to cast aside the nuclear bomb, we won’t say, but their war-fighting ability will definitely shock people! Just like Mao in the past! Their mentality is definitely number one in the world! And, they have the nuclear weapon! Otherwise, would Fatty Kim be so cocky!?


Southern bangzi are doing quite well for themselves.

Apart from the people having some inseparable family relations with the Northern bangzi, it doesn’t matter if they unify or not unify — — why unify anyway? Such a big mess, that bunch of brainwashed, sallow and emaciated so-called compatriots.

If Outer Mongolia were to return [to China], would you want it?emoticon


Fatty Kim being able to survive until today…

is still because of China and Russia.

The above two countries…

of course do not wish the North Korean peninsula to be ruled by the American-friendly South Korea.

However, North Korea now is also out of control.

Internationally, it is already not giving face to China and Russia.

North Korean soldiers marching.

From KDS:

I have to say, North Korea would instantly destroy South Korea

Just an image…

Comparison of military power between North Korea and South Korea

Comments from KDS:


Compare the two side’s masters [China and America] and see. emoticon


The two Koreas going to war would simply be China and America playing chess.
Whether they fight and how they fight is not something they themselves will decide…


North Korea-simida actually is just like Iraq = = A lot of hot air…and messing around…


North Korea — East Asian Iraq.
Fatty Kim — North Korean Saddam.


emoticonemoticon Some people don’t understand, bangzi country’s president Lee Myung-bak does not have the power to mobilize the Korean army, nor does he have the power to declare war against North Korea. These two powers are in the hands of the UN Command (American military), which is basically the hands of the American president…so sad. And some people are speaking for/defending/supporting the South bangziemoticon


If South Korea goes to war and too many people die, Seoul will probably immediately have several tens of thousands of people walk the streets **…
If North Korea loses several tens of thousands of people, I bet it will be as if it were nothing!~


Without Daddy America, North Korea could overtake the 38th Parallel just with artillery alone, even Korean War era artillery. emoticon


The level of two 6-year-old children fighting, and children with barely passable intelligence at that.

匪 号孟德:

Actually, personally, regardless of which North Eastern Asian power, whether China, America, Russia, Japan, South Korea, or North Korea, the current situation is probably the best situation.
China, America, Russia, and Japan do not wish for a unified, aggressive North Korean country to appear. Only a unified Korea under North Korea would result in a truly powerful country. Japan and Korea still have territorial disputes, China and South Korea/ China and North Korea have sea and land boundary disputes.
But for North Korea, or Fatty Kim, to be unified under South Korea would mean the collapse of the Kim family, and nevermind the money, even their lives would be uncertain. A unified Korea [under South Korea] would not be strong.
However, for South Korea, although they have a strong desire for unification, due to the US-Korea treaty, as long as China doesn’t make a move, attacking to the Yalu River is not a problem, but, a war of unification would be enough to exhaust 5-10 years of South Korea’s accumulated wealth, collapsing South Korea’s economy. If unified, 24 million North Koreans would undoubtedly also be a huge burden.
Besides, from the perspective of American national interests, the United States would definitely maintain the current situation. Why? In a nutshell, because a war to unify the peninsula would cause China to act.
If China does not act, America would naturally support South Korean reunification of the peninsula, conveniently completing the Northeast Asian containment of China. However, the moment China causes the American military to lose more than it can bear, Americans will not let the American military continue dying for a war on the other side of the world.
Therefore, the present situation, in the eyes of the various powers, is the best situation.

Marching North Korean soldiers.

From KDS:

Place your bets, North Korea – South Korea 1:9 odds

emoticonSomeone make a poll for fun.emoticon

Comments from KDS:

细胞 分裂中:

I definitely bet on South Korea winning. Those North Korean generals aren’t SBs, they’ll immediately surrender after crossing the line. It is not as if they don’t normally know how developed South Korea is, and who would want to be a criminal of a war that cannot be won? Their entire army [under the general] will surrender. [This way, they can] get a government position + good reputation.

JJR 降临:

Obviously North Korea, but our country will have to outwardly keep up appearances, but make some moves behind the scenes. South Korea’s old man [America] is on the opposite side of the Pacific. They have the will [to protect South Korea] but they can only do so much [because they are so far away].


I bet North Korea will lose everything. This is a big country game, small countries can only be props. Japan is the most unlucky, they could get bombed at any moment.


I bet the Heavenly Kingdom [China] will not deploy forces, will strongly condemn, call for [this or that], observe, etc.

细胞 分裂中: [responding to spcard1]

You think Hillary [Clinton] coming to China is really for commercial business reasons?emoticon

The time for North Korea to contribute to the world’s economy has come, otherwise why did we keep/support/foster them until now?

According to your theory 1:200 emoticon


North Korea will definitely win, you guys have all overlooked the mental aspect, just think about how our country defeated a proper/standard army [how Mao and the Communist Army defeated the KMT].

Cheering North Korean soldiers.


Written by Fauna

Fauna is a mysterious young Shanghainese girl who lives in the only place a Shanghainese person would ever want to live: Shanghai. In mid-2008, she started chinaSMACK to combine her hobby of browsing Chinese internet forums with her goal of improving her English. Through her tireless translation of popular Chinese internet news and phenomenon, her English has apparently gotten dramatically better. At least, reading and writing-wise. Unfortunately, she's still not confident enough to have written this bio, about herself, by herself.


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