Spoiled Chinese Boy Hits Grandma on Nanjing Subway, Reactions

Spoiled Chinese boy repeatedly hits grandmother on Nanjing subway Line 2.

From Sina Weibo:

#Boy Hits Grandma On Subway#

Recently, on Nanjing Subway Line 2, a boy repeatedly hit his grandma with a thermos mug, yelling “you are sick”. When his grandma tried to take away the thermos mug, the boy even slapped her in her face and viciously kicked her legs…It is reported that the boy has been spoiled at home, and this incident may have been a result of [the grandma] saying something he didn’t want to hear. How can this “wild/naughty kid [brat]” be saved?!

Comments from Sina Weibo:

leslie_rong:

You cannot treat a person too well just as you cannot feed a dog too well.

豆瓣kaka:

Get his parents and grandparents back to learn how to be parents and elders.

桐克莎:

His parents must fight a lot at home.

summer姗姗:

Kids all learn from their parents, so we can see that his parents obviously don’t respect his grandma either. So sad.

译者老混混:

If you don’t take good care of a kid now, just let “Uncle Police” takes care of him someday.

拒绝家撸撸:

My nephew is like this too, with the exception of being relatively behaved in front of his parents. He probably got spoiled by his grandparents. One time, for no reason, he tried to hit me, and I bluntly stopped him. I’m not gonna put up with that, who do you think you are?

水瓶座858:

All the Nanjing people I know are kind of not in right in the head.

赵坚赵默默:

[I bet] if a bystander got involved [to chastise the kid], his grandma wouldn’t be happy about it either.

和勤公益社:

There is no “problem child”, only “child problems”. How parents raise a child is crucial. Among that, how do you manage “grandparents education [how grandparents treat or raise grandchildren]”? What’s everyone’s opinion?

李雪Ida1130:

How much I’d cherish my grandmother if I [still] had one! This absolutely has something to do with he kid’s parents.

郭端端_:

If my kid treated my mom like this, I would bury him! Just in case his son would treat me like this.

Comments from Phoenix Online:

凤凰网广东省网友:火箭0414

Children these days are all only children [of their families], spoiled by the entire family, who can’t bear to hit or scold them. If they had siblings, would they still be like this?

凤凰网吉林省白山市网友:一目了然之白山

To spoil a kid is as bad as to kill a kid. If they continue to indulge the kid, he might take a knife and kill his entire family.

凤凰网吉林省长春市网友:dongzhenjie

Like father like son.

凤凰网四川省网友:qingxibaihu

I’m betting the grandma is just getting what she deserves! The grandson being so tyrannical has everything to do with his grandma spoiling him normally.

凤凰网四川省成都市网友:冷竣的微笑

What is “you cannot simply criticize the kid [as said by the news anchor, who went on to say after all the child is young, and thus family upbringing and school education deserves reflection]”? Such a kid must be taught a lesson he will remember for the rest of his life, because some things simply are not allowed [such as disrespecting one’s elders]. Spare the rod, spoil the kid.

凤凰网新疆昌吉市网友:全民同盟

An undisciplined kid has his father to blame.” [A child who is] only rude and unreasonable to his family will be a coward outside his family.

凤凰网四川省网友:凤凰网友

It is obvious that this naughty kid knows he isn’t supposed to hit an elder, so trying to reason with him is useless. Only a rod can make him honest. This is animal instinct.

凤凰网北京市网友:凤凰网友

[Parents who] only know how to give birth, but do not know how to raise children. [I’m afraid] the parents themselves aren’t far from the day they themselves are going to be hit [by this kid].

凤凰网重庆市网友:qiaogongdui

This fully proves that the kid’s parents themselves do not respect this old lady at all.

凤凰网广东省中山市网友:桃源之客

The key is that this is a problem lies of school education. China’s elementary schools today simply do not attach any importance to children’s moral character education.

凤凰网四川省网友:凤凰网友

The kid was just horsing around with his grandma, just take a closer look at the video. A big deal about nothing.

凤凰网河南省三门峡市网友:星空蛙鸣

Children who are spanked rarely blame/resent their parents when they grow up.

凤凰网广东省广州市荔湾区网友:沙丘农民的儿子

The worst is the person who took the video!

Comments from NetEase:

网易内蒙古包头市手机网友

The fact that the kid hits his grandma now means that he will hit his parents in the future, which they deserve.

网易河北省石家庄市手机网友

You call him “little”? In our village, a 2-year-old child is even more sensible [well-behaved] than he is; he’s asking for a beating.

网易山东省济南市网友

Such a kid should be beat to death, because he will just grow up to be trouble [for society].

网易广东省深圳市罗湖区手机网友

I’ve seen something like this when I visited Hainan for vacation. ”An undisciplined kid has his father to blame.” Parents nowadays just spoil their kids too much!

网易河北省衡水市手机网友

This kind of phenomenon is too common in China, and if the situation continues like this, Chinese people are going to be ruined by themselves.

网易浙江省温州市网友

You get what you plant [reap what you sow]. If this kid continues to be spoiled, he’ll definitely grow up to be trouble. If I were his father, I guarantee I would give him a beating.

网易广东省深圳市手机网友

[She] deserves being hit! Stupid cunt elder [grandparent]!

网易北京市网友

That’s what they get for spoiling the kid.

易福建省泉州市手机网友

This kid truly should be slapped to death.

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  • Connor

    sofa

  • jon9521

    The little emperor culture in China just keeps hitting new heights. The Chinese parent need to learn that no is a necessary concept when dealing with their kids if they are going to be constructive memebers of society

    • Ryo Saeba

      You do realize that in China, most parents weren’t ready to be parents when they have a kid. They do it because they were told to have them. Young adults are pushed to getting married and have a son as early as possible. It is a tradition that has have devastating effects on the children that are born.

      Divorce rates in China are raising year after year. This is fine and all except that newlyweds are pushed to having children as soon as they are married. When the young couples finally had enough and gets a divorce, the kid is gets caught in the middle of the battle. They are usually left out and neglected, and used as a tool to get back at the other parent. I have seen this too many times from a lot of my wife’s friends and relatives.

      In addition, if by some miracle the couples stay together, money becomes a major issue. Both will usually need to work so they dump their kids with the grandparents. Without any guidance and/or disciplinary actions, kids will quickly find what works to get what they want. Weather it’s crying, throwing things, or screaming on top of their lungs, they will eventually find that hitting works best because the grandparents are old and lack energy to retaliate.

      Grandparents will usually spoil their grandchildren thinking that by giving into their demands, they will get love in return. In reality, the kids will just be more aggressive in their tactics. It will surely be interesting to see what these kids will become in 10-15 years.

      • Azeri

        A thoughtful, intelligent, and in my opinion, thoroughly well-put out view. I’m in complete agreement, as, in my experience of living in the PRC, this is usually the case.

        So many young girls all harp on about “嫁给人生个孩子子”. There is little taught to actually prepare them for the realities of parenthood, with the cultural and societal blinders of “a little 宝宝 that I can put my own personality into and receive emotional acceptance from. I hope my husband and his family will like me now” rigidly attached. I’m unsure of anything that can really contribute to a shift in this unfortunate situation, apart from serious educational reform.

        On another note, I know Chinasmack only really translates articles that are trending right now, but surely a lot of people are talking about the attack in Urumqi, or the train attack in the ROC/Taiwan?

        • Kai

          What you’re describing isn’t really unique to China but prevailed through the vast majority of human society and history. There’s educational reform but also it may be instructive to look at how many modern Western societies evolved away from similar such values and norms into the notions they popularly promote now.

          Were they taught through serious education reform? Or did changes in living standards change lifestyles and the values that underpin them? What caused the changes in living standards?

      • linette lee

        In China they should not only push for one child policy. The
        China gov’t should push for parenthood after 30. Like you can’t have kid until the woman turn 30 year old. What is the point of having one child policy when people have their kid at age 16. So compare to the western countries the average birth age for women is like 30 to 35. So China still is not controlling their population.

        • Irvin

          Ah linette, come to brain fart again?

          • linette lee

            hahah…lol oh be quiet.

          • KamikaziPilot

            She’s kind of like a cute little puppy that runs around aimlessly barking up a storm. After a while you can predict her behavior.

        • donscarletti

          Having your first kid at 30 is not particularly optimal from the perspective of successful conception and chances of carrying to full term, having a kid at 35 starts to put them in the risk group for downs syndrome and other birth defects.

          Having ones first kid at 16 is actually pretty optimal for the child and could be raised pretty well by their 32 year old grandparents.

          I really think this is at least one thing that China does way better than the west. Western fertility is way below replenishment levels and the health of newborns is quite bad. I like the idea of having kids early and having the mature, but not elderly and frail grandparents raise them, meaning the mother can go back to the workforce and have a career, the grandparents have something to do and there are less medical complications.

          • Mihel

            Having ones first kid at 16 is actually pretty optimal for the child and could be raised pretty well by their 32 year old grandparents.
            […]
            the mother can go back to the workforce and have a career, the grandparents have something to do

            Sure… so you go and get impregnated in the middle of your high school years, lose months of school because of pregnancy/childbirth, then you go back to school (or to work, in case you’re a dropout) and leave your baby to your 32 years old parents.
            Because it’s not like normal 32 yo people have a job too. Nope, they need to take care of their grandchild to “have something to do”, else they’d do nothing all day.

          • Germandude

            Not even considering that at the age of 16 boys and girls are anything but mature enough to figure out who should be their right partner and what kind of responsibilities a baby brings with it.
            And all that before those kids (the parents at 16 years of age) actually managed to figure their own place in society, such as: where to live, what job to do etc.

            There is a reason you become an adult at the age of 18 and many argue even that’s too early.

            Just because evolution allows pregnancies earlier than that, doesn’t mean that’s the way to go.

          • Repatriated

            Yep. Not to mention, the average Chinese kid lives off his parents while in school, and doesn’t even have a first job until the age of 25+.

          • Dr Sun

            most Chinese kids, do not even go to college or university and start working at 16 or 18, even younger for many.

          • Kai

            I dunno, man, a lot of Chinese kids don’t even make it to high school, dropping out to begin working to help support themselves and the family, by their teens, especially those from the still massive more rural and poorer places.

          • Kai

            Another way to look at this is:

            Are we now physically maturing too fast or now mentally/emotionally maturing too slow?

            Is there any real reason why we can’t be psychologically and emotionally mature by the time we are able to reproduce? Or is this extended adolescence phenomenon a product of our own making?

          • donscarletti

            Currently 32 year old people are mostly raising young children, my girlfriend and I are planning on having our first child in two years, when I am 32 and she is 30. So my proposition would be no different to the current situation.

            As for schooling, if it was a culturally accepted practice, it would be far easier to defer highschool/university for a semester and continue in stride.

            Another issue is currently, educated people tend to very rarely have kids early so it tends to be the poor examples of lifestyle planning and most of the time were not getting particularly great grades beforehand, but if social norms were different, you’d have a wider spectrum of people doing it and it wouldn’t seem like such a way to end a life.

            My proposition has a lot of obvious problems, it certainly does not fit with my own life plans and I would no way in hell suggest to my own future children to do such a thing, so I wouldn’t take it too seriously. I just think it would be nice to have a solution to the inverse correlation between fertility and ability to raise kids

          • Science Patrol

            That’s actually standard practice for the inner city neighborhoods I’ve lived in. Only the mothers usually don’t have careers. They just do the usual partying until their kids have kids.

          • Dick Leigh

            Really? Every single 20-something family I met in China sucked at parenting. The only reason the children weren’t dead yet is because Mom and Dad (the babysitters) either lived with them or visited every single day.

        • Free Man

          Studies show that the older the father is, the more likely the child will get crazy.

          • Dr Sun

            I take it you have links to these alleged studies ?

          • Free Man

            Just a link to a newspaper article. Sorry it’s german, but if that isn’t a problem I can provide more links about the same subject.

            http://www.swissmom.ch/familie/vaeterseiten/kinderwunsch/alte-vaeter-hoeheres-risiko-fuer-das-kind/

            Thats not the article I originally read, but it says similar stuff: the older a man is when having children, the higher the risk of getting shit for the child.

          • Dr Sun

            A commentary from a Tabloid newspapers social column is not really considered a valid research article or a link to multi centered, randomized studies.

          • Free Man

            Ok, here just for you:

            Eylau Centre for Assisted Reproduction in Paris (France) checked 21.239 cases of intrauterine Insemination (IUI) of more than 12.000 couples.

            Result: the older the father, the more problems happened.

            Same shit in medical english (doubt you understand it much better than me, though): http://www.rbmojournal.com/article/S1472-6483(10)60083-1/abstract

            If that’s not enough then go ask them yourself.

          • Dr Sun

            wtf, that study has nothing to do with behaviour of the child but with sperm decay (Dna fragmentation). If you are going to present studies try and make sure that they are at least somewhat relevant to your hypothesis.

          • Free Man

            A normal newspaper article isn’t good enough, the real stuff to complicated. Idiot, just shut up.

          • Dr Sun

            I suspect you’re the Idiot as the Study you posted had absolutely NOTHING to with child behaviour or mental illness Whatsoever. It was concerned with sperm fragmentation (DNA breakdown to those like you that cannot read medical english)
            Now do us all a favour, admit your ignorance and shut up before you embarrass yourself further.

          • Rick in China

            There certainly are studies in this area – the increase risk of a lot of diseases as parents age increases. Historically most studies pointed more towards the mother’s age, but there are lots of studies around father’s age as well. You’ll of course say “nothing conclusive”, but you’ll say that to any study. Here’s one:

            “Published in JAMA Psychiatry, the study was based on a massive data set: everyone born in Sweden from 1973 to 2001. The study team found that a child born to a 45-year-old father is 3.5 times more likely to develop autism, 13 times more likely to develop ADHD, twice as likely to develop a psychotic disorder, 25 times more likely to receive a diagnosis for bipolar disorder and 2.5 times more likely to exhibit suicidal behavior or a substance abuse problem when compared to a child with a 24-year-old father.”

            http://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=1833092

            I suppose these doctors with only several decades of everyone born in Sweden as a sample size came to a bullshit conclusion, right?

            “Conclusions and Relevance Advancing paternal age is associated with increased risk of psychiatric and academic morbidity, with the magnitude of the risks being as large or larger than previous estimates. These findings are consistent with the hypothesis that new genetic mutations that occur during spermatogenesis are causally related to offspring morbidity.”

          • Dr Sun

            Well its certain your background is neither in medicine or science, you obviously didn’t even understand the abstract to this paper, so I’ll enlighten you (using the authors own words)

            “The effects of advancing paternal age at childbearing on offspring morbidity REMAIN UNCLEAR”,

            “WE ESTIMATED the risk of psychiatric and academic morbidity associated with advancing paternal age USING several QUASI-EXPERIMENTAL DESIGNS”

            You most likely are a reasonably intelligent man, but from a non -scientific background. You cannot simply post un-replicated, non randomized single site, speculative research as being “facts” it just does not fly.
            You have done this over and over again, trolling threads to promote your genetically based, and race dependent arguments, as fact, but there simply is no credible evidence to support you.
            Give it up. PLZZZZ

          • Rick in China

            I find it amusing that you pick phrases from an experiment regarding biology/psychiatry with a premise that there are many contributing factors to the causation of various diseases, and say that – because they admittedly have not 100% evidence, that the group of researchers (far more verse on the subject than you or I) conclusion is obviously bullshit. You realise that in almost any study within this subject matter there will be a strong hypothesis and strong supporting evidence, sometimes to the point there is no real argument against it (like um, macro-evolution?), but that they can not rule out the possibility that they don’t have all of the information available to come to an impermeable conclusion, right? Are you saying that their stated results and conclusion are false? Can you show a counter-study which shows that there is absolutely no relationship between paternal age and these diseases? Or are you SIMPLY talking out of your ass? “PLZZZZ”.

            If you want to deny, deny, deny – how about you provide some evidence to support your argument, rather than simply critique everything provided for you as if you have some truer and deep understanding of the topic? Sorry, maybe I’m mistaken – which genetics research institute do you work at again?

          • Dr Sun

            look Rick I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but pulling phrases like “macro evolution” out your ass when you very clearly dont even understand microevolution or anything about inborn errors of genetics, just makes you look stupid.
            Anti-social behavior or committing violent crimes are NOT genetic diseases, there is no credible accepted, replicated evidence to support any of this from the scientific/ genetic community.
            I guess your a pavlov/ Skinner behaviourist at heart, who likes to throw in a total misunderstanding of Darwinism to attempt to explain very complex human behaviour, by stating its genetic and that its a fact.
            Im, not going to do your homework for you, I don’t have the time or inclination, but there are thousands of studies, credible ones, ranging from Social anthropological ones, through Psychological ones to Genetics that completely and utterly rip your stance to pieces.
            Now shut the F#*ck up, move on and talk about something that you actually have the knowledge, education and ability to do so.

          • Rick in China

            How to spout rhetoric, repeat yourself, provide zero evidence when evidence was provided against your stance, and end on another “STFU” note. Grrrreat job Sun.

          • Dr Sun

            Look dude your own fucking study that you presented and did not understand shot you down.
            You’re like some kind of Kamikaze pilot on a mission for genetic determinism you are going to get shot down in the scientific ” great marianas Turkey shoot”.

          • Rick in China

            Also incorrect. If you paid any attention to the conversation rather than loosely look for anything to hook your grips into for a “meaty reply” full of nonsense, you’d see that. If you paid any attention to the study mentioned, instead of looking for the “it can’t be 100%” and ignoring the “But…”, you’d also see that. Unfortunately you’re blinded by your own position, and refuse to accept the fact that your position could be wrong – therefor will defend it with the blindness that religious people stick to their guns when presented with reason.

          • Dr Sun

            I can only assume you are taking about yourself.

          • Rick in China

            How about you provide a single study concluding that paternal age does not have any impact on psychiatric disorders or genetic defects?

            Until then, I’ll stop taking this nonsense any further. Come on “Dr”, bring something more than insults and “You are but what am I” childish replies. One study that backs your position with _any_ sort of traction, JUST ONE.

          • Dr Sun

            Little bit of reading to start you off, but your just gonna hate it.

            http://www.cpeip.fsu.edu/resourceFiles/resourceFile_78.pdf

            http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0190740909000401

            http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0021915099000258

            http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/2134676?uid=3739560&uid=2&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21104066487497

            http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/2134267?uid=3739560&uid=2&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21104066487497

            http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0890856709644075

            http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/amp/44/2/313/

            if you need further studies, hit the references in these papers or google the subjects, I’m not your teacher.

            BTW sorry I only gave you 6 studies, try and read past the abstract, if you have trouble with that ask your Chinese students to translate for you.

          • Berkeley Guy

            Nice links. Luckily, as an undergrad at Berkeley, I am able to sign into jstor and other websites, but I’m not sure everyone else has access.

            That said, these studies helped dispel some of my silly thoughts about adolescent parents, since I thought perhaps there were advantages to having children early. I even thought children of adolescent parents might be healthier. My prejudice and ignorance were challenged today. Thank you Dr. Sun.

          • Kai

            Go Bears?

          • Berkeley Guy

            Oh yeah, I forgot–go bears!

          • Rick in China

            HAHAHAHA!

            Zero of the studies you paste have ANY relationship to GENETIC research, which is the metric we are discussing. They all study the effects of teenage, abusive, or mentally ill parents raising children and the effects of that circumstance. ie. Nurture.

            Your entire ridiculous post, Sun, doesn’t mention ANYTHING refuting that which I have posted in this entire thread – but rather offers other influences which may harm child development. I never stated that nurture does not impact the likelihood of psychological disorders in one’s offspring, and it’s a ridiculous straw man position for you to assume that.

            I said paternal age and the degradation of sperm plays a role. NOTHING you’ve said or pasted refutes that. Your entire basis is the equivalent of saying “Obviously global warming isn’t influenced by man, look, here’s a study on the CO2 emissions from ocean-floor volcanos.”

            You’ve shown me one thing, though: You’re no fuckin’ doctor.

          • Dr Sun

            no, that is not what you said, you said genetics in particular the MAOA gene is responsible for antisocial ,violent and criminal behaviour.you later added in all genetic diseases in an attempt to bolster and cloak your argument. you have been shown numerous studies that completely blow your ridiculous premise out of the water.
            The study freeman threw out on sperm degradation made NO reference at ALL to child behaviour (but I guess you didnt even read it) and the study from Sweden you cited even admits its nothing but speculative at best.
            btw you asked for any studies refuting that advancing parental age impacts psychiatric disorders, you got 6 studies showing that adolescent parents cause considerably greater psychiatric damage.Are you going to attempt some sort of ridiculous genetic sperm theory to explain that ?
            Sperm degradation in older men has absolutely no bearing on which MAOA genotype you get, or aggressive/violent or criminal behaviour.Thats a completely false and unsubstantiated piece of garbage and it has been demonstrated to you that although reductionist- genetic behaviourism (Eugenics) maybe to simple to understand (and was certainly very popular with the Nazis), no serious scientist now even attempts to say genetics determines behaviour, which was your original stance.

          • Rick in China

            Hey Dumbfuck. You’re mixing two stories. Two entire threads. There was another thread about the assault/murder of an old Chinese guy by a young African American guy. This is a story about a child hitting his grandma. They are two different arguments, two different threads, two different studies and premises to discuss, so um – get your threads straight before you come at me with bullshit?

            In this thread my whole premise was to support the assertion that advanced paternal age may increase the chance a child is born with genetic disorders or diseases which may lead to psychological or social problems. That is what this thread was about, and that is what the study from Sweden is about. I did not make the assertion that there are no other factors. I agree that there are MANY other factors. You simply stated that advanced paternal age does not have an effect and demanded a study to back it up – care to read the thread again, sort your obviously confused (advanced age perhaps?) argument out, and try again?

            Either way, I’m done, you’ve proven beyond the worth of continuing you are not even close to staying on subject here and haven’t provided anything other than a completely different premise (one which I agree completely with) to refute the assertion I made.

          • Dr Sun

            Thank Goodness, finally.

          • anon101

            Dr Sun, his point is valid. the younger you are when you have children the more healthy they are likely to be. why?

            the older you get the more genetic mutations your body will go through (for example its estimated every cigarette causes a genetic mutation.)
            the more mutations the more chances of passing down mutations into your offspring.
            example, you have 3 kids each with 3 years apart, first is fine, healthy and smart, second has mild dyslexia or ADHD, last one has Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and has the attention span of a flee.

            this is because genetic mutations are getting more prevalent and causing learning difficulties.

            True, there is only a 50% chance of receiving a mutated gene, this is why brother and sister children will eventually get so deformed they are unrecognisable (because 2 people mating with the same genetic impurities cannot clean out the mutations).

          • Dr Sun

            Rubbish, you need to stop learning from ABC,NBC morning shows and I don’t smoke

          • Mighty曹

            ” Same shit in medical english (doubt you understand it much better than me, though) ”
            I wouldn’t argue with someone who has a ‘Dr.’ title. Unless he’s Dr. Dre.

          • mr.wiener

            His dad was 50 when he had him :) [kidding!!]

          • Dr Sun

            LOL

        • lonetrey / Dan

          How would the policy for childbirth after 30 be enforced though?

          With having extra children, they simpy count and then fine money if the number is more than one.

          With having children too early, they would have to catch it right at childbirth otherwise they would have to retroactively apply fine for all the years the child has been illegally alive, which the family might not be able to pay

        • Dr Sun

          why is only having a child after you are 30 important to you ?

          • Dick Leigh

            Because most people in China get married and pregnant before they’re ready.

            I think it’s probably COMMON to be unhappily married with a child their parents love way more than they ever loved them.

            If unhappy marriages are common… it helps explain why Chinese society is falling apart.

          • noodles76

            How do you define somebody as ‘ready’ to have a child? I don’t think anyone is ever really ready but…there are obviously some situations when having a child is less than ideal.

          • Kai

            So…what explains the similar notions that other societies are “falling apart”?

      • Wut

        you think young people everywhere else are ready to be parents?

      • Umno

        Yet the West still has the highest divorce rates in the world.

        • ScottLoar

          Divorced males per 100 of population

          14.18
          Dominican Republic
          12.44
          Latvia
          11.05
          Czech Republic
          10.57
          Lithuania
          10.07
          Aruba
          9.72
          Hungary
          9.46
          Sweden
          9.21
          Belgium
          8.85
          Bermuda
          8.28
          Germany

          Divorced females per 100 of the population

          15.52
          Latvia
          13.51
          Lithuania
          13.21
          Czech Republic
          12.77
          Aruba
          12.41
          Hungary
          12.17
          Bermuda
          11.9
          Sweden
          11.71
          Mauritania
          11.16
          Ukraine
          11.02
          Puerto Rico

          These figures compiled by the United Nations Statistics Division do not account for those countries and situations in which divorce is not allowed or done but with great difficulty, or for those countries which do not publish or even track such statistics. It also does not account for rural as opposed to urban populations, nor for differing income and educational levels. To assume divorce is a sign of moral breakdown extreme in the West (is that your assumption?) is wrong. On the contrary, there are countries which by religious custom oblige the girl to marry her rapist and so spare her family and society the quandary of rape. The most recent example I’ve seen was that of a 12 year-old girl in Malaysia obliged to marry at 13 her rapist who was 17. Think that’s a foundation for sound marriage? Yet I doubt divorce will ever be allowed and the statistic remains unknown.

          • Rick in China

            Exactly – in those countries it’s not called “divorced”, it’s called “widowed”, and usually involves knives or fire.

      • Whitemanknowsbest

        Oh look another expert who has the answer to everything because hes marrried a Chinese girl and apparently lived there for a few years.

        • Repatriated

          What did he say that you disagree with? By saying “apparently lived there”, you’re kinda agreeing that he has some experiences there.

          • Dr Sun

            I believe “whitemanknowsbest” has watched Rush hour 1,2 and 3, has eaten quasi- chinese take out a few times, he’s the site expert on all things Chinese.

        • Zappa Frank

          is already by far more experience than the one of Chinese talking about laowai in china, isn’t it?

      • Surfeit

        They’ll become jive-suckers!

      • Mark

        This is really well thought out and interesting. Thank you for taking the time to write this up!

    • Science Patrol

      He’s in for some rough lessons as an adult.

  • diverdude7
    • Dr Sun

      • mr.wiener

        True,
        I can supply you with links that show just about any race or culture is violent, weird and aberrant.

      • diverdude7

        my mind is closed; just like my youtube. yeppers, peeps are ViOlent. perhaps God can explain the Why’s, When’s, Howfores…. hmmmmm… was/is foot-binding violence? or just an odddddddddd brain-fart? I think I’ll cripple my Daughter… sounds cool!

        • Kai

          Eh, footbinding was fundamentally similar to wearing corsets and an extreme version of wearing high heels. Comfort, even health, sacrificed on the altar of what perceived popular aesthetic tastes. Should I bring up women’s thongs?

          Mmmm…thongs…

  • ScottLoar

    The boy should be whipped with a length of bamboo, along with the four who made these comments:

    “All the Nanjing people I know are kind of not in right in the head.”

    “[She] deserves being hit! Stupid cunt elder [grandparent]!”

    “The worst is the person who took the video!”

    “The kid was just horsing around with his grandma, just take a closer look at the video. A big deal about nothing.”

  • FYIADragoon

    Jesus christ, its not fucking rocket science:

    1. Remove belt or ready instrument of choice

    2. Apply roughly to the bottom

    3. Rinse and repeat

    I swear, one thing China and America have in common is that their post 90s kids are looking like absolute shit. And its all the fault of poor parenting. And these Chinese grandparents are completely worthless. My grandmother didn’t grow up with any sort of pampering, and she put my ass in check immediately every time I spent time with her. I always had respect for that woman.

    • lacompacida

      So you do those to your grandparents ? Good for you.

      • FYIADragoon

        English isn’t that hard is it? I never acted up beyond foul language. Most children are capable of this kind of behavior. The key is to prevent it early.

  • Surfeit

    “The key is that this is a problem lies of school education. China’s elementary schools today simply do not attach any importance to children’s moral character education.”

    A B C
    Hit your elders in, 1 2 3
    As simple as, do re mi
    Shit on the road, you don’t need a nappy
    Why don’t we go to Urumqi-ee, and get staby!
    cus that’s how easy life can be!

    Come on and love me just a little bit
    If we get divorced I think I’ll go mad
    Get on a rampage, kill people half my age
    It’s like GTA part 3 (on whiskey)

    Reading, writing, arithmetic
    Are the branches of the learning tree
    Alas we’re not parth-en-o-gen-e-tic

    So online posters will blame shortcomings on me!

    • Irvin

      This Be The Verse BY PHILIP LARKIN

      They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
      They may not mean to, but they do.
      They fill you with the faults they had
      And add some extra, just for you.

      But they were fucked up in their turn
      By fools in old-style hats and coats,
      Who half the time were soppy-stern
      And half at one another’s throats.

      Man hands on misery to man.
      It deepens like a coastal shelf.
      Get out as early as you can,
      And don’t have any kids yourself.

      • Mighty曹

        Your mum and dad didn’t heed this.

      • lonetrey / Dan

        Hmm.

    • Mighty曹

      That’s eff’d up but I was LMAO!

    • lacompacida

      Oh, yes. There is a lot of “moral” and “character” education in Chinese elementary schools. First, you must obey the Party and your betters – teachers, party officials, school officials, government officials (Leaders), Be submissive. Let your betters escape from dangers first. Teachers can beat you up and will and you are not to object, or even protect yourself. Teachers, and the party are always right. Sacrifice yourself for the good of the party, etc. etc. etc.

      • Surfeit

        It’s a wee joke ya jeb-end.

    • bang2tang

      did you make this poem by yourself? LOL

      • Surfeit

        Jackson 5!

    • Ke Da Fu

      Seriously and Really
      Salute Yall little troopers,
      make an Officer cry…..

  • Irvin

    Spare the rod, spoil the child. This kid need to be beaten over the head with a huge dildo.

    • Surfeit

      ‘V’

    • mr.wiener

      uh… why a dildo?… never mind , I’m pretty sure I don’t wanto know why.

      • Irvin

        Dildo makes a larger impression, you may forget about getting slapped but you’ll never forget getting hit over the head with a dildo.

        • Dr Sun

          Are you talking from personal experience Irvin ?

      • Dick Leigh

        Pretty sure it’s related to Saints Row because one of them featured a giant purple dildo that you can kill people and explode cars with.

  • Mighty曹

    I’m highly interested in knowing how all the spoiled Princes featured on cS fare in life when they reach adulthood earning to live with the realization that they can’t always have what they want. Maybe most of the grown up losers we’ve read about today used to be little spoiled brats when they were kids.

    • lacompacida

      These are “Princes”, and will do well in any circle, with blessing from parents, grandparents, and their friends and families in high places, and they do get what they want, and get away with whatever they want.

      • Mighty曹

        They get more brash and eventually do something stupid that will be their downfall.

    • Germandude

      What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?! Didn’t your mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!

      Gunnery Sgt. Hartman – Full Metal Jacket
      ——————————————————————
      I think that fits perfectly for the spoiled brats you are talking about

      • Mighty曹

        One of my fave movies of all time!

        “Did your parents have any children that lived?”

        “Do you suck dicks?”
        ‘Sir, no, sir.’
        “Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose”.
        – Gunnery Sgt. Hartman

        ‘Shoooot me’. – VC sniper.

        • Germandude

          Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
          Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
          Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn’t know they stacked shit that high!

    • Dr Sun

      they all get jobs as govt running dogs, so continue to get everything they desire, surprised you are not aware of that, as you live in China.

      • Mighty曹

        That was my initial thought but you think they can all scream and kick their ways into landing such positions?
        I wish I live in China so I can be harmonized to the point that I don’t have to feel so pissed off with such news.

        • whuddyasack

          They probably can’t since it’ll be a Lord of the Flies type scenario. Survival of the fittest, or in this case the one who can scream and kick loudest. And only afforded to them due to better connections.

          • Mighty曹

            You’re right. Lord of the Flies and Mob Mentality are high on the list. Interestingly, the spoiled brats will be the ones facing a difficult task in ‘survival of the fittest’.

          • whuddyasack

            That’s true, when disaster strikes then every man’s upbringing and moral character shines through. Those without will ultimately be revealed as the rats they are while those who have will triumph and be remembered as heroes.

          • Mighty曹

            I like how you put it. ‘rats’. hahaha..
            Yes, leadership quality is always exhibited in a panic situation. With quick thinking to defuse a crisis or assist others is when ‘heroes’ are born.

          • whuddyasack

            Amen brother.

  • wnsk

    [I bet] if a bystander got involved [to chastise the kid], his grandma wouldn’t be happy about it either.

    I’d tell off the boy. If the grandmother isn’t happy about that, I’d tell her off too!

  • lacompacida

    Chinese culture has its highlights, benefits and advantages. Chinese parents have done well to advance in this front.

  • Free Man

    I don’t think the problem isn’t that the families WANT to spoil the children. I rather think they don’t know how to do it at all.
    Having only 1 child per family for decades made the people slowly forget how proper parents behave (among many other things). I grew up among families with loads of children and saw other parents and how they behaved towards their children. I usually do the same today with my son (without the beatings, I am against violence, especially with children).

    But when you don’t see many families (with one-child-policy there are no big families), how are you supposed to get this kind of knowledge from former generations? So you do what you think is best. Thing is, if you don’t know shit, mistakes are guaranteed.

    • Kai

      I’m not so sure about this line of reasoning. The One Child Policy was instituted in like 1980 or something. The kids born afterwards are only beginning to have children, start families, etc. or their kids are still quite young (<10?). Odds are their parents had siblings, so it's probably not accurate to say "having only one child per family for decades made the people slowly forget how proper parents behave.”

      What may be more relevant is that before the rise of the nuclear family, many families throughout the world had grandparents at home to take care of the kids as the adult parents worked. Having that traditional support mechanism compensates for adult reproducing children not knowing how to be “proper” parents in our modern sense. Your comment alludes to this as well. They would learn from the grandparents, their own parents, as they went along, and they’d put what they learned to use when it came time for them to take care of their children’s children as the cycle goes.

      Modern China is seeing more families split up as adult parents leave the hometown and the traditional multi-generational household environment for urban areas for work. If they leave their kids behind, they aren’t present to raise the kid and gradually learn the skills involved. If they take their kids with them, they may not have the benefit of the experience their grandparents could provide when it comes to raising kids.

      So it isn’t so much about people not knowing how to be proper parents because of the OCP, but more about how the multi-generational family under one roof is disappearing and parents are shouldering more of the daily duties of raising the kids when only a generation ago and even now, there’s still a tradition of the grandparents playing large caretaker and upbringing roles.

      Then there are people who are just idiots.

  • christina

    goodness.
    it sickens me to see children who behave this way.
    does he not love his grandma??
    does he not have any empathy and feel the pain he’s inflicting- physically and emotionally?

    This new culture of little emperors is always shocking to me because every single one of my [few] asian friends growing up were extremely well behaved, courteous, respectful, and well spoken (at least around adults). There was this one problem child who acted out and did unthinkable things like mouthing off to adults for no reason, and I remember thinking that he must have had some mental issues. That said, though, this was in a predominately white community in the USA and everyone had siblings.

    I am a post-90’s baby and I saw someone below say that my generation is totally messed up. I want to say it’s not true but I’m seeing more and more of this kind of behavior in the younger kids. I wonder if it’s not just parenting- it could be bad influences from the children’s friends too, maybe? they see their peers acting this way and decide it’s okay too?

    ugh.
    whatever it is, it needs to stop. we’re looking at a generation of violent apes here if it doesn’t.

    • Markus Peg

      Some of every generation is messed up, however, who is really to blame? the 90s/20s kids or the parents that raised them?… The children are little emperors due to the way the parents treat them, spoiling them without discipline.

    • Dr Sun

      I remember my grandmother saying that about baby boomers, and then baby boomers saying it about generation X, then……

    • Sean Van Cura

      It’s just a kid, he literally has no perspective at all. He is deaf and dumb to the world at large and how it works. If anything it’s the people who raised him this way at fault here.

      • ScottLoar

        You are wrong; of course the kid has perspective. This kid is older than 6 or 7; his character has formed, he understands language and can react to the emotions of others; he is fully conscious of himself as an independent being having thoughts and acts particular to himself; he well understands that he can influence others and affect his situation, that’s exactly why he’s pushing the grandma insisting on getting what he wants. He knows right from wrong because he’s around others, can see their conduct, can understand their language. He is acting for effect, and to excuse him as being a naif unable to understand or take responsibility for his actions and language is itself incredulous naivety.

        • Sean Van Cura

          He’s not an adult. He has 20 years before he is considered a fully developed person. This is why children are considered differently in legal matters in many countries and even courts specific to children. He doesn’t know right from wrong, he’s freaking 6-7. In America, a child doing something of this nature is not seen as responsible, his parents are. He barely has a sense of self-identity.

          • noodles76

            Completely irrelevant. Nobody is looking to try the kid as an adult for assault so how courts would treat a child of that age has nothing whatsoever to do with anything in this story or the comments here. I don’t even know what the hell you are going on about. I think you are confusing legal responsibility and personal responsibility. If the kid punched a stranger, the kid would not be held legally responsible however….don’t you think his parents should hold him personally responsible for his actions? Or should he be given a cupcake and a pony?

            Yeah, the kid would know right from wrong if he were educated properly. Jesus fuck! How anyone can make excuses for the little dickwad is beyond my comprehension. My little girl who is not 2 yet knows right from wrong. She’s too young to be able to differentiate between the two without guidance…..which is what that little bastard in the video obviously was lacking. But that kid isn’t 2. It’ll be more than a little difficult to train him out of that kind of behavior because as ScottLoar mentioned….that kind of behavior is what he knows will work, it’s what he’s already learned and used. The pattern is indeed formed in this kids little head

            Kids…are far more clever and intelligent than you give them credit for. You are quick to excuse his behavior because he’s not legally an adult. Absurd. The kid knew damn well what he was doing. Even if he’s not fully cognizant of all the implications of his behavior….I can assure you he has been taught that if he does ______ the end result is ______. In this particular case you can fill in the blanks with ‘hit grandma and throw a fit’ and ‘get what I want’. This is as basic as it gets. Children start to figure out the connections between their behavior and the reactions of those around them when they are damn young and learn to manipulate others very soon thereafter.

            If you doubt anything in the above paragraph, I can almost guarantee you are not a parent and that have little experience with young children.

          • Sean Van Cura

            I actually don’t have a problem reprimanding him. All I was pointing out is it’s the parents fault he acts the way he does. He didn’t become a spoiled brat by himself. Also chill the fuck out. God damn.

          • ScottLoar

            Sean Van Cura, friendly advice: When you find yourself in a hole – stop digging!

        • Sean Van Cura

          “His character has formed”
          A per-adolescent is not “formed” in any sense of the word.

          • ScottLoar

            Read with understanding the whole of my comments. Then read this last sentence out loud, because it’s all about you:

            “He is acting for effect, and to excuse him as being a naif unable to understand or take responsibility for his actions and language is itself incredulous naivety.”

  • lonetrey / Dan

    So many people advocating beatings.

    But what if beatings become excessive? The child may become a bit… Twisted.

    • Dr Sun

      As witnessed by a few of the nut jobs posting on here (yourself and I excluded, as we are happy shiny people)

    • Markus Peg

      Beating a child is wrong, a light smack when needed isn’t, I agree their is a line a parent should not cross. First you threat to take away or deprive from an item, going out or seeing friends, then you threaten a smack on the back of the legs or bum.. If the child is still naughty the parent must follow through. Also it depends on how naughty the child is being, if the child is doing something that could threaten his own life without knowing, s/he needs to know.

      Let me ask you this, were you ever hit as a child or disciplined and if so, may i ask how?

      Many young children in China do not respect their parents, they walk all over them, and the parents bow to every wish and command. This this not good for the child’s development. A son/daughter should respect their parent no matter what age they are. When i was young i would test my parents from time to time, i got what i deserved and it put me straight, It can be hard to hit your own child, but, most of the time it is done out of love. Granted some go too far or enjoy it, I cannot defend such people, they are scum.

      Where would you draw the line?

    • noodles76

      I think many are advocating discipline. Discipline comes in many forms and is used to teach. Beatings are just use to inflict pain and serve no other purpose.

      • Mighty曹

        Beating is a very good reminder to not repeat the same mistake.

        • hess

          Good philosophy. I don’t know how many times I’ve told an apprentice to not connect shit to the RS485 bus while the power is on. Next time he does this mistake I’m gonna pop him in the face so he finally learns his lesson.

          • Mighty曹

            Whip him with a length of RS-485 cable to ensure connotation with the RS-485 bus.

          • ScottLoar

            Saw the same technique used by a horse trainer. The rider could not control the horse, the instructor took the bridle in hand and Bam! popped the horse on the nose with her fist. Horse disciplined and rider properly instructed on the necessity of control.

          • Mighty曹

            When I trained my dogs I needed to do it just once. If there’s something they should not do I smack them once on the nose and command ‘NO!’. Whenever they hear ‘no’ they freeze.

        • noodles76

          Does not always have the desired effect. Hitting, by itself, never really worked with me for example. Once, my old man made me stand facing the wall…nose touching. If I took my nose off the wall….WHACK! That did have the desired effect. A form of ‘time-out’ that actually works…at least sometimes. Each kid is different though and certainly I agree that on some occasions hitting (not beating) a child is appropriate.

          The point I was trying to make before is that there is a difference between beating a child and discipline. Though frankly, the kid in the video deserves a beating and so do the people who raised him. They did not discipline the child enough and the disaster we see on the video is the end result.

    • MyMotto

      Discipline doesn’t have to equate to abuse. My mom believed in beating kids, I’d get a spanking with a belt like every other month (at it’s most frequent) or popped in the mouth with a comb or something. Even though I hated that my mom would rather spank then ground me, I believe some kids need to be spanked or popped. I’ve seen older children go at their parents with the intention of doing some damage. There’s nothing wrong with disciplining a child to set them straight. Abuse is wrong, and that’s when they become twisted.

      It was quick and got the point across.I understand that some people go too far, there were two instances were I recognized that my mom had gone too far (bruises covering my arms, broken skin, throat grabbing) but she recognized it as well and understood that what she did was wrong. So we dealt with it.

      When you start taking out stress/ hitting them for fun, because you know you can, or going at them with the same force you’d use on another adult is when it’s a problem in my eyes.

      • Mighty曹

        You make a very good point. There’s a line between good discipline and abuse. I was raised with some very good spankings for misbehaving or doing poorly in class but also got spoiled for doing good.

        • whuddyasack

          True, true. But, but… I don’t remember ever being spanked as a child but I think I turned out alright.

          Having said that, you just reminded me of a neighbor who would admonish her children rather firmly and other what I’d consider trivial matters. Her children still respected and adored her because every time after disciplining them, she’d give them a hug and makeup to them. She made sure they understood that she cared. ;-P

          • Mighty曹

            You must have been a very good kid!! :D
            Rewards and punishments works for me! If administered in a fair manner and not abusive I think it works best. This prevents kids from being either too spoiled or abused.

          • whuddyasack

            Well, I’d like to think so too but I think I was just like every other kid. My dad did not believe in physical punishment, but he’d still ground me from TV, food, snacks and seeing my friends. I remember how I hated my friends knowing that I was grounded haha. Of course, being the naughty kid I was, I’d seek my mother’s support, who’d always sneak some treats to my room when dad wasn’t around or be there to chide him for being harsh. I spent much of my childhood trying to impress my father and live up to his expectations. He is a man of integrity and one I truly respect, and thinking about it now, that’s perhaps the one reason I became who I am today. It really moved me how he cared for grandma as she lay dying (bless her soul, loved her to bits). He’d take me to the hospital where he worked, and allow me to play with children undergoing chemo along with our family/therapy gold lab. He’d take me along in community projects, or to excursions and volunteer projects to help disadvantaged children in third world countries wherever possible. That kind of man he is and to me, words of disapproval cut deeper than a slap to the face.

            We often play chess together, and he’d never let me win. He always told me that victory had to be earned, and the day I finally beat him was a moment I will never forget.

          • Mighty曹

            I admire what you wrote. Your dad was a great man. I’m glad you’re emulating him to become who you are today. I also live the way not as my dad taught but how he led by examples.

          • whuddyasack

            Thanks bro. I’m sure your dad was a great man himself and you probably have many a great story to tell. Great men all lead by example, great leaders always stand in the front line. I think when it comes down to it, moms and dads are the best. I think this sentiment is shared by every Asian here haha.

            As a side note, I notice that I always reply to your comments last. Saving the best for last, to quote from wiener, palate cleanser ;-)

          • Mighty曹

            He was. Just over the weekend I traded in my car for a new one. The guy at the dealer said just take all the personal items out and don’t worry about cleaning it. The next day I spent half a day to wash, vacuum, and clean the interior… because I remember my dad once said “whenever you turn something over to someone make sure it’s in top shape/condition”.
            No problem, bro, sometimes I do the same about replying because I’m putting more thoughts into it.

          • whuddyasack

            Wow bro, that’s really something, I’d love to borrow you my dirty dishes (wink, wink). Like I said, dad’s advice is always good advice and I know your dad must’ve been a great man to be able to instil character in you.

            Thanks, some posts take a long time because I’m over thinking and basically, I take the most time replying to people I enjoy talking to most.

  • Markus Peg

    “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” OR “打是亲骂是爱” This child needs to be disciplined to understand manners.
    I don’t mean beatings, just taps on the back of the legs or bum, enough for the child to know what he has done is wrong and it won’t be tolerated.
    discipline does not always mean physical, you can take away things, ban then from doing things such as seeing friends or going out, hitting is a last resort but when needed a parent needs that option… but of course their is a line.. a small smack on the bum wont hurt the child much nor bruise, a total beating with a belt is 100% wrong in my eyes.

    • Dr Sun

      you sound like Henry VIII, excusing himself from from the execution of Cardinal Fisher and Thomas Moore, but if it works for you float with it.

  • Jay K.

    I’ll tell you what worked for me as a rebellious snot nosed young kid. my dad’s thick ass leather belt. Straightened me right up, and I love my dad for it. I’m surprised I didn’t get more old school love for the fact I was a piece of little turd when I was young. More kids from all stretches society need this tough love. DOGE would approve

    • bang2tang

      well, I hate my father for that.

      • Jay K.

        so you A) female B) legal age C) have father issues?
        Any Choice + Choice C, contact me giggity!

    • YourSupremeCommander

      Doesn’t always work, it could very well end up the kid being obedient on the surface, but hatred building up on the inside, and with no proper channel to release, the kid could explode one day and we will be talking about it on chinasmack.

      • Mighty曹

        Yep, we’ve already read about a few of these as grown ups.

    • Mighty曹

      Same here. My dad had this feather duster (Asian variety) that he used as an ass-whooping cane that left red marks on legs and butts. It kept us in check.

  • Chinese kids are the biggest assholes on the planet. Just look into recent news!

    • Dr Sun

  • Zen my Ass

    Fire with fire: it’s already too late, now it will take some muscle and nerve to bring the little shit back on track, but I don’t see that happening…

  • Bill

    I have recently became a father and my wife, who is Chinese gets worried at the slightest bit of thing that may seem abnormal. It doesn’t help that others around her are also ignorant and her parents are a little too to this matter. My wife for example was worried about the baby’s legs being too short. Those of you who have been aruond kids know that babys are usually born with a big head, long truck of a body and their arms and legs are not long. They are not proportioned like adults. But this has gotten my wife worried until i had to explain it to her and even show medical sites to show it is normal.

    Also, kids can get spoiled, especially an only child as they have their parents and their grandparents doting on them and only them. All the attention is focused on them.

  • Zappa Frank

    wasn’t Chinese famous for respect for parents, grandparents and elders in general?…even in western countries I’ve never seen brats go that far..

    • Insomnicide

      Respect for elders are still common in more traditional, modest families.
      However, this new generation of ‘modern’ families seems to be a growing trend.

      And here people are advocating beatings for children. I remember a time when people, especially those from western countries would say Chinese parents are too harsh and beat their children too much.

  • Getoveryourselves

    A video and articles about some spoilt Chinese brat and all of a sudden its China this China that as if this kind of shit doesn’t happen all over the world.

    • Zappa Frank

      it does, no doubt. but since Chinese have a traditional respect for parents and older this thing seems really strange in china.

    • ptptp

      A video and articles of a Chinese murdered in the US and its black man this, black man that – so not only does the spoiled brat meltdown occur everywhere so do the blanket statements.

  • Science Patrol

    Time Out!

    • mr.wiener

      ….or you’ll what?

      • Science Patrol

        I have extensive experience battling daikaiju.

  • Ke Da Fu

    Song of the Article

    Yakety Yak

    – The Coasters

  • Toasty

    The problem seems to stem from the fact that all young Chinese couples pay so much attention to there parents and do exactly as there parents say. Get married when you are 21, have a kid straight away etc…. China has changed so much in the past 30 years or so and a lot if this advise that was relevant when these grandparents were young is no longer relevant (in the cities at least). Its no longer necessary to marry the first person you meet and have as many kids as you can quickly as possible.

    I don’t blame the older generation for saying this stuff because that’s how they were brought up. Its the 20 somethings who need to think for themselves and stop following this outdated advice.

    Every time I have this discussion with a Chinese person they say “oh, but in China we respect our parents…” I respect my parents but it doesn’t mean I will do everything they say. And respect is a 2 way street. Your parents should also respect you, and if they do surely they would trust you enough to make your own decisions.

    If they waited until they found someone they truly love, and had kid(s) in there mid to late 20’s families would stay together more. They would be better equipped to handle a child properly, so wouldn’t have to dump them on the grandparents as much and spoilt little brats like this would be far fewer.

    • Zappa Frank

      true, but is not just about your parents, it is the society. I mean, you can even not marry the first person you meet, ok… but if you are a girl after 30 you are expired, no one will ever marry you or you will have to find someone that previously you would have never accepted. Parents concern is justified in this sense.. For man on this point, and only on this point in china, is easier..

      • Toasty

        I agree that society dictates you must get married young. Many Chinese people have told me that once you are over 25 you are considered a left over woman/man. I’ve also been told that once a woman reaches the age of 30 her body is no longer fit enough to have a child. I’m no doctor, and I agree that peoples bodies probably peak in there twenties but to say you can’t have a baby after 30 is crazy. 30 seconds on google told me that 49% of British births happen after the mothers 30th birthday…. and they are all just as healthy as anybody else..

        http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2013/jan/24/half-births-mothers-over-30

      • Surfeit

        Assuming everybody subscribes to the same ideals. I’m not so sure they do. In both Shanghai and Guangzhou I’ve met 30somethings in bars that are looking for a good time. Male and female!

        • Zappa Frank

          sure they do, it’s not that if you are 30s you have to live like a monk… But if is about to find a husband for a 30s girl in china is not the same as to find someone to have fun with. I personally know more the one 30s, even pretty, but that find hard as hell even to meet some Chinese guys as possible boyfriend.. It’s not that is impossible for them to find someone, but likely they will have to accept someone that before would have never accepted.
          Now, if that would be your daughter, what would you like for her? I guess probably Chinese parents are wise in pushing her to find someone until she is considered young and doesn’t have this problem of the age to deal with.
          And we are talking about Shanghai or Guangzhou, somewhere else is probably even more difficult.

          • Surfeit

            Considering your response, I don’t think my point was put forth very well.

            “… if you are a girl after 30 you are expired, no one will ever marry you or you will have to find someone that previously you would have never accepted.”

            I’m not pessimistic enough to believe all Chinese people think that way, and I believe Chinese people of both sexes have demonstrated that to me with their lack of spouse, and through conversations and behaviour. Some people are genuinely out for love, passion, and adventure beyond the norms and ideals of Chinese society. That is pretty much my point. Nothing of monks of disagreement about the generalisations of society. Just that not every one subscribes to them.

          • Zappa Frank

            As I said I would not take shanghai or Guangzhou people as model of the whole Chinese society, however among people I knew even in shanghai many admitted a certain anxiety for not finding a boyfriend if they are 28 and it get worse at 30 and even worse alter. Obviously personal experiences do not make statistics and than talking about those things is hard to make a point.
            Anyway, my point was simply that if the society is one that consider a girl old after 30 i think Chinese parents are somehow justified in their pressure that is nothing else parent’s love that would like the best for them. If society is changing, or my information and deductions are not correct, and many do not find a problem in being single after 30 than better

          • whuddyasack

            Well, rest assured I certainly don’t think that way and I don’t personally know a single Chinese who does. I’m talking about “expired girls” of course. It’s true that leftover women are a phenomena and hopefully one that dies soon.To be fair, attitudes are changing. The average age of marriage in big Chinese cities like Beijing is 27 and in Shanghai it is around 31.

            Having said that, I have plenty of friends who married young, the youngest I knew married at 18, her husband was 20. At least amongst the ones I know, not one couple has divorced yet which is one reason I baulk at stereotyping on relationships. It’s all give and take.

          • noodles76
          • Surfeit

            A phenomena indeed. It exists in my home country too, just not as intensely.

          • whuddyasack

            True, it happens everywhere. Even in Canada, there’s a sort of contempt for older women who aren’t married.

          • Rick in China

            Huh? I don’t think so. Lots of bars in Canadian cities cater to ‘adults’, as in people in their 30s/40s (as opposed to clubs meant for university->20s), and people in their 30s don’t seem to have much trouble dating in their age range. I’ve not met anyone in my circles or family that has expressed any sort of ‘contempt’ for 30+ who aren’t married whatsoever.

            The difference in China as I think Frank was pointing out, is when women get near or over 30, they almost exclusively have to settle for a guy in his 50s – if they end up settling at all. Most men in their 30s will date women in their 20s. Unless the woman is rich or at least moderately wealthy, the chances of her dating in her age range are *ultra slim*. This is one major difference I don’t think is even close to comparable to a place like Canada, where single friends in their 30s *prefer* women in their age range rather than relatively young girls.

            Either way, “contempt” is a really strong word, and I’d be surprised if a Canadian expressed contempt for a single woman over 30s simply because she was single..weirded out even.

          • Dick Leigh

            Oh it happens, but you know, in a typically Canadian passive-aggressive way. Once you get a certain point in your career, you’re expected to be married (and have children) because for some reason, being married makes you look successful.

            It STILL shocks people in Canada, that people sometimes get married and have no plans to have children.

          • noodles76

            Not sure about successful. It may make you seem more responsible and stable to some though. I think that’s fairly universal if we want to admit it or not. Still…. contempt was a very strong word, I think you overdid it a little there.

          • Dick Leigh

            There’s contempt for anyone not married in Canada, and it increases with age. I think it’s because you’re somehow less “relatable” and less of a team player if you’re not weighed down by the ball and chain.

          • Zappa Frank

            or maybe people are scared of old hags with many cats…

          • whuddyasack

            Thank you. This is exactly what I want to say. It might not really be the same as Asia’s stale by 25 syndrome, but there is definitely snideness to spinsters. Old spinsters become the subject of gossip, and there is a sort of assumption that she isn’t married because she is unpleasant. A cruel scrutiny of sorts. You are absolutely correct, the root cause of this is because she is different to the norm, those who have married and have children.

          • ScottLoar

            To Surfeit:

            “I believe Chinese people of both sexes have demonstrated that (i.e. the imperative to marry before 30) to me with their lack of spouse, and through conversations and behaviour. Some people are genuinely out for love, passion, and adventure beyond the norms and ideals of Chinese society. That is pretty much my point.”

            Point well taken. I have the same experience of many mainland Chinese who want a life of their own making, especially post-80’s and post-90’s just typically tired of being constantly pushed to marry or conform by their family and some well-meaning friends. And before someone jumps in wildly accusing me (or you) of unsubstantiated generalizations look to the article here in ChinaSmack, as example, about the tv advertisement in which a young girl shyly shows her grandma that, yes, finally she’s getting married.

        • FYIADragoon

          That also might have something to do with the fact that the likelihood for birth defects has been scientifically proven to increase substantially as a woman goes into her 30s. It might not seem fair, but that is how nature has chosen to program things. And with the articles we’ve recently had
          about families dealing with children who are born with disabilities and ailments, I think its more than reasonable for a family to try to push their daughter a little so that she avoids something similar.

          • ScottLoar

            My wife and I were concerned that our daughter should find a man that would love, protect and provide, and when that man entered her life at age 27 we were relieved. That’s only natural. What we would find unnatural is to assume we knew what is best for our daughter and so arrange a marriage. I have enough experience of life and knowledge of my daughter to know she is responsible and intelligent to make such decisions of her own accord; that’s how we raised her. I also know she wouldn’t accept such an arrangement; that’s how we raised her.

        • Dick Leigh

          I’ve met people who are like what you describe, except the only time they are able to act like that is when they get out of their second-tier city and go to Shanghai.

          It’s becoming more open but when I was teaching older people (twenty-thirty somethings) they all treated Shanghai and Guangzhou as if they’re the only liberal places in all of China (You’re allowed to be over thirty and single!!!!).

    • Dax

      I’ve had discussions with my students about how parents in the US trust their college-aged students to make their own life decisions. Their response was “But don’t they love you?”

      • Surfeit

        HAHA! That’s amazing! So freakin warped!

  • MyMotto

    …and this is why I believe some kids need a good slap…Obviously “stop” wasn’t cutting it.

    • Mighty曹

      A few slaps.

  • Mighty曹

    To spoil a child is to hurt their future. One thing I admire Bill Gates, who’s made public that he won’t leave his fortune to his kids.

  • noodles76

    It’s difficult for some parents to yell at or discipline their little retirement accounts. Afraid of payback later on down the line.

  • jon9521

    You dont understand Chinese culture the grandparents often are servants of the children there which contributes to the situation discussed

    • Dr Sun

      and this incredible insight is based on what ?

    • Dick Leigh

      My boyfriend was raised by his grandma and to this day, he feels ashamed because he loves and cares more for her than he does his own parents. China is big, don’t generalize.

  • L. Chow

    act like a bitch, get smacked like a bitch.

  • Vernon Alarcon

    I thought dat only blacks youfs in USA beez disrespectin old peeps……hmmmm

    • ScottLoar

      You should be ashamed for posting as an imposter but I doubt you much understand shame.

  • lambaa

    This is what happens when you hit your kids so much. This is how they learn to act when they feel upset or angry. Chinese parents are so slap-happy and they wonder why their kids turn into maniacs.

    • oh please I never see Chinese parents whack their kids if anything he never gets the good ass whoopin’ he deserves.

      • lambaa

        are you kidding me? people smack babies all the time!!!

        • lived here 8 years and have a 5 year old and a 1 year and I’ve never seen a child spanked I’ve seen some weak ass attempt of a swat on the hand and I’ve see a lot of kids that really need a good spanking but grandparents and parents just smile obliviously. What part of China are you in?

  • hehehehh

    spoiled brats, the kind of kid you dont want, if you ever have them.

  • Perseus Wong

    One of the unintended social consequences of China’s central planning policy. Filial piety and respect for elders has long been the cornerstone of Confucian ethics and Chinese civilization. That went out the window when the Mainlanders decided to destroy all “traditional” ethos during the cultural revolution. This kind of behavior is unthinkable with the overseas Chinese diaspora. In my family, we still practice ancestral worship and grandparents are venerated as saints.

    Want to save Chinese culture? Get every child to learn the self-restraint and respect proposed by Confucianism.

    • noodles76

      Confucianism has also brought with it a lot of negatives.Respect and self-restraint can be taught without all the extra baggage that comes along with any structured belief system.

      • But what does that have to do with Chinese culture?

  • Tom

    You guys are lucky. In USA we kill our moms and daddy’s.

  • Rachel

    Well, this article reminds me of why I stopped teaching children when I lived in China. When I taught children in Beijing, I definitely had a three year old who slapped his grandmother constantly. I would have felt bad for her…but she was the reason he was such a little asshole to her…and to the rest of my class.

  • ScottLoar

    “Most of us (scientists) don’t really have the time to explain why the convictions of laymen are simply incorrect or inconclusive.”

    That’s an odd remark. No, I haven’t followed the argument that led to your comment, but I do know those incapable of a succinct summation of any point of view albeit theory, practice, or argument almost always lack clear understanding themselves.

  • TMCP

    Little brat needs a good hiding!

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