List of Reasons to Live or Die Left Behind By Suicide Victim

A list of reasons to live or die made by a 19-year-old Chinese university student who ultimately jumped off a builty to commit suicide.
May 9th, Wang Qiyun squats in front of a coffee table smoking endlessly. After his son passed away, he has been smoking two packs a day. Photo by iYaxin reporter Shang Yitao.
May 9th, Wang Qiyun squats in front of a coffee table smoking endlessly. After his son passed away, he has been smoking two packs a day. Photo by iYaxin reporter Shang Yitao.

From Dahe:

19-year-old top student makes list of reasons to live or die and, unable to bear the pressure, jumps off building to commit suicide

Reasons to die: 6. Reasons to live: 23. Yet in the end, the reasons to live failed to prevail over the reasons to die. On May 4, Wang Shuo chose to jump off a building, using this most extreme and most desperate method to free himself. In this boy’s 19 years of life, the final 3 years were spent suffering from depression. “What’s the purpose of life? And why does life have to be so difficult?” he often asked himself after being diagnosed with depression. We cannot presume exactly what he meant by “difficult”, however, he most of the reasons to die he listed were related to school.

In 2009, Wang Shuo was a second-year student in a top class of a top high school in Changji, Xinjiang. The students there have always been very competitive, and with the Gaokao university entrance examinations approaching, there was a lot of schoolwork, and everyone was under a lot of stress. “He started to act weird in the second year of high school, often tearing apart his textbooks in class, him saying he already knows everything the teacher is saying. He also often didn’t turn in his homework, saying it was a waste of time.” In the beginning of 2010, Wang Shuo was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and was hospitalized in Urumqi. From the beginning of 2010 to the beginning of this year, Wang Shuo had been hospitalized in Urumqi and Beijing four times, and as a result of being unable to focus his energy on his studies, as well chest pains and other symptoms, he would go to school sometimes but rest at home at other times.

In 2010, Wang Shuo was admitted to a Computer Science major by at Shihezi University. After 5 days, he took a leave of absence from school. In his second year, he attended class for 3 days before never going back. Later, Wang Shuo became aware of how severe his illness was and thought about fighting against it. This year, he decided to find a job to help keep his mind off of things. He had tried being a waiter, a clothing shop assistant and a mobile phone shop assistant, none of which lasted more than just one day.

After Wang Shuo’s death, his mother Zhang Li found a notebook while organizing his bedroom, discovering inside that he had used brief phases and broken sentences to record all the complicated things that were going on in his mind. Amongst the things written in the notebook, this table of “reasons to live or die” (see image) made her even more heartbroken.

A list of reasons to live or die made by a 19-year-old Chinese university student who ultimately jumped off a builty to commit suicide.

Translation of the above:

Reasons to Die

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  • 2009.1.1, I became depressed.
  • 2010.6.1, Gaokao.
  • 2010.9.1, I took a break from college.
  • 2011.9.1, I dropped out of college.
Reasons to Live

  • Ruyan [might be a girl’s name]
  • NBA
  • Ziguang [an IT company]
  • Girls
  • London Olympics
  • Hainan [province]
  • Huanzhu Gege II [or Princess Pearl II, a TV series]
  • Zhao Benshan [a comedian]
  • Qing Shenshen, Yu Mengmeng [or Romance In The Rain, a TV series]
  • Old Liang [might be a friend of his]
  • Some animation
  • [Chinese] chess
  • Channel Mr.J
  • Dahua Sanguo [or New 3 Kingdoms, a funny flash animation TV series]
  • Shaonian Baoqingtian [an ancient costume TV series]
  • (Jia You Ernv) [a TV series, Wang Shuo used brackets]
  • Pizi Yingxiong [or “Homeboy Heroes, a TV series]
  • Class of Cross talk and short act programs of each year’s Spring Festival Gala Evening
  • Wulin Waizhuan [or “My Own Swords’ Man, a funny ancient costume TV series]
  • Yearly Blockbusters
  • Benshan Kuaile Ying [an entertainment show lead by Zhao Benshan and his students]


  • Fei Ni Mo Shu [or Only You, a popular entertainment show]
  • Fei Cheng Wu Rao [or If You Are The One, a popular entertainment show]
  • Tiantian Xiangshang [or Day Day Up, a popular entertainment show]

Comments from Sina Weibo:


Within the lists of reasons to “live” or “die”, you can imagine just how miserable he was.


Don’t blame the “system”, every year millions of people get through it, but why did he die? Those here arguing this or that, aren’t you all products of this system? Why didn’t you guys kill yourselves? Think about the reasons, and your life experience throughout those years. The influences brought by your parents, relatives, friends and teachers. Was the personality you developed proactive, passive, pessimistic, or some other characteristic?


Must have also been caused by those TV programs making people more and more disappointed [with life/society].


It’s possible his parents were among the reasons for his death. Look at how he went through so much, depression, dropping out of school, but he didn’t even mention the care from his parents in those reasons to live.


What about dreams? Love? Or responsibility?


I’m used to such things…At our school, every year there are suicide jumpings, that it’d be weird if there wasn’t one. This is the [special] characteristics [of modern China].


Among the reasons to live, there isn’t any based in social connections except for the first one. His depression must have been so severe.


There are two reasons to die: his illness and schoolwork; but there is only one reason to live: entertainment. While growing up, from school to society, we have been continuously pushed to survive. Faith, purpose, responsibility, family, those are fundamental reasons for us to live, but where are they [in his list]…


Reminds me of a classmate in college who after long-term depression jumped off a building, very sad.


There is a saying: good movies can make a suicidal man forget his troubles and put it off for one more week.


There was only one reason for me to live when I was in university, which is the money my parents paid for my tuition, an investment that hasn’t yet been paid back.


There must have been problems with how his parents raised him too. Life isn’t just about studying, and studying also isn’t necessarily the most miserable thing in this world.

Have you lost someone special to suicide? What were the reasons for their decision?

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  • Judge Jehovah

    Reasons to Live: China Smack

    • waihang

      Reasons to die: didn’t get the sofa

      • mr. wiener

        Reasons to live : seeing who Coala Banana is going to impersonate next.

        • Brett Hunan


          • jennster

            is it just me or he replies to every sinlge post a chinese poster makes and blabs nonstop. fauna, ban this retard.

          • Brett Hunan

            Are you talking about cb, mr. wiener, or myself?

          • jennster


        • Notorious

          [email protected]

          @jennster , i think he is banned. let’s not forget he harrasses women and cowers and write endless essays when the guys make fun of him.

        • ges627ffes


    • Advanced

      You Quite literally Made me Laugh out loud.

    • aquadraht

      Reasons to die: Chinasmack commenters

  • anon

    This guy really loved his TV shows if they were such big reasons for living…

    I wonder if the photographer intentionally put two open cigarette packs in front of the guy for the photo.

    • Pollster

      The cigarette packs… Honestly, that is a excellent observation. And kinda sad if true – unless the guy was a high school photographer, then he/she gets a pass.

    • donscarletti

      His son committed suicide. I’m not going to criticise him too much for smoking. Cigarettes may be an expensive way to kill yourself, but at least it’s not as much of a shock for your family.

      • Ryo

        Cigarettes in China can be had for 5-10 RMB a pack. Can’t say for the quality but there are certainly cheap ones.

        • donscarletti

          You get all kinds. The price of those Panda and Zhonghua brand domestic cigarettes is frightful. I load up on that shit at duty free though, even though I don’t smoke.

  • Brett Hunan

    He looks like he’s 30 in that picture…. Gaokao is really stressful…

    • Alan

      That’s his father not him.

      • Brett Hunan

        Thanks Alan. My reading comprehension has gotten worse since moving abroad ;(

        • barack obama


  • ldh

    London Olympics-伦敦奥运会 is on the list,in a bracket below “girls”.

  • goodjob

    I guess he may be a Muslim,and he is also a gay.But he did not know it.China’s scientific education against his doctrines/belief.

    • mr. wiener

      An odd spin you’ve put on this story…!?!

    • Che

      LMAO wtf.

    • Alanood Burhaima

      He’s most likely not a muslim, or not a devoted muslim at least. Suicide is strictly forbidden in Islam.

      • goodjob

        At least 1000000 people have been killed by suicide bombers though suicide is strictly forbidden in Islam.
        You know what I want to say.

        • Alanood Burhaima

          Thanks for the education

    • lol

      I don’t think he’d put down a girl’s name and “girls” in his “reasons to live” if he were gay.

      • goodjob

        I see. Thank you.
        q(*^__^*) p

  • human

    May their soul rest in peace and not forgotten.

  • kaka

    I remember when I randomly came across NBC’s The Event on DVD. I’m not ashamed to admit that is it in my top 5 show’s since 2010 – and after watching the season one finale where a second Earth appears in the sky and the President’s son asks his mother “what’s that?” and the President’s wife replies “That’s your mother’s home” – I found myself consumed with a deep need to head down to my DVD guy and try to find series two – I needed to know, was the President’s wife an alien? Was this in some way alluding to some unknown-known fact about Ms Obama? I would not know for sure until I began SE2 EP01.

    When I was unable to locate it, first on the shelves of my local store, then at various other DVD emporiums dotted around Shanghai – I decided to check online to see when the 2nd season had been broadcast, and if it had, whether I could download it.

    Imagine my devastation when I found that no second series had been commissioned. At that moment a part of me died forever. I felt cheated, lost, and most of all angry and the injustice of this cruel world.

    I was lucky that, along with many other fans of The Event – I was able to balance my emotions by sending a continuous stream of expletive filled hate-mail to NBC executives, their children, and their wider families, and regrettably in some cases to people who simply had similar names and happened to live in the same town. Without this release, who knows what ultimate actions I may have taken. Who knows, I may have even been driven to compiling my own Pros and Cons list.

    It just goes to show the importance of quality TV programming and having responsible commissioning controllers in the fight to hide the generally pointless futility of the existence from much of mankind.

    China must follow the West’s example and create shows whose appeal is able to keep pace with the citizenry’s increasing realization that one’s life is usually shit and rarely fair, which from this guy’s list is plainly not the case currently, and even more importantly learn from the mistakes of NBC is cancelling perfectly good shows in order to find space for total crap like another CSI spin-off…

    • Mao Ze Shenme Dong Dong

      Many words does your post use to portray a teeheehee funniness. I ding the shit out of this.

      One can only hope that others will learn and following your foot steps.

    • HR


    • Notorious

      I understand what you mean. You are saying that china’s people need mindless escapism (in the form of entertainment tv shows and movies) in order for people to forget their shitty lives. I guess it works for america. lol my entire life revolves around my favorite movies, basketball wives, and mob wives reality tv shows.

      • linette

        mindless escapism. Why?

  • jennster

    you forgot to translate “in high school didnt get chance to chase the girl i liked” and something about que xin yan

  • Jeff

    Top reason to commit suicide – you are Chinese…

    • Che

      Top way to commit suicide – ram your Ferrari into a taxi and take some Singaporeans with you to heaven…I mean, hell.

    • linette

      Top reason to live: troll the shxt out of the racist troll.

  • xindai

    it’s all because that schools teach students how to achieve except how to comfort ourselves when we get hurt.

    • kaka

      good point xindai, but surely some of that responsibility should also fall on the parent as well.

      one of the earliest life lessons i remember being taught by my father was; when you feel down and frustrated with life, do not become depressed, simply find someone weaker or in a worse position than yourself and take your shit out on them.

      a veritable sage was my dad….

      • mechanized

        is your dad chinese?

        • kaka

          no.. Korean… haha

      • grovesman

        Exactly how does any of the responsibility fall on the parents? Unless they could afford good therapy and drugs for the boy, there wasn’t much they could do. The person was diagnosed with depression (although the article doesn’t elaborate as to which form of depression). I suspect you haven’t dealt with anyone on a very personal level that has depression. There isn’t much an unqualified person can for a person suffering from depression other than to let that person know you are there for that person. Being personally involved with someone who is suffering from any severe form of depression is pretty much like riding shotgun down an avalanche.

        • linette


          The society is different. Unlike USA, very often mental illness go undiagnosed in country like China. In many Asian families, they do not believe mental illness such as depression or hyperactivity required medical attention or medication intervention. The families and even the sufferers most often just neglect or just too ignorant to recognize there is a problem. In USA, they have medication for everything. They come up with name for every symptoms for crying out loud. If a child repeatedly can’t sit still for half an hour to complete his task the school send him for diagnosis. A team of professional child psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers, pediatrician…you name it…and the whole family get interviewed. They will even place the sufferer on narcotics like ritalin or amphetamine if necessary…..addiction starts at a young age.

          USA over treat it….sad
          China doesn’t treat at all…sad No support group therapy for these college students. No treatment. You have mental problem keep it to yourself. Occupy yourself with work so you won’t think about it.
          You wonder why it’s so common college students jump off the building every semester. The China school system need to recognize these problems and start treating.

        • kaka

          hi grovesman, I am at a loss…

          It was my basic assumption that people read comments placed on Chinasmack in context?

          For example, if you read a comment that said “all Jews should be rounded up and gassed” you initial response might be to feel resentment towards the poster. However, if the post was a comment in response to another poster’s question “what’s the most racist thing you’ve ever heard?” – then you response would hopefully be different, as if you still went ahead and attacked the poster for being racist, you’d look kind of stupid.

          You see Xindai posted “it’s all because that schools teach students how to achieve except how to comfort ourselves when we get hurt.” By this, I assumed she meant that the school system focused too much on academic success and not the emotional issues of their pupils, and it was the ultimately the school’s fault that this person committed suicide.

          I clearly agreed partly with this point, but went on to suggest that, not least because a primary role of a school is academic, parents should also play a role in the well-being of their children – the underlying point was clear – namely that parents should take on a certain level of responsibility for the care and actions of their children – and not simply negate that responsibility by handing it over to schools, etc, or in other words – the State.

          If a child is having mental issues, and please grovesman don’t be so self-righteous as to assume that others have no experience of mental illness or that your opinions on it are the the only relevant ones, which I guess your comment of “I suspect you haven’t dealt with anyone on a very personal level that has depression” alludes to – my best friend attempted suicide because of depression, and my grandmother died of Alziemer’s disease – then ultimate responsibility for the care and seeking of treatment, I feel, should fall on the child’s family, and not the child’s school – which was the point I was responding to.

          Your comment that “how does any of the responsibility fall on the parents? Unless they could afford good therapy and drugs for the boy, there wasn’t much they could do.” – has therefore nothing directly to do with either my comment or that of Xindai. The comment thread was not criticizing the parents, but discussing who ultimately is responsible for the well-being of a child and teaching them the non-academic skills to cope with life generally being shit and unfair.

          Nevertheless, to give some relevance to your comment, albeit after the event, If I had been talking in the context you seemed intent on ascribing to me – then your comment may well have been valid – as I was always brought up to take personally responsibility, and therefore – if i had a child with mental illness, and I could not afford the “therapy and drugs” to treat them – then personally I would feel responsible – as if I had chosen to have the child and had failed in my personal responsibility to care for and maintain the well-being of my child. I suppose I could simply blame society, the doctors, schools, whomever – but I’m guessing all those social issues would have existed when I chose to bring my child in to the world.

          And anyway, this boy’s depression is rooted in the social exceptions inherent within the wider society. It is precisely the parents fault – in this case. Look at his list! Why was he depressed? Because he had dropped out of University – thus being unable to fulfil his “duty” of getting a job that pays enough for him to support his family in their old age, get married, have kids, let alone support himself. He killed himself because he had not and never would achieve his purpose – he had brought shame on himself and his family, and the pressure’s this invoked within him drove him to suicide. You don’t have to have a PHD or have been in China for more than 1 month to know that these pressures are widespread within certain groups of the population.

  • diverdude

    Live – My Fiance’
    My Daughter
    My Mom & Dad
    My ex-wife
    My Siblings
    Religious beliefs
    My TREK bicycle
    my work
    buying fun things for Fiance’
    buying fun things for myself

    Die – none
    * Mother Nature has that covered anyway…

    • diverdude

      addendum – (live column) Friends, Reading quality literature, my pet feline beast – Woogie

    • donscarletti

      You list your ex-wife as one of your reasons for living, but you still divorced her. Oh, what times we live in.

      • mr. wiener

        Maybe he’s divorced…with benefits (could happen)

  • Fu ZhiGao

    I thought these types of suicides weren’t usually publicized in order to avoid copycat incidents. Suicide rates here are quite high I think.

  • dim mak

    How can you know your life sucks… if you haven’t lived it yet?

    In a few years you might be admiring 如燕’s hot bod on the beaches of Hainan, her long wet hair glistening in the sun, beads of seawater rolling down her curves like liquid gems. The tropical southern breeze against your skin will make you forget all about dry, desolate Xinjiang as the two of you stroll back to your villa just in time for all your favorite TV shows. When night falls and only the rhythmic lapping of distant waves remain, you and your beloved will end yet another perfect day with a rigorous and satisfying round of chess.

    Could happen. Don’t quit on me son.

    • mankouzanghua

      haha! excellent, dim mak

    • lol

      Rigorous and satisfying…? Really, man?

  • eattot

    haha,this idiot is addicted to tv…no wonder why…
    i would never live for sitcoms…
    reason to live: sunshine,family,forests,food,books,science,nature…
    reason to die : no any contribuition to society even can not find a good and real position,loneliness,lust,anyway,just a very average person waste food in the world.

    • AngryCanadien

      “idiot”?? ever heard of major depressive disorder? it’s a real disease. go look it up and maybe learn about it before callously calling other people names

    • Shoddy Jason

      there are always some bad guys who feel good for themselves in this world. I figure you are one of them.

      • eattot

        that’s called being positive…
        and that’s the reason why i always have good lucks…i did not study much in my uni at all but i got jobs all by myself,and not that bad…
        after got robbed, even no much money for food, i spent 100 in club met my first love, and at least the love was real…
        hmm,sometimew when there is no way it means there must be a way out too,you just need to make right decision.

        • linette


          This guy that committed suicide, he is a top student in school. He is not an idiot. Who knows what was really going through his head. He complained that school homework is a waist of time. I almost want to agree. How many of us went to University to major in a profession and the school is teaching us more than what we need to know. Feeding University students with thousands of pages of useless informations that no one can remember or care by the time they graduate, not even will ever use those knowledge when they work their job. They better off have the students use those time to learn 2nd or 3rd language, or maybe music, or just things that are useful in life. You can only imagine how much pressure and frustration some of these college students are with the teaching model of the schools.

          Another problem with these highly educated college students who do not come from rich families or their parents are not gov’t officials. It is extremely hard for them to find a place, or chance(no connection no way to get into a government position with great benefits such as abusing tax payer money), or freedom to utilize their knowledge and intelligence the way they would want to even if they have the will and perseverance. You think stories like Bill Gate or Mark Zuckerberg can easily happen in China system? Small businesses entrepreneurs is not easy.

          • eattot

            ok, i agree what you say, especially the second half.classmates from better family now still better, from poor still poor…but still some,they study hard and work hard,have better life…but some geeks,they even got MS still a loser…
            also,chinese parents they push kids on study so hard,kids are so afriad,once can not finish homework it feels like it’s the end of the world.they do not let kids make bfs in school but want them find a husband in half a yr after university.students are so scared this and that,becfause they get used to follow what teachers say from a kid till university…that bitch gave my graduation thesis D just because i talked back to her,so what,i still found my first job easily.
            hope kids and parents especially from poor families can understand,study is not the only way to get rich,not everyone has this talent…
            i guess this guy is a bit similar as one geek in my class,she studyed so hard,but can not find a good job,too short,can not find a bf,then always complains…

    • Wasabi

      TV is a way for people with depression to forget things in life. It is understandable why he have so many listed.
      Calling him a idiot without understanding why, suggests that you are the idiot.

    • jennster

      calling him idiot when hes already gone is nasty.

    • Dat Ankle

      Tv is an escapism for lots of people the same way books can be an escapism. Sometimes thats what people do to get away from their life, dont judge him for it.

    • lonetrey

      A little harsh, eattot. I do not agree.

    • jeffli

      For 1.35 billion Chinese how many fit into this profile:-
      no any contribuition to society
      can not find a good and real position
      just a very average person

      This describes most Chinese people – add untreated mental disorders and thus get suicidal young people.

    • linette

      reasons to live:
      -people and things that I love
      -to witness and experience everything around me. I don’t want to miss a single thing that’s worth experiencing. (I can’t do that if I am dead)
      -waking up every morning knowing I can learn something new if I open my eyes and ears.

      Reasons to die:
      -when I am too old or sick to continue…please unplug me.

      • Sara Bloom

        Into every life a little rain must fall. We were told stuff like that back in the day when depression and other mental illnesses were frowned upon. Yep life sucked the same, and some of us didn’t have a tv to take our minds off our troubles. We were encouraged to walk it off and count our blessings. None of that kept people from committing suicide. Some are just so unhappy they want it to stop. The poor guy had OCD with his depression. He was stuck and couldn’t get out. Until you are there you have no business blabbing about how great life is. It isn’t that way for everyone.

    • Cominbk2life

      Glad to know that you have your reasons to live. Not so much for your sensitivity!

  • ChineseFighter

    this would have been YOU (whites) if u were born in china

    • moop

      no way, if i was born in china i’d be on chinasmack trying to troll white people

      • Cominbk2life

        (Neither white nor in china)


    Poor kid, it’s obvious he’s never had a blowjob before – otherwise…..

  • AngryCanadien

    Do any of you not realize that he suffered from clinical depression? depression isn’t something that you make up because your favorite basketball team lost a game. depression is a real disease. it’s caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. it’s a disease that needs to be treated with drugs and psychiatric therapy. due to your own ignorance, it’s easy to stigmatize those suffering from depression as being weak and pathetic, but you don’t take a moment to realize that those people are really suffering. the boy had many reasons to live, but his depression, i believe, wasn’t properly treated and he probably didn’t see a way out and he finally decided to take his own life. it’s such a sad situation.

    • KongMingQin

      Its not something ONLY science explains, specially when your life doesnt have any meaning,anything you truly want to fight for… the product of a almost tortured brain right? =[ I feel sad for this guy,and I know many others are going the same way

    • grovesman

      Agreed…Pretty much how I responded to Kaka.

      • kaka

        whilst it is clear that you did indeed write something and hit the reply button, it is not so clear where you actually responded to anything I or the other poster actually wrote..

        maybe spending more time comprehending what is being discussed in an individual comment thread and its context, rather than rushing to respond to any post that you believe to hold an opposite view to the one you already hold, might be more conducive to creating an actual discussion.

        whilst I have no issue with your vexation, I would prefer if it were based on reality rather than one’s mis-perception.

  • Dannie

    Why are you guys (chinasmack) reporting this? Don’t you know that spreading the news of suicides? Suicide has a very strong ripple affect on other people! I suggest you take this news story down.

    • kaka

      Whilst I appreciate your point and understand your reasoning – where would one draw the line? the reporting of many subject matters affect other people in some way. Who determines what is a good ripple and is a bad ripple? Sunlight is often the best disinfectant – and highlighting these issues to a wider public could increase awareness and lead to the causal factors being better addressed within the society in the future. Many people commit suicide in China. Maybe hiding that fact from pubic view is not working, and i different approach could have better results….

  • the ace of books

    TV Shows — Escapism. Kid was trying to get away from his depression. It was a coping mechanism.

    JRRTolkien on Escapism:

    “In what the misusers of Escape are fond of calling Real Life, Escape is evidently as a rule very practical, and may even be heroic. In real life, it is difficult to blame it, unless it fails; in criticism, it would seem to be the worse the better it succeeds. Evidently, we are faced by a misuse of words, and also by a confusion of thought. Why should a man be scorned, if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home? Or if, when he cannot do so, he thinks and talks about other topics than jailers and prison-walls? The world has not become less real because the prisoner cannot see it. In using Escape this way, the critics have chosen the wrong word, and, what is more, they are confusing, not always by sincere error, the Escape of the Prisoner with the Flight of the Deserter…”

  • KongMingQin

    But thats the result of a ”modern” ”globalized” ”forward” society who follows the example of other asian countries and throw the teachings of Confucius in the bucket, for the sake of modernization and progress, deeming all thats traditiional as ”feudal poison”, thats the direct effect of those low-IQ retards… a empty societ,devoid of any attachment to family,without filial piety,respect to the rites,religious order [just talking bout Chinese religion here OK?] transforming the greatest civ. ever into a bunch of suicidal depressed teens and low-IQ goose stepping retards… shame on modernity!! ¬¬’

    • donscarletti

      For a minute, I thought Kong Qingdong learned English and came to post on this site. But I misread.

    • Nick in Beijing

      So basically what you’re saying is all those damned dirty unenlightened countries that don’t have Confucian ideals are wastelands of suicide and drudgery. That explains why China was such a harmonious country where all people enjoyed a good standard of living with respect from their government and warm unconditional acceptance by their family!

    • Cominbk2life

      “Modernity”, in my book, is an illusion!

  • Cleo

    Jesus. No real human relationships in his Plus column. This reminds me of that Japanese freshman at MIT whose father is a bigwig at MIT and notorious for bullying a Russian phd candidate who threatened him with her ability.

    I don’t know. That’s just so unconnectable to me. Hmm, nobody was actively torturing him and he wanted to kill himself? I find that hard to believe.

    There’s no way this could have been foul play, right? maybe there is a rival? someone jealous of him?

    • moop

      you only wrote one sentence that made sense “No real human relationships in his Plus column”… the rest was real fucking dumb.

    • Cominbk2life

      He was being tortured by himself. A brutal kind if you ask me!

      His thoughts and ideas were working very actively against him. This was probably because he was told he wasn’t worth it or he was not properly guided! He is in a better place now. Hopefully his family and friends can find the strength and courage to get through.

  • Capt. WED

    Princess Pearl 2?????!!!!!!!!


    Goodbye see you in the next life… NOT

    • Capt. WED

      yes, you daddy may be the emperor but your mom still a whore.

  • George

    Old Liang is a popular TV show called ”老梁说事“or”老梁讲故事“ I forgot which, but it’s host is a guy called 老梁 Lao Liang (Old Liang)

  • staylost

    Looks like reality TV killed him in the end.

    As soon as the reality TV programs come on, he offs himself.

    Coincidence? YOU might think so.

  • Notorious

    i once contemplated suicide when i was a young woman raising my children. i made a plot to kill not just myself, but my kids too. i figured, if this world is crappy and pointless and my life was miserable, why would i leave my kids in a world like this. I started thinking of gentle ways, because i didn’t want them to live their last night out with violence. So I said… maybe I will let them sleep in my bed while watching their favorite disney movie, then feed them poisoned cookies, and we can all die in the bed together, hugging each other.

    as i sat there thinking about this, my daughter started playing with my hair, talking about how she wants to be just like me when she grows up. i looked into her big brown precious eyes and my heart melted. Then I turned and looked at my sons,
    those sweet, chubby little boys as they screamed and punched each other in the face… and realized they deserved a fair chance and the least i could do is stick around and see them to it. I’m glad I made that decision, we became very happy in life. The good times growing up, outnumbered the bad by far.
    You have to fight for your happiness…find it wherever you can.

    • mankouzanghua

      Holy Hell. Research suggests that at least some weird shit crosses most people’s minds for just an instant here or there — like an odd thought about a violent, rude, or extremely inappropriate behavior they actually would never do, but still are afraid of doing. I hope this is the kind of thing you meant when you said “made a plot” and nothing more.

      • Notorious

        well, if you say “plot” to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, or even the police they can have yout put in a mental institute. But, this was a very very long time ago. Like, late 90s. So yeah, it was a thought but a very serious one. I just couldn’t betray them like that and thank God I followed my own advice.

        • Kevin Jackson

          It’s one thing to kill yourself, but why would you decide for your young children that they should die too?

          • Cat

            Dude….. did you not just read her post? Did you choose to totally ignore what she JUST wrote? She plainly stated that, and elaborated on her frame of mind. Dumb question.

    • moop

      sounds more like you fantasized about killing yourself and your kids. sounds like you even romanticized it to a point.

    • Metta

      you may not know who i am, but you made a good decision. life my be crappy now, but, all in all, it will get better just as it was before. i, personally, think life is crappy. everyone does, don’t you think. but, to think of suicide, as i am a very religious person (i’m a proud Buddhist), i guess many people have contemplated it once or twice in their life. nobody’s perfect. you’re just going through that stage. i’m sure you’re very happy now.

  • lonetrey

    I truly feel sorrow for this stranger. I never knew him, but I still pray that he will be able to find peace.

    I am sorry for your pain, brother.

  • Frog

    The article said he was diagnosed with depression, so it’s not like this was a surprise or unknown. I have to ask, following the diagnosise was there any treatment? Or was it diagnosise and bye bye?

    My wife broke her leg very seriously (plates, screws the whole works) but after the actual fixing she was on her own – no follow up, no physio. Literally, you can go home now, don’t get it wet for the next x weeks, next person please. If this poor guy was sent away with no treatment he ws screwed.

    • jeffli

      In China they tend to under-treat or over-treat according to the doctors requirements (bribes?).

      The medical profession here is killing thousands per day.

      • Cominbk2life

        Same with every profession everywhere else I guess. It is all about the money!
        Pity, we, as a species, are capable of so much more!

  • UncleSamsBest

    Sad…I would have gladly been his friend. He could have visited me in the United States and we could share cultures. So much to live for..

    • Laolina

      The problem is though you would not have detected the depression that he was feeling because he may not have revealed it to you. Many depressed and/or suicidal people tend to hide what they feel and only share with their family. And even if you knew, you would not have been able to help him. It’s a mental thing that only he could have relieved himself of. He had to make the decision to stop what he was thinking, but his evil thoughts overpowered him. Sometimes not even medicines work and that’s when intervention through prayer to Jesus for help is needed. We pray for his soul.

  • Peye

    For whatever reasons, some people are choosing their own way to get a little sooner to the place we are all going eventually. In the meantime, keep reading Smack and commenting, it helps more or less passing the time on this planet.

  • Lydia

    So sad.

  • Rod

    I don’t understand why there’s so many TV series under ‘reasons to live’. Did he not finish watching them?

  • Allen

    Living for Jesus, and the hope of eternity with HIM in Heaven is the greatest reason to live. We are meant to have a close fellowship with Jesus, and when we do not, there is a void which cannot be filled with sports, women, or entertainment. Only salvation through faith in Jesus Christ will satisfy.

  • Xiao

    He had so many reasons to live…

  • DXXS

    what the hell ??? what’s wrong the these reasons to life??

  • Metta

    i pity the guy, seriously. i feel as if he couldn’t find any other good reason other than the IT institute. i mean, people could’ve said: parents, friends, family, studies… but i guess he was under a lot of stress to begin with…

  • Khasseyan


    • Anonymous

      That is a very shameless thing to say. You obviously have never been in a position where you had to resort to suicide and you don’t know what it’s like to be like that.


      • Khasseyan

        哦,是的,我做的 – 哦,是的,我有。但我爱我的父母比我更关心自己,我知道我的行为会造成什么巨大的悲痛他们 – 所以我没有做到这一点。

  • Bobby

    I don’t think most intend to or really want to die. I think most just want to be held and comforted and reassured everything will be ok.

  • Francisca luis

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  • Gandolfication

    Interesting take on a sad story. I’m not sure we can infer as much as the author indicates as we have very, very limited information about his particular case, and there is still a good deal of mystery or uncertainty around exactly why people kill themselves…..although I think fundamentally it is because the pain they are experiencing is beyond their ability to cope, just like a person trying to sustain physical weight can only carry soany bricks on their back for sonlong before the sheer weight will crush them. The only difference with suicide is that it involves that last impulsive choice.

  • Kaori Hilton

    TV shows are only about receiving, nothing to create by himself. Receiving ready made entertainment is what anyone can do – something very REPLACEABLE. That’s why you choose to die. It doesn’t have to be you. If parents didn’t give you how to find what ‘YOU WANT’ to ‘CREATE’ in this world, he/she has to be his/her own parent and let yourself go find one. Otherwise death is all you get. even if you’re alive, really.

  • Kaori Hilton

    His parents failed to let him follow what he really wants in his heart. he heeded his parents and lost his soul somewhere in his childhood – he must’ve loved his parents a lot, maybe more than himself. Watching TV shows are only about receiving, not much to create by himself. Receiving ready-made entertainment is what anyone can do – isn’t that very REPLACEABLE. I think that’s why he chose to go. Jumping off height is a great courage. If your parents didn’t give you how to find what ‘YOU WANT’ to ‘CREATE’ in this world, you have to be your own parents and let yourself go find one. It all is an art of his life, a requited love letter to his parents. But I would say, realizing such abundance of materials to create in this world.. message is after all a message, and there are many ways to express it.