Chinese on Korea, UK, Japan, US & Themselves

Cuju the original football

Could this be Korea’s most mind-blowing festival?


-When the British invented table tennis [ping pong], they probably never thought there would be this amazing country called China.
-Likewise when China invented Cuju, they didn’t foresee the present…

Cuju the original football

I now have four debts I need to settle with the UK: The Opium Wars, the burning of the Old Summer Palace, CET-4 & 6 [College English Test Levels 4 and 6], and the London Olympics.

grumpy Mr. Beans at London Olympics

What’s the name of Donald Duck’s girlfriend? Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga as Donald Duck's girlfriend's name

[Note: If you’re confused, 嘎嘎 gaga is the Chinese onomatopoeia for the sound a duck makes, like “quack quack”.]

A: What’s the difference between [Sherlock] Holmes and Conan [the detective in the Japanese detective manga series Case Closed or Meitantei Conan]? B: One is an adult, and the other one is a kid? A: Holmes goes where there are dead people, but wherever Conan goes, people die.

Sherlock Holmes

Detective Conan

10th grade Math in the U.S… Please use one sentence to summarize your feelings!

10th Grade US Math textbook

I know a girl named 孙诗婷 [sūn shī tíng]. At the Commencement Ceremony, the Vice-Chancellor stared at this name for quite a while, because it was “Shiting Sun”.

Jiong or embarrassed and shocked

When the news anchor announced the news of this wanted man, everyone was shocked!!

Robber and news anchor look alike

Gotta worship this subtitles/translation team. My years of learning English have all been in vain…

Movie Wall Street II's on-screen tcaption mistranslated

[Note: “Seven Years Later” is translated as a person’s name “Stephen Years Wright”.]

Finally found something that Japan shanzhai‘d [copied] from China…

Japanese Cartoon character mimicking Bruce Lee

READ  Chinese Tourists and Consumers Buying Japanese Rice

Written by Rensi

A translator of trending Chinese Internet humor and Chinese pop music.

  • hess

    sofa? no way

  • suck my hairy man balls. Please.

    • jeffli

      careful! they eat stinky tofu around here!

      your hairy man balls would be like a desert to the older natives!

    • donnachadh

      As opposed to your hairly woman balls?

    • The Shadow Knows

      My, aren’t we bitter? Besides, a couple of M&Ms with mold growing on them are not “hairy main balls”….

  • White Thrash


    and … “themselves”

    nice and obvious way to justify the rest…

  • BigJ

    A few of these are funny….The first one and the one with the anchor man. lol

  • The Enlightened One

    “Summer Bitch Festival”

    Damn, and I missed it.

    • Brett Hunan

      Nope~ youre cool. Its actually “Daily Bitch Festival”. The translation is off.

      • jeffli

        I heard a chinese guy got to be festival queen for the bitch festival!

        Another fake gold tiara for china mens sport! lol

        • mr. wiener

          I’ll bet he was Thai, nobody does queen better that a ladyboy.

  • moop

    awful. people laugh at these? i dont think a sensible 6 year old would even laugh at these

  • Scott

    10th grade math is usually geometry in the US, since the pictured section is 1-5 it’s probably a review chapter.

  • eattot

    10th grade Math in the U.S… Please use one sentence to summarize your feelings!
    what? this is for high school?
    omg! in china, it’s for primary school!

    • eattot

      and, that lady gaga, before her name came out, i always say gaga already.
      i like donald duck very much, hahaha! i dislike most very cute cartoon things, as jerry and tom , i like tom. donald duck and michkey, i like duck.and i like bugs’ bunny most ,hahaha!

      • markx

        Well, that made me smile.

        I’d sorta pictured you biting heads off small animals … I’m happy to see you like the cartoony ones.

    • Kukuku

      Looking at your average Chinese graduate, it shows how useful and important Maths are.

    • moop

      i dont know where that school is or even if that is real. when i was in highschool math was:
      9th grade: Geometry
      10th grade: Trigonometry
      11th grade: Pre-Calculus
      12th grade: Calculus

      and i lived in south carolina, which is not exactly known for its education

    • hime

      Chinese are so arrogant. That’s 7th grade pre-algebra for most US kids. Maybe 6th grade for the top classes. They don’t understand the US system. Almost everyone in China takes the same math, geared towards the Gaokao, but in the US, the top kids take math way beyond what they teach in China. It’s only the dumb kids that take the low level stuff. I loved taking graduate classes with Chinese students and kicking their asses on the math.

      • donscarletti

        I remember algebra in Australian year 10 was all like day upon day of “simplify and factorise this quadratic/cubic equation and find its roots”.

        They also had some trigonometric identities in there (double angles and stuff), logarithms, limits to infinity/zero. Mostly I just remember doing a shitload of factorising, bloody awful stuff.

        Oh, at the end of the year they showed differentiation by first principles with limits to zero just because they thought it would be funny as hell to watch the kiddies find the gradient that way and are like “LOL, multiply by the old exponent and drop it by one you dumb kids!” and just roll around laughing at the faces of the kids who spent like hours writing that first principles shit… teachers are bastards.

        Oh, and they taught polynomial long division too, part of their general hard-on for factorisation.

        Oh, and Simultaneous equations. Those are nasty because the teacher will give you two happy and simple little equations like:
        x+y = 6
        y = sqrt(x)
        and then you’d be all innocently like:
        y^2 = x where y > 0 and x > 0
        y^2+y = 6 where y > 0 and 6 – y > 0
        y^2+y-6 = 0 where 0 < y < 6

        Suddenly, as soon as you realise what has happened, the teacher would come around and be all like:
        "HA HA HA, I gave you a quadratic equation and you didn't even see it. Now factorise it and give me its roots bitch!"


      • Rod

        Yeah, if I have to listed to one more dick tell me how a friend of a friend studies in The US and laughs at how easy the math is…

    • fredf

      Chinese university students do not even know how to think for themselves.
      Learning how to copy and cheat on tests does not prepare Chinese students for the real world when they have to think for themselves for the very first time.

      That is why a Western university diploma is valued almost anywhere in the world, but a Chinese university diploma only has value in China.

  • donnachadh

    When Confucius invented the internal combustion engine I bet he never considered those thieving Europeans of the so-called ‘industrial revolution’. Likewise when Mao invented the helicopter, or wrote War and Peace.

    • Chunghwa

      That joke isn’t funny if you’ve passed primary school. Even the dumbest hick knows that Confucius was a scholar and philosopher, not an inventor. People make “Confucius say, it is better to park meat in girl, than meet girl in park” jokes, not Confucius inventor jokes.

      • Duke

        Confucius say “man who go to sleep with itchy butt hole wake up with stinky finger”

      • 404namenotfound

        Confucius say “A man with a boner walking sideways through a door is going to Bangkok.”

      • donnachadh

        I was making a reference to the cuju/football claim (if it has to be spelled out for you).

  • markus

    whats up with fan created Chinese subs always getting numbers wrong!

    ive seen it happen lots of times compex words get translated fine but when it comes to simple numbers its almost always wrong!?!?

    anyone noticed that?

  • ThinkBlue

    Chinese Education System? Here’s a recent relevant article that’s very interesting.

    • The Chinese education system can’t be described with the phrase “mindless rote” if you think that’s what it is all about. Attributing the Chinese students’ academic sucess to their ability to memorize is clearly sour grapes ;)

      Many people conclude that Chinese students can not think after communicating with them in English. It’s just like telling the native speakers of the English language that they don’t know how to think after questioning them in Spanish/French/Korean, given that those native speakers learn Spanish/French/Korean as a second language at some point in their lives.

      • hess

        Not being able to understand a language that you learn for 10 years in school is pretty damn retarded to me.
        And no, i’m not a native English speaker.

      • James

        I have lived in China for 4 years and the amount of retarded things that happen because of people lacking common sense or the ability to think astounds me. For example, look at the roads.

      • tai wai

        Attributing the Chinese students’ academic sucess to their ability to memorize is clearly sour grapes ;)

        That’s exactly what it is. They “succeed” in passing tests that they have studied the answers for. There is no fluidity in the Chinese teaching method. Only the memorization of forms. A pity, really.

        In memory of the once fluid man, crammed and constructed by the classical mess. — Bruce Lee

      • Mudy

        How are you?
        I’m fine, thank you and you?

        How you doing?
        Nothing.. I’m just listening to you. (facepalm)

        Tell me something about your family.
        There are three people in my family. My father, my mother and I.

      • Mudy

        How are you?
        I’m fine thank you and you?

        How you doing?
        Nothing. I’m listening to you. (facepalm)
        I mean how are you?
        oh, I’m fine thank you and you?

        Tell me about your family.
        There are three people in my family. My father, my mother and I.

  • Poltergeist

    Came here for a laugh….left disappointed.

  • Duke

    Unless your a scientist, engineer or accountant. Who the hell needs anything but basic math? 99.999% of the people who use math at work use a calculator or the computer when solving a problem. If really complicated math was so useful in daily life, I would have kept studying it after school. However, after school all the math I have had to do on a daily basis has been simple. Which makes all that time I spent learning formulas and solving problems a huge waste of time. So who cares which country has the most difficult math classes?

    • kodi

      Some may argue that practicing complicated math can exercise your brain to the point that you are able to work harder and longer on challenging projects, concentrate more effectively for longer periods of time, need less and less sleep, and be able to solve everyday problems in a more efficient manner. I can totally understand how math can help people aside from being used to make calculations.

  • Efe the foreigner

    the best chinese joke i have ever heard;

    what does an icebox and a vagina have in common?

    • Efe the foreigner

      put the meat in soft and it will eventually get hard.

      • Dr Dust Cell

        What if it’s old and sandy 屄s?

        • jeffli

          wash up your pie laddy! wash up your pie!

          like eating big ‘ol beach oysters, old and sandy? add lemon juice!

    • jeffli

      Best Chinese JOke I heard…

      There is absolutely nothing wrong with our dairy products – SANLU, MENGNIU 2008,
      MENGNIU every six months!

  • Yesway

    Judging by those American university graduates (!) who can not calculate what three grades will average out to, I’d say it’s real.

    • Cooljackal

      Come on now, they can calculate three. The limit is four.